Marriage Where Only One Person is Watching Calories
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rainbowbow wrote: »My idea of compromise is.... If i want something to eat I make it. If he wants to eat it he can. If he doesnt then he can make himself whatever it is he wants.
I dont tell him not to buy things/have things in the house. I don't tell him not to cook whatever he wants.
I am a vegetarian, and he actually NEVER buys meat or has it in the house. He knows i wont be cooking it and he's too lazy to make it for himself. LOL
In my opinion, you've gotta do whats best for you. Dont force it on him. If he wants to cook for himself, let him. If he wants to eat what you're eating, let him (providing he does the dishes
).
Dont let you choosing to be healthier impact your relationship.
Edited to add: My situation is (in my opinion) even more difficult because I have been a vegetarian my entire life. AND i watch my calories. My man and I have lived together for 5 years and he is a REAL meat and potatoes kind of guy. At first he was always like "where's the meat" and "I want some chicken", etc. I pretty much said "Oh, then i guess you should have made some *boohoo-face*"
But now he NEVER EVER complains. He eats breakfast at home, His lunch provided from his job has meat, and for dinner he eats what i cook usually. AND, i'll add that I make some damn good low-calorie vegetarian dishes that he loves and even requests on certain nights. I'm not saying i've converted him or anything, he just knows our arangement.
Well said.0 -
MermaidBex wrote: »Ditto gypsy. I have similar problems with my spouse. He's not the type to complain, mainly supportive, but I have often felt like his poor judgement has infringed on my need to shed the pounds. Finally, however, I've had to decide that I'm alone in this and need to do the best I can to take care of myself to the best of my ability. That's why I'm on a site like this, to get the support I need.
It may be difficult, sapphire, but I would encourage you to stay the course. Don't let hubby get you down when you're trying to do the right thing for you. My husband seems to get most excited about my losing weight when he realizes what it could do for us. Me, in a bikini on the beach, for instance. Also, my hubby just seems to want to know I'm healthy and happy. Food for thought. Hope you're able to get through this rough patch!
I used to blame him too. I kept telling him that I can't cook the way he likes to eat and lose weight. Then we set a wedding date and I thought "Wedding Pictures!" I committed to logging in MFP and made the types of changes I posted above and all is well.
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sapphire1166 wrote: »I've been watching my calories for about 3 months now and lost nearly 30 lbs. I'm faithful about eating within my calorie range (1430) and usually for dinner I do low-calorie things like grilled chicken, turkey, seafood, etc with vegetables.
I also do most of the grocery shopping. Lately my husband has been complaining that we're always eating "my" food. I'll be honest and say that I like my food pretty bland and while I'll try new seasonings and stuff, I don't have the time (work full time) or energy (also have a toddler) to make dinner "exciting" AND low calorie. So it's usually a staple of meat and vegetables.
My husband likes to eat crap. Even if I make a healthy dinner, he ends up pouring a 1/2 cup of cheese and sauce over what I make. He frequently wants to cook dinner, but his dinners are carb-loaded bombs of pasta, cream sauce, cheeseburgers, etc so I frequently balk when he suggests cooking and he gets offended if he makes dinner and I eat my own thing.
How can we meet in the middle?
OMG, if he's not prepared to do any of the shopping or cooking, he can suck it up. +1 for letting him cook his own meals if he doesn't like what's being served.
Don't get worked up about him adding cheese and sauce to his meal, and tell him your choices have nothing to do with anything other than your weight loss. Each of you needs to stop being so personally invested in what the other is eating.0 -
We try to eat healthy a majority of the time but because he tends to run much thinner than I am, he's not as strict about what he eats. We do our own thing during the week for breakfast & lunch then for dinner we usually try to eat healthy side (which involves some meal planning) but he also cooks for a living so he likes to keep it creative. We do have our staples that we like to eat & we have that down to a science usually. If we do something new, he'll keep it on the simple side for me so I can weigh it out on my plate before I eat & then he'll spice it up how he wants. If we order out, I'll look for something healthier on the menu or figure out a way to work it into my calories like last weekend, we ordered pizza and I ended up ordering my own so I could have what I want.0
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To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.0
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sapphire1166 wrote: »
I also do most of the grocery shopping. Lately my husband has been complaining that we're always eating "my" food. I'll be honest and say that I like my food pretty bland and while I'll try new seasonings and stuff, I don't have the time (work full time) or energy (also have a toddler) to make dinner "exciting" AND low calorie. So it's usually a staple of meat and vegetables.
you're not trying hard enough...
budgetbytes.com has amazing food, and almost anything that isn't a slow-cooker recipe can be made in under an hour and is extremely affordable.
they have a kale and chorizo frittata that i make for breakfast very often and it's delicious. also, the morning glory muffins are great.
also, it has several slow-cooker recipes for shredded chicken/beef/pork that are great for long term dinners.0 -
MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself. It's not OPs responsibility to make sure her husband is meeting his calorie needs. If he's hungry after eating what she made, then he should make himself a sandwich and deal with it.0 -
galgenstrick wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.
Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.0 -
galgenstrick wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself. It's not OPs responsibility to make sure her husband is meeting his calorie needs. If he's hungry after eating what she made, then he should make himself a sandwich and deal with it.
Actually the OP's husband is willing to cook but evidently since his meals are too high cal, that hasn't been an acceptable option
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Tell your husband to read my post. I ate like he did and eventually got overweight but I wasn't as heavy as many people my age or so I thought, then my liver enzymes went up and I was diagnosed with Non alcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH), if left untreated it causes liver failure = liver transplant = 5 to 8 years of extended life (quality not great) and then death. The only effective treatment for NASH today is to maintain your optimal BMI. In short your husbands lack of consideration about your good health habits is shortening His time on the Earth. He would be wise to emulate you and if he doesn't tell him he can make his own meals, after all he fed himself before you got married so he can do it again. Sorry, buddy I have to side with your wife on this one. I know where you are headed and it is not good. I hope you change course.0
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galgenstrick wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself. It's not OPs responsibility to make sure her husband is meeting his calorie needs. If he's hungry after eating what she made, then he should make himself a sandwich and deal with it.
Actually the OP's husband is willing to cook but evidently since his meals are too high cal, that hasn't been an acceptable option
Also agreed. OP shouldn't try and be controlling. Let the man eat what he wants to eat and make it for himself.
I don't understand why it has to be one or the other cooking. You may be married, but you're your own human being. You don't have to do absolutely everything together.0 -
galgenstrick wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself. It's not OPs responsibility to make sure her husband is meeting his calorie needs. If he's hungry after eating what she made, then he should make himself a sandwich and deal with it.
Actually the OP's husband is willing to cook but evidently since his meals are too high cal, that hasn't been an acceptable option
That's what I understood from the OP - the complaining was that he *was* in fact "spicing up" his own food.
Am I remembering wrong...?0 -
sapphire1166 wrote: »I've been watching my calories for about 3 months now and lost nearly 30 lbs. I'm faithful about eating within my calorie range (1430) and usually for dinner I do low-calorie things like grilled chicken, turkey, seafood, etc with vegetables.
I also do most of the grocery shopping. Lately my husband has been complaining that we're always eating "my" food. I'll be honest and say that I like my food pretty bland and while I'll try new seasonings and stuff, I don't have the time (work full time) or energy (also have a toddler) to make dinner "exciting" AND low calorie. So it's usually a staple of meat and vegetables.
My husband likes to eat crap. Even if I make a healthy dinner, he ends up pouring a 1/2 cup of cheese and sauce over what I make. He frequently wants to cook dinner, but his dinners are carb-loaded bombs of pasta, cream sauce, cheeseburgers, etc so I frequently balk when he suggests cooking and he gets offended if he makes dinner and I eat my own thing.
How can we meet in the middle?
OMG, if he's not prepared to do any of the shopping or cooking, he can suck it up. +1 for letting him cook his own meals if he doesn't like what's being served.
Don't get worked up about him adding cheese and sauce to his meal, and tell him your choices have nothing to do with anything other than your weight loss. Each of you needs to stop being so personally invested in what the other is eating.
Reread the OP. She plainly stated that he frequently wants to cook dinner. She won't eat them. Calls them crap and pasta bombs.
Also...I might be wanting to lose weight but I am not going to eat bland food for the majority of my meals. By her own admission her meals are bland. Why would you expect someone not trying to lose weight to eat bland meals.
Yes maybe he could be a bit more understanding but IMO...so could she.0 -
galgenstrick wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself. It's not OPs responsibility to make sure her husband is meeting his calorie needs. If he's hungry after eating what she made, then he should make himself a sandwich and deal with it.
Actually the OP's husband is willing to cook but evidently since his meals are too high cal, that hasn't been an acceptable option
Oh, sorry I came back to this thread on memory and forgot about that part! I guess my point is the same though. OP and her husband should just cook separately and ask the other if they want to eat what they're about to make just in case.0 -
sapphire1166 wrote: »I've been watching my calories for about 3 months now and lost nearly 30 lbs. I'm faithful about eating within my calorie range (1430) and usually for dinner I do low-calorie things like grilled chicken, turkey, seafood, etc with vegetables.
