Help motivating a teenager!

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  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
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    This is a tough one. On one hand teenagers are not wanting to listen to any adult and on the other they are always hungry. I would try attempt get some healthy habits started and hope they last. No sodas or other unhealthy snacks in the house. Control the portions of snacks because even the healthy ones can add up. Meals need to have lean meat and lots of produce. Mix that with some exercise ( I like running) and a goal weight & size and there is hope. The earlier in life he starts the easier it will be to succeed. At thirteen he is bulletproof and will never grow old but a few pounds a year over a lifetime will cost him dearly. Good luck.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    This is a touchy subject with me because my mother was obsessed with weight and dieting and watched over me and my sister all through our growing up. It didn't help and probably made it worse.

    I was overweight but both my children remained in normal weight ranges and make healthy choices to this day. I posted a copy of the Canada Food Guide on the refrigerator and there were no limits on how much they could eat at dinner. Fruits and vegetables were always available, and desserts were rare (I don't have a sweet tooth and it is just not a habit in our family).

    Yes, they both became bottomless pits when they hit their teen years, and I did not have a lot of money. I stocked the cupboards with inexpensive choices like baked beans (protein and fiber) and Chinese noodles (because they loved them, and, cheap).

    My son also was not into sports but I observed him (loved to climb trees and ride his bike) and enrolled him in things like rock climbing and a mountain biking trip. He rides his bike everywhere these days.
  • deviboy1592
    deviboy1592 Posts: 989 Member
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    callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
    Aside from we don't know how much he weighs or if he is due for a growth spurt, or if he has control/impulse issues with certain types of food...

    I have 2 teenagers. They don't have weight issues, but regardless of whether or not they did, I can not make them exercise. I CAN control what foods I bring in the house. If you try to FORCE him to do ANYTHING, all you will be met with is resentment and attitude. Pick your battles, mom. Provide healthy meals. Lots of protein, not much sugar and 'junk'. Maybe find activities on the weekend that are somewhat active- festivals and fairs, farmers markets, anything where you are out and enjoying the weather. If there is an amusement park nearby and its in the budget, maybe let him bring a friend and spend the day there (lots of walking!!)

    that said, my (much) younger brother was a porker for a few years. Then, almost overnight, he shot up WAYYYYY up and balanced out. Teens eat. a LOT. like... everything. my brother still comes to my house and raids my kitchen and hes 23 now? I swear, I start to cook dinner some days and he magically appears- and its not like he lives next door- he lives a half hour away! LOL! And hes perfectly normal sized. ;)

    +1
  • iheartdinosaurs
    iheartdinosaurs Posts: 45 Member
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    I was the pudgy middle child with super slim siblings growing up. Being treated differently when it came to snacks/food really sucked (though I know my mom tried her hardest not to, and she made my dad promise to not make any major comments regarding weight specifically when I hit my teen years) and I think I carried some resentment into early adulthood, though I am mostly fine with it now.

    What I think my parents did well was encourage us to do sports (from the age of 3 to 18 I was enrolled in at least 1, if not more, activities that involved movement, from ballet to soccer, baseball, basketball, and my favorite, swimming.) The expectation was that we would do a sport through highschool, but we all loved swimming so it wasn't like a punishment or anything.

    I agree with a lot of what has been said. What you can do is keep and serve healthy foods, but DO NOT build a complete culture of restriction, or your child may vary well go elsewhere for 'junk'. Have active family activities. Help him find activities that he loves to do (and they don't all have to be the standard team sport - what about volunteering? rock climbing? Not sure what kind of activities are an option for you). If you're dieting, try not to be verbally obsessive about it. If your child's pediatrician has major concerns, have a frank conversation with your son about things we can do to stay healthy, as he's old enough to understand facts, but be careful how to frame it because like others have said, it's easy for someone that age to assume you're saying they're fat and potentially, in extreme cases, worthless.

