Help motivating a teenager!
jemmadawnej
Posts: 19 Member
Hi everyone
My 13yo son is at an unhealthy weight. I need any suggestions on how to motivate him to be more active. The only exercise he gets is in gym class (3 days/WK) and when I manage to talk him into coming with me for a walk. Absolutely no interest in sports.
I've cleaned the house of junk food, and make sure he has an after school snack...I'm usually home an hour after him and the cupboards will be raided, lol. He's always wanting to eat...like 30m after dinner.
I want to motivate him, but I don't want to nag and make it worse. He is pretty touchy about everything lately as it is, and I'm so scared I'm going to make it worse somehow.
My 13yo son is at an unhealthy weight. I need any suggestions on how to motivate him to be more active. The only exercise he gets is in gym class (3 days/WK) and when I manage to talk him into coming with me for a walk. Absolutely no interest in sports.
I've cleaned the house of junk food, and make sure he has an after school snack...I'm usually home an hour after him and the cupboards will be raided, lol. He's always wanting to eat...like 30m after dinner.
I want to motivate him, but I don't want to nag and make it worse. He is pretty touchy about everything lately as it is, and I'm so scared I'm going to make it worse somehow.
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Replies
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There, edited0
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Good question. I would not nag him for sure. Don't tell him to never eat junk because he will do the opposite. There is really no activity that interests him? Biking? Swimming? Just throwing a ball or Frisbee with you?0
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At 13, do you think it's possible he may be getting ready for a growth spurt? I know some children tend to "bulk" a bit and then they grow and thin out.0
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How much overweight is "unhealthy weight"?0
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Does he play video games? Watch TV? Is he at all interested in sports?
Rigger0 -
Well, weight control mainly has to do with diet rather than exercise. Obviously he needs to be active but unless he's involved in a sport where he is practicing a lot and has games, he will most likely not be active enough to burn off the excess calories that he is eating.
My question is, other than getting rid of the "junk" food, what else are you doing at home in regards to the foods that he eats in order to help him with his weight?0 -
You say no sports, how about something like martial arts? Riding his bike? Hiking? Is he in scouts or anything like that?0
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jemmadawnej wrote: »Hi everyone
My 13yo son is at an unhealthy weight. I need any suggestions on how to motivate him to be more active. The only exercise he gets is in gym class (3 days/WK) and when I manage to talk him into coming with me for a walk. Absolutely no interest in sports.
I've cleaned the house of junk food, and make sure he has an after school snack...I'm usually home an hour after him and the cupboards will be raided, lol. He's always wanting to eat...like 30m after dinner.
I want to motivate him, but I don't want to nag and make it worse. He is pretty touchy about everything lately as it is, and I'm so scared I'm going to make it worse somehow.
What is an unhealthy weight?0 -
What does his doctor say? Growing boys generally eat a lot but their height and weight even out over time. It's good to keep track of things and try to have healthy foods available, but what is his current height? What height do you think he'll get to? All of those are factors at this point.0
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Like with all parenting, it's gonna take a mixture of laying down the law, using reverse psychology, and doing the best you can.
Set a good example with the foods the rest of you eat and with the exercise habits of the whole family. Set rules if need be -- you're his mom, you can do that, even if he grumbles and resents you for it. But don't focus too much on it, because growing 13-year-old boys *do* need to eat a lot of food, and they tend to growth spurt a bit later than girls their age. And you don't want him to have unhealthy obsessions about food either.
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tephanies1234 wrote: »How much overweight is "unhealthy weight"?
I have the same question. My 13-year-old just shot up several inches and looks fine now. My boys have always grown out before up.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »jemmadawnej wrote: »Hi everyone
My 13yo son is at an unhealthy weight. I need any suggestions on how to motivate him to be more active. The only exercise he gets is in gym class (3 days/WK) and when I manage to talk him into coming with me for a walk. Absolutely no interest in sports.
I've cleaned the house of junk food, and make sure he has an after school snack...I'm usually home an hour after him and the cupboards will be raided, lol. He's always wanting to eat...like 30m after dinner.
I want to motivate him, but I don't want to nag and make it worse. He is pretty touchy about everything lately as it is, and I'm so scared I'm going to make it worse somehow.
What is an unhealthy weight?
