is it wrong to lose weight for a man ?

I don't know about wrong, but it is a deeply bad idea.

If someone wants you to lose weight in order to be "good enough," the relationship is already over anyhow...or just plain not worth your time and emotional effort.

If you don't do this for yourself, you won't do it.

"You need to lose weight" is often a way of saying "I want out" without actually taking responsibility for ending the relationship.

I lose weight for myself. It just so happens that everyone around me benefits from it. lol

fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »

Have any of you lost weight for a man? Do you think that's a wrong reason to lose weight?

I have never done that.

Someone very close to me has lost weight because her husband said he was less attracted to her when she was (less than 10kg and after two kids!!) heavier.

I don't believe that she was happy about it at all and my opinion of him was certainly affected.

I think there are much better reasons to drop excess weight. Personal health & happiness being major ones.

KatherineNadeau wrote: »

If your man is telling you to lose weight, there's a problem. Asking is a bit more polite, especially if your weight is a health concern.

I think what you said here is especially important. Not all of us men are evil schmucks when we say to our significant other they need to lose weight. The motivation is what is key in that situation. (And yes, there are times we could be a lot more polite about saying it.)

If you lost weight for someone else what happens when you break up?

ketorach wrote: »

Losing weight because you're feeling rejected, though, seems unhealthy to me. When the sting of the rejection wears off -- and we all have been rejected before -- where will you find your motivation? Get healthy and slim for yourself so you'll have more confidence.

^^^ this. Positive motivators are always healthier for the mind. Loving yourself, body and mind is essential though difficult. A negative motivator detracts from this.

Do I want my ex to drool when I walk into a room? Yes. Where is this on the list of reason I'm on this journey? On the added bonuses, not the goals.

I'm not saying you are wrong or silly, I'm saying look at life and incorporate all those other things too!

fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »

What I mean i meant. Is the guy isn't forcing me to loose the weight, I'm not dating this man. I am loosing the weight for my self but I'm using his rejection as motivation and that is What I meant

Using rejection as motivation is one thing. Doing it to "get" a man is another. Hope you kicked his slimy butt into the gutter where he belongs.

fat2fitmom2016 wrote: »

What I mean i meant. Is the guy isn't forcing me to loose the weight, I'm not dating this man. I am loosing the weight for my self but I'm using his rejection as motivation and that is What I meant

Well, as long as you use it to get your butt into shape for you and not so you can win over this creep, that's cool.

It can be part of your motivation. We all want to be hot but being hot doesn't just mean we want to find ourselves hot, it means we want to be attractive to the level of potential mate we prefer. You seem to have a specific mate in mind and whereas I would not be interested in any guy who was not primarily attracted to my personality, I seem to be in the minority these days. Women seem to be more and more shallow themselves and so don't mind that men are shallow as well. I say if he doesn't love you like this then he isn't worth your time once you are hot but if you would like hotness revenge motivation, then go for it.

It depends. You should lose it for yourself, however that can take many forms and many different motivations can be part of that.

It is important to me to feel attractive...both to men in general and to whatever man I happen to be in a relationship with at the time. So in that sense, men are at least part of the reason I lost weight (maintaining my health is the primary reason though, and adequate on its own). Now that I am thinner, I do get a lot more interest. I enjoy that. Even when I am in a happy relationship, it is always flattering when others show that they are attracted.

I would never lose to try to "catch" some guy who isn't attracted to me. I also would never lose to make a guy I had been seeing a long time happy, if he just suddenly decided he wanted a thinner partner. If I weighed a certain amount when we started dating, if he later becomes unhappy with that he is free to leave.

However, if I started seeing a man at one weight, got into a very long term relationship and then let myself go, it is only natural that he might be less attracted to me at the heavier weight. Appearance is a big part of attraction, even if emotions are involved. In that situation, I could see how losing to make him happy might be part of my motivation. I think both people in a relationship have a responsibility to try to maintain their appearance and habits as best they can. It is part of being a good partner. Normal aging is one thing, but dramatic swings in weight are a little different.

If you visualize all the motives for things you've done, do they appear as an elegant calculus derivative, or more like a monkey throwing paint at a canvas? Do your reasons stay fixed or change with time? If you're doing something for the wrong reason, but getting a positive result...I don't think your reason matters. Your reason may change tomorrow.

I would say, it depends on what he said to you to make you feel that you need to lose weight. My mother was in a psychologically abusive relationship. The man was constantly telling her she was too fat (she wasn't) or something else was wrong with her. He controlled her by making her think that she wasn't good enough for him, and she killed herself when he left her. Never, ever, EVER let a man do that to you.

OTOH, there is a 'right' way to tell someone you're concerned about their health. I approached my husband about 6 months ago and told him that I was worried about his health. I didn't pressure him. I just told him that I was concerned about things like his blood pressure and a few other medical issues he had, all of which was related to him gaining a lot of weight in recent years, and asked him to think about it. I didn't say a word to him about his weight after our talk. He thought about it on his own and went on a diet without my knowledge. I got him to think about it, but he decided to do it for himself.

If you're losing, because your husband/boyfriend/significant other suggested that your health might be suffering because of your weight, you're not really doing it for a man. You're doing it, because a man made you think about something that you decided you needed to do. If you're doing it at a man's command or to try to hang on to someone, he's a loser and you need to show him the door.