FINALLY GOT A GIRLFRIEND!!
Replies
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Given that you're on the internet asking a bunch of people what to ask your gf, I'd start with asking her if she's gf, because I'm wondering how you got far enough to know.
I tend to find when they answer, "Wait, who are you?", I'm less confident about the whole thing.0 -
Just remember women are crazy, all of them! They might hide it well but they are, maybe not stab you to death crazy but they will play mind games...ALL OF THEM!0
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My ex-mother-in-law liked me - still likes me.mattyc772014 wrote: »Who does like their mother in law? I thought that was every guys god given right to dislike their mother in law.
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).0 -
Escloflowne wrote: »Just remember women are crazy, all of them! They might hide it well but they are, maybe not stab you to death crazy but they will play mind games...ALL OF THEM!
While some men do say that about women. What do you think the women tell other women about men?
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I so want to ask something but I would need more information before doing it. It really does not matter for you hopefully but I always wonder it for a future wife.
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My ex-mother-in-law liked me - still likes me.mattyc772014 wrote: »Who does like their mother in law? I thought that was every guys god given right to dislike their mother in law.
lol I was joking, but am happy she likes you. But you never said if you liked her? I personally had to drop my mother in law from Facebook because she types in all caps. 0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »Escloflowne wrote: »Just remember women are crazy, all of them! They might hide it well but they are, maybe not stab you to death crazy but they will play mind games...ALL OF THEM!
While some men do say that about women. What do you think the women tell other women about men?
Probably something pretty crazy0 -
Escloflowne wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »Escloflowne wrote: »Just remember women are crazy, all of them! They might hide it well but they are, maybe not stab you to death crazy but they will play mind games...ALL OF THEM!
While some men do say that about women. What do you think the women tell other women about men?
Probably something pretty crazy
I can think of a lot of things that could be said.
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I know nothing of your relationship history but your profile states that you're still looking for "the one"
Theoretically deep and complete honesty looks like the foundation of a solid relationship, and it is. And please appreciate that a lot of my comments are tomfoolery
however I do believe there's a value in white lies on occasion and in all types of relationship because we are all human and in reality nobody wants that deep honest reaction to every single human interaction particularly when you live with someone for years and years and build a life together
Examples would be pretending you're interested in something because it gives your partner pleasure, saying or doing stuff because it makes them feel good
But Yes trust is important in relationships, as is integrity and honourable intentions
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ShellyBell999 wrote: »That was your confidence, not your looks.
If it's because of your looks, then she's not worth more than.....
I agree. When you find the right one...your having been scrawny or nerdy shouldn't matter. Soul mates are bound by more than physical attraction. But yes....those abs should help a little0 -
chivalryder wrote: »Congratulations. Your personality couldn't find you a good woman, so you managed to find someone who is more interested in your physique.
Wow. That's harsh. I think his new physique is what gave him the confidence to approach someone. Ugh. Can't we just be happy for him?0 -
DawnVanHaaften wrote: »ShellyBell999 wrote: »That was your confidence, not your looks.
If it's because of your looks, then she's not worth more than.....
I agree. When you find the right one...your having been scrawny or nerdy shouldn't matter. Soul mates are bound by more than physical attraction. But yes....those abs should help a little
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I know nothing of your relationship history but your profile states that you're still looking for "the one"
Theoretically deep and complete honesty looks like the foundation of a solid relationship, and it is. And please appreciate that a lot of my comments are tomfoolery
however I do believe there's a value in white lies on occasion and in all types of relationship because we are all human and in reality nobody wants that deep honest reaction to every single human interaction particularly when you live with someone for years and years and build a life together
Examples would be pretending you're interested in something because it gives your partner pleasure, saying or doing stuff because it makes them feel good
But Yes trust is important in relationships, as is integrity and honourable intentions
So you are saying not being 100% honest 100% of the time?
