How to fail at weight loss

taso42_DELETED
taso42_DELETED Posts: 3,394 Member
edited September 27 in Chit-Chat
Eat as little as possible to lose weight. Exercise as much as humanly possible - several hours a day at least. When you exercise, don't eat those calories back or else you defeat the purpose and you won't lose. Keep your carbs as low as possible because carbs turn instantly into fat in the body. Eat as much protein as you want. It will never turn into fat because you will just pee the excess out. Don't eat right before bed because all the food you eat before bed will get stored as fat. Never eat a cheat meal because it will instantly make you gain back all the weight you lost.

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Replies

  • Cristy_AZ
    Cristy_AZ Posts: 986
    :wink:
  • DJmom44
    DJmom44 Posts: 91
    Don't drink water because your body gets enough of it from the foods you eat.
  • SunLovin1
    SunLovin1 Posts: 682 Member
    Sleep for only 4-5 hours a night to make time for your morning and evening workouts.

    Cut entire food groups from your diet.

    "Cleanse."
  • dottedone
    dottedone Posts: 23
    Eat only chocolate. Even if you consider it to be dairy.
  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
    Buy a bunch of low fat frozen dinners that are labeled "healthy."
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    Yeah...you forgot:

    - Keep your mind closed so tight to new information that not one bit gets in and, worst-case scenario, you only hear exactly what you want to hear.

    - Mindlessly regurgitate what you hear without researching any of it. That way you can drag others down with you!

    Hope those help you fail at weight loss! :drinker:
  • iamstaceywood
    iamstaceywood Posts: 383 Member
    OH NO!!!! I'm doing it all wrong. Ill have to drop my calories and work out more!!!
  • Adelphia
    Adelphia Posts: 176
    Join the ranks of the pro-ana scourge.
  • Disinte_GratioN
    Disinte_GratioN Posts: 60
    Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO
  • carlfry
    carlfry Posts: 62
    Hahaha! Love it ;)

    My favorite to "agree" with is carbs. Got to cut the carbs out completely.. because never mind that they make your brain FUNCTION! ;)
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
    Im bumping because I want to know everything on how to fail at wieght loss.
  • baisleac
    baisleac Posts: 2,019 Member
    This thread delivers!
  • jhoffman27
    jhoffman27 Posts: 55 Member
    Lower your calories super low, the lower the more you'll lose.
  • Adelphia
    Adelphia Posts: 176
    Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO
    Or, use sex as a workout! Your *only* workout~! :love:
  • FatUncleRob
    FatUncleRob Posts: 341
    Don't forget the energy drinks to help get you through the workouts.

    Drink lots of beer to get hydrated....

    Also, I hear that eating cabbage soup every day for a month is a real motivator to stay on your diet. :smile:
  • Cristy_AZ
    Cristy_AZ Posts: 986
    Oh and on the cutting out whole fruit groups, no fruit, especailly bananas -- they are high in sugar and sugar is bad!
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
    Start a new relationship.

    Get you wife pregnant and don't let her out do you
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Cut entire food groups from your diet.

    "Cleanse."

    YES
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
    Absolutly No SEX! It kills your drive to workout! LMAO
    Or, use sex as a workout! Your *only* workout~! :love:


    If I had my way, that actually would work:tongue:
  • AdamATGATT
    AdamATGATT Posts: 573 Member
    Beer is healthy, because it's made from hops, and hops are a vegetable (they're green, come on!). Eating your veggies is healthy, but drinking them is healthier!
  • littttlelaurra
    littttlelaurra Posts: 229 Member
    oh crap there goes my food diary lol
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Hahaha! Love it ;)

    My favorite to "agree" with is carbs. Got to cut the carbs out completely.. because never mind that they make your brain FUNCTION! ;)
    :bigsmile:
  • crackerjack345
    crackerjack345 Posts: 129 Member
    Don't forget- Coffee and diet soda counts as WATER!
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    Eat only one meal a day that helps cut calories......
  • pandafoo
    pandafoo Posts: 367 Member
    I love this! If I ever want to reverse my weight loss progress just for fun, I'll turn to this thread!

    Some extras:
    -Set unrealistic goals such as losing 5 lbs a week or having net calories around -500 daily!
    -If you don't see immediate weight loss after a couple days of healthy eating, it must be because you gained muscle
    -It's okay to throw common sense out the window when trying to lose weight

    :smile:
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
    don't eat fuits or veggies because they have carbs!
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Eat toilet paper its light and helps fill your stomach......

    omg I saw a lady on TV that did this. She ate toilet paper all the time, like a roll a day. IDK how she didn't die. :sick:
  • mamijujuphat
    mamijujuphat Posts: 407 Member
    Counting calories is stupid!!....:laugh:
  • runningneo122
    runningneo122 Posts: 6,962 Member
    Absolutely no exercise.
    All you need is portion control and "diet" pills.
    Eat all the fast foods that you like as long as you stay under your calorie goal.
    And don't forget the zero calorie sodas, especially the brown ones.
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