Insecurity ruining my marriage
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You are absolutely right.EvgeniZyntx wrote: »In my defense when I say older she is 46 and we are 27. She is very pretty. I still do not think anything is going at all but I am not getting jealous over some little old lady. Lol. So I'm cray. But not totally cray. Lol:)
Stop. The details don't matter. That there are others that are exactly like you doesn't matter. There are also lots of people that fail to manage their anxieties and end in divorce. Are you going to be comforted if you end in the same basket?
Deal with your anxiety. Period. See someone now, counsel or medical support. Get help to stop this.
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Even if you need to work on yourself and your attitude towards life, I do suggest that you include your husband. Worst thing for a person when a loved one is going through difficulty is feeling helpless, useless and excluded. From experience, I found that clear and honest communication with my partner about how I feel in general and what I need in particular from him regardless how childish and stupid it sounds alleviates frustration on both sides.1
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I can emphasise with you. My husband used to get phone calls at all hours of the day or night from his friend's widow. She wouldn't stop calling him and it got me so angry. I couldn't understand why he would talk to her after her husband's family said that she killed her husband. I don't know the facts but I certainly didn't want another woman calling my husband and taking away my time with him. She was beginning to be a problem. My husband would call me far but this woman was really fat and down right ugly. I started feeling so bad about myself and we drifted apart. She had gotten between us. Once she even called me to ask my why I'm treating him bad. What the.....? I was just reflecting what he was doing to me because of her. Next time she called him I told him to go ahead and talk to his wife that I'm just someone who lives in the same house. He didn't get the message until she started calling him about 20 or more times a day. He doesn't talk to her anymore. She hasn't gotten what she wanted and I'm happier than ever.0
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I can emphasise with you. My husband used to get phone calls at all hours of the day or night from his friend's widow. She wouldn't stop calling him and it got me so angry. I couldn't understand why he would talk to her after her husband's family said that she killed her husband. I don't know the facts but I certainly didn't want another woman calling my husband and taking away my time with him. She was beginning to be a problem. My husband would call me far but this woman was really fat and down right ugly. I started feeling so bad about myself and we drifted apart. She had gotten between us. Once she even called me to ask my why I'm treating him bad. What the.....? I was just reflecting what he was doing to me because of her. Next time she called him I told him to go ahead and talk to his wife that I'm just someone who lives in the same house. He didn't get the message until she started calling him about 20 or more times a day. He doesn't talk to her anymore. She hasn't gotten what she wanted and I'm happier than ever.
The what now?!0 -
I'm sorry your dealing with this, weight definitely does a number on ones self esteem. Losing weight will not fix your relationship or your feelings of insecurity. You should address with your husband how you feel about him texting other women (regardless of their age) also address him hiring a hooker (not sure the details of that but hiring a hooker doesn't sound acceptable)
Be open with him on your feelings about your weight and your other issues with him. Hope all works out. Good luck!0 -
I'm sorry your dealing with this, weight definitely does a number on ones self esteem. Losing weight will not fix your relationship or your feelings of insecurity. You should address with your husband how you feel about him texting other women (regardless of their age) also address him hiring a hooker (not sure the details of that but hiring a hooker doesn't sound acceptable)
Be open with him on your feelings about your weight and your other issues with him. Hope all works out. Good luck!
Oh my goodness. I think I worded that wrong. I said my reaction to him texting the co worker was parallel to him hiring a hooker. Meaning I freaked out and over reacted as if he had done something insanely terrible. He didn't hire a hooker. Lol. I meant I acted as if he had. Sorry about that.0 -
OHHHHHHH ok now I understand! I miss read ok wooooh thank goodness!
Talk to him and also look to talk to someone for urself. I went to a therapist every week for about a year and it was wonderful just to let it all out. Add me if you would like, I am here for support on your journey. Sorry for the mix up
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Wow reading back to this a year ago! I am now divorcing after finding out it was a full blown affair. I want to go back and hug this "me" and tell her to run like hell. You are not crazy.7
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Wow reading back to this a year ago! I am now divorcing after finding out it was a full blown affair. I want to go back and hug this "me" and tell her to run like hell. You are not crazy.
Oddly enough, my first marriage ended when I was at the same age under similar circumstances. I love that you came back a year later and were so kind and loving to yourself. Looks like you're coming out of the fire a stronger person. Good for you. I wish you all the best.1 -
That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....0
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EvgeniZyntx wrote: »In my defense when I say older she is 46 and we are 27. She is very pretty. I still do not think anything is going at all but I am not getting jealous over some little old lady. Lol. So I'm cray. But not totally cray. Lol:)
Stop. The details don't matter. That there are others that are exactly like you doesn't matter. There are also lots of people that fail to manage their anxieties and end in divorce. Are you going to be comforted if you end in the same basket?
