Help motivating a teenager!

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Replies

  • holly55555
    holly55555 Posts: 306 Member
    Maybe try giving some goals to work towards and if you can hire a trainer, that would be a great motivator.

    Does he want to be in better shape? When he pictures himself as an adult, is he fat or does he have 6-pack abs? Does he want to be good at sports? Play football in high school? Etc... Try to find goals for him to accomplish.

    Then with a trainer, someone ELSE (not you!) will teach him how to get there! I think it'd mean more to him to hear it from a cool, young, athletic guy why you want to eat right and workout than from his mom (no offense! haha). Find someone who can help him accomplish his goals.

    My boyfriend is a trainer and works with teens all the time. He's an ex-football player so he'll get skinny, out of shape 14 yr olds who want to look like him and want to be good enough to play sports in high school and college. It REALLY helps their confidence, having someone to look up to, and soon they want to go work out and eat healthy because they have goals.

    I wouldn't pressure your son, though. Keep healthy foods in the house and offer the trainer thing. If he doesn't have any interest, nagging him won't help. Just keep the offer on the table and try to get him interested in something active.
  • deaniac83
    deaniac83 Posts: 166 Member
    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    tephanies1234 wrote: »
    How much overweight is "unhealthy weight"?

    He's 5'6" around 200lbs

    I was that kid. Not at 13, but at 15 or 16. Let me ask you a few questions:

    - Has he always been large?
    - Does he experience teasing or other forms of humiliation at school or with friends for his weight?

    If the answer to either of the above is a yes, it is probably the reason why he isn't interested in sports or activity. Fat shaming wrecks havoc on kids and they develop a more sedentary lifestyle and find solace in food, worsening their relationship with food. I know because I did it.

    If this is what is going on - and I suspect very much that it is - you need to find ways to make him realize that his size doesn't determine his worth. Start with what you appreciate about him: is he good at math? Is he kind to strangers? Remind him that he has great qualities. That will hopefully start to change his confidence level and his attitude about himself. That is what will be most helpful in giving him the confidence to value himself and his health. The process will take some time, but my hope is that he will eventually start to make the decision himself to change his relationship with food.
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
    @deaniac83 he started gaining weight around grade 4...just a little pudge, and I thought "oh well, he'll stretch out, going to have a growth spurt". Well he did stretch out, but kept some weight on. Would be the same with each one it seemed...

    He has a good group of friends, but one does seem to be hung up on my son's weight...only one. Joking about manboobs was the last I heard, so I know it is going on, and there's no way it's not hurtful. I think what you're saying is spot on, and that's what is making it hard for me to try to help make these changes.

    Again, everyone's suggestions are great...I'm hoping I can help make this happen for him...and make it his idea ☺
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
    I hear ya. It can be really tough to find that knife's-edge balance between teaching kids that fat-shaming and judging others on their appearance is wrong, and also encouraging weight loss and healthy habits.

    Just one of the many reasons why being a parent is the hardest job in the world.
  • LMS120yesIcan
    LMS120yesIcan Posts: 35 Member
    You are on the right track by removing unhealthy snacks and starting a healthy lifestyle for yourself. Make sure you also watch the pop and Gatorade etc. Have him help you prepare healthy meals. 13 is a tough age. Does he have friends in the neighborhood? Bike riding, rollerblading, basketball? When my son was 13 he rarely wanted to be seen with mom. it was all about being with friends. And you are right to never nag him about his weight because it will cause more harm than good. If all you can accomplish now is improving his eating habits, you should see a change in his weight. And yes teenage boys eat a lot.
  • TiffanyR71
    TiffanyR71 Posts: 217 Member
    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    jgnatca wrote: »
    Girls were the motivation that my son needed to shower regularly. With soap.

    Lol....I'm still waiting for the soap part to happen.

    I'm glad my 12 year old son isn't the only one who's averse to soap! I yell into the bathroom every morning, "use soap! And shampoo! Wash EVERYTHING! Even your feet!!!" Otherwise, I can't bear to be near him...
  • Fast_Track
    Fast_Track Posts: 33 Member
    I was an overweight 12 year old. Frankly, it really didn't dawn on me that I was overweight until I started seeing pictures of myself with my friends. My parents tried to do what they could - I was very active, I just ate the wrong stuff and way too much of it. I think teens have to get there on their own.

