Resentment

Visit my thread, "I hate men." I have these feelings about my husband and sons, who can eat enormous amounts of food. My husband and one of my sons are in a weight loss challenge; husband lost 3 lbs. in a week, just by being "moderately careful," not tracking every bite he puts in his mouth. My youngest son is 6'3" and into strength training; he eats in one meal what I'm allowed all day.

As a person who has done both the eating and the non-eating of the chicken tenders--like, really?

I would hope that you are taking care of yourself... for the purpose of taking care of yourself.
Period.

How is the rest of the world relevant?

Save up for those chicken tenders and fries and fit them in! I enjoy junk food now more than when I was heavier because I've planned for it.

On a more serious note, everyone has their struggles. Just because someone can eat 4X what I can doesn't mean they're happy with everything all the time.

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

You are making a judgment that people who eat chicken tenders and fries do not care. That is a pretty big assumption on your part.

If you like chicken tenders and fries, why don't you work them into your calorie goals.

Weight loss is not about deprivation, it's about learning to eat real food that you love in real life.

Nope. I feel no jealousy or resentment toward people who eat food I wish I was eating. In fact, I work all foods I love into my calorie goals.

All I can say is stop it. Stop comparing your self to other people.

Especially people you see once a day. Someone might have a large lunch, unless your with them all day you might find they skip or have very small meals the rest of the day.

Also are you comparing someone losing weight to someone maintaining?

Focus on your self, stop worrying about what others are eating. Everyone is different.

I don't think it's wrong for you to have those thoughts. I think it's totally normal. I'm probably the abnormal one here.

I would have no reason to be jealous of other people's bad habits. My brain just doesn't work that way. I just feel sorry for people who don't live a healthy lifestyle. Pretty much everybody I know who puts forth no effort toward their health and fitness doesn't look and feel as good as me. So why would I want to be like them? I guess if there was someone who ate like a pig and sat around all day AND looked and felt awesome, it might annoy me, but I just don't ever see that.

It may just be a matter of perception. I think a lot of the time, people see thin people eating something decadent and assume they are eating like that all the time - like maybe they were just born lucky. I've had people assume that about me. But it's more likely that the cake you see them eating just happens to fit within their calories. They might be more active than you think and they probably eat less than you think, as well.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I find that once you stop comparing yourself to others and start competing against yourself, you won't even notice or care what other people are doing anymore.

One of the reasons people regain weight is because they feel deprived about not being able to eat like they did before.

TimothyFish wrote: »

One of the reasons people regain weight is because they feel deprived about not being able to eat like they did before.

Excellent point. Anytime I tried to lose weight via deprivation, I always gave in and started eating the foods I missed with no moderation in mind and gained it all back, plus more.

Some people don't have trouble losing or maintaining weight without thinking much about it. You may have to try harder. I have to try harder. But we both may have an easier time than a person who can struggles to breathe and can barely walk a block. They might be looking at you working out so often and feeling unhappy and resentful that it is so effortless for you.
You can focus on the positive. You can fit the foods you want into your calorie goal. You can choose not to eat them because you feel better eating other foods. You choose to work out that often that hard because that is your way of getting to your goal.
I choose not to have some things because I don't think the calories are worth it. I personally don't bust my butt exercising because I don't want to. I do a moderate amount of exercise 6 days a week. I eat food I like every single day. I'm not starving or deprived in the slightest.
It doesn't matter that someone else with a different age, gender, height and activity level gets to eat more calories than me. I spend less on food and get satisfied with less food.

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.

For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.

I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.

For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.

Annr wrote: »

@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).

I never used to care how many calories were in the ice cream.

I think part of it for me is that it took me 4 years to put on 15 kg (33 lb). So it wasn't like I was packing on weight eating what I was eating before. That's 8.2 lb/year. Using the 3500 calories = 1 lb calculation, in a year, I consumed 28,700 calories more than I should ... 78 extra calories per day.

During that time, my husband and I ate a lot of things spontaneously without caring what was in them ... we were travelling the world, letting the wind blow us wherever ... and different places have lots of different and interesting and yummy things to eat. But we were pretty active too (lots of cycling) so for the most part we were compensating.

Now, however, I've got to lose those 15 kg ... and so, the spontaneity is gone and it is all calculations.

Happily ... I'm nearly there and the spotaneity will return!!

Machka9 wrote: »

thaoXLIV wrote: »

For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.

I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?

I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.

For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.

I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.

For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.

Yeah, vigilance is hard to sustain.

Not resentful. But envious. And not because they are eating foods that I "can't." (I fit whatever I want into my calorie goal) But because they seem to have figured out how to moderate their intake intuitively so they don't have to log/count calories and they still maintain their weight.

I just hope someday I will have changed my habits so thoroughly that I will naturally moderate my intake so that I don't have to log everyday.