Marriage Where Only One Person is Watching Calories

13

Replies

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Tell him it's a good thing he's and adult, because he gets to cook his own dinner! :smiley:
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,724 Member
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    Since they're both willing to cook, that may be their quickest fix! But of course they're the ones who have to live with each other and deal with any residual resentments that may ensue...
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light
  • MarziPanda95
    MarziPanda95 Posts: 1,326 Member
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    It was other people who started saying he was being childish. I was just saying that if he is, then she is, too.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    The poster didn't say it was rude - they said it was the same level of rudeness as what OP is doing.
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    Since they're both willing to cook, that may be their quickest fix! But of course they're the ones who have to live with each other and deal with any residual resentments that may ensue...

    It's so hard for me to see how something as simple as diet/food can cause such resentment.

    Of course i'm not in their shoes or their relationship, but, come on. This is a person you love who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Being in a relationship with someone you love should not feel so constricting, controlling, and harsh. It should feel light and free. Both of you should be able to pursue your ultimate happiness, while supporting each other as you love them as you love yourself.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    SNORT!




    can I laugh yet?
  • Cholt472
    Cholt472 Posts: 1 Member
    This is certainly a tough one and I can relate because although my boyfriend and I aren't married, we've been together for 8 years. He's the one that makes the majority of our dinners and he too loves his marinades, sauces and gravies. The problem isn't really that because I have stopped having him make my plate so I can reduce portions and eliminate all the sauces, etc. I think the lack of support is an issue and the fact that he is about 130lbs. overweight that is causing a rift between us.

    I want him to stop overeating too, and I've tried to get him to eat healthier, to no avail. His favorite thing to make is anything fried in oil. My 16 year old son is also putting on a lot of weight and loves his meat. He's on the autism spectrum so getting him to cooperate is difficult as well.

    I'm still struggling with the lbs. and need to lose at least another 15 of them........so the struggle is hard for both the body and the mind!
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    Since they're both willing to cook, that may be their quickest fix! But of course they're the ones who have to live with each other and deal with any residual resentments that may ensue...

    It's so hard for me to see how something as simple as diet/food can cause such resentment.

    Of course i'm not in their shoes or their relationship, but, come on. This is a person you love who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Being in a relationship with someone you love should not feel so constricting, controlling, and harsh. It should feel light and free. Both of you should be able to pursue your ultimate happiness, while supporting each other as you love them as you love yourself.

    The whole thing has a "food as a proxy for something else" feel to it...
  • galgenstrick
    galgenstrick Posts: 2,086 Member
    Cholt472 wrote: »
    This is certainly a tough one and I can relate because although my boyfriend and I aren't married, we've been together for 8 years. He's the one that makes the majority of our dinners and he too loves his marinades, sauces and gravies. The problem isn't really that because I have stopped having him make my plate so I can reduce portions and eliminate all the sauces, etc. I think the lack of support is an issue and the fact that he is about 130lbs. overweight that is causing a rift between us.

    I want him to stop overeating too, and I've tried to get him to eat healthier, to no avail. His favorite thing to make is anything fried in oil. My 16 year old son is also putting on a lot of weight and loves his meat. He's on the autism spectrum so getting him to cooperate is difficult as well.

    I'm still struggling with the lbs. and need to lose at least another 15 of them........so the struggle is hard for both the body and the mind!

    Have you tried doing a meal plan? Cook all your food ahead of time so that you don't have to keep telling your BF you don't want to eat what he makes? Just say "I have my food prepared for the week so no need to cook for me."

    You can't convince him to lose weight, that has to come from him. You can lead by example and encourage him if he decides he wants to try. That's all there is to it.
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    Ah, I can sympathies with you. You are almost 1/2 way to your goal of losing 70 lbs. Stick to your guns. If the DH wants melted cheese, sauce, etc., smeared all over your steamed vegges, make that "on the side" for him (if you want.) As for him cooking? Just portion out your nekked meats & veggies before he slathers it all over with what you don't want. remind him all that slathering of creams & sauces & whatnot will be more for HIM to enjoy.

