Resentment

Hello OP,

I know a woman who used to be extremely thin and others would say that they envy her because she seems to eat whatever she wants and always stays skinny. Well, she told me later that she was unhappy and struggling because she used to eat only one meal a day (in front of her co-workers on weekdays and friends on the weekends) and exercise for up to 5 hours a day doing cardio at the gym. No one knew that she was so unhappy. To others, it looked like she ate a lot, but she took in only like 600-800 calories a day. Very unhealthy. She also put in a lot of effort to hide the fact that she was feeling ill, tired and irritable all the time.

You see, you never know what others may be hiding or dealing with on the inside. Some of my old co-workers used to have delicious, huge lunches every day and seemed so happy when it was lunch time. Then one day someone confessed that she feels guilty about her high calorie meals and cries at night to her husband, but she can't stop herself from eating them. Then others started chiming in about how they were secretly unhappy with themselves too. And these were the same people who would give me hell about how little I ate every single day.

We all have our own struggles. At least yours is a healthy one!

P.S. I do get annoyed though when so many people get annoyed with me for counting calories and staying within a daily limit. They tell me I'm being ridiculous and that only people with serious OCD problems count calories religiously. Not everyone understands my goals and I certainly don't always get theirs either. To each his own! And good luck on your journey. Sounds like you're on the right track and doing great. Oh also, don't deprive yourself of the foods you're craving. I still eat what I love, just in moderation. I work yummy things into my daily goal every day.

no, never. if they're able to eat whatever they want and not put on weight, all the power to them. my cousin is like that - she eats so much crap and never works out but never puts on a pound. that said, just because one is thin, doesn't necessarily mean one is healthy. i prefer to be healthy, even if it means i have to watch what i eat and exercise hard.

perhaps you are depriving yourself of food. are you always hungry? if so, reevaluate what you're eating and tweak it. also, a change in mindset when it comes to food may be in order ie. desserts or sugary crap isn't required for your body. food is fuel for your body so give your body healthy, long-lasting fuel for peak performance. muscles can't do *kitten* with all that sugary junk/processed stuff so why even care about that? (not that you're craving this stuff but you get my point).

Envy, jealousy, and resentment are a waste of your time and energy. You have your goals in place - why not just be content with that? Focus on all the good you have going and you'll be a lot happier.

I try not to compare myself to others. I can eat more than some, but less than others. We are all different.
I have a friend who is about 5 inches shorter than me, and has always been around a size 4. She can out drink me any night, and she loves to go out to eat, but she never finishes more than half her food. Plus, she is a waitress, so she is on her feet for much of the day. I'm not jealous of her, we are just different.

Also, I don't deprive myself of much. Yesterday I had a lot of extra calories from working out, so I ordered a meatball pizza. I actually had a piece for breakfast this morning.

Sigh.

The other day I was eating out, looking at the menu of yummy delicious food. And wished I could just order what I wanted. No, I will have the grilled chicken and dinner salad.

What would life be like to have always been thin? I was a fat baby, weighed 11 pounds when I was born, always the biggest one. If I eat what I want, I can easily gain weight. Constant vigilance, just to maintain my current fatness.

Sorry, but I focus on me and what I'm doing, not others, let alone what they're eating. It's definitely not something I'm going to call resentful to. Heck everyone is taller than me, am I supposed to be resentful at that as well?

HappyCampr1 wrote: »

Machka9 wrote: »

Annr wrote: »

@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).

I never used to care how many calories were in the ice cream.

I think part of it for me is that it took me 4 years to put on 15 kg (33 lb). So it wasn't like I was packing on weight eating what I was eating before. That's 8.2 lb/year. Using the 3500 calories = 1 lb calculation, in a year, I consumed 28,700 calories more than I should ... 78 extra calories per day.

I'm glad you pointed this out because a lot of people don't realize that 8 pounds a year is only 78 calories a day. They think that people who gain weight are all out there binging and stuffing their faces. I don't think most people are. I think that, for most people, it's the one trade-off that you make...That one thing that you say yes or no to...that makes the difference. It shouldn't be hard to maintain weight, but you do have to be mindful and that's where the lack of spontaneity comes in. It's hard to be mindful and spontaneous at the same time.

And it is so easy, when you're not paying close attention, to have a second helping of this, or a small plate of that, or to stop for ice cream mid-way through a bicycle ride or whatever. Nothing big, no binging, just a little bit extra.

The thing is, that 8 lb didn't come on in a linear pattern ... just very gradual and slight weight gains and weight losses (but obviously more gains than losses), and for stretches of weeks or months within those 4 years, I would simply maintain my weight.

So part of me still thinks ... I was able to maintain my weight without having to think about every bite I eat, why do I have to go through all this hassle.