I also do most of the grocery shopping. Lately my husband has been complaining that we're always eating "my" food. I'll be honest and say that I like my food pretty bland and while I'll try new seasonings and stuff, I don't have the time (work full time) or energy (also have a toddler) to make dinner "exciting" AND low calorie. So it's usually a staple of meat and vegetables.
My husband likes to eat crap. Even if I make a healthy dinner, he ends up pouring a 1/2 cup of cheese and sauce over what I make. He frequently wants to cook dinner, but his dinners are carb-loaded bombs of pasta, cream sauce, cheeseburgers, etc so I frequently balk when he suggests cooking and he gets offended if he makes dinner and I eat my own thing.
How can we meet in the middle?
OMG, if he's not prepared to do any of the shopping or cooking, he can suck it up. +1 for letting him cook his own meals if he doesn't like what's being served.
Don't get worked up about him adding cheese and sauce to his meal, and tell him your choices have nothing to do with anything other than your weight loss. Each of you needs to stop being so personally invested in what the other is eating.
Reread the OP. She plainly stated that he frequently wants to cook dinner. She won't eat them. Calls them crap and pasta bombs.
Also...I might be wanting to lose weight but I am not going to eat bland food for the majority of my meals. By her own admission her meals are bland. Why would you expect someone not trying to lose weight to eat bland meals.
Yes maybe he could be a bit more understanding but IMO...so could she.
I would expect someone eating at my table to consume what I made, add whatever they need to make it palatable to them, or make their own. But yeah agree with third bolded bit.0 -
look, this is what i've been eating this past week...
eating healthy does not mean eating bland food.0 -
sapphire1166 wrote: »I've been watching my calories for about 3 months now and lost nearly 30 lbs. I'm faithful about eating within my calorie range (1430) and usually for dinner I do low-calorie things like grilled chicken, turkey, seafood, etc with vegetables.
I also do most of the grocery shopping. Lately my husband has been complaining that we're always eating "my" food. I'll be honest and say that I like my food pretty bland and while I'll try new seasonings and stuff, I don't have the time (work full time) or energy (also have a toddler) to make dinner "exciting" AND low calorie. So it's usually a staple of meat and vegetables.
My husband likes to eat crap. Even if I make a healthy dinner, he ends up pouring a 1/2 cup of cheese and sauce over what I make. He frequently wants to cook dinner, but his dinners are carb-loaded bombs of pasta, cream sauce, cheeseburgers, etc so I frequently balk when he suggests cooking and he gets offended if he makes dinner and I eat my own thing.
How can we meet in the middle?
OMG, if he's not prepared to do any of the shopping or cooking, he can suck it up. +1 for letting him cook his own meals if he doesn't like what's being served.
Don't get worked up about him adding cheese and sauce to his meal, and tell him your choices have nothing to do with anything other than your weight loss. Each of you needs to stop being so personally invested in what the other is eating.
Reread the OP. She plainly stated that he frequently wants to cook dinner. She won't eat them. Calls them crap and pasta bombs.
Also...I might be wanting to lose weight but I am not going to eat bland food for the majority of my meals. By her own admission her meals are bland. Why would you expect someone not trying to lose weight to eat bland meals.
Yes maybe he could be a bit more understanding but IMO...so could she.
Yeah, this is what I was getting at.
There needs to be some compromise! Either she needs to let him cook (because he WANTS to) and eat what he cooks - just in smaller portions - or she needs to make something a bit more exciting to avoid him complaining. It's not that hard to add some spices. Or maybe she could just let him keep adding cheese and sauce, realise why he's doing that, and accept it.
Either that, or, like people are saying, they should cook separately.0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »galgenstrick wrote: »MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.
Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.
Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.0 -
MarziPanda95 wrote: »To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.
Word. OP, it may help (you AND him) by expanding your cooking just a bit. If he was satisfied with your food before, find ways to make the same meals, but incorporate vegetables into them, use leaner meats, etc. I was eating healthy long before I met my husband, but he never once complained. His vice is fried chicken wings, so we bought a smoker - happy on both sides. My daughter loves macaroni and cheese, so I make a puréed cauliflower/cheese sauce and it's been her favorite since she could eat solids. We make pita pizzas with my homemade sauce, and we regularly make tacos with turkey meat. I may eat zucchini noodles more than anyone in the house, but everyone is excited by a meat/veg bolognese or curry or stir fry. We still have exciting meals!
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I really don't know what would work best for you and your husband to meet in the middle or agree upon. I do 100% of the planning/cooking/food shopping in my house. I cook separately for my husband and myself. The majority of days we aren't even close on what we eat. Though we do usually eat together. I make sure there are snacks and things in the house that he likes. I don't like peanut butter except in it's original form. So I buy peanut butter cereal, cookies, ice cream because there isn't a chance I'll eat it.0
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