    My hubby & I are beyond the petty arguments of food stuffs. He eats what he wants, I eat what I want. I like tilapia cooked in the George Foreman griller & steamed veggie. He likes pasta, spuds, more pasta, and lots sauces. He's a really good chef, too. But ya know what? His cooking doesn't look good on me.

    I'll repeat, Just stick to your guns. If the Boy doesn't like what's in the house for his meals, he has the cash to go make his own purchase. ;)
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    Cholt472 wrote: »
    My 16 year old son is also putting on a lot of weight and loves his meat. He's on the autism spectrum so getting him to cooperate is difficult as well.

    (your 16yo may be getting ready to shoot up 4-5" in puberty....unless you're family is full of shorties....just saying..happened to my nephew. At that point, they need all that protein, lol)

    (oh, and just pile on the life insurance naming you as the beneficiary for the boyfriend. If he winds up 6' under, at least you will have income to live on. ;) )

  • hrtchoco
    hrtchoco Posts: 156 Member
    I wish my husband would cook, but he doesn't even want to use the microwave!

    If his blood work is good and he doesn't need to lose any weight, just let him put sauce or cheese or whatever on his food. If his blood work is bad/needs to lose weight, I think you should let the doctor talk to him.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited July 2015
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    Since they're both willing to cook, that may be their quickest fix! But of course they're the ones who have to live with each other and deal with any residual resentments that may ensue...

    True!

    They could try to meet halfway, with OP experimenting more with cooking or eating her SO's food, but I think effective compromise depends on how firm people are on their preferences. If OP just likes her food bland, she's going to suffer with spicier or richer stuff, same way her SO's suffering now (since he apparently can't add his cheese or whatever. I mean really now, OP, you have to just let that go).
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    hispanic here... please don't ball us all in the same group. to me, men that don't cook are the weird ones.
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    SNORT!




    can I laugh yet?

    lol go ahead be my guess :D
  • galgenstrick
    galgenstrick Posts: 2,086 Member
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    hispanic here... please don't ball us all in the same group. to me, men that don't cook are the weird ones.

    I don't think she balled anyone in the same group. She was expressing her observation, but never said all Hispanic men don't cook, just that the macho ones that she knows don't cook...
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
    edited July 2015
    karyabc wrote: »
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    SNORT!




    can I laugh yet?

    lol go ahead be my guess :D

    Your guess? Or your guest?

    SNORT

    :wink:
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    hispanic here... please don't ball us all in the same group. to me, men that don't cook are the weird ones.

    hey cool! that's nice of you.. I said no man I know... I kinda don't know you; so yeah there's that.
  • Psychoholic9
    Psychoholic9 Posts: 1 Member
    edited July 2015
    Sounds like he's not ready to meet in the middle yet. Go on with your plan, even if difficult. Hopefully he'll catch up in time. Sometimes making the first move, causes a bit of stress on others. Hang in there!
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    karyabc wrote: »
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    karyabc wrote: »
    can I say something without people try to shoot me? I'm saying this with all honesty kuddos for those very develop society where man actually cook their own meal :D ! reading your comments please don't laugh but my face is like OMG! wait send my husband to cook their own meal if he doesn't like my food? :/ It's just that I come from a very Hispanic- sort of macho man heritage where no man I know does anything for him self other than a sandwich.

    it's like is not in my ADN to even ask my man too cook his own meals.. now you gave me light

    SNORT!




    can I laugh yet?

    lol go ahead be my guess :D

    Your guess? Or your guest?

