Informal Poll: Mean People
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Overall my family and friends have been really supportive. My dad even said today "I thought you were completely nuts with the whole weighing your food thing but I'm now a believer."
However, about a week ago on our last day of vacation I had told my parents I probably would be cooking my own dinners for a while (so I could watch my sodium intake since I had put on a bunch of water weight during vacation, but I didn't go into this detail to my parents since I knew they'd just roll their eyes) and my mom just said,
"Oh you must have gained weight then."
That's probably the closest to mean I have heard so far.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
CW, I think you could be on to something.
I was an obese kid and my dad, brothers, and those outside of home used to make comments all the time. As a young adult, people were pretty mean about my weight too. Now that I've lost to goal, I get comments that I'm too thin, which isn't true (5 ft 5 and 139/140 lbs).
However, not once did my ex husband any boyfriend, or my current man, ever say anything mean about my weight.
My husband's grandma encouraged he and his brother as children to make fun of their little sister because she was chubby and it would "make her lose weight." Also the kind of woman who thought his sister should make her brothers' beds, fold their clothes, and cook their meals.0 -
The only time I got mean comments about my weight was from my dad, when I was a pre-teen and in through adulthood, always calling me Pork or Porky or making comments about how I sounded like a herd of elephants when I went by. I was not even remotely close to being overweight - I was a healthy normal weight.
Wow. Thanks, Dad!
My grandpa made a comment about my weight every time he saw me... From about 5yo and up. "My gosh! You've lost weight!" This continued through all my childhood and I guess in his mind he thought it was a compliment but it made me so self conscious. I hated it...0 -
I do think that 'people being mean' depends a helluva lot more on the recipient's perception than the person making the comment
I rarely, if ever, feel that people have been mean to me however looking back in the last week I've had
"Your tits have shrunk" - sister
"I'm still skinnier than you" - same sister
"I liked your butt before" - work colleague
on the flip side I've had amazing compliments in the same time period "holy sh1t, you look amazing", "F' me", "God, you're stunning", "how have you done that?" ... and regularly headturns / men stopping and staring in the street / park when I walk past (thank god for the dog, ipod and sunglassess)
and 54lbs (and a year) ago my husband was still telling me how gorgeous and sexy I was
So I think it boils down to inner confidence: I'm strong and fit now and I know I look good (I'm not even going to put in for my age) .. weird comments roll off my back in the face of my sense of self
because you know what ... they don't mean a single thing .. they are just white noise
I think that's incredibly condescending. Every time this comes up, people post about horrible, sometimes abusive, incidents, often involving family members, and then someone comes along to suggest they're just being too sensitive.
On what planet is something like "he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny" or "suggest my weight loss and fitness work were driven by neurosis and internalized misogyny" simply the target of the comment lacking confidence? Some people are *kitten*. Some people are fortunate enough that the ones in their life (because everyone does have them) don't say things to their face. That doesn't change the fact that others do, and it has nothing to do with the recipient of the message, everything to do with the insecurities, abusive nature, or general *kitten*-factor of the speaker.0 -
I do think that 'people being mean' depends a helluva lot more on the recipient's perception than the person making the comment
I rarely, if ever, feel that people have been mean to me however looking back in the last week I've had
"Your tits have shrunk" - sister
"I'm still skinnier than you" - same sister
"I liked your butt before" - work colleague
on the flip side I've had amazing compliments in the same time period "holy sh1t, you look amazing", "F' me", "God, you're stunning", "how have you done that?" ... and regularly headturns / men stopping and staring in the street / park when I walk past (thank god for the dog, ipod and sunglassess)
and 54lbs (and a year) ago my husband was still telling me how gorgeous and sexy I was
So I think it boils down to inner confidence: I'm strong and fit now and I know I look good (I'm not even going to put in for my age) .. weird comments roll off my back in the face of my sense of self
because you know what ... they don't mean a single thing .. they are just white noise
I think that's incredibly condescending. Every time this comes up, people post about horrible, sometimes abusive, incidents, often involving family members, and then someone comes along to suggest they're just being too sensitive.
