Unsupportive Sister
K_saine
Posts: 58 Member
So my sister is one of those people where unless you do something her way its not a good method at all. Yesterday, I mentioned that I started this a few days ago and couldn't eat a whole lot because I only had so many calories to last me dinner and an evening snack. So she responds with "wanna know my advice? Don't count calories." I responded with "This plan is better than I have been doing and it makes me aware of what a portion actually is and although its only been a few days its made me more aware of what I eat and how much I eat." Then she looks at me with a look that says "is that the best argument you can come up with?"
I know I can't change her mind but is there anything anyone else would say to someone not supportive of this method of trying to lose weight?
I know I can't change her mind but is there anything anyone else would say to someone not supportive of this method of trying to lose weight?
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Replies
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I would ignore her to be honest. Do your thing, make your progress and maybe she'll see that what you're doing works for YOU and that she should just, I dunno shut up.
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Results are the best answer, lol. When she asks you to eat something off your planned intake, just smile & say, "No thanks, I don't feel like any right now." What can she say to that? Then change the subject, don't feed into her approval/disapproval mentality.0
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Don't discuss it with her. From my personal experience, people who are disparaging of this method rarely change their mind.0
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What was her argument for her position? Make her argue it and defend her assertions.0
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That look could have been because she had no comeback. I think that is a pretty good response. You could add "I am doing this to feel better about myself". You may not be able to change her opinion, but hopefully she will learn that you are doing this and her unsupportive remarks won't change it...and when she sees it working, maybe make her a little jealous 0
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She didn't give me her argument because she was too busy looking disapprovingly at me when my younger sister (who also uses my fitness pal and know how awful my sister can get) stepped in and changed the conversation and it was dropped (at least for now).Lourdesong wrote: »What was her argument for her position? Make her argue it and defend her assertions.
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Lourdesong wrote: »What was her argument for her position? Make her regurgitate whatever the latest buzzwords/fads/diets areand defend her assertions.
FIFY
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Learn how to cope with disapproving looks.0
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You have got the flaw of expecting anything from her at all. Remove her from your strategy, suppprt yourself and that should be enough. Energy spent on trying to persuade or worrying about what others might think is wasted and could be better used on making sure your diet is effective.0
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She didn't give me her argument because she was too busy looking disapprovingly at me when my younger sister (who also uses my fitness pal and know how awful my sister can get) stepped in and changed the conversation and it was dropped (at least for now).Lourdesong wrote: »What was her argument for her position? Make her argue it and defend her assertions.
The point is that you don't have to be tasked with defending yourself when she put herself out there to be tasked with defending herself.
She offered her opinion, from there it's her who should defend her opinion, not you. If you make her opinions come with the condition of her having a job to do (the task of defending it) she may be reluctant to give her opinions in the future.
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canadjineh wrote: »Results are the best answer, lol. When she asks you to eat something off your planned intake, just smile & say, "No thanks, I don't feel like any right now." What can she say to that? Then change the subject, don't feed into her approval/disapproval mentality.
THIS
This is what I've been doing. My family is filled with garbage 'nutritional advice' they've read off Facebook. My mother almost laid a brick when I told her I was thinking about running; she firmly believes I'd wind up in a wheelchair because my knees would blow out. So I started running and just never told her.0 -
Weight loss is simple Calories In - Calories Out, if you don't know what you are putting into your body how can you possibly know that you are running at a calorie deficite?
She won't change her mind. All you can do is use her nay saying as motivation to prove her wrong, take pride in yourself, and make yourself feel good.0 -
My sister yelled at me because I don't eat breakfast. "You need fuel in your tank!" I lost 30 pounds skipping breakfast...clearly I did it wrong. I ignored her0
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You can't convince someone who thinks they've got it all figured out.
My best response is just to say something like, "Noted. Thanks." And then just do my own thing.0 -
Results really are the best answer - don't explain your choices, just do your thing.0
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I've learned to ignore what other people think. I do what I know is best for me.0
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Uh, tell her to go *kitten* herself? Seriously, she's your sister, why the hell does it matter what she thinks?0
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In my opinion (because clearly you need someone else's opinion shoved down your throat ) every one is different and different things work for different people. If counting calories works for you then brilliant. If it doesn't work for your sister but she's getting results then that's also great. But there's no point in following any eating plan that doesn't work for you and you alone. Good luck, keep going and just nod and smile at her. 0
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UltimateRBF wrote: »She's your sister, tell her she can piss off. You don't need her approval and it sounds like you're on the right track anyway
LyndseyLovesToLift wrote: »Uh, tell her to go *kitten* herself? Seriously, she's your sister, why the hell does it matter what she thinks?
Exactly my thoughts.0 -
I know I don't need my sister's approval and It only slightly matters to me what she thinks. That being said it just bothered me that I couldn't just say what I am doing with my life and let it be left at that. Her thing is that she doesn't eat certain meats and never drinks soda and blah blah. Well it doesn't really work in my opinion she still looks as much overweight as she always has been. But I don't tell her that her selective-vegetarianism is a terrible way to lose weight.
