Boyfriend.

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  • SHBoss1673
    SHBoss1673 Posts: 7,161 Member
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    I'm going to request that the replies please be kept respectful and on topic. If you want to have a discussion about someone's attitude (in agreement or otherwise) please use Personal Messages for this. The poster has some valid requests and MFP has a position of minimal involvement, so I won't edit this post or the replies, but please, let's keep it friendly.

    thank you,

    SHBoss1673
    My Fitness Pal Forum Moderator
  • julia23
    julia23 Posts: 87
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    Thank you SHBoss1673! Partners home now and thinks its crazy how people reacted. He cannot see anything wrong with it but if people disagree lardy dar i'm helping my boyfriend and he's appreciated it.
  • parvati
    parvati Posts: 432 Member
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    Sorry forgot to wear my 'sugar coating' hat today.

    Instead you accidentally grabbed your "I'm going to go out of my way & be a judgemental jerk" hat... Or what?!?

    These forums are a place where people can get advise or ask for help, if you have nothing helpful to add maybe you should refrain from adding your two cents! There's a difference between constructive criticism & just being rude!
  • jampoo
    jampoo Posts: 2
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    the boyfriend here, my girlfriend does not control me and i am more than capable of losing weight by myself, however i appreciate that she has taken the time to find suggestions that can help, like people said, this is a support and information website, there's plenty of other websites on the net where we can fight.
  • maletac
    maletac Posts: 767 Member
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    do your think.... dont listen to all the negativity ... knowledge is all gained from somewhere... i admire a person who is willing to ask for advice and help when it is needed...

    in a relationship you have to help each other out even if you dont know your helping each other out...

    in my opinion your being a true woman looking out for your man :D

    and early healthy snacking is my best advice. so you never get hungry cause when you get hungry you dont care.
  • NotAllWhoWanderAreLost
    NotAllWhoWanderAreLost Posts: 615 Member
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    My husband (also a MFP member but not active) also inhales his food and eats in strange (to me) patterns, so i can relate.

    I am so glad that you brought up your EDs on this thread because i wanted to mention his (perhaps unaware) response to that may be a portion of what is going on. You constrict your food severely and as a polar reaction, he may overeat showing that he will NOT control as you do. Classic passive-agressive anger being acted out using food perhaps? I don't know, but its a possibility. An ED affects not just the sufferer, but all who love them as well.... so your EDs do affect him in a way (though it may not be whats responsible for his eating patterns right now)

    another possibility: once you fall off the wagon, its VERY easy to let that stetch into multiple days. I know. Been there, done that. Once you get that sugar and junk back into your system, its like you need to detox it back out all over again. Its easier to stay ON a healthy eating regimine than it is to fall away and get back on board. Thats why i try not to let whole days go nutty, otherwise its DAYS of struggle before i get things sorted back out.

    If i were to talk directly to your BF, i would suggest to him that he plan out a hand full of 200-300 calorie mini-meals/snacks that he can have as a go-to plan for his day. If he knows he will be away from the house for 10 hours, he needs to have 3 or 4 mini-meals planned out. Maybe an apple with pb for one snack, greek yogurt with granola, a small bagel spread with a Laughing Cow cheese wedge for another, some broth-based soup, reduced fat cheddar cheese and crackers, a small pouch of dried fruit/nuts/granola (you can make your own mix based on what he likes from the bulk bins at your grocer's) and pretty much any fruit, etc. By keeping to a constant grazing pattern, you will not get famished and start binging. If there are foods that he KNOWS he binges on, i'd recommend to him that he just avoid them all-together. No, one is not ok. Just don't do it. Don't go there. You will eat more than one. Trust me. Again: been there, done that!! :grumble:

    But at the end of the day, this is his journey, not yours, to make. There are a lot of things that pop up, both emotionally and physically, as we make this journey. Some give up and bail on health. Others make multiple failed attempts before finally getting there. But even a failed attempt teaches us something, IMO.

    Love yourself thru YOUR ED and love your BF thru his struggles as well. Be open and honest and know that if it IS related at all to YOUR ED, it may hurt to hear the truth at first.... which reminds me of this great bumper sticker i saw once: "The truth shall set you free. But first, it will piss you off." :laugh:

    Good luck to you both.
  • alibur85
    alibur85 Posts: 122 Member
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    My husband (also a MFP member but not active) also inhales his food and eats in strange (to me) patterns, so i can relate.

    I am so glad that you brought up your EDs on this thread because i wanted to mention his (perhaps unaware) response to that may be a portion of what is going on. You constrict your food severely and as a polar reaction, he may overeat showing that he will NOT control as you do. Classic passive-agressive anger being acted out using food perhaps? I don't know, but its a possibility. An ED affects not just the sufferer, but all who love them as well.... so your EDs do affect him in a way (though it may not be whats responsible for his eating patterns right now)

    another possibility: once you fall off the wagon, its VERY easy to let that stetch into multiple days. I know. Been there, done that. Once you get that sugar and junk back into your system, its like you need to detox it back out all over again. Its easier to stay ON a healthy eating regimine than it is to fall away and get back on board. Thats why i try not to let whole days go nutty, otherwise its DAYS of struggle before i get things sorted back out.

