Husband doesn't seem like he wants me to lose weight... Not supportive
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I agree he's childish.
Can you workout while he's doing his hobby?
Otherwise, tell him to put on his big boy panties and deal with it. He can either have a wife who cares about her health and appearance or not have a wife at all - his choice.0 -
kazaargrandcru wrote: »Though he doesn't pout, my husband gets snarky when I do something to improve myself and he has admitted he worries that some charming billionaire will whisk me away one day. I have learned to ignore his attitude when he gets like that and just keep working toward my goals. My husband will eventually realize that my love for him has not changed.
You can always reassure him with more sex as you improve yourself.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »kazaargrandcru wrote: »Though he doesn't pout, my husband gets snarky when I do something to improve myself and he has admitted he worries that some charming billionaire will whisk me away one day. I have learned to ignore his attitude when he gets like that and just keep working toward my goals. My husband will eventually realize that my love for him has not changed.
You can always reassure him with more sex as you improve yourself.
This is true. Or you can try participating in his favorite hobby now that you are more for and active. Like a sport or something. Have you suggested him working out with you?0 -
Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
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hughesivy81 wrote: »Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
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Wow...I agree with alot of these posts. He sounds like a spoiled little child. Continue with your workouts and if he wants to act like a baby...bring him home a pacifier. Nip this right away in the bud.0
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hughesivy81 wrote: »hughesivy81 wrote: »Any advice for dealing with a non supportive spouse? Mine gets mad at me for going to the gym because it takes away time from him. He makes me feel guilty about it. He has always had a great metabolism, and doesn't need to lose any weight so he doesn't understand my struggle. I am trying to workout everyday for an hour after work and when I do, he pouts and won't talk to me for the rest of the night. Any suggestions for dealing with this?
**Please don't suggest that I work out in the morning because I know I won't.
You're almost there...0 -
Tell him to stop acting like a baby and grow a pair.
Then go to the gym.0 -
cbloulis677 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »kazaargrandcru wrote: »Though he doesn't pout, my husband gets snarky when I do something to improve myself and he has admitted he worries that some charming billionaire will whisk me away one day. I have learned to ignore his attitude when he gets like that and just keep working toward my goals. My husband will eventually realize that my love for him has not changed.
You can always reassure him with more sex as you improve yourself.
This is true. Or you can try participating in his favorite hobby now that you are more for and active. Like a sport or something. Have you suggested him working out with you?
Yes, because sex should always be used as a reward or punishment. SMDH.
These issues go deeper than "just have sex."0 -
Hm...go back in time and marry a man instead of a 12 year old boy?0
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my hubs was just like this, I only work out 3 days a week in the evenings for an hour. I just told him it's that or I will completely let myself go, and I just kept doing it until he realized he wasn't going to get his way. Maybe cut back a bit though and only do 3 days a week in the evening and squeeze in another 2 somewhere else.0
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flyingtanuki wrote: »Maybe invite him along?
I tried this so many times with mine over the years of fighting the battle to get healthy...ultimately, we divorced for a lot of other reasons..but I always envied friends who's partners supported their efforts. I think he wanted to somehow keep my self esteem low as well .0 -
MARRIAGE COUNSELING0
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That has to be hard...Being married, it's important to do things together. But it is also important to be able to have independence. I would keep exercising and just keep stressing the point that you need this to relieve stress after a long day of work and to maintain a healthy life style. He may be skinny, but that doesn't mean he is healthy. Maybe try to help educate on the benefits of health as well?0
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I'm a guy that's been in that situation where the insecure woman gets aggressive about my time in the gym. One day, she walks into the kitchen, sees me preparing my meals for the day and says:
"I wish I had your discipline."
The next day she says:
"I know you're going to find someone better looking than me and leave me."
It gets old, fast. Advice is difficult to give because only you truly know your situation. One of the bad things is that while you may not be going to the gym to meet someone, his petty attitude could be the very thing that ends up pushing you away. But telling him "if you don't quit being insecure about it, I really will leave you" won't help. He's hedging his bets. Either her whines and gets you to stay, or you leave because you can't deal with his whining, and he gets to say "Ha! I knew I couldn't trust you!"
I suggest that you continue doing this for yourself. You can't fix his issues. If he says:
"you're choosing this over me,"
you may want to counter with:
"I didn't choose anything over you. It doesn't have to be a choice. I can do both."
I advise against going the "you spend time with your friends/you do things by yourself" route, because you don't want to get into a tit-for-tat fight. You don't want things to devolve into "you spent an hour in the bathtub, so I get to spend an hour watching tv while you're trying to sleep," or "you did this, so I get to do that." I know it sounds petty and juvenile, but he's clearly being petty and juvenile. Kill him with kindness: "I'm sorry you feel as though I'm putting this ahead of you. I'm not. This is something that I'm doing for myself. If you still feel bad about it I'm sorry, but I understand. I'll give you your space. I'm going to the gym now. We can talk about it when I get back, if you want. I love you." And leave it at that.
^^ This.0 -
I also agree with _kitkat_ , counseling would be a very good idea. If he gets upset about you doing anything on your own, there are definitely some deeper issues/struggles that he needs to deal with.0
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_dracarys_ wrote: »michellekeenerhollingsworth wrote: »Lauren. You are not alone. My husband does the same thing to me. Controlling what times he wants me to work out. Counting down every minute I am away at the gym. If I am over a certain time frame he confronts me with 50 million questions as to "what am I really doing?" He *kitten* an attitude...going on about how I didn't spend time with him; I'm making him lonely...blah blah blah. You will reach your breaking point. I've reached mine. I had a not so pleasant talk with him, but I am standing up for myself more these days. These "needy" spouses have to be reminded that they need to build the other up, not tear them down. You don't have to get nasty or defensive about it (I know emotions run high...through personal experience), but have that talk with him and see where it goes. I wish you and your hubby the best of luck and a fresh start!
It's a good thing you don't have anything identifying who you are in your screen name when you publicly talk about your spouse.
LOL...yeah and profile pics don't really help either.0 -
No, there is nothing you can do to change him. My suggestion is that you look at yourself by asking yourself some questions. Why do I care so much what he thinks? Why am I married to someone who ignores me when I take care of myself? Just keep living your life and observe his behavior from a distance. My daughter is 15 and the high school crowd she hangs out with is more mature than this. Don't reward his childish behavior with attention, just go about your evening and enjoy yourself. Please don't have children with your husband. He will mess them up good.0
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My ex was kind of this way at first. He would make the comment that I was going to get all hot and stuff and leave him. I just assured him that if I ever left him my physical appearance would have nothing to do with it.0
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I would agree that he's nervous about your self improvement as others have suggested, because you'll be 'more attractive' in general from losing weight. However, since this behavior extends to you doing other activities like going out with friends, it's pretty firmly in the controlling/manipulative category. This is a bigger problem than just working out and you shouldn't ignore it. This is just my observations, but controlling behavior, when unchecked, tends to get worse over time. You two need to discuss this at length and therapy would probably not be a bad way to go either.0
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I'm a guy that's been in that situation where the insecure woman gets aggressive about my time in the gym. One day, she walks into the kitchen, sees me preparing my meals for the day and says:
"I wish I had your discipline."
The next day she says:
"I know you're going to find someone better looking than me and leave me."
It gets old, fast. Advice is difficult to give because only you truly know your situation. One of the bad things is that while you may not be going to the gym to meet someone, his petty attitude could be the very thing that ends up pushing you away. But telling him "if you don't quit being insecure about it, I really will leave you" won't help. He's hedging his bets. Either her whines and gets you to stay, or you leave because you can't deal with his whining, and he gets to say "Ha! I knew I couldn't trust you!"
I suggest that you continue doing this for yourself. You can't fix his issues. If he says:
"you're choosing this over me,"
you may want to counter with:
"I didn't choose anything over you. It doesn't have to be a choice. I can do both."
I advise against going the "you spend time with your friends/you do things by yourself" route, because you don't want to get into a tit-for-tat fight. You don't want things to devolve into "you spent an hour in the bathtub, so I get to spend an hour watching tv while you're trying to sleep," or "you did this, so I get to do that." I know it sounds petty and juvenile, but he's clearly being petty and juvenile. Kill him with kindness: "I'm sorry you feel as though I'm putting this ahead of you. I'm not. This is something that I'm doing for myself. If you still feel bad about it I'm sorry, but I understand. I'll give you your space. I'm going to the gym now. We can talk about it when I get back, if you want. I love you." And leave it at that.
^^This.