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JeremiahEarl wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I know nothing of your relationship history but your profile states that you're still looking for "the one"
Theoretically deep and complete honesty looks like the foundation of a solid relationship, and it is. And please appreciate that a lot of my comments are tomfoolery
however I do believe there's a value in white lies on occasion and in all types of relationship because we are all human and in reality nobody wants that deep honest reaction to every single human interaction particularly when you live with someone for years and years and build a life together
Examples would be pretending you're interested in something because it gives your partner pleasure, saying or doing stuff because it makes them feel good
But Yes trust is important in relationships, as is integrity and honourable intentions
So you are saying not being 100% honest 100% of the time?
I'm saying he seems to have a literary romantic ideal in his head that doesn't equate to real life
Big difference between a burgeoning relationship and old happily married people though
Just enjoy yourself and don't over analyse or overthink it
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Protect your money and assets. Be the leader. Be aware of the red flags. Enjoy.0
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never speak to a person with less respect than you would have from your pastor, mentor, etc. If you respect a person first and she respects you back, then you go from there.0
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asflatasapancake wrote: »Just get the basics out of the way. How often can we have sex? What cleaning am I responsible for? What bills do I pay? Probably in that order. Everything else will work itself out.
Ha ha ha . . . that escalated really quickly from just having a girlfriend to living together? lol maybe the right questions . . . maybe not - depends on who she is.
However, the how often about sex part is probably decent just not in those words exactly . . .0 -
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JeremiahEarl wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I know nothing of your relationship history but your profile states that you're still looking for "the one"
Theoretically deep and complete honesty looks like the foundation of a solid relationship, and it is. And please appreciate that a lot of my comments are tomfoolery
however I do believe there's a value in white lies on occasion and in all types of relationship because we are all human and in reality nobody wants that deep honest reaction to every single human interaction particularly when you live with someone for years and years and build a life together
Examples would be pretending you're interested in something because it gives your partner pleasure, saying or doing stuff because it makes them feel good
But Yes trust is important in relationships, as is integrity and honourable intentions
So you are saying not being 100% honest 100% of the time?
I'm saying he seems to have a literary romantic ideal in his head that doesn't equate to real life
Big difference between a burgeoning relationship and old happily married people though
Just enjoy yourself and don't over analyse or overthink it
Giving and expecting honesty from the lady I am with is not some literary ideal, in my opinion.
I realize that as humans, we aren't perfect. Each one of us has our own imperfections and flaws. At the same time, I think it is important to expect the best from ourselves and not fall into the mindset of its ok to tell the one you love small lies, because after all, that is expected. It may have become the norm for many people. And if they are fine in their relationship with rationalizing away lying to their mate, that is between them and their partner.
It doesn't matter whether a relationship is 6 months old or 26 years old. The length of a relationship should not determine how honest you are with someone, in my opinion.
Why shouldn't I view honesty in a relationship as real life?
In not so many words, you have basically told me that my thinking is not realistic or productive (re: the subject at hand). And though you can't find the error of my position, you seek to further dismiss what i have shared by inferring that old married life for you and those you know is the norm (read: honesty standard) If you are happy in your marriage, that is good. I don't think it is right to try and be insulting, just because you disagree with what i have shared.
You aren't the first to tell me the kinds of things that you have.
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship. I realize that. As I said, I am not perfect nor am I seeking perfection in a lady. What I do seek (every day) with myself and others, is honesty. And in my opinion, a lady who truly respects and loves me for the man I am, and am striving to be each day, should want to be honest with me. And if she feels she can't be honest with me in what she tells me, then there are problems in the relationship that need to be addressed, in my opinion.
A relationship can be as fertile, strong, and alive with passion at 26 years, as it was in the beginning. It takes work by both people but it can be done. The same goes for honesty.0 -
Did you get a date with a girl? Or do you have an actual girlfriend? How do you have a girlfriend if you have not been asking questions/having conversations all along? How many dates have you guys had before you asked her to be your girlfriend?0
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »JeremiahEarl wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I know nothing of your relationship history but your profile states that you're still looking for "the one"
Theoretically deep and complete honesty looks like the foundation of a solid relationship, and it is. And please appreciate that a lot of my comments are tomfoolery
however I do believe there's a value in white lies on occasion and in all types of relationship because we are all human and in reality nobody wants that deep honest reaction to every single human interaction particularly when you live with someone for years and years and build a life together
Examples would be pretending you're interested in something because it gives your partner pleasure, saying or doing stuff because it makes them feel good
But Yes trust is important in relationships, as is integrity and honourable intentions
So you are saying not being 100% honest 100% of the time?
