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  • asianfashionista86
    asianfashionista86 Posts: 5,045 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    asianfashionista86, did you hang out with mostly guys or girls when you were in high school? I have been told many times by women that they got it worse from other girls than they did from the guys.

    I was around mostly women and we all share stories. And I'm sorry I didn't include men in the discussion it was because of an experience I experience yesterday

    Well I was going to comment on what you said before your edit. BTW I cannot remember the last time a stranger was negative towards my face about my looks. I think bad and this has not happen almost since I started to weight train in my teenagers years.

    I will comment on it matter of fact. I won't say what you said but what I will say is it was that certain guy standard. There is no set standard of what men like. Same goes for women.

    If you've had a bad experience personally share it that's what the thread is about I didn't mean to make it a gender war. It's more about people's expectations of your body image and how it effected you personally

    I could share that but how it effects me is a very very dark secret that not to many people know.

    I will say in middle school that I was made fun of a lot for having breast that were bigger than a lot of girls back then.

    Also with that I remember one year I went to a all boys basketball camp. I had cornrows that year. Well I was asked to play shirts and skins I was uncomfortable being skins. One idiot kid said something like "well that is a girl so she can be shirts." I was so angry my god. I was like ok let's play I'm guarding you and I am going to embarrass you. That was probably the first time I really wanted to shut someone down in sports. He lucky I wasn't angry enough to foul him hard or anything. He wasn't good so I was like not only is this a all guys camp but you just got beat by who you thought was a girl.

    All this stems from gender expectations what a woman should look like or what a man should look like. You were just a chubby kid but boys used your image against you in a way where they tried to demasculinize you and make you feel less of a man because of your weight. It's sad kids have to experience that kind of stuff at a young age because it sticks with you
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    asianfashionista86, did you hang out with mostly guys or girls when you were in high school? I have been told many times by women that they got it worse from other girls than they did from the guys.

    I was around mostly women and we all share stories. And I'm sorry I didn't include men in the discussion it was because of an experience I experience yesterday

    Well I was going to comment on what you said before your edit. BTW I cannot remember the last time a stranger was negative towards my face about my looks. I think bad and this has not happen almost since I started to weight train in my teenagers years.

    I will comment on it matter of fact. I won't say what you said but what I will say is it was that certain guy standard. There is no set standard of what men like. Same goes for women.

    If you've had a bad experience personally share it that's what the thread is about I didn't mean to make it a gender war. It's more about people's expectations of your body image and how it effected you personally

    I could share that but how it effects me is a very very dark secret that not to many people know.

    I will say in middle school that I was made fun of a lot for having breast that were bigger than a lot of girls back then.

    Also with that I remember one year I went to a all boys basketball camp. I had cornrows that year. Well I was asked to play shirts and skins I was uncomfortable being skins. One idiot kid said something like "well that is a girl so she can be shirts." I was so angry my god. I was like ok let's play I'm guarding you and I am going to embarrass you. That was probably the first time I really wanted to shut someone down in sports. He lucky I wasn't angry enough to foul him hard or anything. He wasn't good so I was like not only is this a all guys camp but you just got beat by who you thought was a girl.

    All this stems from gender expectations what a woman should look like or what a man should look like. You were just a chubby kid but boys used your image against you in a way where they tried to demasculinize you and make you feel less of a man because of your weight. It's sad kids have to experience that kind of stuff at a young age because it sticks with you

    Oh yeah it does. Actually I am smaller now than I was when I was 13. I never got my diet under control until I got help like a decade later. I'm sure I was obese when I was 13-14 already weighing 205 with zero muscle mass.

    I actually never really got respect from some people until I became a jock.

  • MommysLittleMeatball
    MommysLittleMeatball Posts: 2,064 Member
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    Oh, the one gender has it harder than the other argument. *facedesk*

    I always think back to the yoga pants thread. Where someone posted that article where some dummy politician tried to ban yoga pants because they were "too revealing". They opened up the thread to a debate on whether they are too revealing. One guy stated his opinion on saying yoga pants are great, but up until a certain size they do tend to show more than you'd like to see. All these women jumped on him, called him a pig, and other nasty names.

    Then there was a thread about if a guy should wear tank tops. The vast majority of women that commented said tank tops on men are only acceptable if they have a nice big chest and arms. And when I brought up the yoga pants thing and pointed out this double standard...no one said a damn thing.

    It boggles my mind!
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Jackie0Marie wrote: »
    Oh, the one gender has it harder than the other argument. *facedesk*

    I always think back to the yoga pants thread. Where someone posted that article where some dummy politician tried to ban yoga pants because they were "too revealing". They opened up the thread to a debate on whether they are too revealing. One guy stated his opinion on saying yoga pants are great, but up until a certain size they do tend to show more than you'd like to see. All these women jumped on him, called him a pig, and other nasty names.

    Then there was a thread about if a guy should wear tank tops. The vast majority of women that commented said tank tops on men are only acceptable if they have a nice big chest and arms. And when I brought up the yoga pants thing and pointed out this double standard...no one said a damn thing.

    It boggles my mind!

