Marriage Where Only One Person is Watching Calories
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I do 95% of the meal prep and cooking for my husband, 4 year old, and one year old. We all eat the same food every night, I just occasionally modify to meet my goals. Family meals are important to me and I won't short order cook to everyone's tastes. My kids are actually great eaters. It's my husband who is the pickier one.
To be honest I haven't really found much I can't modify to fit my goals.
If we have have lasagna I use italian turkey sausage, add lots of extra veggies, and eat a large salad and a small piece. Same with pizza night.
If we have fajitas or tacos I eat mine in a low carb wrap or lettuce and we have black beans instead of refried ones.
My husband eats a regular baked potato loaded with sour cream and butter; the kids and I eat baked sweet potatoes with cinnamon. They all take the same time to make.
If I make pasta sauce I will serve mine over sautéed spinach or spaghetti squash while my husband and kids have pasta.
Pintrest, Google, and Skinnytaste are your friends. There is a lightened up or veggie heavy version of almost thing imaginable. My husband is much more likely to eat vegtables if they are hidden in amongst something more recognizable.0 -
sapphire1166 wrote: »I also ask him what he wants to eat and plan my grocery shopping around that (he often doesn't know though, which is as infuriating).
This is why I don't buy him what he wants for breakfast. Because he never knows and never tells me. One day he's in the mood for Coco Puffs and the next he wants honey Bunches of Oats. I leave it to him to buy what he wants. So if there's nothing in the house he likes I put that on him.
Yeah I sympathize!0 -
why cant you eat carbs and cheeseburgers, or anything else he makes? my husband was a chef, and cooks AMAZING food. I plan for it, and log it. its still fewer calories than eating out (which we also do a lot of). no biggie. ive lost 60 pounds since january so yes, you can eat and still lose weight. yes, i workout to earn those extra calories.
you can always eat a smaller portion or make yourself a salad.
that said, i do the vast majority of the cooking, and if my husband wants to eat, he eats what i put in front of him, otherwise he is welcome to go and cook himself dinner (usually happens when he simply doesn't like what im making). And that happens on occasion too. whatever. i dont care.0 -
Just eat different things? You don't have to eat the same thing...0
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GypsyByTheSea wrote: »I've been doing this for 3 years now - down to my last few pounds to lose. We really haven't changed our food habits too much - I just learned to eat less and maybe add another vegetable. How can you meet in the middle? You're willing and he's not? Probably not going to happen any time soon. Back off some and just keep doing your thing. He will eventually see the benefits of eating well and join you or he won't. He is an adult after all. The only people we can change in this world - is ourselves.
This is what I did too. We eat the same things, I just eat less, add more veggies if hungry, and exercise. Lost 70 lbs.
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My wife and I are on completely different eating plans. We don't even eat at the same time most days. We spend time together doing other stuff. It's just that the way I eat and the way she wants to eat aren't compatible. It isn't always easy, but it can work.0
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My husband is the cook in our family and he used to love to cook everything really unhealthy. At the same time, he also loves to try new recipes. I subscribed to "Cooking Light" magazine, it's been fantastic. He gets a constant influx of new recipes to try and they are all quite healthy. Tasty too.0
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I do all the cooking in my house. My dh and dd do not need to lose weight and have different calorie needs than I do. Your plate is your own.
When I make a meal plan, I ask my dh and dd to each contribute ideas. I plan for 28 dinners at a time. I might ask them each to give me 3-7 dinners they want and I spread those out so there is something everyone likes each week.
If dd wants hamburgers, I can have a hamburger. I don't load mine with cheese. I might skip the bun if it doesn't fit well in my day. I might have a salad with it while dh and dd have baked french fries. If we have pasta, I might have a much smaller portion as a side dish to a piece of chicken/fish and salad. If we have a stir fry I eat less rice or no rice. I tend to eat more vegetables.
I ask people what they want from the store for breakfast, lunches or snacks when I make the grocery list. We don't eat all the same things except for dinner. If dh wanted something particular for breakfast he needs to speak up or go get it himself.