On what planet is something like "he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny" or "suggest my weight loss and fitness work were driven by neurosis and internalized misogyny" simply the target of the comment lacking confidence? Some people are *kitten*. Some people are fortunate enough that the ones in their life (because everyone does have them) don't say things to their face. That doesn't change the fact that others do, and it has nothing to do with the recipient of the message, everything to do with the insecurities, abusive nature, or general *kitten*-factor of the speaker.
you can think what you like .. some people are overly sensitive as much as other people are as$holes
I think it has a lot to do with the insecurities of both
Most people in my experience don't consciously mean to be insulting, they are just making comments that they find amusing or have popped into their head...
you know what? those who do it because they are as$holes don't remain part of my life
getting offended is, 90% of the time, a choice0 -
clawcreature wrote: »The only time I got mean comments about my weight was from my dad, when I was a pre-teen and in through adulthood, always calling me Pork or Porky or making comments about how I sounded like a herd of elephants when I went by. I was not even remotely close to being overweight - I was a healthy normal weight.
Wow. Thanks, Dad!
My grandpa made a comment about my weight every time he saw me... From about 5yo and up. "My gosh! You've lost weight!" This continued through all my childhood and I guess in his mind he thought it was a compliment but it made me so self conscious. I hated it...
Gotta love those "sensitive" men. Lol.
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barbecuesauce wrote: »At what stage of your weight loss did you begin hearing unsolicited mean comments from those around you? Anything from passive-aggressive barbs to "you have an eating disorder." I would love to hear context, too.
>Obese
>Overweight
>High Normal BMI
>Midrange BMI
>Low BMI
>Underweight
Dont recall my weight or BMI. I hit puberty at 9 and comments began then. Lots of comments from my mom about breasts and how I had to hide them and lots of comments(etc)from peers about all of it 0 -
Im obese.
Im also wheelchair bound and have lots of medical issues.
My dad told me if I didnt lose weight I wouldnt be alive to see my son grow up (I was around 250lbs). I cried for days. It didnt actually spur me on to lose weight either, it just made me want to avoid him!
This year I have lost over 30lbs so far and have gone veggie im happy with my progression so far and looking forward to getting down to a healthy weight. But I had to be ready myself. No amount of scaremongering changed my mindset. 0 -
I worked with a bunch of guys for 25 years and you were hammered daily with whatever flaw they could find. The best one was was when my belly was big and my shirt was tight so the buttons were straining. Bill would walk by squint his eyes and cover his face like the buttons were going to shoot off and hit him. So I would stick my belly out further and he would run away. LOL Just had to be thick skinned0
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>Low BMI
I'm 18.7 right now, I just switched into maintenance in order to begin building some muscle and gaining weight again. A few weeks ago I was asking on facebook about where to buy new work pants and was told to "eat some cake you skinny *kitten*".0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
CW, I think you could be on to something.
I was an obese kid and my dad, brothers, and those outside of home used to make comments all the time. As a young adult, people were pretty mean about my weight too. Now that I've lost to goal, I get comments that I'm too thin, which isn't true (5 ft 5 and 139/140 lbs).
However, not once did my ex husband any boyfriend, or my current man, ever say anything mean about my weight.
chicks are mean...srsly...95% of the personnel problems I have to deal with at the office are females fighting with each other or unhappy because so and so said such and such and, "I'm not talkin' to that *kitten* any more" kind of *kitten*.
the dudes are just sitting around like WTF just happened here?
Friend of mine says..."it's a good thing that men don't understand women because women understand women and they don't like each other .....0 -
As an adult nobody says anything to me. All of my comments came from childhood when my dad would tell me "nobody ever loves a fat girl". That wrecked 11 year old me (FYI I wasn't getting fat then, I was growing breasts) and still has me pretty torn up 30 years later. Even though I am married 17 years to the kindest man. Mom put me in weight watchers shortly after this. I still hoard food. Stuff people say can really stick. I have avoided people my whole life so I wouldn't ever be hurt like that again.0
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I hear *all the time*, "You're not overweight. You don't have any weight to lose at all!"barbecuesauce wrote: »>Overweight
*kitten*, I'm borderline obese. Grrr.
