Anyone else experience negativity due to weight loss?
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A coworker I talked to often at work kept bugging me about my eating choices, when I started to bring in healthier lunches. When he found out I was dieting, he kept trying to lull me into eating foods worse for me, taunt me with delicious ribs [he knows I have a killer recipe], etc. He quit in this recent month, but I hate to see how he'd have reacted to my going vegetarian for my diet [looooove meat]. Hurt a lil - he is extremely fit n' attractive.
He's not your co-worker he's your competitor - He might be afraid that if your slim and trim, you'll get more attention than him. I don't know just my theory, but if it bothered you enough to write about it here, it was probably more than joking around, and he certainly isn't being supportive.0 -
I haven't exactly experienced what you describe in the OP, but I have certainly noticed that losing weight can shake up the social order. When you get thinner and more attractive, it changes how other people relate to you and how they see themselves relative to you.
I was in a relationship for many years with someone who was a bit younger and much more attractive than me. This was just natural--he certainly did not work at it. When it became apparently that I was aging MUCH better than him and then I lost a bunch of weight too...well, suddenly he wasn't hotter anymore and it really changed the dynamics of our relationship. I think that this happens with all kinds of relationships to some degree.0 -
I'd say yeah, definitely. For example, I saw my sister today for the first time in months. She lives in another province and I've lost a ton of weight since I last saw her, and a LOT of inches (through lifting weights). She's close to two hundred pounds and miserable. She made a point of not saying anything about my appearance, which i found hurtful. She even made a few negative remarks about how my food looked "gross" (we brought picnic lunches).
I know that, in her case, she's jealous. Not saying that smugly, just that she's really really unhappy with herself (she's said as much a lot) and deals with depression, and sometimes food is the best part of her day. There's a LOT of emotions behind her eating, and she's always looking for a quick fix. Seeing me do well, she doesn't think "good for her"; instead she thinks "why not me?" It almost makes her mad to see others do well. I'd love to help her, but she doesn't really want to change her life. She hates exercise, doesn't want to not eat yummy foods. She just wants to be thinner (doesn't care about healthy, just thin). Long story short, she's unhappy so she makes others feel bad when they do well. It's just sad.0 -
Well, the best thing I can say is adopt a cavalier attitude and say "I really don't care if you fill in the blank, I'm happy, if your not, that's your problem" and say it with a smile on your face! Your not here to make them happy, just make yourself happy. That's all that matters0
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Jim Rohn used to say "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." So, if you have friends who don't have goals. Who don't want to better themselves. Who are lazy and don't want yo commit. Guess what? You're going to probably do the same.
Look at it his way. Imagine if you went out to lunch and your other four friends are all ordering hamburgers, pizza, fries and coke. What's the chance that you're going to do the same? Now, imagine going out with 4 friends who share your values and goals to be fit and healthy. They are ordering organic salads, green drinks, etc. You're going to do the same, right?
You need to find people who share your values. If that means shedding friends from your life, because they don't want the same things then you're going to have to do it. Family is a different matter. You're stuck with them for life. Lol.0 -
Jim Rohn used to say "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with."
I really love that quote! I wish I had known about mfp at the beginning of my decision to get healthy rather than now. I dare not use the word easy, but the experience would have been so much better with support. Once again, I've taken the time to read every comment, and I'm sorry to read the hurt and frustration there. Thanks for all of the advice and taking the time to comment.0 -
PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.
You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.
I too find that it is the worst sin imaginable to turn down office cake. Why can't other people deal with our disinterest in cake!?
I know, why is it cake of all things?? I was totally cake-bullied about a month ago. They shamed the hell out of me for saying no, it was like those old after school specials about drugs with the peer pressure. Insane!
Culturally speaking, "No cake for me, thank you" = "Have a *kitten* birthday, and go drive off a cliff while you're at it." At least that's what it feels like, the way people react.
lol
You might enjoy this, I love this guy.
Absolutely love Jim Gaffigan! He does a bit on French Fries that has me rolling on the floor!
The hot pocket one is classic!
I have coworkers who say I make them feel guilty if they have cake or candy while I'm on site. I've told them repeatedly that I do eat cake and candy and other "junk" food ( I don't believe there truly is a junk food) I just eat less calories than I burn. I've also told them their guilt doesn't really have anything to do with me.0 -
kygirl8282 wrote: »Jim Rohn used to say "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with."