Deal with your anxiety. Period. See someone now, counsel or medical support. Get help to stop this.
This. (Also, 46 is hardly "a little old lady." At 27, you're surely old enough to know better.)
I am divorced, and not addressing my mental health issues was a factor in driving us apart. (Not as large a part as the fact that we were emotionally incompatible and have different life goals, but still. It was a huge factor.) While you can absolutely struggle with mental health and have a supportive, understanding partner -- that takes a lot of communication and emotionally honest.
Seek therapy for your self-esteem issues, and consider some couples counselling with your husband. Even if it's only a few sessions to help you both work on communicating, it'll be worth the effort.
To answer your question about happiness: weight loss can make life easier in certain ways, such as helping with self-image issues and moving through the world without prejudice. This does not make you happier, though, in the long run. Underlying self-confidence and mental health issues continue to exist absent of extra weight. Dealing with that, in my experience, went a lot longer to helping me love my body and have an internal sense of calm.0 -
Some of you aren't seeing this is a 1 year update. And @williammuney apparently that was the case.1
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williammuney wrote: »That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....
why would you even say something like this? this woman is now going through a divorce because her husband cheated.
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EvgeniZyntx wrote: »In my defense when I say older she is 46 and we are 27. She is very pretty. I still do not think anything is going at all but I am not getting jealous over some little old lady. Lol. So I'm cray. But not totally cray. Lol:)
Stop. The details don't matter. That there are others that are exactly like you doesn't matter. There are also lots of people that fail to manage their anxieties and end in divorce. Are you going to be comforted if you end in the same basket?
Deal with your anxiety. Period. See someone now, counsel or medical support. Get help to stop this.
This. (Also, 46 is hardly "a little old lady." At 27, you're surely old enough to know better.)
I am divorced, and not addressing my mental health issues was a factor in driving us apart. (Not as large a part as the fact that we were emotionally incompatible and have different life goals, but still. It was a huge factor.) While you can absolutely struggle with mental health and have a supportive, understanding partner -- that takes a lot of communication and emotionally honest.
Seek therapy for your self-esteem issues, and consider some couples counselling with your husband. Even if it's only a few sessions to help you both work on communicating, it'll be worth the effort.
To answer your question about happiness: weight loss can make life easier in certain ways, such as helping with self-image issues and moving through the world without prejudice. This does not make you happier, though, in the long run. Underlying self-confidence and mental health issues continue to exist absent of extra weight. Dealing with that, in my experience, went a lot longer to helping me love my body and have an internal sense of calm.
I hadn't read every post and didn't notice it was an old post -- I really need to check timestamps. Sorry about your divorce and the affair. Been there, done that. It sucks, but I'm sure you'll get through it wiser on the other end.1 -
williammuney wrote: »That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....
why would you even say something like this? this woman is now going through a divorce because her husband cheated.
Because I'm giving her an insite into the male mind, I'm helping her understand him gosh...0 -
williammuney wrote: »williammuney wrote: »That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....
why would you even say something like this? this woman is now going through a divorce because her husband cheated.
Because I'm giving her an insure into the male mind, I'm helping her understand him gosh...
No, you're really not.2 -
See I was 100% right!Some of you aren't seeing this is a 1 year update. And @williammuney apparently that was the case.
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Charming.0
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williammuney wrote: »Some of you aren't seeing this is a 1 year update. And @williammuney apparently that was the case.
Dont feed the troll0 -
How do I repair damage with someone who doesn't understand what it feels like to be so insecure ?
I realize this is an old conversation and the issue has been put to bed. But this is still a good question. I heard a pretty good answer to it once.
"Life can be a little bit like driving a car. Sometimes the gas pedal gets stuck and the brakes don't work, you're careening down the road at 90 mph, there are other cars and pedestrians and it's everything you can do not to hit anyone, your knuckles are turning white as you grip the wheel, and you don't know how much longer you can keep this up. It's really compelling and frightening, and you feel like you don't have any control while it's going on. Eventually the car runs out of gas and stops, and you can catch your breath again."0 -
I can so relate to this. I always sabotage relationships because of my own insecurities! I know I need to work on it and I'm trying. I've made myself so stressed because of insecurities that now I'm always sweating through anxiety. It's crazy!!
So sorry to hear about your hubby. It's a shame that your instincts were right but they usually are!
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You gotta love yourself where you are at. And where you are at is trying to make yourself better. Better on top of amazing is so incredible.0
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