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I'm a *very* shy person IRL. I've been getting comments about how I've gotten 'too skinny' ever since I left the 'obese' range. Now I'm 23ish bmi and maintaining, but... is it called 'cutting' when you eat just a bit above maintenance and exercise to tone up? In any case, I've stayed the same weight - give or take ~5 lbs up or down - for over a month now. Yesterday I actually had a small crowd of people circle me at the barn saying I needed to stop losing *right now*, I look like I've dropped 10 more pounds since they saw me the week before, I have no butt left, I've become addicted to weight loss, etc. Didn't believe me when I said I was the same weight I have been, and just toning up. I wanted to crawl away and hide.
Best part is I'm still 20lbs heavier and a LOT less fit than I was when I was last skinny as a teen, and called 'fat' (by guys, btw). Go figure.
(I don't find these comments 'mean' btw -- I'm just really shy. I'm also sure these comments are meant to be complements... but what the heck is wrong with just saying 'looking good!' or something? XD )
The closest to 'mean' I can think: my mom told me 'you better not turn into one of those 'skinny' girls'. What the heck is that even supposed to mean? I asked her as much and she couldn't answer.0 -
I have been thin most of my life and have only gained the extra 15kgs I am carrying at the moment in the last 3 years. I used to be in a crowd where two of the women were very insecure and despised me for being thin when they were overweight. They didn't want to know me as a person and I had to try really hard with them - nothing worked, they would glare daggers at me and make mean comments ("someone wants to be looked at", "imagine always needing to be the center of attention") regardless of whether I wore a mini or baggy jeans. They would cling to their husbands as if I was a succubus and spread stories about how I was a tart. It was ridiculous.
When I gained the weight I am currently carrying they could not have been more gleeful. At one function, the one actually called the other to come and look and pointed at me! (they had not seen me in a while). I was then cornered later and told that "yeah, age catches up with us all hey?")
I must be honest, a part of what drives me forward is the sullen chicken bum faces they will have when I reveal my slim again bod at the end of this year, when the last time they have seen me is at my current weight.
The idea that my success bugs them actually delights and motivates me. For those who have experienced similar mean things? My suggestion? Let it fuel you.0 -
Wiseandcurious wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Don't think so, I'm female and it never happened to me at any weight in my life. Never a mean comment from anyone. Either I'm lucky or I never notice it.
what I meant was, if you look at these threads...and there a gazillions of them...most are started by women and the vast majority of respondents are women. It seems to me that women are pretty brutal to other women...that's all I was saying.
guys on the other hand don't tend to comment on each others weight and what not...you might get your *kitten* kicked if you did.0 -
When I was obese, my mother started talking about how scared she was for me due to health even though I was fully capable of carrying on my normal day-to-day and had no apparent difficulties with health. She had gastric bypass with major complications and was only about 90lbs at this point. Ugh.
Currently I get 'the amazing shrinking woman' comments. :P0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Don't think so, I'm female and it never happened to me at any weight in my life. Never a mean comment from anyone. Either I'm lucky or I never notice it.
what I meant was, if you look at these threads...and there a gazillions of them...most are started by women and the vast majority of respondents are women. It seems to me that women are pretty brutal to other women...that's all I was saying.
guys on the other hand don't tend to comment on each others weight and what not...you might get your *kitten* kicked if you did.
I'm brutal to everyone
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Especially Hugh Jackman.cwolfman13 wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Don't think so, I'm female and it never happened to me at any weight in my life. Never a mean comment from anyone. Either I'm lucky or I never notice it.
what I meant was, if you look at these threads...and there a gazillions of them...most are started by women and the vast majority of respondents are women. It seems to me that women are pretty brutal to other women...that's all I was saying.
guys on the other hand don't tend to comment on each others weight and what not...you might get your *kitten* kicked if you did.
I'm brutal to everyone
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
Especially Hugh Jackman.cwolfman13 wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Don't think so, I'm female and it never happened to me at any weight in my life. Never a mean comment from anyone. Either I'm lucky or I never notice it.
what I meant was, if you look at these threads...and there a gazillions of them...most are started by women and the vast majority of respondents are women. It seems to me that women are pretty brutal to other women...that's all I was saying.
guys on the other hand don't tend to comment on each others weight and what not...you might get your *kitten* kicked if you did.
