I really, really need help. It's becoming too tough.
MightyOatmeal
Posts: 28 Member
Hi all,
I'm Michaela, a 19 year old female. I'm 5'7 and I weigh 171 lbs. I live in New York, and I'm starting to give up on myself and I'm seriously struggling. I've struggled with bulimia nervosa and anorexia since I was 11 years old, and I recovered for multiple years but recently relapsed. I'm a few months clean of purging, but the urges and thoughts are not going away. I've been trying to lose weight for the past month and a half with no result. I've hit a weight loss plateu after a 35 lb weight loss and I'm just confused and tired and completely shattered. Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs. Sure, I can start working out more and eating more protein, but I have no plan. I need someone to help.
Please do not be rude as I am on the verge of giving up.
I'm Michaela, a 19 year old female. I'm 5'7 and I weigh 171 lbs. I live in New York, and I'm starting to give up on myself and I'm seriously struggling. I've struggled with bulimia nervosa and anorexia since I was 11 years old, and I recovered for multiple years but recently relapsed. I'm a few months clean of purging, but the urges and thoughts are not going away. I've been trying to lose weight for the past month and a half with no result. I've hit a weight loss plateu after a 35 lb weight loss and I'm just confused and tired and completely shattered. Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs. Sure, I can start working out more and eating more protein, but I have no plan. I need someone to help.
Please do not be rude as I am on the verge of giving up.
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Replies
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iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.0 -
What helped you to recover previously? Where does it lead you to buy into the thinking that you need to weigh 130 pounds?
I'm sorry that therapy doesn't seem like an option to you right now. You deserve to get the care that you need. Perhaps there is a trusted adult in your life (parent, aunt, teacher, advisor) who you can check in with and talk through what you are experiencing and some options.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.
My doctor does not know about this and I'm not brave enough to let them now.
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iwantoholdon wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.
My doctor does not know about this and I'm not brave enough to let them now.
These forums are not maintained or commented on (typically) by doctors. You had courage and bravery to post on a public forum and I commend you on that. However, the help you need is not going to be able to be fulfilled here.0 -
It can be scary to open up when you are really struggling. What would be the potential downsides to letting your doctor know? What would be the potential good things to come from it?0
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I won't help you lose more weight because that is not your tragedy. It's the relapse. Get treatment for the relapse.
It's perspective. A 35lb weight loss is worth celebrating. A temporary setback where the weight isn't coming off is not shattering, and it's not urgent.
Dealing with the eating disorder is.0 -
iwantoholdon wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.
My doctor does not know about this and I'm not brave enough to let them now.
What about calling an eating disorder hotline?
The people here are not trained to advise you, but someone at the eating disorder hotline will have access to a list of resources available to you. They are not judgmental and they hear stories like yours all the time. Nothing you can say to them will shock them, they've heard it all - I promise.
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iwantoholdon wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.
My doctor does not know about this and I'm not brave enough to let them now.
These forums are not maintained or commented on (typically) by doctors. You had courage and bravery to post on a public forum and I commend you on that. However, the help you need is not going to be able to be fulfilled here.
I understand. Thanks for the help, I'm going to try to find a way to let someone know and then talk to my doctor.
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I'm sorry to hear you're frustrated with your progress. 35lbs is fantastic so congrats on that!
Since therapy or the doctor isn't an option for you now I would suggest evaluating what you did last time to overcome a relapse and the related urges. Reach out to friends that are sympathetic but not going to trigger you.
Feel free to send me a FR and best wishes!0 -
girlviernes wrote: »It can be scary to open up when you are really struggling. What would be the potential downsides to letting your doctor know? What would be the potential good things to come from it?
Yeah, its really scary.. I feel that my family will not be as proud of me and that I'll be treated differently. The good side of it is that I'll probably be able to get proper help
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iwantoholdon wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.
My doctor does not know about this and I'm not brave enough to let them now.
These forums are not maintained or commented on (typically) by doctors. You had courage and bravery to post on a public forum and I commend you on that. However, the help you need is not going to be able to be fulfilled here.
I understand. Thanks for the help, I'm going to try to find a way to let someone know and then talk to my doctor.
Great! A doctor is the best option. I hope you're able to get to the place you need to be.0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »iwantoholdon wrote: »Please do not tell me to talk to a counselor or get therapy because I can't and won't. I'm in a place right now where all what matters is to be skinny and weigh 130 lbs.
You're relapsing, no one should be giving you any advice other than see your doctor.
My doctor does not know about this and I'm not brave enough to let them now.
What about calling an eating disorder hotline?
The people here are not trained to advise you, but someone at the eating disorder hotline will have access to a list of resources available to you. They are not judgmental and they hear stories like yours all the time. Nothing you can say to them will shock them, they've heard it all - I promise.
I've never thought about that. I'll look up the eating disorder hotlines.. Thank you ♥0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »I'm sorry to hear you're frustrated with your progress. 35lbs is fantastic so congrats on that!
Since therapy or the doctor isn't an option for you now I would suggest evaluating what you did last time to overcome a relapse and the related urges. Reach out to friends that are sympathetic but not going to trigger you.
Feel free to send me a FR and best wishes!
I wish I could tell a friend or a family member, but I just can't. I'm so overwhelmed with how they will think of me and I don't want to be " that girl with the ED "
I have to find a really smart way to let someone know..