I'm saying he seems to have a literary romantic ideal in his head that doesn't equate to real life
Big difference between a burgeoning relationship and old happily married people though
Just enjoy yourself and don't over analyse or overthink it
Giving and expecting honesty from the lady I am with is not some literary ideal, in my opinion.
I realize that as humans, we aren't perfect. Each one of us has our own imperfections and flaws. At the same time, I think it is important to expect the best from ourselves and not fall into the mindset of its ok to tell the one you love small lies, because after all, that is expected. It may have become the norm for many people. And if they are fine in their relationship with rationalizing away lying to their mate, that is between them and their partner.
It doesn't matter whether a relationship is 6 months old or 26 years old. The length of a relationship should not determine how honest you are with someone, in my opinion.
Why shouldn't I view honesty in a relationship as real life?
In not so many words, you have basically told me that my thinking is not realistic or productive (re: the subject at hand). And though you can't find the error of my position, you seek to further dismiss what i have shared by inferring that old married life for you and those you know is the norm (read: honesty standard) If you are happy in your marriage, that is good. I don't think it is right to try and be insulting, just because you disagree with what i have shared.
You aren't the first to tell me the kinds of things that you have.
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship. I realize that. As I said, I am not perfect nor am I seeking perfection in a lady. What I do seek (every day) with myself and others, is honesty. And in my opinion, a lady who truly respects and loves me for the man I am, and am striving to be each day, should want to be honest with me. And if she feels she can't be honest with me in what she tells me, then there are problems in the relationship that need to be addressed, in my opinion.
A relationship can be as fertile, strong, and alive with passion at 26 years, as it was in the beginning. It takes work by both people but it can be done. The same goes for honesty.
Wow you take things seriously. I wonder if you ever make room for fun and lightheartedness?
I didn't insult you but nice attempt to infer ill meaning where none was implied
I am entitled to find your stated position naive and unrealistic ...that's a comment on the fallacy that it is possible to be completely honest 100% of the time and that being anything less is a relationship issue.
I am entitled to my position on this as you are which of course I make from my understanding and experience of relationships. Yes I am very happily married and have been for a number of years...it's in my profile, not exactly hidden.
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It's not the same at all. Having confidence is what enabled him to make his move in the 1st place. If losing weight is what gave him the confidence, then so be it.SoLongAndThanksForAllTheFish wrote: »ShellyBell999 wrote: »That was your confidence, not your looks.
If it's because of your looks, then she's not worth more than.....
How is going off "confidence" any better or different than "looks"? Its just as "shallow" as you are judging a "looks" girl as being.
Having said that, I'd much rather be in a relationship with someone who has some confidence and self-esteem, because those without tend to sabotage relationships, whether they mean to or not.
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Escloflowne wrote: »Just remember women are crazy, all of them! They might hide it well but they are, maybe not stab you to death crazy but they will play mind games...ALL OF THEM!
Because this guy personally knows every single woman on the face of the earth...0 -
I know how to laugh and have fun. But when it comes to relationships and the issue you brought up with me, I take it seriously.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »JeremiahEarl wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
I would be honest with both those questions.
If one feels he or she can't be honest with his or her best friend, confidant, and lover, in any area of life, (no matter how small or big) that doesn't speak very highly of the relationship, in my opinion.
Ok let me know how that works out for you :bigsmile:yopeeps025 wrote: »BasicGreatGuy wrote: »
If one can't be honest with him or herself and the relationship, something is not right, in my opinion.BasicGreatGuy wrote: »2. Be honest with yourself and your girlfriend at all times
There are times when this advice is really, really bad...
I don't see speaking the truth in love as a bad thing at times. Granted, the truth may not always be received as we would like but, I think it is important to be honest with ourselves and the person we are dating or married to.
Does my bum look big in this?
You don't like my mother do you?
For the first question there is a correct answer based on who you are dating.