    SNORT

    hahaha yes that. thank you*
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited July 2015
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    tomatoey wrote: »
    rainbowbow wrote: »
    To be honest? I would complain if I were your husband, too. Plain lean meat and vegetables EVERY DAY (bar one day)? I think I'd go crazy. You also have to remember that he's a man, so his calorie needs are far greater than yours. It's just not enough for him, which is why he's adding the cheese and sauce - though that might also be for flavour, since it sounds like your meals don't currently have any. I would suggest, if you don't like using herbs and spices on your own food, at least use them on his food. There are thousands of healthy low calorie delicious foods out there. It doesn't have to always be lean meat and vegetables.

    He can add his own damn spices. He's lucky enough to have someone cook for him. If he wants the cheese sauce, so be it, if he wants a hamburger or a steak on the side then he should make it, and clean up after himself.

    Agreed. What is he? Your child? No. He's his own dang human being. He needs to grow up and make himself food if he wants it a certain way. And if OP is making bland unappetizing food and he's too lazy to cook than he can add cheese/sauce/whatever he wants. No complaining though, he chooses to eat what she makes.

    Like others have since pointed out, he does frequently want to cook, but she won't eat it. That's just as rude as him complaining that her food is bland.

    No, it's not rude for her to not want to eat what he makes. She doesn't have to eat it, just like he doesn't have to eat the food she makes. People need to take the emotion out of it.

    Since they're both willing to cook, that may be their quickest fix! But of course they're the ones who have to live with each other and deal with any residual resentments that may ensue...

    It's so hard for me to see how something as simple as diet/food can cause such resentment.

    Of course i'm not in their shoes or their relationship, but, come on. This is a person you love who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Being in a relationship with someone you love should not feel so constricting, controlling, and harsh. It should feel light and free. Both of you should be able to pursue your ultimate happiness, while supporting each other as you love them as you love yourself.

    Well, there's the thing known the world over of food ='ing love, care, attention, time, etc. Eating together/sharing food is a social experience in most places, and is usually taken as an indicator of closeness.

    But when someone's trying to lose weight, esp when trying to do this while living w another person, it's helpful to tweak that into the kind of formulation you described by a) not being a big baby about everything and b) not trying to control your partner.
  • gaelicstorm26
    gaelicstorm26 Posts: 589 Member
    edited July 2015
    This is a tough issue. My husband is very understanding. We are both educators but he is an assistant principal and works through the summer whereas I'm home with the kids. We split meal planning. We both look at the sales for groceries in our area and I'll pick a few meals and he'll pick a few meals. He isn't one for sauces, gravies, or pasta heavy meals as he and I are both diabetic. That helps us both. I do like my meat seasoned so if we're cooking London broil, for example, he will cut a small piece off for me and I'll season it the way I like and he will cook it accordingly. He doesn't like onions or mushrooms, so sometimes when we grill I'll cut some up and throw it in a foil packet, which he will happily stick on the grill while the meat is cooking. I also have a 5 and 6 year old so I have to keep them in mind too as my 5 year old has sensory issues with food.

    Meal planning is complicated but it is worth it. Maybe you can both compromise? You can each pick 3 days of meals. When he picks, put your portion of meat aside to keep it out of the sauce/gravy/whatever. When you cook, just let him add cheese or whatever to his portion. My husband thinks that salt is spicy (ok, a BIT of an exaggeration but not much) so if I want more flavor I have to add it myself. If he wants pasta then I make a salad (I frequently shop on Sundays during the school year and will make a few days worth of salad on Sunday to save time).

    I really think you guys can work it out. And of course sometimes we just have to eat things that aren't our favorite or cooked in our favorite way. In our house, I like my roast beef to be done pot roast style where it pulls apart but the hubby likes his a different way, so we alternate.

    During the school year my hubby does almost all of the cooking. I'm a lucky gal.

    Best of luck!
  • bclarke1990
    bclarke1990 Posts: 287 Member
    I would say either make him cook his own food, (both prepare your own meals, rather), or just throw in crap like hot pockets or easy to prepare things for him like hamburger helper, etc.
  • paulaviki
    paulaviki Posts: 678 Member
    I do pretty much all the cooking for me and my husband which I don't really mind. I do all the meal planning and shopping so he gets what he is given and gets told he can feel free to cook something else if he doesn't like what I've made. He never does!

