Insecurity ruining my marriage

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Replies

  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
    EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    In my defense when I say older she is 46 and we are 27. She is very pretty. I still do not think anything is going at all but I am not getting jealous over some little old lady. Lol. So I'm cray. But not totally cray. Lol:)

    Stop. The details don't matter. That there are others that are exactly like you doesn't matter. There are also lots of people that fail to manage their anxieties and end in divorce. Are you going to be comforted if you end in the same basket?

    Deal with your anxiety. Period. See someone now, counsel or medical support. Get help to stop this.

    This. (Also, 46 is hardly "a little old lady." At 27, you're surely old enough to know better.)

    I am divorced, and not addressing my mental health issues was a factor in driving us apart. (Not as large a part as the fact that we were emotionally incompatible and have different life goals, but still. It was a huge factor.) While you can absolutely struggle with mental health and have a supportive, understanding partner -- that takes a lot of communication and emotionally honest.

    Seek therapy for your self-esteem issues, and consider some couples counselling with your husband. Even if it's only a few sessions to help you both work on communicating, it'll be worth the effort.

    To answer your question about happiness: weight loss can make life easier in certain ways, such as helping with self-image issues and moving through the world without prejudice. This does not make you happier, though, in the long run. Underlying self-confidence and mental health issues continue to exist absent of extra weight. Dealing with that, in my experience, went a lot longer to helping me love my body and have an internal sense of calm.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
    Some of you aren't seeing this is a 1 year update. And @williammuney apparently that was the case.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    williammuney wrote: »
    That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....

    why would you even say something like this? this woman is now going through a divorce because her husband cheated.

  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
    edited May 2016
    gramarye wrote: »
    EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    In my defense when I say older she is 46 and we are 27. She is very pretty. I still do not think anything is going at all but I am not getting jealous over some little old lady. Lol. So I'm cray. But not totally cray. Lol:)

    Stop. The details don't matter. That there are others that are exactly like you doesn't matter. There are also lots of people that fail to manage their anxieties and end in divorce. Are you going to be comforted if you end in the same basket?

    Deal with your anxiety. Period. See someone now, counsel or medical support. Get help to stop this.

    This. (Also, 46 is hardly "a little old lady." At 27, you're surely old enough to know better.)

    I am divorced, and not addressing my mental health issues was a factor in driving us apart. (Not as large a part as the fact that we were emotionally incompatible and have different life goals, but still. It was a huge factor.) While you can absolutely struggle with mental health and have a supportive, understanding partner -- that takes a lot of communication and emotionally honest.

    Seek therapy for your self-esteem issues, and consider some couples counselling with your husband. Even if it's only a few sessions to help you both work on communicating, it'll be worth the effort.

    To answer your question about happiness: weight loss can make life easier in certain ways, such as helping with self-image issues and moving through the world without prejudice. This does not make you happier, though, in the long run. Underlying self-confidence and mental health issues continue to exist absent of extra weight. Dealing with that, in my experience, went a lot longer to helping me love my body and have an internal sense of calm.

    I hadn't read every post and didn't notice it was an old post -- I really need to check timestamps. Sorry about your divorce and the affair. Been there, done that. It sucks, but I'm sure you'll get through it wiser on the other end.
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    edited May 2016
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....

    why would you even say something like this? this woman is now going through a divorce because her husband cheated.

    Because I'm giving her an insite into the male mind, I'm helping her understand him gosh...
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    williammuney wrote: »
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    That 46 year old will do things to him you couldn't even dream of.....

    why would you even say something like this? this woman is now going through a divorce because her husband cheated.

    Because I'm giving her an insure into the male mind, I'm helping her understand him gosh...

    No, you're really not.
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    Some of you aren't seeing this is a 1 year update. And @williammuney apparently that was the case.
    See I was 100% right!
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
    Charming.
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
    edited May 2016
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    Charming.

    Don't let it get to you, Danni.
  • suzyjane1972
    suzyjane1972 Posts: 612 Member
    williammuney wrote: »
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    Some of you aren't seeing this is a 1 year update. And @williammuney apparently that was the case.


    Dont feed the troll
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,970 Member
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    How do I repair damage with someone who doesn't understand what it feels like to be so insecure ?

    I realize this is an old conversation and the issue has been put to bed. But this is still a good question. I heard a pretty good answer to it once.

    "Life can be a little bit like driving a car. Sometimes the gas pedal gets stuck and the brakes don't work, you're careening down the road at 90 mph, there are other cars and pedestrians and it's everything you can do not to hit anyone, your knuckles are turning white as you grip the wheel, and you don't know how much longer you can keep this up. It's really compelling and frightening, and you feel like you don't have any control while it's going on. Eventually the car runs out of gas and stops, and you can catch your breath again."
  • ChaleGirl
    ChaleGirl Posts: 270 Member
    I can so relate to this. I always sabotage relationships because of my own insecurities! I know I need to work on it and I'm trying. I've made myself so stressed because of insecurities that now I'm always sweating through anxiety. It's crazy!!
    So sorry to hear about your hubby. It's a shame that your instincts were right but they usually are!
  • trollerskates
    trollerskates Posts: 87 Member
    You gotta love yourself where you are at. And where you are at is trying to make yourself better. Better on top of amazing is so incredible.

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