I really love that quote! I wish I had known about mfp at the beginning of my decision to get healthy rather than now. I dare not use the word easy, but the experience would have been so much better with support. Once again, I've taken the time to read every comment, and I'm sorry to read the hurt and frustration there. Thanks for all of the advice and taking the time to comment.
If you really like that quote you should check out Jim Rohn. He was a motivational speaker who influenced guys like Tony Robbins.
Another quote that I love from Jim. "There are two types of pain that you must go through. The pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons."
I say this quote to myself all the time. Think about it. Are you going to be disciplined and do the things you know you should, like eating healthy and going to the gym? Doing these things takes discipline and a little bit of pain. But what about not going to the gym and eating healthy? Are you going to sit at home and do low value things like logging on FB or watching TV for hours? Don't you usually have regret at the end? What about in 10 years when your health starts deteriorating and you're 50lbs over weight? Aren't you going to have regret that you didn't exercise/eat healthy?
I don't want to be old and filled with regrets that I didn't live the best possible life. Most people are filled with regrets in old age. I'm not going to be like them! You shouldn't either!! Think about that the next time when people are trying to bring you down because you live a healthy and vibrant life.
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People are mean! I didn't realise so many other people had the same stuff to deal with - all for trying to improve! I saw one of those memes a while ago which said that if you load up on junk food every day no one bats an eyelid, but rock up to work with loads of tupperware and pre-made meals and everyone thinks ur a freak! Oh well, freak it is! Ps I'm new to taking this (MFP) seriously. I'm trying to track macros and get lean so add me0
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I have witnessed and experienced this a few times. It's slightly different for me because I am male, but my wife lost over 100 pounds and has experienced this very thing with her "friends" and colleagues. She has a male friend that she has been close with for years. Once her weight loss finally plateaued, his wife forbid him even speaking to her. To put it bluntly, my wife asked "why was it okay for us to be friends 100 pounds ago, but not now?" Because his wife didn't feel "threatened" by her 100+ pounds ago.
I hate making generalizations, but I think that generally speaking, it stems from jealously and insecurity. As a male, it's easier for me to "play it off" when co-workers start with the "how much more weight do you plan on losing?" comments. Even my wife, that feels she needs to lose another 50 pounds, will sometimes ask. I've been too unhappy with myself for far too long to undermine what I have accomplished, and what I hope to accomplish, in order to make other people feel better about themselves. It's faster and easier to beat others down than it is to work hard a sacrifice in order to build ourselves up.
There's "fat shaming," and there's "fit shaming." If someone were to make fun of a person that were overweight, the world would come to the overweight person's rescue. If someone makes fun of a person by calling them a "skinny b****," the world tells the "skinny b****" that she needs to "calm down," "get a sense of humor," and "not take things so personally." It's a double standard, but it definitely exists. If you complain about it, as a "skinny b****," the world will tell you that you need to "stop being so sensitive" and just "take it on the chin." Only you know your situation, but perhaps trying to defuse it and quickly move on will work. I usually ignore the question when asked "how much more weight do you plan on losing?" I know my colleagues like the show "the walking dead," and I can almost guarantee that my weight will be brought up by one employee in particular. Especially during pot lucks. She usually yells it across the room, which I always think is a nice touch, because everyone kinda stops what their doing and waits for my answer. When she asks "How much more weight do you plan on losing?" I quickly answer:
"Have they killed off Daryl on the walking dead yet? I stopped watching during season 2 because I just couldn't stand it any more."
That used to switch the conversation to the topic of tv shows. Unfortunately, she has begun redirecting the conversation back to my weight, refusing to let it go. I don't know what her agenda is, but she clearly has one. "Avoid and/or redirect." And hopefully they get the hint that it's something you don't want to discuss. When this co-worker of mine persists, I simply answer "we'll see where it goes," and move on.
Good Luck.