I just wish I could have had more facts to support this weight loss method. I don't have results yet because this is new to me and I just started.
I don't really care what she thinks because majority of her methods of doing things make me shake my head. I just want to be able to say something that makes her be like "okay maybe my sister has this figured out and doesn't need my opinions."0 -
So my sister is one of those people where unless you do something her way its not a good method at all. Yesterday, I mentioned that I started this a few days ago and couldn't eat a whole lot because I only had so many calories to last me dinner and an evening snack. So she responds with "wanna know my advice? Don't count calories." I responded with "This plan is better than I have been doing and it makes me aware of what a portion actually is and although its only been a few days its made me more aware of what I eat and how much I eat." Then she looks at me with a look that says "is that the best argument you can come up with?"
I know I can't change her mind but is there anything anyone else would say to someone not supportive of this method of trying to lose weight?
You could say "I didn't want your advice or opinions actually. Weight loss is about eating less calories than you burn whether you count them or not. That is science. Calorie counting is a useful tool."
IME with those kinds of people you just don't discuss it with them at all though. They won't approve of anything that wasn't thier idea no matter what you say.
Change the subject and do your own thing whether it is weight loss, parenting, or where to live. Their opinion doesn't matter. You know what you are doing is right for you.0 -
It's surprising how much eating plays into family dynamics. A friend and her sister were both overweight since high school & their dad and step mom always encouraged them to lose weight. In their late 30's the sisters dropped nearly 100 pounds each and the parents were pissed off. Their weekly family dinners had to become healthier and now they had to schedule around workouts. They accused them of all sorts of things (rigid, over dramatic, etc.)-- mainly because things were no longer as convenient to the parents. Your sister's reaction to you making changes is more about her resistance to change than about you.0
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Sounds like a "rain on my parade" person. I have a couple of those in my life. They won't just be happy and supportive, they have to take a giant dump on whatever you are doing. I've learned to stop telling those people practically anything about myself, until they absolutely need to know.
Namely, I recently moved 1800 miles away from my family. I told my mom AFTER we already had an offer on a house accepted.
We want them to be happy for us, but they never will be. So find someone else to share your successes with. There's lots of people on here that will be very supportive when you turn down those extra calories and log some exercise!
Keep at it! Your results are what matter!0 -
I don't know your sister of course, but it's almost certainly a conscious effort to sabotage and control you. In her mind, your success makes her look bad, because she doesn't believe that SHE could do it. Expect her to try to get you to cheat in all sorts of sneaky little ways, so that when you fail, she gets to say 'See? I told you it didn't work.' Misery loves company, and she doesn't want to be miserable alone. I'd bet money that the thought of you or your little sister being in any way 'better' than her just burns her up.
She may actually come around eventually. If she can see you getting results, if she can see that her efforts against you aren't working, and if she knows that you're willing to help her whenever she's ready, she just might change her tune. But be ready for the possibility that she's always going to be an obstacle for you. Either way, just keep doing what's best for you.0 -
I know I don't need my sister's approval and It only slightly matters to me what she thinks. That being said it just bothered me that I couldn't just say what I am doing with my life and let it be left at that. Her thing is that she doesn't eat certain meats and never drinks soda and blah blah. Well it doesn't really work in my opinion she still looks as much overweight as she always has been. But I don't tell her that her selective-vegetarianism is a terrible way to lose weight.
I just wish I could have had more facts to support this weight loss method. I don't have results yet because this is new to me and I just started.
I don't really care what she thinks because majority of her methods of doing things make me shake my head. I just want to be able to say something that makes her be like "okay maybe my sister has this figured out and doesn't need my opinions."
As other people have said in this thread, calorie counting works for some people but it's not for everyone. To be honest from what you've said about the selective-vegetarianism and her negative attitude, it sounds like she isn't really ready to change herself and doesn't want other people to change and succeed around her. My advice is to have an honest and gentle conversation with her about changing together, what needs to change, how her attitude makes you feel and maybe come up with a health plan you're both happy with. But if she's not ready or you can't agree on a plan then you will need to be strong and take this journey on your own with the support of the people on this app.
As for facts, your evidence that calorie counting works is on this app, look at the success stories. I have personally gone from 217 lbs to 160 lbs and I've not regained the weight. I've love for your sister to tell me it doesn't work x 0 -
Honesty, learn to smile and nod, the go about your business. Now, I'm a snarky person, so I'd be preparing some smartass remarks, but that doesn't work for everyone. XD You know you're not going to get her support, so it doesn't matter what she says. Keep changing the subject and eventually she'll stop. Well, mostly.0
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Honesty, learn to smile and nod, the go about your business. Now, I'm a snarky person, so I'd be preparing some smartass remarks, but that doesn't work for everyone. XD You know you're not going to get her support, so it doesn't matter what she says. Keep changing the subject and eventually she'll stop. Well, mostly.
I agree. I'm very much like you.
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i suggest that you get into the habit of not talking about food or how much you can or cannot eat with others.0
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