is it wrong to lose weight for a man ?

I think it really depends on the situation. I'm losing weight for myself, but part of my motivation is knowing that my caring, loving boyfriend deserves a hot girlfriend. I was losing before I met him, too.

However, if he asked me to lose weight, I'd lose him, off a bridge, somewhere dark where no one would find him for a while.

It's important that your partner is attracted to you. However, if you don't want to do it for yourself at all, it may make you feel resentment towards him for it. But if losing the weight will help your health, it can only help.

Then you have absolutely nothing to lose as long as it's healthy for you

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atypicalsmith wrote: »

My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

Hillary??

THe issue with losing weight FOR someone is if you lose them, its very easy to chuck it all. I.e. you lose weight, get all hot, then you guys break up. Morbid, I know, but life happens. Then the reason you went through all that work is gone, and since you were not enough motivation without him, you tend to slide right back to gaining again.

Its like quitting smoking because of someone else - if that person is gone, so is your reason. Your reason needs to be within yourself... Its ok to have side benefits for someone else, but do it for yourself first - because its something you really want.

Also, a lot of times losing weight exposes issues in relationships... I.e. suddenly you are hot, his friends and other guys notice, then he starts getting jealous or insecure thinking you are going to leave him etc. Plus someone who thought they were unlovable and lucky to find someone may suddenly find themself with "options" and think they "settled" and realize now they dont have to. People who go through weight loss surgery are generally told to watch for this, and to consider going through marital counseling as you lose the weight for this reason.

Just be aware of the possibilities, and discuss them with your partner so you both are on the same page, with realistic expectations and open communication. Then do it for yourself anyway

atypicalsmith wrote: »

My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

Oh my gosh! sounds like some of the Men I dated. But never asked me to gain weight. I have heard this from Women before. Good for you you didn't. I bet you are a lot happier now without the cheater.

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I think you should lose weight for yourself and if your man can't love you for who you are then I say good riddance

shedthesweater wrote: »

atypicalsmith wrote: »

My ex-husband wanted me to gain weight allegedly so that other men wouldn't be attracted to me. (I didn't.) Yet the two times he cheated on me were with fat women. (I divorced him after the second one.) I think he may have had another agenda.

Oh my gosh! sounds like some of the Men I dated. But never asked me to gain weight. I have heard this from Women before. Good for you you didn't. I bet you are a lot happier now without the cheater.

Actually, about five years after we were divorced, I quit smoking and gained weight. Then moved to a new state in a rural area and stopped exercising and ballooned by nearly another 40 lbs. - 60 lbs. total. Glad he can't see me now - I'm down nearly 30 lbs. but still 30 over when he last saw me, hah!

This really depends and we'd need more context.

Scenario 1: He told you to lose weight. Now I see above the "drop him" comments and while I tend to agree, there have been a number of people who have told me to lose weight over the years. Some unkind and intentionally upsetting, some out of caring for me. This is about their motivation and delivery. The difference between the two is very clear; you'll know the minute it's said based on how it made you feel.

It never feels good to be overweight and told you need to something about it - but the feeling of someone being demeaning in their delivery is obvious & provokes an entirely different type/scale of upset.

Scenario 2: You want to lose weight for him. Well, I personal don't think that most people could succeed with this motivation, it has to be for you. However, I am currently losing weight with a man I have not seen in years in mind as I'm relatively certain I'll see him soon enough and there is some unfinished business Now, behind this motivator is not my desire for him to feel good standing beside me. It is precisely the opposite. One could say that I am losing weight in part for a man or one could say I am losing weight and one of the many reasons is so I feel how I want to feel when I come face to face with that man.

There is a man in the picture but the motivation is still about me. My feelings, my health, my self esteem and my own perception of my attractiveness & desirability.

I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself.

There's nothing wrong with it, as long as he isn't pressuring or telling you to do so. If you want to do it to look better for your man, go for it!

fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »

Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?

No. I am losing weight for me.
I'm not saying it is wrong to lose weight for another person but I think that kind of reason being your main reason can lead to a lot of bad feelings and may be harder to stick with.

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