I'd like to know this as well.0 -
I was a kid who hated sport and my parents made me aware that I was overweight. I have battled both extents of the weight problem. I have had periods where I didn't eat and now I have eaten too much. I would put the effort into finding a sport he likes or even just organising adventure days where the family do it together. My sister is very slim and I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling. My parents did not mean to make a difference but no matter how thin I got I have never felt really happy in my appearance. All I'm trying to say is tread carefully as 20years later my parents efforts to improve my weight still haunt me x0
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_incogNEATo_ wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »jemmadawnej wrote: »Hi everyone
My 13yo son is at an unhealthy weight. I need any suggestions on how to motivate him to be more active. The only exercise he gets is in gym class (3 days/WK) and when I manage to talk him into coming with me for a walk. Absolutely no interest in sports.
I've cleaned the house of junk food, and make sure he has an after school snack...I'm usually home an hour after him and the cupboards will be raided, lol. He's always wanting to eat...like 30m after dinner.
I want to motivate him, but I don't want to nag and make it worse. He is pretty touchy about everything lately as it is, and I'm so scared I'm going to make it worse somehow.
What is an unhealthy weight?
I'd like to know this as well.
Duh! Yes, that's a great question AND what does his pediatrician say?
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At 13, do you think it's possible he may be getting ready for a growth spurt? I know some children tend to "bulk" a bit and then they grow and thin out.
This^
My nephew had a chubby phase....not anymore. Instead of a "weight" focus....help him make better choices...make it about his health.
I like niamhclem's idea about family "adventure days"0 -
Aside from we don't know how much he weighs or if he is due for a growth spurt, or if he has control/impulse issues with certain types of food...
I have 2 teenagers. They don't have weight issues, but regardless of whether or not they did, I can not make them exercise. I CAN control what foods I bring in the house. If you try to FORCE him to do ANYTHING, all you will be met with is resentment and attitude. Pick your battles, mom. Provide healthy meals. Lots of protein, not much sugar and 'junk'. Maybe find activities on the weekend that are somewhat active- festivals and fairs, farmers markets, anything where you are out and enjoying the weather. If there is an amusement park nearby and its in the budget, maybe let him bring a friend and spend the day there (lots of walking!!)
that said, my (much) younger brother was a porker for a few years. Then, almost overnight, he shot up WAYYYYY up and balanced out. Teens eat. a LOT. like... everything. my brother still comes to my house and raids my kitchen and hes 23 now? I swear, I start to cook dinner some days and he magically appears- and its not like he lives next door- he lives a half hour away! LOL! And hes perfectly normal sized.
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The other thing to keep in mind is that weight issues are so emotionally loaded for teenagers. As adults, most of us have the capacity to look at these things dispassionately and logically: I'm overweight and I need to lose for my health. Fine. Okay.
But for teens, it's so tied up with issues of self-esteem, self-image, shame and guilt. We may say "eat healthier" but what they're hearing is "you're fat" and "you're worthless" and "you're being judged by everyone". We may say "get more exercise" but what they're hearing is "you're bad at sports and everyone makes fun of you in gym class". As he starts to get into the competitive years of dating and wanting to meet girls (or, sorry, I won't make assumptions here, boys, for that matter), then that already fragile self-esteem could get even worse, since teenage boys tend to be judged on their athleticism.
His sense of self-worth is what's really key here as he goes through the difficult teenage years. Focus on things that build his confidence and make him feel good about himself. What does he enjoy? What does he get excited about? That's what's the most important thing right now.0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »my brother still comes to my house and raids my kitchen and hes 23 now? I swear, I start to cook dinner some days and he magically appears- and its not like he lives next door- he lives a half hour away! LOL! And hes perfectly normal sized.
If your brother was 28 he would be MY younger brother, lol. Happens to me at least once a week!0 -
Pay him to do more physical chores around the house. Bonus is that it also teaches life skills and keeps him busy. Mowing the lawn, raking, weeding, digging a garden, sweeping, cutting wood, laundry, etc.
Look at active video games or apps. My dd like dancing games but there are also bowling, tennis, or non-sporty games that require movement.
My dd gets a dollar a week if she exercises 3 days. She usually does it with me. She is not overweight but everyone needs to move to stay healthy and strong.