    Disclaimer - not a parent, but have been an overweight child. Good luck!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    rsclause wrote: »
    ....No sodas or other ....
    Brought back some fond memories. I was an early riser and I had two night owls on my hands. I went to bed and let them be, and there were some rowdy nights. I compensated by rising early, singing loudly, and doing the vacuuming. They did try and pull the wool over my eyes a few times, and only got away with it once (as best I know). One big fail included the violent shaking of a pop bottle. They thought they had cleaned up all the "evidence", but as I cheerfully did my round of morning chores, I found an odd brown spray pattern underneath all the kitchen cabinets. Busted! LOL. It amused me to imagine their hushed cleaning efforts, which included the kitchen ceiling! LOL.
  • crazyjerseygirl
    crazyjerseygirl Posts: 1,252 Member
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    Be an active parent, get an active kid!
    Walking is dull. Is he a nerd? Go for walks and identify things if you have traveling tech. Is he a writer. Go for a walk with books, likes video games? Check out Nerd Fitness (fun aside from their paleo obsession).

    Is he too ashamed to move? Well that needs more help than I can give.

    I also know (from my MIL) that teenage boys will eat the drywall if you let em. So just keep the cabinets relatively healthy and you're good!
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    omg this sounds exactly like my kid OP...I am at wits end about what to do. He also has brain damage (Oppositional defiant disorder paired with high anxiety issues)...he has convinced himself that his BMX is going to kill him despite the fact that he's been riding it since he was 5, he refuses to do yard work and will literally sit in the middle of the grass, he doesn't walk with me, throw the football, NOTHING! He just sits downstairs or shoots a ball at the hockey net. We do have him enrolled in football for 6 months out of the year, and even that is impossible to get him to go to regularly. He's in the top 97% for his age, and the way the pediatrician stated it, there's only 3% of 12 year olds that are bigger than him. His stretch marks hurt him already they're so big, and if he goes into the pool, they get angry. He doesn't actually swim, water causes anxiety, he just splashes around. I'm out of options and I'm really tired of fighting with him. Even when I take the tv and video games away, he refuses to move. I have tried to teach him healthy habits, I don't buy junk food, we talk about food groups and proper eating...he even sits in the kitchen while I cook (he won't let me teach him, he just complains). The only thing I can hope for at this point is a major growth spurt.
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    tephanies1234 wrote: »
    How much overweight is "unhealthy weight"?

    He's 5'6" around 200lbs
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    niamhclem21 wrote: »
    I was a kid who hated sport and my parents made me aware that I was overweight. I have battled both extents of the weight problem. I have had periods where I didn't eat and now I have eaten too much. I would put the effort into finding a sport he likes or even just organising adventure days where the family do it together. My sister is very slim and I grew up feeling like the ugly duckling. My parents did not mean to make a difference but no matter how thin I got I have never felt really happy in my appearance. All I'm trying to say is tread carefully as 20years later my parents efforts to improve my weight still haunt me x

    That's exactly what I'm scared of. I need all the suggestions I can get on how to make this transition into a healthier lifestyle without hurting his self esteem. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    celinemarie wrote: »
    I was the pudgy middle child with super slim siblings growing up. Being treated differently when it came to snacks/food really sucked (though I know my mom tried her hardest not to, and she made my dad promise to not make any major comments regarding weight specifically when I hit my teen years) and I think I carried some resentment into early adulthood, though I am mostly fine with it now.

    What I think my parents did well was encourage us to do sports (from the age of 3 to 18 I was enrolled in at least 1, if not more, activities that involved movement, from ballet to soccer, baseball, basketball, and my favorite, swimming.) The expectation was that we would do a sport through highschool, but we all loved swimming so it wasn't like a punishment or anything.

    I agree with a lot of what has been said. What you can do is keep and serve healthy foods, but DO NOT build a complete culture of restriction, or your child may vary well go elsewhere for 'junk'. Have active family activities. Help him find activities that he loves to do (and they don't all have to be the standard team sport - what about volunteering? rock climbing? Not sure what kind of activities are an option for you). If you're dieting, try not to be verbally obsessive about it. If your child's pediatrician has major concerns, have a frank conversation with your son about things we can do to stay healthy, as he's old enough to understand facts, but be careful how to frame it because like others have said, it's easy for someone that age to assume you're saying they're fat and potentially, in extreme cases, worthless.