when asked a question that my (adult) son does not wish to answer, he'll respond 'nun-ya'
If pressed, he'll complete the answer, 'Nun-ya business!' with a grin! Perfect response, I believe.0 -
I've found that sometimes your health success is the hardest for your family to swallow. They've been using excuses like 'genetics' and 'being big boned' to feel better about their shape, and the fact that you are related to them and used to be part of their group cuts right through all of their most comforting excuses. My mom used every excuse for why it was just how she was, and then used them for my brother when he gained weight as a teen, but I knew she was lying about how I was 'so much skinnier than she ever was' when I discovered the box of clothes from when she was in college. I was 5'5", 125lbs, and everything in there fit me perfectly, and suddenly I realized that it wasn't 'just how her body was'. She has been slowly losing weight and getting her health under control over the last five years, but it has been VERY slow because she isn't working out hardly at all and her diet isn't super restrictive. In that time I had my son and gained 40lbs of baby fat, and since May of this year I've lost over 10lbs of it. I wouldn't say I'm losing it very fast, but she has become extremely unsupportive about the whole thing. My mom never had a problem with me being thin, but she has a huge problem facing the fact that working out for 2hrs a week and trying to eat at a very modest deficit is getting me towards my goal faster than her met0
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Her method.* Sorry, the toddler attacked.0
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Honestly if you are skinny, fat, healthy, attractive etc.....people are always going to find a way to try to steal your joy. Just remember that you over came your obstacles for yourself and not to impress them or live by there standards. If you do, you will never be truly happy. People can be jealous over anything. Just be happy with yourself and your accomplishments. Yes you will lose friends and some family too. But honestly they were never your friends if they are hating on positive things that you are trying to do to better yourself and your lifestyle. People want to see you do good but not better than them. Live for yourself, cut those individuals back that are trying to hurt you on purpose if you have too. Be around like minded individuals who have the same goals and you will be fine.0
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And honestly be upfront with how you feel to them. If they are good family and friends. They will understand how you feel and come around.0
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I work in a large office. I hear women trashing each other over just about anything you can imagine
It definitely happens
You hear weird stuff... Like do you think her husband is cheating? She is trying to get his attention again?
Women are mean...0 -
I'm still getting support from my family, but the check is definitely in the mail for them to start turning on me. They're the same way you describe for anyone in the family who loses a significant amount of weight.
But, they're pretty much all morbidly obese, and tend to die before the age of 60 anyway, so I'd rather them be idiotic about my weight than join them in the "rush to the grave" party.0 -
On the other side of the scale, my mother weighed me every morning I was in high school and threw a fit if the scale showed more than 125 pounds.0
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This has given me so much to think about. Especially concerning my 2 daughters. I've been very careful throughout my changes to describe it in terms of health. Never thin or fat or attributed to appearance. I was always frightened about giving them a complex about their own weight. Now I realize that the other side of that is showing them that they need to also love themselves, so that if someone has something they want (finances, relationship, a healthy body) that it isn't a threat to them. Funny how this began with my own issues but is now ending with 'okay how to pass this lesson on to my children' lol0
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Omg are you kidding me this happens to me every single day. I go for an afternoon walk 5 days a week and WITHOUT FAIL, my mother will yell about how my neck is too thin and I'm going to dwindle away into dust as I'm leaving the door. My grandfather visited us a few months back and he wouldn't stop going on about my collarbones. I think I still have a long ways to go so I'm not excited for what I'll get when I reach my FIRST goal0
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We're opposite genders, not sure how I can really 'compete' with him in that regard. xD460mustang wrote: »A coworker I talked to often at work kept bugging me about my eating choices, when I started to bring in healthier lunches. When he found out I was dieting, he kept trying to lull me into eating foods worse for me, taunt me with delicious ribs [he knows I have a killer recipe], etc. He quit in this recent month, but I hate to see how he'd have reacted to my going vegetarian for my diet [looooove meat]. Hurt a lil - he is extremely fit n' attractive.
He's not your co-worker he's your competitor - He might be afraid that if your slim and trim, you'll get more attention than him. I don't know just my theory, but if it bothered you enough to write about it here, it was probably more than joking around, and he certainly isn't being supportive.
I talked about it with another coworker today, and they informed me he had a small crush on me - and liked me the weight I was at [with my delicious recipes and all], so was a little sad I was losing it. But yeah, that was absolutely mind-boggling for me. Huh.
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xmusicloverr wrote: »Omg are you kidding me this happens to me every single day. I go for an afternoon walk 5 days a week and WITHOUT FAIL, my mother will yell about how my neck is too thin and I'm going to dwindle away into dust as I'm leaving the door. My grandfather visited us a few months back and he wouldn't stop going on about my collarbones. I think I still have a long ways to go so I'm not excited for what I'll get when I reach my FIRST goal
Collarbones? I'm jealous lol. I hope to have some some day.
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We're opposite genders, not sure how I can really 'compete' with him in that regard. xD460mustang wrote: »A coworker I talked to often at work kept bugging me about my eating choices, when I started to bring in healthier lunches. When he found out I was dieting, he kept trying to lull me into eating foods worse for me, taunt me with delicious ribs [he knows I have a killer recipe], etc. He quit in this recent month, but I hate to see how he'd have reacted to my going vegetarian for my diet [looooove meat]. Hurt a lil - he is extremely fit n' attractive.