    If i were to talk directly to your BF, i would suggest to him that he plan out a hand full of 200-300 calorie mini-meals/snacks that he can have as a go-to plan for his day. If he knows he will be away from the house for 10 hours, he needs to have 3 or 4 mini-meals planned out. Maybe an apple with pb for one snack, greek yogurt with granola, a small bagel spread with a Laughing Cow cheese wedge for another, some broth-based soup, reduced fat cheddar cheese and crackers, a small pouch of dried fruit/nuts/granola (you can make your own mix based on what he likes from the bulk bins at your grocer's) and pretty much any fruit, etc. By keeping to a constant grazing pattern, you will not get famished and start binging. If there are foods that he KNOWS he binges on, i'd recommend to him that he just avoid them all-together. No, one is not ok. Just don't do it. Don't go there. You will eat more than one. Trust me. Again: been there, done that!! :grumble:

    But at the end of the day, this is his journey, not yours, to make. There are a lot of things that pop up, both emotionally and physically, as we make this journey. Some give up and bail on health. Others make multiple failed attempts before finally getting there. But even a failed attempt teaches us something, IMO.

    Love yourself thru YOUR ED and love your BF thru his struggles as well. Be open and honest and know that if it IS related at all to YOUR ED, it may hurt to hear the truth at first.... which reminds me of this great bumper sticker i saw once: "The truth shall set you free. But first, it will piss you off." :laugh:

    Good luck to you both.

    bump!
  • pittielover23
    pittielover23 Posts: 268
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    You can't make him "DO" anything. The only thing you can do is be a good example in what you do. He will either change his mind or he won't but you can not force him to do anything he doesn't want to do.
    This. You can encourage him and lead a healthy life y example, but you cannot make him eat healthy. He has to want that for himself.
  • tazlady
    tazlady Posts: 60
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    men made of alot more muscle and can utilize those calories faster then women. Just a fact. If he isnt working out then I would not worry about it.
  • barbacasec
    barbacasec Posts: 106
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    IN response to the soggy sandwich situation :)

    I bag the bread seperately and then put the rest in another baggy( or small tupperware).. then poof all he has to do it open one and put the fixins on the bread.... tada - non soggy sandwich...
    I make all of our lunches on Sundays for the week and I have learned a few tricks on keeping stuff fresher/non soggy :)
    It looks like a tupperware party in my fridge but it takes the guess work out of it and I do it on Sundays and then dont have to think about lunch until the following Sun..
  • Dawntodusk
    Dawntodusk Posts: 262 Member
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    My husband eats junk. I don't tell him what to eat and what not to eat because I don't feel that's my place. But, I don't prepare or buy food that is unhealthy. If he wants it, he has to buy it and/or prepare it himself.

    I always share with him information that I get about food. I send him links, and or tell him about articles or books that I've read. I don't know if it helps, but hopefully it doesn't hurt.

    Although I won't judge you and say that you're controlling, I think that you will frustrate yourself if you continue to think that you have any say in what he puts in his mouth. You don't. If he wants something he'll eat it behind your back. Good luck!
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
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    Haha thank you very much for your posts and advice! I like the idea of something more filling for snacking, I think, from and outsider view that he lets himself get to hungry making him eat big portions. Thank you again !

    Sometimes eating too fast makes folks eat too much... Their brain doesn't get the 'I'm full' message until they have already stuffed themselves.

    Drinking 2 cups of water about 10 minutes before a meal and more with the meal will help.
    Eating should not be a race.
    Put down the fork, and slow down your meal
    Enjoy the meal
    Enjoy the company

    Want to feel like you have a 'lot' of food... Use a smaller plate.


    Oh now that is good advice, people joke that he inhales food haha.

    The smaller plate thing really does work. So long as you don't stack stuff up because it's a smaller plate. ;)
  • julia23
    julia23 Posts: 87
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    It may not be like this for you but my parter and I are doing this together and he doesn't eat things behind my back, I'm trying to eat healthier to help my bulimia and he wanted to loose weight so if he does eat unhealthy he tells me straight away abut it's rare were doing it together and he has a say with what I eat I.e " you sure you want to eat that" if he's worried it'll start a binge and I suggest healthier options !
  • julia23
    julia23 Posts: 87
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    My husband (also a MFP member but not active) also inhales his food and eats in strange (to me) patterns, so i can relate.

    I am so glad that you brought up your EDs on this thread because i wanted to mention his (perhaps unaware) response to that may be a portion of what is going on. You constrict your food severely and as a polar reaction, he may overeat showing that he will NOT control as you do. Classic passive-agressive anger being acted out using food perhaps? I don't know, but its a possibility. An ED affects not just the sufferer, but all who love them as well.... so your EDs do affect him in a way (though it may not be whats responsible for his eating patterns right now)



    Whoops deleted the end quote bit !

    My partner and I have been friends before my ed started and it didn't 3 years before we became a couple and he's always eaten a lot. Thank you for your suggestions been fun reading all the advice !
  • JellyPrz619
    JellyPrz619 Posts: 172
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    Are you his keeper? Can't the man post for himself if wishes? You sound controlling.
    Wow..... that seems a bit uncalled for. she may have been just asking advice on how to approach him in a way that may NOT sound controlling..... lighten up people!

    AGREED AGREED AGREED

    she just sounds worried and wants advice sheeesh !!

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