    I was actually wondering if this generation double standards would be gone. My guess is nope.
  • peaceout_aly
    peaceout_aly Posts: 2,018 Member
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    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    Has a man ever made you feel bad about your body? Or the your appearance? I'd love to hear stories

    I've had plenty of situations where I was told I was too fat or too tall in the Asian community 5ft5 is tall

    I've gotten much more "sass" about my body from women than men. My boyfriend is always telling me that I need to eat, stay healthy, etc. and is very supportive no matter if I have a few extra pounds on or not. If he's not treating you like your body is a temple, then he's gotta go.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
    edited June 2015
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    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.
  • asianfashionista86
    asianfashionista86 Posts: 5,045 Member
    Options
    sunn_lighter wrote: »
    Jackie0Marie wrote: »
    Oh, the one gender has it harder than the other argument. *facedesk*

    I always think back to the yoga pants thread. Where someone posted that article where some dummy politician tried to ban yoga pants because they were "too revealing". They opened up the thread to a debate on whether they are too revealing. One guy stated his opinion on saying yoga pants are great, but up until a certain size they do tend to show more than you'd like to see. All these women jumped on him, called him a pig, and other nasty names.

    Then there was a thread about if a guy should wear tank tops. The vast majority of women that commented said tank tops on men are only acceptable if they have a nice big chest and arms. And when I brought up the yoga pants thing and pointed out this double standard...no one said a damn thing.

    It boggles my mind!

    If you truly don't understand that women are more objectified and judged for their appearance than men then you must live under a rock, and the posters in your old thread probably didn't say anything to you pointing out a so-called "double standard" because it would take too long to educate you in the millions of ways women are put to a higher (unattainable) "standard" in our society, through media, marketing, and outdated concepts of what a women should look like and how she should act.

    And FWIW, I think women perpetuate those unattainable standards just as much as men. Sometimes just by just accepting them and trying to live up to some ideal body standard that can never be achieved.

    Look I can understand where both sides are coming from and maybe I shouldn't have said a specific Gender in my originally post but like I said I'm open to all stories and yes some people don't have any and some do but share what fits your personal experience. I think this can help us learn about how we got to the same goal which is to look better feel better and be healthier and happier with ourselves. When you vent and express yourself that's the healthiest way to live and also knowing that you aren't the only one that struggles.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
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    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    <image of women wearing DYEL>
    Do you work for burning man with that level of straw men? Do you seriously believe women, more often than men, ask if a man lifts, and try to make men feel bad about how much or how little they lift?
    Here:
    2011-12-02-sexy.png
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    sunn_lighter wrote: »
    Jackie0Marie wrote: »
    Oh, the one gender has it harder than the other argument. *facedesk*

    I always think back to the yoga pants thread. Where someone posted that article where some dummy politician tried to ban yoga pants because they were "too revealing". They opened up the thread to a debate on whether they are too revealing. One guy stated his opinion on saying yoga pants are great, but up until a certain size they do tend to show more than you'd like to see. All these women jumped on him, called him a pig, and other nasty names.

    Then there was a thread about if a guy should wear tank tops. The vast majority of women that commented said tank tops on men are only acceptable if they have a nice big chest and arms. And when I brought up the yoga pants thing and pointed out this double standard...no one said a damn thing.

    It boggles my mind!

    If you truly don't understand that women are more objectified and judged for their appearance than men then you must live under a rock, and the posters in your old thread probably didn't say anything to you pointing out a so-called "double standard" because it would take too long to educate you in the millions of ways women are put to a higher (unattainable) "standard" in our society, through media, marketing, and outdated concepts of what a women should look like and how she should act.

    And FWIW, I think women perpetuate those unattainable standards just as much as men. Sometimes just by just accepting them and trying to live up to some ideal body standard that can never be achieved.

    Look I can understand where both sides are coming from and maybe I shouldn't have said a specific Gender in my originally post but like I said I'm open to all stories and yes some people don't have any and some do but share what fits your personal experience. I think this can help us learn about how we got to the same goal which is to look better feel better and be healthier and happier with ourselves. When you vent and express yourself that's the healthiest way to live and also knowing that you aren't the only one that struggles.

    Well it depends on the person. Some people just have to forget the trauma in life. I should probably forget mine but something tells me it might help someone else later down the road. Also to hear on what not to do.
  • asianfashionista86
    asianfashionista86 Posts: 5,045 Member
    Options
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350
    I didn't even know what dyel was lol but it makes sense and that's kinda an inside joke between people that are workout fanatic
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350

    I don't think I've ever asked a guy that. Because personally I don't care
  • asianfashionista86
    asianfashionista86 Posts: 5,045 Member
    Options
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    sunn_lighter wrote: »
    Jackie0Marie wrote: »
    Oh, the one gender has it harder than the other argument. *facedesk*

    I always think back to the yoga pants thread. Where someone posted that article where some dummy politician tried to ban yoga pants because they were "too revealing". They opened up the thread to a debate on whether they are too revealing. One guy stated his opinion on saying yoga pants are great, but up until a certain size they do tend to show more than you'd like to see. All these women jumped on him, called him a pig, and other nasty names.

    Then there was a thread about if a guy should wear tank tops. The vast majority of women that commented said tank tops on men are only acceptable if they have a nice big chest and arms. And when I brought up the yoga pants thing and pointed out this double standard...no one said a damn thing.

    It boggles my mind!

    If you truly don't understand that women are more objectified and judged for their appearance than men then you must live under a rock, and the posters in your old thread probably didn't say anything to you pointing out a so-called "double standard" because it would take too long to educate you in the millions of ways women are put to a higher (unattainable) "standard" in our society, through media, marketing, and outdated concepts of what a women should look like and how she should act.

    And FWIW, I think women perpetuate those unattainable standards just as much as men. Sometimes just by just accepting them and trying to live up to some ideal body standard that can never be achieved.

    Look I can understand where both sides are coming from and maybe I shouldn't have said a specific Gender in my originally post but like I said I'm open to all stories and yes some people don't have any and some do but share what fits your personal experience. I think this can help us learn about how we got to the same goal which is to look better feel better and be healthier and happier with ourselves. When you vent and express yourself that's the healthiest way to live and also knowing that you aren't the only one that struggles.

    Well it depends on the person. Some people just have to forget the trauma in life. I should probably forget mine but something tells me it might help someone else later down the road. Also to hear on what not to do.

    I feel like you can forgive but never forget. You just have to apply in a way that it helps you than it stifles you and I think you've done that.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350
    I didn't even know what dyel was lol but it makes sense and that's kinda an inside joke between people that are workout fanatic
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350

    I don't think I've ever asked a guy that. Because personally I don't care

    Or because you don't have to ask because you can tell. Some women are interested in what men can lift and how much.
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
    Options
    There was a guy I dated who for 11 months made me feel horrible about myself. I was 130 and I got told I was too fat. I also got told my nose was too big and my smile was ugly....everything about me was ugly and I was lucky he even gave me a second look because no one else would want me. The worst part was I started to believe him and for a long time I hated myself. I starved myself to be skinnier to please HIM. Finally enough was enough. I got the strength to leave him. It's taking time to love myself again but I am a lot better than I used to be. I got braces so now I have the perfect smile I always wanted! Now I am moving on and finding someone who cares about me for my mind and personality because looks fade but the personality lasts forever. :)
  • asianfashionista86
    asianfashionista86 Posts: 5,045 Member
    Options
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350
    I didn't even know what dyel was lol but it makes sense and that's kinda an inside joke between people that are workout fanatic
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350

    I don't think I've ever asked a guy that. Because personally I don't care

    Or because you don't have to ask because you can tell. Some women are interested in what men can lift and how much.

    I think if you wanna lift how much you want that's fine by me lol
  • Alisontheice
    Alisontheice Posts: 9,624 Member
    edited June 2015
    Options
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    <image of women wearing DYEL>
    Do you work for burning man with that level of straw men? Do you seriously believe women, more often than men, ask if a man lifts, and try to make men feel bad about how much or how little they lift?
    Here:
    2011-12-02-sexy.png

    I've seen many posts from women commenting how they squatted more than the guy in the squat rack beside them and implying this in some way makes them superior. Commenting how some man reached for the "lady weights".
  • 3AAnn3
    3AAnn3 Posts: 3,055 Member
    Options
    _Captivated_ wrote: »
    Yes, among the most memorable, "you're almost hot enough to f××k." as in, lose more weight and you'd be f××kable.

    Did you kick him in the crotch?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Options
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    asianfashionista86 wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350
    I didn't even know what dyel was lol but it makes sense and that's kinda an inside joke between people that are workout fanatic
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    senecarr wrote: »
    HawleyGriffin wrote: »
    The fat guy with the hot woman. He must have money.

    And are you familiar with DYEL. Nope, no expectations of what a man should look like!

    OP your intent might not have been to cause a mean thread, but that is exactly what you cause when you use generalizations.
    Funny, I don't think anyone here claimed men are devoid of societal expectations of appearance. Make your own think of the menz thread if you're so worried about it.

    Not to mention, you know who tends to ask DYEL? Men, not women. Men policing men for masculinity.

    Is that so senecarr?

    a139120d03j.jpg

    ladies-black-grey-do-you-even-lift-stringer-vest.jpg

    do_you_even_lift_bro_tee.jpg?height=350&width=350

    I don't think I've ever asked a guy that. Because personally I don't care

    Or because you don't have to ask because you can tell. Some women are interested in what men can lift and how much.

    I think if you wanna lift how much you want that's fine by me lol

    I was speaking from experience. Women don't ask me if I lift. The ones who speak out know I lift. It was the traps that gave it away.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
    Options
    one guy said "wtf is that" when referencing my loose sagging body skin

    he also kinda laughed and yeah it did make me feel even worse about my loose skin then i already do
  • 3AAnn3
    3AAnn3 Posts: 3,055 Member
    Options
    When I was younger yes. I have smaller breasts and once or twice I have had men comment on that. Now I accept and love my body so I don't really give a crap.

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