    Have you thought of asking him if maybe he'd want to try a more unconventional form of exercise, ie: martial arts, fencing, even cycling?
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Yes, they do eat constantly at that age. My advice is to make sure you don't make him feel self conscious (they have it enough at this age). You're on the right track making sure they're healthier choices in the house. Lead by example.
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
    edited May 2015
    Thanks again everyone. We have a plan! I chatted with my 16yo nephew, and he asked my son to go to boxing with him. I nearly dropped when he agreed - and was even excited about it.

    There are kids there around his age, and the older kids work with them, all under the supervision of the gym trainers. They don't have matches unless they train for the team, and there's no pressure to do so.

    So I guess my uncool mom vibe was in full effect when I suggested the same damn thing two months ago and was shot down right away! Now I just have to worry about my nephew's driving to and from the gym, because God forbid I make an appearance, lol.
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
    Try to work some fun exercise (that doesn't feel like exercise) into your lives. Indoor climbing, kayaking, hiking, and then there are loads of fun 5Ks. The color run, the warrior dash, even zombie runs!

    When I was a teen I despised all exercise (except hiking and badminton). Somehow I never became overweight but I wasn't healthy. It wasn't until I was an adult that I discovered fitness was more than aerobics, team sports, and running.
  • Maquillage_
    Maquillage_ Posts: 194 Member
    If it's not too much trouble you could see if he wants a small dog? You could tell him he can have it if he walks it once a day. I had the same problem when I was around his age. I ate so much but it was out of boredom and unhappiness. My mother got me a dog and I walked her daily. Unfortunately it didn't have an effect on my weight because my eating habits didn't change at all. Junk food was always accessible so I ate and ate and ate!

    A total restriction on his diet isn't good, but from experience I think not buying junk food at all and not keeping in the house will help. If he is genuinely hungry then he'll eat fruit or veg or whatever healthy snack is in the home. You could arrange for 1 or 2 treats a week where you buy a single bar and bring it home for him instead of keeping a packet in the home.

    I was very touchy about my weight, as I was about everything else at that age! I was aware I was overweight and I didn't like to be reminded of it. So instead of telling him he needs to lose weight, focus everything on both of your health. Both of you eat vegetables because they're good for you and will make you feel better. Snack on fruit because it will give more energy than sugar. See what I'm getting at? Make choices that will lead to weight loss but tell him about the other benefits of it.

    If he doesn't like sport then I wouldn't try push him into it. If he likes gaming then maybe look into games that require you to be active to play. The WII has the wii fit and lots of other dance games and there are some adventure games for the xbox and playstation that require a camera. There is one that my friend loves, its Nike training club and she got it got her xbox. It was tough but she found it very motivating.

    This is all just advice based on my experience at that age, but hopefully some of it helps :)
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    Thanks again everyone. We have a plan! I chatted with my 16yo nephew, and he asked my son to go to boxing with him. I nearly dropped when he agreed - and was even excited about it.

    There are kids there around his age, and the older kids work with them, all under the supervision of the gym trainers. They don't have matches unless they train for the team, and there's no pressure to do so.

    So I guess my uncool mom vibe was in full effect when I suggested the same damn thing two months ago and was shot down right away! Now I just have to worry about my nephew's driving to and from the gym, because God forbid I make an appearance, lol.

    That sounds like a great plan. And you're right -- sometimes it's not the WHAT but the WHO that matters. Something suggested by his older, cooler cousin is going to go over much better than the same suggestion by his mom.
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  • shellbmama
    shellbmama Posts: 9 Member
    I didn't read all if the responses, but I have an 11year old son who would be overweight & sedentary if left on his own. . I limit his screen time but more importantly I insist he must have outsidetime first in order to play video games. He wants to play playstation? Fine, first he must spend an hour outside riding his bike, pushing his sister on the swing, walking the dog, etc. He has chores that require physical activity: cutting the lawn, taking out the garbage, cleaning out the flower beds, etc. He will do this willingly & without complaint because he knows in return I will let him stare on his screens uninterrupted for an hour or two. Lol. It works for us! In the winter he has to shovel & salt the sidewalk, etc. According to Dr standards he is probably still slightly overweight but he is active & eats mostly healthy so I think I am winning the battle as much as I can for now. Good luck!
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