Help! Decided to go vegetarian but my husband hates veggies!
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Again, thanks to all of you that gave me helpful suggestions!
To the rest: Enjoy your debate!
And just to clear up a few things:
1. Why I'm doing this doesn't matter
2. My husband and I enjoy eating dinner together; so I have no problem making compromises. We're both very supportive of each other and I'm not forcing my life decisions on him. In no way am I telling him that he can't eat whatever he wants.0 -
Phew. Well thanks for clarifying what I meant. I guess?
I don't think OP, or any of us who have said "he's on his own" are proposing to not feed the husband at all, nor am I suggesting to go ahead and make a change in the household without discussion. However, if after said discussion I refused to eat what was being cooked, that's my issue because:xmusicloverr wrote: »Lol guess he's gonna have to learn how to cook.
I wonder how you would feel if you were in that situation, you come how from work and find your husband ready to eat dinner but he made himself dinner and nothing for you because you're now a vegetarian. Everyone gets to sit down and eat but you have to go make yourself dinner. Would you be okay with that?
a) someone is cooking me a home made meal for which I should be grateful; and
b) it's vegetarian, not something weird and exotic or disgusting.
If OP has chosen to go veg for whatever reason and hubby still wants to eat meat, can he not throw a chicken breast on the BBQ for himself and add it to whatever veg meal has been prepared? Call me crazy, but can't a grown man learn to work around this quite easily and everyone in the family get what they need?
There have actually been several people that have said he's own his own. You are basically saying in your post that if the husband doesn't like it that he should make something on his own. So you're saying exactly what you're saying people aren't saying. The person converts to being a vegetarian and if other people don't adapt to it you say that's their problem but you're basically saying everyone needs to adapt because one person decided to make a big change in her life. That's selfish.
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Not liking vegetables just means he's never had them prepared properly...vegetarian recipes are delicious!0
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Surely you're not thinking clearly and need to eat some tasty meat.
As many others have suggested when I cook for my vege friends I make a dish, e.g. chili, and add the meat last for us carnivores - easy peasy.0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.
Thank you for confirming that animal rights has nothing to do with a love of animals. But no, trot out the "exploitation" word and you've lost me. I don't have time for animal rights twaddle.
If I were the husband, after all these suggestions of letting him cook for himself, letting him cook his own meat, cooking a portion of meat that is supposed to feed him for a week or whatever, I'd be looking for someone else who shared my values and my lifestyle. Meals are a social thing in families. I don't feel sociable with someone who is making a value judgment on what I decide to eat. It's another matter when, as another person posted, there was a real medical issue that prevented her from eating meat.
Are you saying you would get a divorce?
Good point, I would like to add as well, does that animal rights twaddle she doesn't have time for extend to dogs as well?
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LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.
Thank you for confirming that animal rights has nothing to do with a love of animals. But no, trot out the "exploitation" word and you've lost me. I don't have time for animal rights twaddle.
If I were the husband, after all these suggestions of letting him cook for himself, letting him cook his own meat, cooking a portion of meat that is supposed to feed him for a week or whatever, I'd be looking for someone else who shared my values and my lifestyle. Meals are a social thing in families. I don't feel sociable with someone who is making a value judgment on what I decide to eat. It's another matter when, as another person posted, there was a real medical issue that prevented her from eating meat.
You're seriously suggesting getting divorced because someone wants to be a vegetarian and the partner doesn't? No room for compromise?
Oh. Wait. It's April Fool's Day. It's got to be.
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Justygirl77 wrote: »Not liking vegetables just means he's never had them prepared properly...vegetarian recipes are delicious!
Regardless of how well prepared vegetables are, no one is going to quit eating meat if they don't want to.0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.
Thank you for confirming that animal rights has nothing to do with a love of animals. But no, trot out the "exploitation" word and you've lost me. I don't have time for animal rights twaddle.
If I were the husband, after all these suggestions of letting him cook for himself, letting him cook his own meat, cooking a portion of meat that is supposed to feed him for a week or whatever, I'd be looking for someone else who shared my values and my lifestyle. Meals are a social thing in families. I don't feel sociable with someone who is making a value judgment on what I decide to eat. It's another matter when, as another person posted, there was a real medical issue that prevented her from eating meat.