    Disclaimer - not a parent, but have been an overweight child. Good luck!

    Thank you! If I keep any unhealthy snacks, I'm going to have to hide them well....but I agree, a total restriction isn't good. I am dieting, and trying my best to portray it as a healthier lifestyle, so I hope it comes off like that. My bmi is obese, and I'm trying my best to lead by example, but nothing seems to be getting him going.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    Thank you! If I keep any unhealthy snacks, I'm going to have to hide them well....but I agree, a total restriction isn't good. I am dieting, and trying my best to portray it as a healthier lifestyle, so I hope it comes off like that. My bmi is obese, and I'm trying my best to lead by example, but nothing seems to be getting him going.


    If you're sneaking snacks and hiding them, no matter how well you think you're hiding it, I can tell you three things:
    1) He knows.
    2) He's learning behaviour from you that associates snacking with shameful, hidden behaviour.
    3) He's going to follow your example even if outwardly he seems to rebel against it.

    The truth is, obese parents are more likely -- due to genetics, environment, or some combination -- to have obese children. This isn't a judgment. Far from it. It's just a fact.

    If you're dieting to lose weight, great. But have those 'unhealthy' snacks out in the open and incorporate them into a balanced diet. That's the way to teach him, subconsciously, to stop attaching emotional weight to food, and to stop the behaviour that will have him sneaking snacks around your restrictions. There's nothing wrong with a candy bar now and again, as long as you're not eating too much food.
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    Um...that's not what I meant....I meant if I kept some treats, I'd have to make sure he can't find them...not that I'm sneaking them. I was addressing the total junkfood ban issue.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Perhaps banning is not such a great idea. Limit, yes, and also have a wide variety of healthy options available. No hiding anything.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    Um...that's not what I meant....I meant if I kept some treats, I'd have to make sure he can't find them...not that I'm sneaking them. I was addressing the total junkfood ban issue.

    Nah, 'cause then he'll just get them elsewhere. Friends' houses. School. The 7-11. Whatever. There are always treats available for someone who's motivated enough. Especially as he gets older and more independent.

    Teach him to moderate. Teach him that there's no "good" food or "bad" food, there's just food, and that he can have some snacks as long as he covers his nutritional bases first and doesn't eat too much overall. Show him how to balance.

  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    I don't think we're on the same page here....if there are unhealthy snacks available, he does not moderate. He will eat them before I get home. So, a total junk food ban? Or limiting them by doling them out on my terms? If I dole them out in controlled portions, I'm saying I will absolutely have to hide the rest so it's not readily available.
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
    edited April 2015
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    He absolutely has had food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 4
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    He absolutely has food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 4

    thats a whole other can of worms you just opened. Is he being seen by a psychologist or therapist who specializes in adopted children and children with hoarding tendencies?
  • snikkins
    snikkins Posts: 1,282 Member
    edited April 2015
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    I clearly don't know your son's issues like you do, but do keep in mind that at 13, he probably knows he's overweight from the kids at school and to be aware of little things that you do that might be telling him you think he's fat even if you're not saying it.

    For example, my mom never told me that she thought I was overweight, but she didn't need to. When we went shopping, I left with tents. It left a lasting impact.

    I was, however, very active, but also very pudgy before I grew a lot one summer.

    ETA: Missed your new responses, OP, while I was super slowly typing this out, but agree with the post above mine.
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
    jemmadawnej wrote: »
    He absolutely has food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 4

    thats a whole other can of worms you just opened. Is he being seen by a psychologist or therapist who specializes in adopted children and children with hoarding tendencies?
    He did when he was younger, and we worked through that then. I guess the behaviour then was so different than right now, I didn't really associate them. It has been a long time since any obvious issues with his adoption have surfaced, I'm probably putting the blinkers on
  • jemmadawnej
    jemmadawnej Posts: 19 Member
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    This mom crap is hard.

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