My teenager is motivated by money because she wants to buy things. We do not give an allowance so she has to earn money by doing chores, exercise or other tasks for the extras she wants.0 -
Queenmunchy wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »my brother still comes to my house and raids my kitchen and hes 23 now? I swear, I start to cook dinner some days and he magically appears- and its not like he lives next door- he lives a half hour away! LOL! And hes perfectly normal sized.
If your brother was 28 he would be MY younger brother, lol. Happens to me at least once a week!
shhhh don't let him know, but i love it LOLOLOLOL 0 -
This is a tough one. On one hand teenagers are not wanting to listen to any adult and on the other they are always hungry. I would try attempt get some healthy habits started and hope they last. No sodas or other unhealthy snacks in the house. Control the portions of snacks because even the healthy ones can add up. Meals need to have lean meat and lots of produce. Mix that with some exercise ( I like running) and a goal weight & size and there is hope. The earlier in life he starts the easier it will be to succeed. At thirteen he is bulletproof and will never grow old but a few pounds a year over a lifetime will cost him dearly. Good luck.0
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This is a touchy subject with me because my mother was obsessed with weight and dieting and watched over me and my sister all through our growing up. It didn't help and probably made it worse.
I was overweight but both my children remained in normal weight ranges and make healthy choices to this day. I posted a copy of the Canada Food Guide on the refrigerator and there were no limits on how much they could eat at dinner. Fruits and vegetables were always available, and desserts were rare (I don't have a sweet tooth and it is just not a habit in our family).
Yes, they both became bottomless pits when they hit their teen years, and I did not have a lot of money. I stocked the cupboards with inexpensive choices like baked beans (protein and fiber) and Chinese noodles (because they loved them, and, cheap).
My son also was not into sports but I observed him (loved to climb trees and ride his bike) and enrolled him in things like rock climbing and a mountain biking trip. He rides his bike everywhere these days.0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Aside from we don't know how much he weighs or if he is due for a growth spurt, or if he has control/impulse issues with certain types of food...
I have 2 teenagers. They don't have weight issues, but regardless of whether or not they did, I can not make them exercise. I CAN control what foods I bring in the house. If you try to FORCE him to do ANYTHING, all you will be met with is resentment and attitude. Pick your battles, mom. Provide healthy meals. Lots of protein, not much sugar and 'junk'. Maybe find activities on the weekend that are somewhat active- festivals and fairs, farmers markets, anything where you are out and enjoying the weather. If there is an amusement park nearby and its in the budget, maybe let him bring a friend and spend the day there (lots of walking!!)
that said, my (much) younger brother was a porker for a few years. Then, almost overnight, he shot up WAYYYYY up and balanced out. Teens eat. a LOT. like... everything. my brother still comes to my house and raids my kitchen and hes 23 now? I swear, I start to cook dinner some days and he magically appears- and its not like he lives next door- he lives a half hour away! LOL! And hes perfectly normal sized.
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I was the pudgy middle child with super slim siblings growing up. Being treated differently when it came to snacks/food really sucked (though I know my mom tried her hardest not to, and she made my dad promise to not make any major comments regarding weight specifically when I hit my teen years) and I think I carried some resentment into early adulthood, though I am mostly fine with it now.
What I think my parents did well was encourage us to do sports (from the age of 3 to 18 I was enrolled in at least 1, if not more, activities that involved movement, from ballet to soccer, baseball, basketball, and my favorite, swimming.) The expectation was that we would do a sport through highschool, but we all loved swimming so it wasn't like a punishment or anything.
I agree with a lot of what has been said. What you can do is keep and serve healthy foods, but DO NOT build a complete culture of restriction, or your child may vary well go elsewhere for 'junk'. Have active family activities. Help him find activities that he loves to do (and they don't all have to be the standard team sport - what about volunteering? rock climbing? Not sure what kind of activities are an option for you). If you're dieting, try not to be verbally obsessive about it. If your child's pediatrician has major concerns, have a frank conversation with your son about things we can do to stay healthy, as he's old enough to understand facts, but be careful how to frame it because like others have said, it's easy for someone that age to assume you're saying they're fat and potentially, in extreme cases, worthless.
