Husband doesn't seem like he wants me to lose weight... Not supportive

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  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    I agree he's childish.

    Can you workout while he's doing his hobby?

    Otherwise, tell him to put on his big boy panties and deal with it. He can either have a wife who cares about her health and appearance or not have a wife at all - his choice.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    kazaargrandcru wrote: »
    Though he doesn't pout, my husband gets snarky when I do something to improve myself and he has admitted he worries that some charming billionaire will whisk me away one day. I have learned to ignore his attitude when he gets like that and just keep working toward my goals. My husband will eventually realize that my love for him has not changed.

    You can always reassure him with more sex as you improve yourself.
  • katnroyal87
    katnroyal87 Posts: 8,789 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    kazaargrandcru wrote: »
    Though he doesn't pout, my husband gets snarky when I do something to improve myself and he has admitted he worries that some charming billionaire will whisk me away one day. I have learned to ignore his attitude when he gets like that and just keep working toward my goals. My husband will eventually realize that my love for him has not changed.

    You can always reassure him with more sex as you improve yourself.

    This is true. Or you can try participating in his favorite hobby now that you are more for and active. Like a sport or something. Have you suggested him working out with you?
  • hughesivy81
    hughesivy81 Posts: 10 Member
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    lauren478 wrote: »
    Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

    **Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.

  • hughesivy81
    hughesivy81 Posts: 10 Member
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    hughesivy81 wrote: »
    lauren478 wrote: »
    Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

    **Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.

  • julesribar
    julesribar Posts: 43 Member
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    Wow...I agree with alot of these posts. He sounds like a spoiled little child. Continue with your workouts and if he wants to act like a baby...bring him home a pacifier. Nip this right away in the bud.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    hughesivy81 wrote: »
    hughesivy81 wrote: »
    lauren478 wrote: »
    Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?

    **Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.

    You're almost there...
  • Predat0r1502
    Predat0r1502 Posts: 45 Member
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    Tell him to stop acting like a baby and grow a pair.

    Then go to the gym.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    cbloulis677 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    kazaargrandcru wrote: »
    Though he doesn't pout, my husband gets snarky when I do something to improve myself and he has admitted he worries that some charming billionaire will whisk me away one day. I have learned to ignore his attitude when he gets like that and just keep working toward my goals. My husband will eventually realize that my love for him has not changed.

    You can always reassure him with more sex as you improve yourself.

    This is true. Or you can try participating in his favorite hobby now that you are more for and active. Like a sport or something. Have you suggested him working out with you?

    Yes, because sex should always be used as a reward or punishment. SMDH.

    These issues go deeper than "just have sex."
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
    edited April 2015
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    Hm...go back in time and marry a man instead of a 12 year old boy?
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,344 Member
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    my hubs was just like this, I only work out 3 days a week in the evenings for an hour. I just told him it's that or I will completely let myself go, and I just kept doing it until he realized he wasn't going to get his way. Maybe cut back a bit though and only do 3 days a week in the evening and squeeze in another 2 somewhere else.
  • suzeequu
    suzeequu Posts: 110 Member
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    flyingtanuki wrote: »
    Maybe invite him along?

    I tried this so many times with mine over the years of fighting the battle to get healthy...ultimately, we divorced for a lot of other reasons..but I always envied friends who's partners supported their efforts. I think he wanted to somehow keep my self esteem low as well .
  • tiffanybrooks530
    tiffanybrooks530 Posts: 140 Member
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    MARRIAGE COUNSELING
  • lbruno85
    lbruno85 Posts: 3 Member
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    That has to be hard...Being married, it's important to do things together. But it is also important to be able to have independence. I would keep exercising and just keep stressing the point that you need this to relieve stress after a long day of work and to maintain a healthy life style. He may be skinny, but that doesn't mean he is healthy. Maybe try to help educate on the benefits of health as well?
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
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    RossAH wrote: »
    I'm a guy that's been in that situation where the insecure woman gets aggressive about my time in the gym. One day, she walks into the kitchen, sees me preparing my meals for the day and says:

    "I wish I had your discipline."

    The next day she says:

    "I know you're going to find someone better looking than me and leave me."

    It gets old, fast. Advice is difficult to give because only you truly know your situation. One of the bad things is that while you may not be going to the gym to meet someone, his petty attitude could be the very thing that ends up pushing you away. But telling him "if you don't quit being insecure about it, I really will leave you" won't help. He's hedging his bets. Either her whines and gets you to stay, or you leave because you can't deal with his whining, and he gets to say "Ha! I knew I couldn't trust you!"

    I suggest that you continue doing this for yourself. You can't fix his issues. If he says:

    "you're choosing this over me,"

    you may want to counter with:

    "I didn't choose anything over you. It doesn't have to be a choice. I can do both."

    I advise against going the "you spend time with your friends/you do things by yourself" route, because you don't want to get into a tit-for-tat fight. You don't want things to devolve into "you spent an hour in the bathtub, so I get to spend an hour watching tv while you're trying to sleep," or "you did this, so I get to do that." I know it sounds petty and juvenile, but he's clearly being petty and juvenile. Kill him with kindness: "I'm sorry you feel as though I'm putting this ahead of you. I'm not. This is something that I'm doing for myself. If you still feel bad about it I'm sorry, but I understand. I'll give you your space. I'm going to the gym now. We can talk about it when I get back, if you want. I love you." And leave it at that.

    ^^ This.
  • lbruno85
    lbruno85 Posts: 3 Member
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    I also agree with _kitkat_ , counseling would be a very good idea. If he gets upset about you doing anything on your own, there are definitely some deeper issues/struggles that he needs to deal with.
  • michellekeenerhollingsworth
    michellekeenerhollingsworth Posts: 5 Member
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    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    michellekeenerhollingsworth wrote: »
    Lauren. You are not alone. My husband does the same thing to me. Controlling what times he wants me to work out. Counting down every minute I am away at the gym. If I am over a certain time frame he confronts me with 50 million questions as to "what am I really doing?" He *kitten* an attitude...going on about how I didn't spend time with him; I'm making him lonely...blah blah blah. You will reach your breaking point. I've reached mine. I had a not so pleasant talk with him, but I am standing up for myself more these days. These "needy" spouses have to be reminded that they need to build the other up, not tear them down. You don't have to get nasty or defensive about it (I know emotions run high...through personal experience), but have that talk with him and see where it goes. I wish you and your hubby the best of luck and a fresh start!

    It's a good thing you don't have anything identifying who you are in your screen name when you publicly talk about your spouse.

    LOL...yeah and profile pics don't really help either.
  • skinnybythanksgiving
    skinnybythanksgiving Posts: 159 Member
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    No, there is nothing you can do to change him. My suggestion is that you look at yourself by asking yourself some questions. Why do I care so much what he thinks? Why am I married to someone who ignores me when I take care of myself? Just keep living your life and observe his behavior from a distance. My daughter is 15 and the high school crowd she hangs out with is more mature than this. Don't reward his childish behavior with attention, just go about your evening and enjoy yourself. Please don't have children with your husband. He will mess them up good.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    My ex was kind of this way at first. He would make the comment that I was going to get all hot and stuff and leave him. I just assured him that if I ever left him my physical appearance would have nothing to do with it.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    I would agree that he's nervous about your self improvement as others have suggested, because you'll be 'more attractive' in general from losing weight. However, since this behavior extends to you doing other activities like going out with friends, it's pretty firmly in the controlling/manipulative category. This is a bigger problem than just working out and you shouldn't ignore it. This is just my observations, but controlling behavior, when unchecked, tends to get worse over time. You two need to discuss this at length and therapy would probably not be a bad way to go either.

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