True dat
Do you realize how insulting it is, and shows a total lack of respect for your partner, when he or she is rebuked for speaking the truth in love? Why would you want to reenforce the ideal, that you want your partner to lie to you when it is convenient and to your liking?
Call me old fashioned but, I don't see advocating lying to someone you claim to care about as something that should be rationalized away much less applauded.
Speaking the truth in love is not always easy nor is it always easy to hear when it is about you. I have been on both sides of the honest fence many, many times. I would rather my lady feel she can come to me with anything on her heart, than hear "I didn't think you would understand" (translated: I didn't think I could be honest with you, because I thought you were like every other guy).
I know nothing of your relationship history but your profile states that you're still looking for "the one"
Theoretically deep and complete honesty looks like the foundation of a solid relationship, and it is. And please appreciate that a lot of my comments are tomfoolery
however I do believe there's a value in white lies on occasion and in all types of relationship because we are all human and in reality nobody wants that deep honest reaction to every single human interaction particularly when you live with someone for years and years and build a life together
Examples would be pretending you're interested in something because it gives your partner pleasure, saying or doing stuff because it makes them feel good
But Yes trust is important in relationships, as is integrity and honourable intentions
So you are saying not being 100% honest 100% of the time?
I'm saying he seems to have a literary romantic ideal in his head that doesn't equate to real life
Big difference between a burgeoning relationship and old happily married people though
Just enjoy yourself and don't over analyse or overthink it
Giving and expecting honesty from the lady I am with is not some literary ideal, in my opinion.
I realize that as humans, we aren't perfect. Each one of us has our own imperfections and flaws. At the same time, I think it is important to expect the best from ourselves and not fall into the mindset of its ok to tell the one you love small lies, because after all, that is expected. It may have become the norm for many people. And if they are fine in their relationship with rationalizing away lying to their mate, that is between them and their partner.
It doesn't matter whether a relationship is 6 months old or 26 years old. The length of a relationship should not determine how honest you are with someone, in my opinion.
Why shouldn't I view honesty in a relationship as real life?
In not so many words, you have basically told me that my thinking is not realistic or productive (re: the subject at hand). And though you can't find the error of my position, you seek to further dismiss what i have shared by inferring that old married life for you and those you know is the norm (read: honesty standard) If you are happy in your marriage, that is good. I don't think it is right to try and be insulting, just because you disagree with what i have shared.
You aren't the first to tell me the kinds of things that you have.
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship. I realize that. As I said, I am not perfect nor am I seeking perfection in a lady. What I do seek (every day) with myself and others, is honesty. And in my opinion, a lady who truly respects and loves me for the man I am, and am striving to be each day, should want to be honest with me. And if she feels she can't be honest with me in what she tells me, then there are problems in the relationship that need to be addressed, in my opinion.
A relationship can be as fertile, strong, and alive with passion at 26 years, as it was in the beginning. It takes work by both people but it can be done. The same goes for honesty.
Wow you take things seriously. I wonder if you ever make room for fun and lightheartedness?
I didn't insult you but nice attempt to infer ill meaning where none was implied
I am entitled to find your stated position naive and unrealistic ...that's a comment on the fallacy that it is possible to be completely honest 100% of the time and that being anything less is a relationship issue.
I am entitled to my position on this as you are which of course I make from my understanding and experience of relationships. Yes I am very happily married and have been for a number of years...it's in my profile, not exactly hidden.
You may not have meant anything insulting by your comments, but all I had to go on is what you typed, which may not have accurately conveyed your meaning and personality to me, since I don't know you, and only have what you have posted to rely upon.
I see no need to dwell on this further. We will have to agree to disagree on this subject. Maybe we will find agreement in something else down the road.0 -
Congrats!!!!0
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"Would you like some more wine?"0
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asflatasapancake wrote: »Just get the basics out of the way. How often can we have sex? What cleaning am I responsible for? What bills do I pay? Probably in that order. Everything else will work itself out.
Now if she's asking the first question, I'm probably flexible on answers for the second two.0 -
Don't try to change her....
Like she shouldnt try to change you0 -
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This discussion has been closed.
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