Are you saying you would get a divorce?
I would let my partner know that option was on the table. If I don't share my partner's values and my partner feels content to make major lifestyle decisions to which s/he knows I will object AND has the audacity to tell me that I can sink or swim based on a decision s/he has made for us, there's already been a major breakdown in communication and the family unit. If my partner wants to go on with things as they were before, making special provisions for him- or herself, that's fine, but in no way should I end up collateral damage in the changes s/he is making in his/her life.0 -
PikaKnight wrote: »So because you want to go vegetarian, your husband has to as well?
Why can't he make his own meals?
^This
Just because you decide to make a change (especially one like that) in your life doesn't mean everyone around you has to follow suit. If he wants to, then he will. Otherwise leave him alone about it.
i don't think she's pestering him to do anything. if she's the one making all the meals, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for suggestions that pertain to her needs. she's looking for an easier way to cater to him since he won't like the typical vegetarian meals and evidently can't cook for himself. she even said making separate dinners is fine sometimes....
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Absolutely. I eat meat, but I eat a lot more vegetables now since I learned how to prepare them in new ways. So he might take more of an interest in her meals if she learns some good recipes.Justygirl77 wrote: »Not liking vegetables just means he's never had them prepared properly...vegetarian recipes are delicious!
Regardless of how well prepared vegetables are, no one is going to quit eating meat if they don't want to.
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How about not forcing him to be a vegetarian? Like many said, it's not any healthier.
It sounds like you're the main cook in the house, it's pretty screwed up to stop preparing meals for the both of you just because you hopped on the veggie wagon.
when did she say she would stop preparing meals? the opposite is what she asked. she said she would prepare separate meals sometimes but wants a compromise meal. holy people.... read before you type.0 -
so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right0
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PeachyPlum wrote: »Make stuff where the meat goes in last.
Make chili and brown the beef separately. Split the batch, add beef to half.
Make pad Thai. Top his with stir fry chicken.
This isn't all that hard.
This is a great idea.
Also, OP, have you talked with your husband about things he's willing to try or doesn't want to give up? When I started trying to pay more attention to what I was eating, I talked to my husband about it so it wouldn't be a big deal for either of us when it came to meal planning.
Good luck!0 -
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LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.
Thank you for confirming that animal rights has nothing to do with a love of animals. But no, trot out the "exploitation" word and you've lost me. I don't have time for animal rights twaddle.
If I were the husband, after all these suggestions of letting him cook for himself, letting him cook his own meat, cooking a portion of meat that is supposed to feed him for a week or whatever, I'd be looking for someone else who shared my values and my lifestyle. Meals are a social thing in families. I don't feel sociable with someone who is making a value judgment on what I decide to eat. It's another matter when, as another person posted, there was a real medical issue that prevented her from eating meat.
Are you saying you would get a divorce?
I would let my partner know that option was on the table. If I don't share my partner's values and my partner feels content to make major lifestyle decisions to which s/he knows I will object AND has the audacity to tell me that I can sink or swim based on a decision s/he has made for us, there's already been a major breakdown in communication and the family unit. If my partner wants to go on with things as they were before, making special provisions for him- or herself, that's fine, but in no way should I end up collateral damage in the changes s/he is making in his/her life.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?0 -
chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
Does she HAVE to, no. There are many things in marriage that we do, not because we HAVE to, but because we love the person that we're with and it is part of way we have compromised and split the household duties.
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chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
Does she HAVE to, no. There are many things in marriage that we do, not because we HAVE to, but because we love the person that we're with and it is part of way we have compromised and split the household duties.
so maybe he should eat the vegetarian food she makes because he loves her and has compromised that as part of having every meal prepared for you, you have slightly less of a say of what it is.0 -
chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
Does she HAVE to, no. There are many things in marriage that we do, not because we HAVE to, but because we love the person that we're with and it is part of way we have compromised and split the household duties.
truth, pescetarian here, I still cook meat for hubs (he HATES cooking) he vacuums and does dishes (I HATE vacuuming)
It is a P.I.T.A. to cook 2 meals but I can usually work around it by adding meat later, cooking meat on the side.
