Things that people just SHOULDN'T say!

oh man, i can remember clearly two incidents when i got so angry (kept it inside, of course ). they are both exactly the same but with different people - "are you on a diet?" why does someone assume that?

the first was years ago, about 3. i was 16 or so and me and my friends were sitting in the school canteen. if i remember right, this was during one of my attempts to lose weight by barely eating. it failed, but anyway. we were sitting there and i wasnt having anything to eat for lunch. this girl, who i am still friends with, turned to me and said "Jade are you on a diet?". first of all, she just blurted it out loud at the table infront of everyone, and suddenly people were thinking about my weight. and second, why would she say it? just because a fat girl does not happen to be eating at any particular moment doesnt mean she is on a diet. i could have been feeling unwell. i may just have not been hungry. but no - with the fat girl, it was automatically a diet, because that is the ONLY reason i could possibly have stopped stuffing my face.

the second was the following year i think. i was at work on a saturday afternoon. it was a cafe. at lunch i decided instead of crispy chilli chicken like i usually had, i would have a sandwich. this was not during a diet. my boss, who is a woman, asked me "Jade are you on a wee diet?" again, in the middle of work where im sure many people overheard. thanks for drawing all attention to my fat rolls. really, i appreciate it.

"you have such a pretty face"

It's like Oh well, even though you're big and fat, at least you have an ok face

The other thing that I never ever want to hear again is: "oh well just start exercising a little, like maybe walk around the block or park your car in the furthest spot"

That rates right up there with "oh well if you give up soda, you'll lose 10 pounds like that"

Um, yeah, so even when I'm not trying to lose weight I don't drink soda or juice or anything with sugar other than a single daily cup of coffee with 32 calories from sugar. I walk daily for health and I do most of my errands on foot even when I'm not making an extra effort at weight loss. I get sooooo annoyed by the assumption that I'm big and fat because I never leave my couch and drink soda all day and all I have to do is quit soda and walk around the block and I'll be thin.

I was typing that one as you posted it...LOL

*such a pretty face* HELLLOOO I have a body attached to the face too... grr

Thank you so much for posting that. We all know how hard we work, wouldn't it be nice if the people around us gave us a little more encouragement, rather than a lot of backhanded compliments?

I do think people say the things they do, because they feel bad about not making the effort themselves. I don't want to make them feel bad about that, I just want them to try and see, eventually, how rewarding it is. But, it's like most things in life, you only get out of it what you put in.

For all those struggling with negative comments, just comtinue to believe in yourself. After all, you are the one doing all the hard work xxxxxx

My mother in law ' ohh no you cant have that'..

er yes I can but not the entire box of.


My mother in law - it's not very low in cals sorry (not too bad a comment I guess)

Thats ok I only want a small piece anyway.



My father in law - how yer gastric-elastic band?? boing boing

my mother in law - ^ shut up Roger! just shut up.

Being told I don't need to lose weight will never, ever bother me. (I've never been told that, by the way.) It would give me a sense of freedom, knowing that I don't have to do something but I can if I want. I suppose it depends on how it's phrased and the attitude behind it.

I don't like being told to "take a day off" during a food-centric family function. What people don't understand is that a day off for me can turn into weeks off, maybe even months. I have a problem with food. A day off can lead to disastrous consequences for someone like me.

Of course, the above situation doesn't bother me half as bad as when amateurs critique my eating. "I thought you were on a diet," this while I'm eating a plate of healthy but hearty food. Because being on a diet means only eating carrots, celery, and an apple on occasion? Sorry, kiddo, but I don't do starvation diets. Only amateurs, the kind of people who crash diet for a month, give up, then gain it all back, work in that way.

There's a reason why I've managed to keep off 50 lbs for the last 3 years.

On the flip side - who gives you the most support and encouragment? Who is it that says the nicest things?

For me its the hubby and my eldest boy.

Dean who is nearly 13 said the other week - wow mum I can really see your belly has shrunk! it used to be to here (meaures out with his hands) but its only to here now!! wow!

"YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE"

"That diet (exercise, food or supplement) will kill you." So will the extra 100 pounds. Thanks for the thread. I too will be more careful of what I say. And for those people who are constantly discouraging me by these words....don't worry when I stop calling. I will send you a picture when I meet my goal.

For me these comments fall into to categories - genuinely supportive, like when my man says "I think you look sexy as you are" .or when my family asks "Can you eat that?" because they want to make sure that they make food I can enjoy guilt free.

But the same comments from other people I would file under "Unsoliciated Advice." Because I know that when the girl I work with says "You don't need to lose weight," it's because she wants me to stay fatter than her. I know this because she's thinner than I am, but always complaining about her fat, going on diets, taking various supplements, etc. Same with people who want feel that, just because they're thinner than me, they're fitness experts and start lecturing me on the various things I should do (Go on the latest fad diet! Drink only lemon water! Stop drinking so much soda! What do you mean you don't drink soda? Don't try to lie to me, I mean, look at you!)

With the first category, guininely supportive, I always thank them, and try to answer any questions they have with the best information I've got on hand. If they make suggestions I listen, even if I don't agree, because I know it's coming from a desire to help me.

With the "unsolicited advice" group, I go with what Miss Manners once suggested to one of her readers, I just say "So kind of you to take an interest," in a polite but cold tone of voice. After a couple of repetitions they usually figure out to mind their own business.

A "friend" once told me "you're not THAT fat"!!! Really, is that supposed to make me feel better?!?!

I've gotten the "are you pregnant" several times :frown: