Husband isn't motivated

Just keep being supportive is all you can do. My bf recently started lifting to get in better shape and complains consistently about his weight, which makes me feel terrible. I tell him over and over he has to change his eating habits or he won't get results, period. He will go through spurts of healthy eating which are, in my opinion, too restrictive and then can't keep up with it. Which leads back to the issue- you can't force someone else's habits. I just try to offer guidance and help when asked for, and model good behavior. I like to think if and when he is ready, he will join me.

I would just keep pressing on. My wife refuses to get fit and complains about being out of shape but I just keep doing my thing. There's no guarantee he will go again, but maybe seeing you progress will motivate him, or not, but fitness like any major life change has to be done for ourselves and nobody else. Keep plugging along

DeguelloTex wrote: »

He'll do it or he won't. It's very possible that any encouragement will be seen as nagging.

This! (Can't imagine why someone flagged this.) When it comes to weight loss, exercise, even personal grooming habits - we have to make our own choices in our own time. Keep up your good work - chances are he'll join you in the future.

SueInAz wrote: »

You cannot motivate someone else, they have to want it enough themselves. It doesn't sound like you've been nagging him about it and that's good because for most people it just makes them more resistant. I bet you dollars-to-donuts that he's feeling guilty about it, because he knows he made a promise, but he just isn't motivated enough to make it happen. Nagging will just make it worse.

Maybe what you need to think about (or sit him down and ask him about) is why he isn't interested. Did he find the plan you're following too restrictive? Was he not allowed to eat the things he likes even if he stayed within his calorie goal? (Eating less calories while still eating "junk food" is better than eating too much of everything if the main goal is to lose weight.) Some people really do better when starting slowly rather than jumping in and eating only healthy food and working out an hour each day. He might be one.

Perhaps a talk is in order to find out if there's a compromise he'd be happy with. Exercise isn't needed to lose weight. Perhaps he can just eat enough to lose 1 pound per week and you could drop his gym membership? Or he'll eat what he wants but he'll exercise to create a calorie deficit? Only he knows what he finds acceptable and until he's ready to make any sort of commitment he won't make it (you've already seen that he's "sneaking" junk food so you know he will if he wants it).

This!

I'm the fat husband of the Zumba workout queen. If she has any body fat, you can't tell. She tried and tried to get me to work out and eat better...but I just didn't want to. It eventually got to the point that I was going to divorce her if she kept annoying me with it. Then I got very sick with Viral Meningitis. So I have some motivation to work out and lose weight. I've dropped 34 pounds, work out most days, and switched to a Vegan diet. Feel great, and my wife and I work out together three times a week. Just give him time.

Keep losing on your own! My wife gets motivated when the digital scale can't tell us apart.

Nothing can be done. My love and I began together... then he lost interest... then wanted to start again... and so on and so forth. You do you, that's all that can be done.

About all you can do is this: If he is "forgetting" lunch most of the time, ask him whether you should go on making it for him. It takes time and costs money. You could also say that you've noticed the junk food, and ask him what he finds satisfying about it and whether there's some way you could work that into the lunches you make, while still keeping them healthier. In his book The Diet Fix, Dr. Yoni Freedhoff wisely remarks that you're not going to stick with a new diet that makes you feel deprived. Maybe a small bag of potato chips would make the difference. But it might be something else—if he likes to eat with co-workers who go to a restaurant for lunch, there might not be any way to brown bag it.

As for the gym, about all you can do is keep offering. Keep it neutral—"Honey, I'm going to the Y. Wanna come?" No nagging or passive aggression.

I understand your frustration. I think at a certain point, as his wife you are entitled to sit down with him and talk about the promise that you made to get healthy together and how it makes you feel to see that he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously—e.g. you're worried about his health, you want to spend a long happy life together and you're afraid that won't happen, etc. If he responds to that opening, you could ask if he knows why he's not following through; he may not really understand it himself. Maybe he's resisting making a bunch of changes all at once. But that's a conversation that you might want to wait on, unless he has already had a health scare, and you should not do it immediately after he "forgets" lunch or says no to the gym again; it has to come up when you're not frustrated with him.