Fat, depressed, and anti-social...

yes I do but my husband is just skinny, he's pretty much done with my excuses. I see a psychiatrist, he gives me pills for the depression. but i feel like it just keeps me going to do what i need to do on a daily. I've worked out daily. but i don't feel good afterwards. What I'm trying now is to day busy to keep my brain & emotions from thinking. I have a full schedule from the moment i wake up till i come home to bed. I'm always busy. the only downside to that I'm stressed a lot. I'm always trying to figure out what needs to be done first. What has priority.
I have 3 kids, sick mom with kidney disease, a job- (massage therapist). I make myself physically exhausted by keeping me busy. I have noticed that I'm not sleeping well, I have a hard time staying asleep. I used to work overnight shift, i would work over 8 hours not sleepy.
I have not overcome this, I'm just taking it a day at a time.

I don't know what you weigh but I lost respect for myself when I was heavy and be glad you got a good husband because I tend to let others disrespect me also when I don't respect myself. It is a lot of work to lose weight but worth it.

If you're really properly sticking to a diet and exercise plan that SHOULD be working for you and it isn't, then you should consider seeing a doctor. Chances are that something is off and you're not doing exactly what you think you are though. Even illnesses/conditions that can cause weight gain/make weight loss more difficult are typically only responsible for an extra 15 or 20lbs (I have no idea how much you need to lose though, either! Could be a lot less than me. )

I know that I was working overtime at a very physically active job for a long time and didn't understand how I couldn't be losing weight. I was just taking in more calories than I realized. I was drinking a lot of mine, for one, and just snacking a lot without realizing it. I'm very strict with logging every sip and bite now!

And yeah, believe me, I know how hard it can be to find something to like about yourself. I should note I was on antidepressants for a few years too. I didn't want them to be a permanent solution but they helped me get in the right mindset anyway. I have been off of them for a year now and I feel great. It's another thing to consider! A therapist is never a bad idea either. They were never my cup of tea, but everyone is different and my husband swears by his.

I was depressed, now I say I have depressed moments or days. When you are unhappy and not doing what SELF wants/needs. It makes you sick. I know some people to have meds. But truthfully there isn't a happy pill. Meaning if the root to the problem is being unhappy. Until you go after what you want. You'll be unhappy. Hopefully you will start feeling happy, when you put your energy into YOU, and see improvements. I'm on this journey aswell.

brittaney10811 wrote: »

thanks for the input. I have thought about counceiling, but never went through with it for one reason or other. i think i doubt that my mindset can be changed, i don't know. i have 80lbs to lose, so it's a lot.

i have seen docs about hormones being out of whack, checking my thyroid, etc... so far everything always comes back normal. i just haven't figured out that perfect formula that works for me to lose weight. I just keep on gaining...

Is it possible that the depression pills you are on are making it hard for you to lose weight? I know some of them are known for weight gain, and others help with weight loss. I don't know how long you've been on them, but if it's been a while and you aren't feeling better, your dose probably needs to be adjusted or you need to try a different kind (but your doctor should be following up with you and helping you with that). I tried somewhere around 8 -10 different ones over the course of a few years before I found one that works well for me. I would also suggest seeing a therapist to help you with your body image issues.

brittaney10811 wrote: »

bug1114 wrote: »

brittaney10811 wrote: »

thanks for the input. I have thought about counceiling, but never went through with it for one reason or other. i think i doubt that my mindset can be changed, i don't know. i have 80lbs to lose, so it's a lot.

i have seen docs about hormones being out of whack, checking my thyroid, etc... so far everything always comes back normal. i just haven't figured out that perfect formula that works for me to lose weight. I just keep on gaining...

Is it possible that the depression pills you are on are making it hard for you to lose weight? I know some of them are known for weight gain, and others help with weight loss. I don't know how long you've been on them, but if it's been a while and you aren't feeling better, your dose probably needs to be adjusted or you need to try a different kind (but your doctor should be following up with you and helping you with that). I tried somewhere around 8 -10 different ones over the course of a few years before I found one that works well for me. I would also suggest seeing a therapist to help you with your body image issues.

I'm actually not on depression pills, sorry if I gave the wrong impression somewhere. I'm not a fan of medications... not on birth control or anything even. They always tend to make me sick. I can do vitamins and ibuprofin. That's about it.