And part of me realises that I didn't really maintain my weight, I gained 15 kg, so I do need to pay attention and not do things like, for example, select the carrot cake (my favourite) when we go out to one of our favourite bakeries ... because now I know the carrot cake has about twice as many calories as the rest of the selections in the place.

Sometimes I get a little jealous of my co-workers that go out to eat every single day. Not because of the food tho.. because I am missing out on the "office politics". But then just smile when they talk about how they can't lose any weight or pay repeatedly to do the ridiculous advocare junk every other month.

Machka9 wrote: »

HappyCampr1 wrote: »

Machka9 wrote: »

Annr wrote: »

@Machka9 I have talked with those people and their ice creams....they are probably calculating with every bite of their ice creams lol. It's really all a matter of what you are willing to give up. For me "the spontaneity of it all" is why I am in the situation I seem to be in... So being accountable seems more in control of the situation than pulling into a Dairy Queen on a whim...(my husband says there is something wrong with the cars steering..ha).

I never used to care how many calories were in the ice cream.

I think part of it for me is that it took me 4 years to put on 15 kg (33 lb). So it wasn't like I was packing on weight eating what I was eating before. That's 8.2 lb/year. Using the 3500 calories = 1 lb calculation, in a year, I consumed 28,700 calories more than I should ... 78 extra calories per day.

I'm glad you pointed this out because a lot of people don't realize that 8 pounds a year is only 78 calories a day. They think that people who gain weight are all out there binging and stuffing their faces. I don't think most people are. I think that, for most people, it's the one trade-off that you make...That one thing that you say yes or no to...that makes the difference. It shouldn't be hard to maintain weight, but you do have to be mindful and that's where the lack of spontaneity comes in. It's hard to be mindful and spontaneous at the same time.

And it is so easy, when you're not paying close attention, to have a second helping of this, or a small plate of that, or to stop for ice cream mid-way through a bicycle ride or whatever. Nothing big, no binging, just a little bit extra.

The thing is, that 8 lb didn't come on in a linear pattern ... just very gradual and slight weight gains and weight losses (but obviously more gains than losses), and for stretches of weeks or months within those 4 years, I would simply maintain my weight.

So part of me still thinks ... I was able to maintain my weight without having to think about every bite I eat, why do I have to go through all this hassle.

And part of me realises that I didn't really maintain my weight, I gained 15 kg, so I do need to pay attention and not do things like, for example, select the carrot cake (my favourite) when we go out to one of our favourite bakeries ... because now I know the carrot cake has about twice as many calories as the rest of the selections in the place.

Perhaps next time, instead of waiting until you ate 15kg over to take action, take action when you reach 2kg over your ideal weight. You don't have to watch everything you eat, but you do need to watch the scale.

I feel pitty. Most people are eating themselves into a problem because they don't know any better. We don't have built-in calorie gauges. If you just eat what you want when you want you will probably eat a calorie surplus in our current food environment.

People generally don't start paying attention to what they are eating until they've already got a problem, and then it's often too late.

So I feel sorry for them. They are heading towards a cliff and don't know it.

thaoXLIV wrote: »

I hope this didn't come off the wrong way. Like I said, I know what I'm doing is in my best interest. I'm in the process of retraining my mind to just see food as sustenance, nothing more, nothing less.

I'm only human so sometimes I may relapse.

No you didn't come off the wrong way. I totally get what you mean. Most people have something they are dealing with that seems unfair compared to others. Our thing is food but there are worse things it could be. Much worse.

Honestly, yes, you should focus on yourself, but those people will have to metabolize calories the same as you do...its their choice. Some of these thin people wont be thin for long....I've seen a lot of "naturally skinny" people gain weight at my current job.....

I disagree with the philosophy that food is fuel and nothing else. Food is culture, comfort, art, love, and -- dare I say it -- even reward. And yes, it's fuel too.

I think I enjoy my food more now than I did when I was fat. I ate "whatever I wanted" then, but it was almost mechanical.

Now I make more conscious choices and enjoy my food more. I appreciate it.

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

I refuse to be jealous of people who I only know through one meal.

This is awesome. Sometimes the people that are eating a double thick burger and chocolate cake are eating those things because they DO care and have just as many problems and struggles as you.

I have to pay attention to my calories in BOTH directions ALL THE TIME. I have one condition that causes weight loss and one that causes weight gain. If either gets out of balance, I need to notice right away and FIX the problem. Sometimes I am nauseated ALL THE TIME, so I don't eat, and then I realize that I've been behind for 1000 calories a day for a week, and ordering something calorie dense is the only way I can even talk myself into trying to catch up.

Sometimes I take my child out for dinner and then have veggies and hummus when I get home because I don't have enough calories left in my day.

You've seen a person for one meal - you don't know their struggles, or their eating plan. Food is many things to many people. Make it what YOU want and get what YOU need from it.