He tried to say he does all the outside stuff, but I pointed out that he doesn't do that stuff EVERY single night(gotta admit it is very disheartening to spend an hour preparing and cooking something that is scarfed down in ten minutes)......not to mention I usually have to help with outside stuff, and he doesn't help with cooking at all. So now he does dishes to help.....compromise.
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I'm a vegetarian and my husband isn't. I would say that 99% of the time, we eat complete different meals. We eat whatever we individually want. Sometimes I ask him to press my tofu when I leave work since he gets home before me. Sometimes he asks me to throw a few extra ravioli in the pot when I'm boiling water. We will help with each others' meals, but I don't know how many calories he wants for the rest of the day, or what his protein needs are. He's best off sorting that himself. I also cook a lot of things that he can add grilled chicken to without issue. More often than not, though, I'll cook something vegetarian in pan and then, when I empty the pan onto my plate, he throws some meat in it to cook in the leftover oil and spices.0
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That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.0 -
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LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »
That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.
But, isn't that exactly what you are doing? Divorcing your husband because he wants to be a vegetarian is putting your needs above him and the relationship.0 -
chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
It's called caring for your partner. My husband works longer hours than I do, then comes home and works some more, to have a better life for us. Making sure he has a warm supper to come home to is how I say that I appreciate what he does.
Suddenly telling him he can either eat the food he doesn't like or fend for himself would be very unfair and only good for building up resentment and bad feelings.0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »
That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.
Right.....not wanting to eat the same food is growing apart. Lol
I wonder what the religious teachings would say about that approach.
You're looking at it strictly from a dietary point of view. If a person is eating a vegan or vegetarian diet for so-called ethical reasons, then yes, that would be growing apart from someone who does not see eating meat as being unethical. Religious teachings would probably be behind me on this one, since wives are supposed to "honor" their husbands and husbands are supposed to value their wives. *shrugs* I find that I don't get along very well with a person who has decided that my moral compass is off and that every meal becomes a moral issue.
Eating sustains life. It is not a moral act.0 -
so maybe he should eat the vegetarian food she makes because he loves her and has compromised that as part of having every meal prepared for you, you have slightly less of a say of what it is.
Who said every meal? Really....changing to a vegetarian diet because you have "less of a say" of what dinner is? That really isn't compromise.And you could also argue she can make him meat because she loves him and comprises by not eating it herself but can still make it for him. You're being pretty one sided. Think before you type.
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LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »FTR, [sic] and it helps not one. single. animal.
lol, the most dumbed down rational to continue to eat animals. doesn't help animals, ha ha.
Why the [sic], since it's an accepted abbreviation for "for the record?" [sic] is used to identify an error that someone else has made, which now appears in a quote.
As to being a "dumbed down" argument . . . well . . . yeah. The "ethical" argument that going vegetarian/vegan helps animals is pretty ridiculous, when you come right down to it. Want to help animals? Make their living conditions better. Ensure quick, safe slaughter that is as painless as possible. For Heaven's sake, raise your own if you're that concerned about the living conditions. However, veganism/vegetarianism is about control over what you eat and what others eat and has nothing to do with making one animal the slightest bit more comfortable.
If the OP wants to eat vegetarian meals, that is fine. She should not expect her husband to follow suit or try to "trick" him into eating vegetarian meals. She should not expect him to cook for himself based on her decision, if she has previously done the cooking for the family. I think the idea of her cooking meals to which meat can be added last is a good idea, though, and having their own halves of a pizza or similar meals is probably fine.
If you are going to critique others you should research the correct use of an ellipsis.
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chantalemarie wrote: »chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
Does she HAVE to, no. There are many things in marriage that we do, not because we HAVE to, but because we love the person that we're with and it is part of way we have compromised and split the household duties.
so maybe he should eat the vegetarian food she makes because he loves her and has compromised that as part of having every meal prepared for you, you have slightly less of a say of what it is.
And you could also argue she can make him meat because she loves him and comprises by not eating it herself but can still make it for him. You're being pretty one sided. Think before you type.
so again she's the one who has to compromise? seems to be the one side to me... lol0
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