I would suggest compromising and having your dh cook a couple of nights a week and fitting some of it into your calorie goal. You are trying to change how you eat for life. Maybe your dh could leave sauce off of the pasta so you can add less or switch to a marinara sauce. Fill your plate with more vegetables. Try some different spices when you cook.
Use a slow cooker or double recipes and use the extra for another day.
Let your dh dump cheese on his food. He needs more calories than you most likely and cheese is not crap. None of the foods you listed that your dh wanted are crap. They have more calories but they are not without nutrition.
My family has enjoyed recipes from these sites-
skinnytaste.com
budgetbytes.com
Skinnytaste is something I use often. Their recipes are delicious!!!
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »My husband and I eat the same things for dinner, I just have less. Twice a week he cooks what he wants and I do my best to make a reasonable amount fit. It helps if I know what he has planned, so I can make better decisions earlier on the day. That usually works for us. Since he's not trying to lose weight, I take it upon myself to make sure my nutritional needs are mostly met before dinner. Sometimes I have a tiny lunch or just a hodgepodge of different foods trying to get all my micronutrients in ( I can totally just eat a can of tuna, steamed spinach with avocado and an orange for lunch) but that's ok because it's just me doing that. Then, at dinner, it's like I'm not even watching my calories (well..except for the whole scale thing, lol)
This is what my hubs & I do. He does the majority of dinner cooking but for breakfast and lunch I have more control of what I eat. So far, it's been fine for my weight loss.
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Mistraal1981 wrote: »BF and I came to an agreement where he makes his food, I make mine. It works for us.
This pure and simple, not arguements.
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"Even if I make a healthy dinner, he ends up pouring a 1/2 cup of cheese and sauce over what I make."
Even large portions of meat and vegetables are what, 500 calories or somewhere around that? I'm guessing that's just not enough calories for your husband. Some might be happy to eat that if they're motivated and dieting but otherwise probably not so much. Instead of being upset that he's ruining your healthy dinner with cheese and sauces -- encourage him to -- it's a reasonable compromise.
It's easy enough to add some fat and a starch to your lean meat and vegetable dinners so they work for him. And you can do the opposite on the days he cooks -- add some veggies, a salad or a broth based soup to a small portion of his high fat, high carb dinners. It's tough in the beginning but I'm sure you guys can reach a compromise if you work at it. Best wishes.
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My fiance and I don't live together, so our joint meals are only four times per week. He doesn't experience them as diet food - I tweak my portions or my sides to make the meal fit into my calorie budget.
He cooked hot dogs last night. He had Fritos and Coke with his, I had homemade coleslaw with mine.
If up to him for pizza, we'd have two pizzas, but instead we get one pizza - he has 5/8 and I have 3/8 - and a big salad, and he says this is plenty for him.
If up to him for ice cream, we'd get it at an ice cream stand, where a "small" is at least 8 ounces, but now I buy the Ben & Jerry's 4 ounce cups and he says this is plenty for him.0 -
sapphire1166 wrote: »Thanks everyone. Just to clarify, I DO add variety into dinner once a week or so. Pulled pork, chinese sausage, etc. And I eat to fit it in my goal for the day. But the majority of the time we're eating more lean meats and vegetables. The problem is my husband wants every night to be pasta and sausage and I just can't eat that way every day, fit it into my calorie goals, and feel sated...
Maybe you could have more pasta and sausage nights if you have pork sausage for you and the much lower calorie chicken/turkey sausage for you? Or you could eat less pasta and sausage and add veggies to fill you up.
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I've got five in my family, including me, who like to eat very differently. What I tend to do is is cook in large batches so I have leftovers that will carry people through the days that they don't like the freshest meal.
For example, two days ago I made chicken nuggets for the kids while I ate the fish leftovers from the day before - the kids also ate the rice leftovers. Yesterday we had steak and potatoes, but two of the kids don't like steak so they ate the chicken nuggets with potatoes. I make fresh veggies, cooked or raw, everyday.