I will go back to tracking... but it sucks to do so without any excitement.

and larlelar... i've been there too in a way. Never planned anything, but I've envisioned just driving off the side of the road. Scared me to realize how easy it'd be for me to do that. But I do think in many ways my husband would do better with a wife who's more into fitness and can give him a family (yea... docs also think I may have an extremely hard time conceiving, considering I only ovulate a few times a year). He loves me a lot though, and I think right now it'd do more harm than good. I just wonder how long that will last.

Get some professional help. You sound very depressed and like you have some anxiety. Try to remind yourself that all these problems are only your perception. Your husband wants you to go out with him so he's obviously not embarrassed of you. It's probably hard for him to make excuses for you all the time, though. Don't make your insecurities a self fulfilling prophecy.

Is he aware of how you feel? The full extent? I am a very insecure person but it is always a little better once I finally tell my SO. I can hear how ridiculous im being and he is very understanding. At this point he knows to push me to open up and it has been the best thing for our relationship. I still feel I don't deserve him, for many reasons. But i do know he loves me (as you said your husband loves you) and that helps to motivate me to pull out of my bad days and try-bc he deserves so much from me and asks for so little.

You're going through some strife and it sounds like your husband is sticking with you. You both deserve for you to get better. It's hard but you have to take your mental health into your own hands and get out there. Get help. If you need medicine, take it. No shame. And not all of them cause weight gain. Get therapy. And talk to your husband. This is your life-don't let it waste away

Brittaney, have you told anyone about your suicidal thoughts? It was brave of you to express them here. Please treat your emotional well being as an urgent issue and contact a counselor, therapist or doctor right away. You might want to look into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (it is a type of therapy that works on changing your thoughts about yourself and your place in the world). Good Luck.

brittaney10811 wrote: »

slaite1 wrote: »

brittaney10811 wrote: »

bug1114 wrote: »

brittaney10811 wrote: »

thanks for the input. I have thought about counceiling, but never went through with it for one reason or other. i think i doubt that my mindset can be changed, i don't know. i have 80lbs to lose, so it's a lot.

i have seen docs about hormones being out of whack, checking my thyroid, etc... so far everything always comes back normal. i just haven't figured out that perfect formula that works for me to lose weight. I just keep on gaining...

Is it possible that the depression pills you are on are making it hard for you to lose weight? I know some of them are known for weight gain, and others help with weight loss. I don't know how long you've been on them, but if it's been a while and you aren't feeling better, your dose probably needs to be adjusted or you need to try a different kind (but your doctor should be following up with you and helping you with that). I tried somewhere around 8 -10 different ones over the course of a few years before I found one that works well for me. I would also suggest seeing a therapist to help you with your body image issues.

I'm actually not on depression pills, sorry if I gave the wrong impression somewhere. I'm not a fan of medications... not on birth control or anything even. They always tend to make me sick. I can do vitamins and ibuprofin. That's about it.

I will go back to tracking... but it sucks to do so without any excitement.

and larlelar... i've been there too in a way. Never planned anything, but I've envisioned just driving off the side of the road. Scared me to realize how easy it'd be for me to do that. But I do think in many ways my husband would do better with a wife who's more into fitness and can give him a family (yea... docs also think I may have an extremely hard time conceiving, considering I only ovulate a few times a year). He loves me a lot though, and I think right now it'd do more harm than good. I just wonder how long that will last.

Get some professional help. You sound very depressed and like you have some anxiety. Try to remind yourself that all these problems are only your perception. Your husband wants you to go out with him so he's obviously not embarrassed of you. It's probably hard for him to make excuses for you all the time, though. Don't make your insecurities a self fulfilling prophecy.

Is he aware of how you feel? The full extent? I am a very insecure person but it is always a little better once I finally tell my SO. I can hear how ridiculous im being and he is very understanding. At this point he knows to push me to open up and it has been the best thing for our relationship. I still feel I don't deserve him, for many reasons. But i do know he loves me (as you said your husband loves you) and that helps to motivate me to pull out of my bad days and try-bc he deserves so much from me and asks for so little.

You're going through some strife and it sounds like your husband is sticking with you. You both deserve for you to get better. It's hard but you have to take your mental health into your own hands and get out there. Get help. If you need medicine, take it. No shame. And not all of them cause weight gain. Get therapy. And talk to your husband. This is your life-don't let it waste away

You and I sound so much like we're on similar tracks. And to clarify, I wouldn't ever genuinely hurt myself, I could never cause that kind of pain to my husband. I do openly tell him how I'm feeling, and he worries about my self-confidence being pratically non existant. I've brought up talking to someone before, but just never did. I think I probably should. Who knows. Days I feel I'm losing weight I am an entirely new person. It's just the majority of the time I know i'm not, and that gets to me.

