is it wrong to lose weight for a man ?



  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,257 Member
    The only opinion that matters in this case is your own. First and foremost you should make any such changes for yourself. Now on the contrary I think it is a sure sign of a healthy relationship for a couple to stay in shape for one another. Not simply for aesthetics, but it increases the potential for shared experiences.

  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
    edited June 2015
    This really depends and we'd need more context.

    Scenario 1: He told you to lose weight. Now I see above the "drop him" comments and while I tend to agree, there have been a number of people who have told me to lose weight over the years. Some unkind and intentionally upsetting, some out of caring for me. This is about their motivation and delivery. The difference between the two is very clear; you'll know the minute it's said based on how it made you feel.

    It never feels good to be overweight and told you need to something about it - but the feeling of someone being demeaning in their delivery is obvious & provokes an entirely different type/scale of upset.

    Scenario 2: You want to lose weight for him. Well, I personal don't think that most people could succeed with this motivation, it has to be for you. However, I am currently losing weight with a man I have not seen in years in mind as I'm relatively certain I'll see him soon enough and there is some unfinished business ;) Now, behind this motivator is not my desire for him to feel good standing beside me. It is precisely the opposite. One could say that I am losing weight in part for a man or one could say I am losing weight and one of the many reasons is so I feel how I want to feel when I come face to face with that man.

    There is a man in the picture but the motivation is still about me. My feelings, my health, my self esteem and my own perception of my attractiveness & desirability.
  • mirlredmann
    mirlredmann Posts: 28 Member
    Dump him if he asked you to. Any partner has to support you as you are, not as they want you to be. If he doesn't like your looks today he doesn't like your laugh tomorrow, your brains, your family, friends, whatever, he will probably always find something to make you feel ugly, stupid, undeserving ... but of what?
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,491 Member
    I dont think there's anything wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,009 Member
    If you successfully lose weight for someone else, and then the relationship fails for other reasons, you're gonna feel a little upset, I promise.
  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
    There's nothing wrong with it, as long as he isn't pressuring or telling you to do so. If you want to do it to look better for your man, go for it! :)
  • professionalHobbyist
    professionalHobbyist Posts: 1,316 Member
    If a man wants to lose weight ...

    It is not wrong to lose weight for a man

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?

    No. I am losing weight for me.
    I'm not saying it is wrong to lose weight for another person but I think that kind of reason being your main reason can lead to a lot of bad feelings and may be harder to stick with.
  • SteveMFP123
    SteveMFP123 Posts: 298 Member
    Unless you're losing weight for yourself you won't succeed.
  • OldAssDude
    OldAssDude Posts: 1,436 Member
    I am losing weight for myself, and I'm a man...:)
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,185 Member
    I think it depends on the context. I've seen plenty of posts from women on here complaining about how heavy their husbands are, the way eat, etc...because they are worried about the husband's health. If he told you that you have to lose weight or he won't find you attractive, then I agree, definitely lose him. If he cares about you, is genuinely concerned about your health, and doesn't approach it in a negative or nasty/nagging way, that's a little different. Still, you have to do it for should be your primary motivation.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    I wouldn't say wrong... I would just say that's an unhealthy reason and a sure-fire way to be unsuccessful. I choose to lose for ME... any man who doesn't like me now can eff off, and any man who doesn't want a girl who's ripped can eff off as well. I have extreme goals. I want to be a bikini competitor one day and any man who's intimidated by that will not be in my life. Same goes for right now at 60 lbs overweight.
  • riderfangal
    riderfangal Posts: 1,965 Member
    I am losing weight for a man. He just happens to be 4 but I want to be the happiest healthiest Mom for him
  • tuneable_cookie
    tuneable_cookie Posts: 5 Member
    I am losing weight WITH my hubby
  • losingitseattle
    losingitseattle Posts: 90 Member
    How much weight do you lose for this man? I was engaged to a real jerk and found out two weeks before the wedding (thankfully) he had been cheating on me. Prior to that, I had dropped a bit of weight for our wedding. Even though I was in the unhealthy zone at that point (hair falling out, looked way too thin) he kept telling me I was "pretty" but I'd be "much hotter" if I lost another 5 lbs. That demand just kept going no matter what I weighed. Told him to get lost and never looked back. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. BECAUSE YOU MATTER and so does your health. Once I made that decision that no man was going to tell me who to be and how to look, true happiness followed. Married now 20+ years to a guy who has never told me I am anything but beautiful and he's been with me through pregnancies, my crazy fit periods and times when I was carrying the extra bit of fluff. You are most attractive when you are happy with yourself. No person can get you there IMO. That's all self work.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    The way you stated your question left lots of variables on the table. Is it my (mythical) husband sling me to lose weight because he is concerned about me? Is it a (again mythical) dudebro at the gym who tells me I need to lose another 6 lbs before he asks me out?
    There are times when it is appropriate to lose weight at least partly for someone else's sake. People will disagree with me on this point, but I believe it's deeply unfair to act like your weight doesn't affect anyone else in your life, and that needs to be taken into consideration.
  • JoKnowsJo
    JoKnowsJo Posts: 257 Member
    I would agree with others here... lose the weight for you because you want to make the change.