Leftovers is a huge help in my house. Would it work for you?
I also sometimes make extra dishes to accommodate everyone. When we have spaghetti with meat sauce, I will put aside a small amount of sauce for the kids who don't love beef. I'll also make noodles and spaghetti squash so I don't need noodles (I eat lower carb than my family).
When we make tacos, everyone makes their own taco to fit their preference.
Good luck. I hope you find some answers that work for you.0 -
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My wife and I will cook together for a cheat meal once in a while. But otherwise we buy and cook our food separately. Neither of us are picky though, so if all we have in the house is a can of beans, then that's what we'll eat. My wife was always playfully joking with me about weighing my food all the time. But since I started, I lost 42 pounds, and she seems more interested in doing it herself. I don't know if she will or not, she doesn't need to lose any weight. I'll support whatever diet she wants to do as long as it's a healthy approach.
I guess my point is, you guys should be supporting each other. That's what marriage is about...0 -
MermaidBex wrote: »...I have often felt like his poor judgement has infringed on my need to shed the pounds.
I can't believe I just read that.
Your own "poor judgement" is what got you where you are in the first place, it's nobody else's job to bail you out of the consequences of your own decisions.
Just...wow.0 -
My idea of compromise is.... If i want something to eat I make it. If he wants to eat it he can. If he doesnt then he can make himself whatever it is he wants.
I dont tell him not to buy things/have things in the house. I don't tell him not to cook whatever he wants.
I am a vegetarian, and he actually NEVER buys meat or has it in the house. He knows i wont be cooking it and he's too lazy to make it for himself. LOL
In my opinion, you've gotta do whats best for you. Dont force it on him. If he wants to cook for himself, let him. If he wants to eat what you're eating, let him (providing he does the dishes
).
Dont let you choosing to be healthier impact your relationship.
Edited to add: My situation is (in my opinion) even more difficult because I have been a vegetarian my entire life. AND i watch my calories. My man and I have lived together for 5 years and he is a REAL meat and potatoes kind of guy. At first he was always like "where's the meat" and "I want some chicken", etc. I pretty much said "Oh, then i guess you should have made some *boohoo-face*"
But now he NEVER EVER complains. He eats breakfast at home, His lunch provided from his job has meat, and for dinner he eats what i cook usually. AND, i'll add that I make some damn good low-calorie vegetarian dishes that he loves and even requests on certain nights. I'm not saying i've converted him or anything, he just knows our arangement.0 -
I would say that if he has such a negative issue with the food you cook then he should try to be part of the process for the cooking. Not just you or him. Look at foods you both like that work for you both and also some of the foods that are for each of you specifically. Help him to understand that this change in food is for your health and that it is what you need to do. Work together to come up with meals that have some of what you both want and like. I know its not easy when your partner doesn't understand or like the change but I have found that instead of thinking of it as his or your food choices that a collaboration of "our foods" tends to work better.
Granted sometimes that just doesn't work but that is usually just stubborness more than anything else.
Whatever you choose to do i wish the best for you both in this journey.0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »why cant you eat carbs and cheeseburgers, or anything else he makes? my husband was a chef, and cooks AMAZING food. I plan for it, and log it. its still fewer calories than eating out (which we also do a lot of). no biggie. ive lost 60 pounds since january so yes, you can eat and still lose weight. yes, i workout to earn those extra calories.
you can always eat a smaller portion or make yourself a salad.
that said, i do the vast majority of the cooking, and if my husband wants to eat, he eats what i put in front of him, otherwise he is welcome to go and cook himself dinner (usually happens when he simply doesn't like what im making). And that happens on occasion too. whatever. i dont care.
Maybe she doesn't want to? Sure i COULD eat what my boyfriend is eating and only get to eat a 1/2 cup serving for dinner or i could make what i want and get to eat a better more filling dinner! Me and my boyfriend just make our own dinners it works out just fine!0
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