Yup-when I'm feeling even a little better about myself I tend to have better days. Let me tell you, though, it's not enough. Because once you lose the weight or "fix" whatever you want to fix-youll find something else. I was in bikini competitor shape with a six pack and wearing a size 0- and I was so depressed bc I didn't like my butt and felt like my legs were fat. I felt no better about myself then when I'm overweight. Don't get me wrong-it's important to take care of yourself and it does help. But you need more.

I wish you the best. I'm having a good week and can see clearly for the first time in six months. I've never stuck to medication or therapy and am trying to this time around. Try to make yourself make an appointment-and stick to it. I'm still skeptical of the therapy-but am doing it anyway. Because I'm going to age. I'm going to gain and lose weight. And I want a good life-one that isn't contingent on my dress size.

brittaney10811 wrote: »

thank you, i will look into it. Like I said, I wouldn't ever inflict physical harm on myself. I just truly don't enjoy being in the body I have. If I were able to be successful with my efforts, then I think I'd be in a better place. It's just the constant failure of my efforts that make me think this is how i'll be forever, and that gets to me.

My ex husband was severely depressed (used to have the same thoughts about driving into oncoming traffic) and was always caught up with how he failed at everything. But he used to say the same thing, that he would never hurt himself because his kids needed him and it wouldn't be fair to them. He took his own life three weeks ago.

Please, go see someone about your depression.

I've never experienced depression personally but I had a long-term relationship with someone who was depressed, so I thought maybe I could offer something from that perspective. I loved her very much and wanted to help her see all of the wonderful things about her that I saw but she couldn't seem to see. I tried to cheer her up, I tried to take her out to social events so she'd have fun; I tried to organize camping trips and travel and other adventures to make her life more interesting. I told her all the time how much I loved her and how wonderful she was. I offered to help her find counselling if she wanted it. Anything I could think of to try and help her self-esteem, to try to help her mood. That is probably part of what's going through your husband's mind - he loves you, he wants you to feel good, and he wants you to have a rewarding and fun life.

Eventually what I learned (the hard way) is that no matter how much you love someone, you can't just love away their depression. Depression is a medical condition, usually caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Love won't fix it any more than love would fix kidney disease or diabetes. And there's no such thing as a self-esteem transplant - there's only one person who can change it, and that's the depressed person.

Having suicidal thoughts, even if you don't act on them, is a serious thing, and it can escalate without treatment. Please consider getting counselling and possibly seeing a psychiatrist for medication, if that's appropriate for your case; if you can't afford that, try a local community centre or women's charity - sometimes places like that offer free or discounted services. Other things that can help include writing in a journal, reading books that help you reprogram your self-destructive thinking, or talking to trusted friends and family. In the end though, if you have serious clinical depression, you need medical care.

As for health and fitness, if you're not having success the way you're doing things, consider doing things differently. Nothing drastic! No juice fasts or cleanses any of that junk. Sounds like you're very active. Do you track your food closely (using a scale and measuring cups) or just estimate? Are you on any medication (e.g. birth control pills) that could be causing weight gain? Is it possible you have a hormone imbalance, PCOS, or a thyroid condition?

You mention that your hormones are normal, but what is "normal"? It is extremely difficult to maintain hormonal balance being overweight, not stating this is a root cause, but most certainly contributing.

Seek out a good counselor. You have a loving devoted husband from what you've stated - lean on him for now. It's our duty to do so and gives us purpose. Maybe get a personal trainer and work out together? Find more activities to share?

It may sound silly, but there is a great benefit from internet friends - anonymity, shared experience, etc. that can far outweigh real life connections. Your on a good path coming here.

I'm a huge believe in the mind/body/spirit balance - if one is out of whack this will impact the others.

Am sure everyones told you, but working out isnt enough. Just do the basics properly and stop eating more than you need, then you will lose weight. A year and a half was time enough to make the difference and lose 70lbs. It didnt happen because you werent in consistent deficit. If you want to make the change you just need to get on with it and do it, but this time learn how to do the basics properly.
One of the things you need to learn from your journey is to be your own friend . Exercise helps, but frustration is likely to make you worse and feel hopeless, so make small steps which you can be a winner at.

It's a process. Like you, about 4 years ago I was the thinnest I've EVER been. Great hair, great body, beautiful face but I was dying on the inside - gorgeous on the outside, but I had to fix the inside before life got better. Self help, therapy, and a support group will help you. The biggest thing? Time. Be patient and kind to yourself.