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I hope you will see that by writing it down in an anonymous forum like this that you have permission to call your doctor. Can you work it out so this treatment is private, only between you and your doctor? Every patient has privacy rights. Unless the doctor's receptionist is your mother.0
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iwantoholdon wrote: »girlviernes wrote: »It can be scary to open up when you are really struggling. What would be the potential downsides to letting your doctor know? What would be the potential good things to come from it?
Yeah, its really scary.. I feel that my family will not be as proud of me and that I'll be treated differently. The good side of it is that I'll probably be able to get proper help
I believe your friends and family will admire you for being strong enough to ask for the help you need. They might be shocked at first, but they'll understand how hard it was for you to reach out and will be proud of you for doing so.0 -
I hope you will see that by writing it down in an anonymous forum like this that you have permission to call your doctor. Can you work it out so this treatment is private, only between you and your doctor? Every patient has privacy rights. Unless the doctor's receptionist is your mother.
I can make the appointment private, that's fine. But my Mom and I have a strong bond and I don't want to destroy it by hiding something like this from her.. And I don't want to destroy it by telling her this either. Sorry, I'm probably coming off as stubborn. I'm just trying to find a way to tell my doctor and not feel guilty
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iwantoholdon wrote: »girlviernes wrote: »It can be scary to open up when you are really struggling. What would be the potential downsides to letting your doctor know? What would be the potential good things to come from it?
Yeah, its really scary.. I feel that my family will not be as proud of me and that I'll be treated differently. The good side of it is that I'll probably be able to get proper help
If my son came to me with this issue - I'd be so proud of him for recognizing he had a problem and was dealing with it in a responsible manner. Doctors are there to treat not judge.0 -
iwantoholdon wrote: »girlviernes wrote: »It can be scary to open up when you are really struggling. What would be the potential downsides to letting your doctor know? What would be the potential good things to come from it?
Yeah, its really scary.. I feel that my family will not be as proud of me and that I'll be treated differently. The good side of it is that I'll probably be able to get proper help
You know what? They are your family. They probably already know or at least suspect. It would be a relief to all of you to open up and seek their support (hopefully; not all families are supportive but I hope yours is).0 -
Your feelings toward seeing a doctor are 100% normal. It takes major guts to make that first appointment. I know this from experience. I can also tell you it was one of the best things I ever did.
Best of luck to you.0 -
Your feelings toward seeing a doctor are 100% normal. It takes major guts to make that first appointment. I know this from experience. I can also tell you it was one of the best things I ever did.
Best of luck to you.
I feel kind of relieved. I'm really taking all of your replies to heart so thank you.0 -
Plateaus are totally normal. Give yourself a break. The only things that have gotten me through is learning to love myself the way I am and making the decision to change. Beating up on yourself only makes it worse. 0
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It's going to be okay. It seems like it won't be but I've been where you've been before (not exactly of course since we're all different but I also had an eating disorder). It takes a lot of strength to be able to talk to your family, friends and or a doctor but if you do then you can start to get the help you need. I hope you will be able to ask for help in order to one day be on the other side.0
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Your Username is IWANTTOHOLDON..... just that alone tells me you are not just the girl with ED. You have courage... USE IT! 0
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iwantoholdon wrote: »Your feelings toward seeing a doctor are 100% normal. It takes major guts to make that first appointment. I know this from experience. I can also tell you it was one of the best things I ever did.
Best of luck to you.
I feel kind of relieved. I'm really taking all of your replies to heart so thank you.
Are you seeing a new doctor or one you have a previous relationship with? I only ask because of your age. I'm just thinking that if you are still seeing a pediatrician then maybe starting new with a new doctor would be good. But, please do whatever you feel comfortable with!0 -
Something else that really works for me is indulging every now and then. I was on the verge of a breakdown yesterday so I had 2 slices of pizza and a glass of wine. I still lost 2 pounds over the last week. It's tough but don't give up!!0
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It's calories in, calories out. Simple science. You are overestimating what you eat. Eat less.
More protein will help you more for ascetics with how your body looks. You have a goal for a number on a scale. This is useless only the total calories are going to matter.
Do you track all your calories? have a food scale and an accurate body scale?-1 -
chelsy0587 wrote: »Your Username is IWANTTOHOLDON..... just that alone tells me you are not just the girl with ED. You have courage... USE IT!
Ahh this made me tear up. Thank you ♥0 -
iwantoholdon wrote: »Your feelings toward seeing a doctor are 100% normal. It takes major guts to make that first appointment. I know this from experience. I can also tell you it was one of the best things I ever did.
Best of luck to you.
I feel kind of relieved. I'm really taking all of your replies to heart so thank you.
Are you seeing a new doctor or one you have a previous relationship with? I only ask because of your age. I'm just thinking that if you are still seeing a pediatrician then maybe starting new with a new doctor would be good. But, please do whatever you feel comfortable with!
Yeah this idea did go through my mind. I think it would be really benificial0 -
Cookiejo2270 wrote: »Something else that really works for me is indulging every now and then. I was on the verge of a breakdown yesterday so I had 2 slices of pizza and a glass of wine. I still lost 2 pounds over the last week. It's tough but don't give up!!
Thank you I'll keep that in mind. 0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »It's calories in, calories out. Simple science. You are overestimating what you eat. Eat less.
More protein will help you more for ascetics with how your body looks. You have a goal for a number on a scale. This is useless only the total calories are going to matter.
Do you track all your calories? have a food scale and an accurate body scale?
I do not, no. I'm a new child into logging calories.
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