I'm brutal to everyone
Laughsssssss0 -
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cwolfman13 wrote: »Wiseandcurious wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Don't think so, I'm female and it never happened to me at any weight in my life. Never a mean comment from anyone. Either I'm lucky or I never notice it.
what I meant was, if you look at these threads...and there a gazillions of them...most are started by women and the vast majority of respondents are women. It seems to me that women are pretty brutal to other women...that's all I was saying.
guys on the other hand don't tend to comment on each others weight and what not...you might get your *kitten* kicked if you did.
My father has made more comments about my body than anyone else--in fact, in my OP, I bring that up first. I also had a boyfriend make ugly comments about my body when I was a skinny mini. What guys do among themselves, I don't know (although there have been a couple of comments in this thread, even on this page, about men making comments to other men). I'm sure there is empirical evidence that women make more comments to other women about their bodies-but to suggest that it's only a female-on-female issue erases a lot of the replies in this thread.
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^Females are the main targets, not the main bullies.0
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I've got a reputation for having a sharp tongue,a vicious temper, and not giving a rat's what anyone thinks. So after one attempt to comment on being overweight when I was 14, ie my response to being called fat was "At least the weight and puberty gave me something the puberty fairy obviously missed you," no one has been brave enough to try again.0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
My wife and my former female director agrees and we are preparing our daughters to buck the system. I see it in our neighbors children already.
Just due to population statistics I'm sure there are men who do this, but I have yet to meet one. It's more - "Dude have you lost weight you're looking cut! What are you doing Stronglifts?"0 -
I don't get a lot of commentary one way or the other, and my theory is that it's either my epic resting *kitten* face demonstrates in advance what they can do with their opinion, or my fantastic posture makes me look imposing and confident enough that my body isn't what they're noticing about me.
Growing up, my mother corrected my POSTURE, and not my weight. My Dad complimented me for being clever, not attractive. It is entirely possible that these comments are made near me and I just don't notice.... But my daughter, who is 5, has informed me that she needs to work out with me so that she doesn't get fat. And also that she needs to be a vegetarian for the same reason. I struggle not to strangle my mother-in-law whose voice I hear coming out of my child's face.0 -
To be completely honest I haven't had anyone say mean things to me since I was in high school. Perhaps its the choice of people I am around?0
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I've heard both sides of it, usually from classmates or "well-meaning" co-workers. When I was morbidly obese, had already lost 100 lbs, and was still getting "why don't you take care of yourself" (usually not phrased nearly that politely) bs from people who didn't know jack about anything I had already done. And nothing boosts your self-esteem like some asshat yelling "fat *kitten*" out a car window when you're walking down the sidewalk 10 sizes smaller than you were the year before.
When I was first at my normal weight, comments asking if I was sick or if I had talked to the doctor about something being wrong. Those got better once I'd been at maintenance for a while, and people adjusted their mental image to the current one.
I'm sorry you went through that. Something similar happened to one of my friends after she'd lost over 100#. She was eating at a fast food place and a stranger angrily and loudly started calling her names and degrading her for being obese. When she defended herself and started yelling back, the restaurant threatened to call the police on HER and kicked HER out! This jerk (who wasn't thin himself, I might add) was left to eat in peace.
I don't know what makes people so hateful. I don't know why a stranger's weight made that dimwit so angry that day. I don't know why the restaurant didn't stop him. One thing I do know, is that this moron did not expect her to defend herself, and that makes it even sadder.
Moral of the story: You don't know. You don't know anyone's story. Imposing your morals on someone else's life is ludicrous.0 -
A friend of mine made a very mean comment near the beginning of the year about my weight. She's very heavy herself and I know it was just her insecurities coming through. However, what hurt the most was that my weight gain was a result of the extreme stress I was experiencing during a family members heartbreaking illness and death, which she knew. I can take the ignorant comments from coworkers and strangers but it's difficult to shake it off when it comes from someone who knows what you've been going through.0
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