Disclaimer - not a parent, but have been an overweight child. Good luck!0 -
Brought back some fond memories. I was an early riser and I had two night owls on my hands. I went to bed and let them be, and there were some rowdy nights. I compensated by rising early, singing loudly, and doing the vacuuming. They did try and pull the wool over my eyes a few times, and only got away with it once (as best I know). One big fail included the violent shaking of a pop bottle. They thought they had cleaned up all the "evidence", but as I cheerfully did my round of morning chores, I found an odd brown spray pattern underneath all the kitchen cabinets. Busted! LOL. It amused me to imagine their hushed cleaning efforts, which included the kitchen ceiling! LOL.....No sodas or other ....0 -
Be an active parent, get an active kid!
Walking is dull. Is he a nerd? Go for walks and identify things if you have traveling tech. Is he a writer. Go for a walk with books, likes video games? Check out Nerd Fitness (fun aside from their paleo obsession).
Is he too ashamed to move? Well that needs more help than I can give.
I also know (from my MIL) that teenage boys will eat the drywall if you let em. So just keep the cabinets relatively healthy and you're good!0 -
omg this sounds exactly like my kid OP...I am at wits end about what to do. He also has brain damage (Oppositional defiant disorder paired with high anxiety issues)...he has convinced himself that his BMX is going to kill him despite the fact that he's been riding it since he was 5, he refuses to do yard work and will literally sit in the middle of the grass, he doesn't walk with me, throw the football, NOTHING! He just sits downstairs or shoots a ball at the hockey net. We do have him enrolled in football for 6 months out of the year, and even that is impossible to get him to go to regularly. He's in the top 97% for his age, and the way the pediatrician stated it, there's only 3% of 12 year olds that are bigger than him. His stretch marks hurt him already they're so big, and if he goes into the pool, they get angry. He doesn't actually swim, water causes anxiety, he just splashes around. I'm out of options and I'm really tired of fighting with him. Even when I take the tv and video games away, he refuses to move. I have tried to teach him healthy habits, I don't buy junk food, we talk about food groups and proper eating...he even sits in the kitchen while I cook (he won't let me teach him, he just complains). The only thing I can hope for at this point is a major growth spurt.0
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tephanies1234 wrote: »How much overweight is "unhealthy weight"?
He's 5'6" around 200lbs0 -
niamhclem21 wrote: »I was a kid who hated sport and my parents made me aware that I was overweight. I have battled both extents of the weight problem. I have had periods where I didn't eat and now I have eaten too much. I would put the effort into finding a sport he likes or even just organising adventure days where the family do it together. My sister is very slim and I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling. My parents did not mean to make a difference but no matter how thin I got I have never felt really happy in my appearance. All I'm trying to say is tread carefully as 20years later my parents efforts to improve my weight still haunt me x
That's exactly what I'm scared of. I need all the suggestions I can get on how to make this transition into a healthier lifestyle without hurting his self esteem. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!0 -
celinemarie wrote: »I was the pudgy middle child with super slim siblings growing up. Being treated differently when it came to snacks/food really sucked (though I know my mom tried her hardest not to, and she made my dad promise to not make any major comments regarding weight specifically when I hit my teen years) and I think I carried some resentment into early adulthood, though I am mostly fine with it now.
What I think my parents did well was encourage us to do sports (from the age of 3 to 18 I was enrolled in at least 1, if not more, activities that involved movement, from ballet to soccer, baseball, basketball, and my favorite, swimming.) The expectation was that we would do a sport through highschool, but we all loved swimming so it wasn't like a punishment or anything.
I agree with a lot of what has been said. What you can do is keep and serve healthy foods, but DO NOT build a complete culture of restriction, or your child may vary well go elsewhere for 'junk'. Have active family activities. Help him find activities that he loves to do (and they don't all have to be the standard team sport - what about volunteering? rock climbing? Not sure what kind of activities are an option for you). If you're dieting, try not to be verbally obsessive about it. If your child's pediatrician has major concerns, have a frank conversation with your son about things we can do to stay healthy, as he's old enough to understand facts, but be careful how to frame it because like others have said, it's easy for someone that age to assume you're saying they're fat and potentially, in extreme cases, worthless.
Disclaimer - not a parent, but have been an overweight child. Good luck!
Thank you! If I keep any unhealthy snacks, I'm going to have to hide them well....but I agree, a total restriction isn't good. I am dieting, and trying my best to portray it as a healthier lifestyle, so I hope it comes off like that. My bmi is obese, and I'm trying my best to lead by example, but nothing seems to be getting him going.
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