    I'm not a super healthy clean water anyway so we still eat plenty of pasta, pizza, burgers etc. But like others have said he'll have a larger portion or he'll have his with fries where as I'll have a salad. I wouldn't want to force my choices on him if he wanted to eat higher calorie food. I think it's easy to make one meal but still cater for each persons tastes and needs/wants.
  • opalle
    opalle Posts: 234 Member
    First off, congratulations on losing 30 lbs.

    My guy works a physically demanding job and needs over double the calories I do even without my weight loss deficit. In fact part of the reason I'm here was I allowed myself to start eating like him, without being conscious of portions. He also isnt very good with change so I understand the extra challege.

    I still make him his favorite meals. I just eat portions to fit my calorie limits. I also make a nice salad which he can eat or not. For example he loves shepherds pie. When I make it he loads up his plate tops it with as much cheese as he wants and I take a small amount, skip the cheese and load my plate up with the salad. Or with other meals I eat more vegetables. Since he isn't good with change, when I make something more calorie friendly I try to follow it the next day with something he likes. So far complaints have been mimimal.

    The other thing I try to do for days when I make leaner dinners is have dessert. So yes we are having baked fish but there's also icecream after. He can have a big bowl with chocolate, fruit and nuts and I will weigh out a little bit with fruit for me or just skip it depending on how much calories I have left.

    It takes a bit more willpower but I also make sure to still have his treats stocked. That way he isnt feeling deprived. I just don't eat them.

    He will make dinner once in a while. When he does portions are key but I'm okay if I go a little over (so maybe a 200 deficit instead of 500). I remind myself that I have a great guy who is excited about cooking for me, enjoy it and get back to working on the weight loss the next day.

    Last thing which may not apply to you, but has helped me: so far I've been very conscious of my attitude when doing this. Before I started losing weight, I was down, insecure, not really affectionate because I was so self conscious of my appearance and body. I noticed a change in our relationship. At the time I thought it was because he was less attracted to me because of how fat I'd gotten but once I started and changed my attitiude to be more positive, things are much better. So yeah he sees some changes in dinners but he also sees positive changes in me. I have more energy, I'm more affectionate and he responds to that in a positive way that feeds my motivation to keep going.

    Not to say it's easy. I have a box of doughnuts sitting on my counter from when he went out to get coffee this morning so extra willpower is definitely needed.

    Good luck to you.
  • Blondiez73
    Blondiez73 Posts: 33 Member
    My husband and I are going through something similar except we eat totally different diets (I'm vegan, he's not). All you can do is be a good example for him. You can't change him. By you eating healthy and him seeing you lose weight and get healthy should help him want to do the same thing too, especially when he's seeing results. If he is that picky about your cooking and meals, then stop cooking for him. Stop grocery shopping for him, make him get his own stuff and cook his own stuff. You do your thing. Don't let him throw you off the wagon because "he can't have it his way --- Ba-Da-Ba-Ba-Ba". He ain't 'Lovin' it'. I am not saying to never cook his meals or never go grocery shopping for him. But, if the two of you plan to eat the same meal, then that is peachy.
  • criscat
    criscat Posts: 19 Member
    I ask him everyday what does he feel like eating. If he doesn't have a preference that day, I buy something very caloric. I mostly eat meats and vegetables, and I now make sure pantry has junky foods he likes. The fatter he gets, the skinnier I will look next to him, lol.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
    Maybe you two can take a healthy cooking class together. And start shopping together. Even a couple healthy cookbooks where you two pick recipes and make them together could be fun.

    If you haven't fully talked it through, he make take your food makeover not as something for yourself, but because you want to change him, as if you're not happy with his weight.