My husband is insecure as well. Sometime my workouts get to him, he would love to come but it makes him even more insecure. After a bit of reassuring that I absolutely love him beyond measure, he now encourages me to workout. On days I am not feeling it he pushes me.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »michellekeenerhollingsworth wrote: »Lauren. You are not alone. My husband does the same thing to me. Controlling what times he wants me to work out. Counting down every minute I am away at the gym. If I am over a certain time frame he confronts me with 50 million questions as to "what am I really doing?" He *kitten* an attitude...going on about how I didn't spend time with him; I'm making him lonely...blah blah blah. You will reach your breaking point. I've reached mine. I had a not so pleasant talk with him, but I am standing up for myself more these days. These "needy" spouses have to be reminded that they need to build the other up, not tear them down. You don't have to get nasty or defensive about it (I know emotions run high...through personal experience), but have that talk with him and see where it goes. I wish you and your hubby the best of luck and a fresh start!
It's a good thing you don't have anything identifying who you are in your screen name when you publicly talk about your spouse.
LMFAO - we have a winner
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have tried taking him with you to gym, and tell him you need this for you, and the better you feel about yourself the better you Will feel in your relationships0
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@RossAH wins the internet today! I love that and will file it away should this ever come up.0
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Reading the comments about how she knew what she was getting into when she married him seriously made me question how often those users were dropped as children. Lead paint cribs?
Seriously, often times behavior like this doesn't surface until years later. My dad, for example, was a total sweetheart when my parents started dating. It wasn't until I was 6 years old and my sister was 4 that he started having a shorter temper. The shorter temper developed into full blown tantrums over the years until now, the littlest thing is a catastrophe. Out of coffee filters? Break three dishes and a window. That behavior was not there before marriage.
OP - I would suggest marriage counseling because his behavior is highly manipulative. If he doesn't agree to that, you might have to take the time to reevaluate how much you can tolerate from him, because it's not going to get any better.0 -
I don't have a husband so, thankfully, I haven't had to deal with this issue! My friend, and workout buddy, on the other hand, does and had to deal with this last year when we first starting walking together. We walk twice a week, that's it. But her SO would get so upset and pout (yes, pout), and go out of his way to make her feel guilty. He told her that he was afraid she'd lose weight, get hot, and leave him. He feels insecure because he's cheated on her multiple times and he's afraid she'll return the favor. You know what she told him? She told him that was his insecurity to deal with, not hers. She said, "I guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" Sounds kind of mean, but she told me that there was nothing she could have said to ease his mind; the proof would be in the pudding. Then she said, "Besides, it's good for him to sweat; what he did to me was wrong, and if I did cheat, he'd totally deserve it." lol
I know this is a different scenario because of the cheating aspect, but maybe your spouse is worried because you're working out away from home. His main concern might not be you getting fit. Although, if he's insecure he may have the same worry as my friend's SO: you'll get hot and leave him. But I'd say he's also worried about who'll you meet on your journey. As others have said, you could invite him along, but if there are good looking guys at your gym, this might not help. It might make the problem worse. You could give in and work out at home ... Or you could just keep doing what you're doing and when he sees no negative effect from it, maybe he will straighten up.
I wouldn't advise stopping. No way! Don't let anyone get in your way of achieving your goals. But, maybe, you can find a solution that works for the both of you. That's what marriage is about, right? Compromise? I have no idea seeing as how I'm not married myself.
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This is how my boyfriend is sometimes. Its frustrating because he loves working out and so do I but he says hes "scared that I'll look too good".
The only advice I can offer is to ignore it. Continue going to the gym and when he sees the changes he will begin to like the idea of you going to the gym more and more.
Maybe next time he is pouting try sitting him down and explaining to him why it is so important to you and that you want to get healthier so you can live a longer life with him.
Also try getting him to go with you, just getting him to go one time might lead him into the routine of working out everyday, just because he is skinny doesn't mean he is healthy or doesn't have other parts of his body to improve on.0 -
You gonna get skinny and super hot and can have any guy in the world, home slice is jealous he's gonna lose you to some broscience type at the planet fitness.0
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Maybe he's overall feeling a bit neglected? Can you take some time out of a different part of the day/week to spend with him?0
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If you're with someone who can't abide by your desire to improve yourself, and wants to put his own selfish stake at the forefront of that, you've got problems.0
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