He's not your co-worker he's your competitor - He might be afraid that if your slim and trim, you'll get more attention than him. I don't know just my theory, but if it bothered you enough to write about it here, it was probably more than joking around, and he certainly isn't being supportive.
I talked about it with another coworker today, and they informed me he had a small crush on me - and liked me the weight I was at [with my delicious recipes and all], so was a little sad I was losing it. But yeah, that was absolutely mind-boggling for me. Huh.
Cute! Why doesn't he just pull on your pigtails?
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We're opposite genders, not sure how I can really 'compete' with him in that regard. xD460mustang wrote: »A coworker I talked to often at work kept bugging me about my eating choices, when I started to bring in healthier lunches. When he found out I was dieting, he kept trying to lull me into eating foods worse for me, taunt me with delicious ribs [he knows I have a killer recipe], etc. He quit in this recent month, but I hate to see how he'd have reacted to my going vegetarian for my diet [looooove meat]. Hurt a lil - he is extremely fit n' attractive.
He's not your co-worker he's your competitor - He might be afraid that if your slim and trim, you'll get more attention than him. I don't know just my theory, but if it bothered you enough to write about it here, it was probably more than joking around, and he certainly isn't being supportive.
I talked about it with another coworker today, and they informed me he had a small crush on me - and liked me the weight I was at [with my delicious recipes and all], so was a little sad I was losing it. But yeah, that was absolutely mind-boggling for me. Huh.
Well, that's an interesting development. I would be complimenting you, if I wanted your attention. But that's just me. I have seen guy's use derogatory remarks to get a woman's attention and sometimes it works pretty well. Although I still haven't figured out why, I guess I'm too logical.
My thoughts on you and he competing where if you are looking better, feeling better, you become more confident and outgoing. People start complimenting you, thereby drawing attention away him. If he's fit and attractive than he's use to being the center of attention. Just my theory0 -
I have experienced a lot of negativity due to my weight loss. I have so far lost 38 pounds and want to lose 20 more. Most people in my life are supportive but there are a few that just get to me. I've been told I look sickly, that I'm obsessed, that I am no longer fun, and that I'm just not attractive anymore. And these comments sting most because they are made by the people closest to me. I know I need to weed all the negativity out of my life which I am working on. Thought I was the only one experiencing the negative statements. I try to stay positive and know that this is the best I have ever felt about myself, I am comfortable in my own skin and feel fantastic.0
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I hate the "you are obsessed" comment. It's so annoying.
I had a friend's husband telling me once when I lost weigh a few years ago " you are blowing away in the wind"... I was like - really....Im 163 pounds....lol0 -
hunniebunn wrote: »I have lost "friends" because of my weight loss. I was over 200lbs at my heaviest, and when I had lost 40lbs I felt amazing. Myself and my small group of friends were in the pool, and my "friend" made the comment that I "looked like a tramp" walking around in my bikini and that I "didn't look as good as I thought I did". She then called my boyfriend to tell him that I was cheating on him.
She still makes comments on facebook referring to my weight loss & cheat meals "why count calories/fats/sugars when you are going to eat a whole mcdonalds menu...f*****g loser" (I haven't eaten mcdonalds in almost 6 years, but its besides the point)
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OMG..that's horrible. Why is she so mad still?0 -
I recently mentioned needing to buy pants in a smaller size, and was told to "eat some cake you skinny b!tch" as a solution to my problem
The person in question is morbidly obese, of course, and seems to be obsessed with my appearance in other ways as well. It all stems from jealousy and feelings of inadequacy.
As far an answers? Firm but polite, and clear about what you want. My answer was simply, "No." No explanation, just no. I don't want to eat cake, and I don't owe her an explanation for my choice. Just "No".0 -
When I went from 300 to 140 in my 20's my mother and my boss would not let any opportunity go by without telling someone how fat I used to be. "Hi, this is Stacy, she used to weigh 300lbs." My mother even went so far as to turn me around and lift my shirt to show that I no longer had that "fat a**" to her friends that had not seen me in a few years. I never for one second believed it was out of admiration, it was said to set the tone, keep me in my place and remind me and anyone around me that I was, in their eyes, still "less than" them.0
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All the time. Theres only a few who do but they really love to do it constantly. Just know what you want and trust yourself. Theres a little jealousy too remember that. No ones hating on u when u eat a whole pizza but when you grab that green smoothie someones gonna open their mouth0
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