Dealing with sabatozors
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Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »My grandma used to flat out deliberately bake goodies for my brother and dad any time she got a whisper that my mum and I were trying to lose weight. I just had to decide what I wanted more.
I hear ya! I swear that's what she does. My daughters and I are convinced. Haha
It helped to remember that she was doing it because she wanted to see us fail (seriously, she was a horrid old woman) and that would help a lot when I'd reach for whatever it was she made.
Jeezus
No, seriously haahaa. She was like something out of a sitcom. She would call on weigh-in day, and I'd answer the phone and she wouldn't even say hello, she'd just demand "how much?" and if I hadn't lost weight she'd make snarty remarks and hang up. It never bothered me, it makes for great stories, but yeah. She was hilariously horrid.
whaaaat!!! Lol WOW
also, weigh-in day???
Sorry
All signs point to you having turned out all right, though 
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Ummm I would kinda call my husband a saboteur. He has gotten a lot better lately.
He would do things like sprinkle sugar over my fruit salad that was in the fridge, or add more butter to my food than his. He would also make me delicious treats in the evening and look so hurt and distraught when I said NO. He's the type of person who shows his love through food. And it didn't help that he didn't want me losing any more weight...
Like I said he doesn't really do it anymore, as he probably got sick of me yelling NO more frequently.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »Ummm I would kinda call my husband a saboteur. He has gotten a lot better lately.
He would do things like sprinkle sugar over my fruit salad that was in the fridge, or add more butter to my food than his. He would also make me delicious treats in the evening and look so hurt and distraught when I said NO. He's the type of person who shows his love through food. And it didn't help that he didn't want me losing any more weight...
Like I said he doesn't really do it anymore, as he probably got sick of me yelling NO more frequently.
Well, I'm glad he stopped Good for you for sticking up for yourself. 0 -
Food and the act of cooking is very much tied up in love, gratitude and compassion. You've given this woman a home maybe this is just how she repays you.
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sounds to me like you need to have a talk with your husband. it is his mother and he should not be leaving you to have these discussions with her...0
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lauralash1024 wrote: »atypicalsmith wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »^ she has her own apartment, kitchen etc... Believe me it's done purposely.
So don't eat it.
Easy for me, not for my husband or kids.
If they want to eat it, why stop them? Your husband is a grown man and can chose what he wants to eat himself. As for the kids, if you make certain foods out as being "bad" you are setting them up for food issues down the road. Plus, if you tell them that something is bad, they tend to want it more.
She's the mom, she's allowed to determine how she'd like her kids to eat.
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My husband has cholesterol that is very high, trying to get him to lose 40 lbs which was Doctors orders, she knows this, and as far as my kids, my daughters 18 & 16 are old enough to know what the right foods to choose. My 7 yr old on the other hand is being inidated with sugary treats. Yes several discussions have been made. Yes it is like bein married to Ray Romano sometimes!!! Hahaha. Yes there are deeper issues here, but this isn't a family counciling session lol. Thanks for all the input! Enjoy your day everyone 0
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lauralash1024 wrote: »Mother in law moved in with us and continuously brings in junk food and cooks high fat meals. I have continuously told her that we try to live healthy but she could continues to ignore my wishes. I keep plugging along, make my own meals, but I will say thr... Sorry guess I'm just venting.
If she's living with you, then she is sharing in the food expenses. She has every right to bring in the kind of food she likes and to cook meals her way.
That said, you have every right to not eat what she brings in and to ask her not to give you kids certain foods. Since it's your hubby's mom, he's the one who needs to talk to her if she's feeding your children foods you don't want them to eat. As for the rest, I'd say to just give her a shelf for her food and let the kids know to leave it alone.
As for someone else sabotaging you.....nobody can do that unless you give them permission to. You are 100% control of what you eat.
Good luck. 0 -
lauralash1024 wrote: »atypicalsmith wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »^ she has her own apartment, kitchen etc... Believe me it's done purposely.
So don't eat it.
Easy for me, not for my husband or kids.
If they want to eat it, why stop them? Your husband is a grown man and can chose what he wants to eat himself. As for the kids, if you make certain foods out as being "bad" you are setting them up for food issues down the road. Plus, if you tell them that something is bad, they tend to want it more.
I also agree with this as to the husband. He's a big boy, he also gets to choose what he wants to eat.
You also do what to be careful that you're not unconsciously teaching the kids to demonize food.0 -
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^ little play kitchen! Lol
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lauralash1024 wrote: »^ she has her own apartment, kitchen etc... Believe me it's done purposely. I have asked her to stop not even due to my dieting, but so my kids wouldn't eat the garbage. Still doesn't get it.
That's pretty disrespectful. If it's your house she should respect the rules you and your husband have set.
Have you and your husband discussed the matter and both addressed it with her directly?0 -
We went to stay on my in laws boat for five days. The first thing mil said to me was "I supposed you aren't going to be eating what the rest of us are eating?" I said no I brought my own food. She said "I hate that. I really do" I said I'm sorry but I'm sticking to counting calories. If it was only a couple of days I would have just ate smaller portions and maybe splurged a little. But five days is a little too long to get off track for me. So the next day my mil and I were sitting beside the water and she looked at me and said "you are so dedicated. I really admire that" 0
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lauralash1024 wrote: »Mother in law moved in with us and continuously brings in junk food and cooks high fat meals. I have continuously told her that we try to live healthy but she could continues to ignore my wishes. I keep plugging along, make my own meals, but I will say thr... Sorry guess I'm just venting.
If she's living with you, then she is sharing in the food expenses. She has every right to bring in the kind of food she likes and to cook meals her way.
That said, you have every right to not eat what she brings in and to ask her not to give you kids certain foods. Since it's your hubby's mom, he's the one who needs to talk to her if she's feeding your children foods you don't want them to eat. As for the rest, I'd say to just give her a shelf for her food and let the kids know to leave it alone.
As for someone else sabotaging you.....nobody can do that unless you give them permission to. You are 100% control of what you eat.
Good luck.
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lauralash1024 wrote: »Mother in law moved in with us and continuously brings in junk food and cooks high fat meals. I have continuously told her that we try to live healthy but she could continues to ignore my wishes. I keep plugging along, make my own meals, but I will say thr... Sorry guess I'm just venting.
If she's living with you, then she is sharing in the food expenses. She has every right to bring in the kind of food she likes and to cook meals her way.
That said, you have every right to not eat what she brings in and to ask her not to give you kids certain foods. Since it's your hubby's mom, he's the one who needs to talk to her if she's feeding your children foods you don't want them to eat. As for the rest, I'd say to just give her a shelf for her food and let the kids know to leave it alone.
As for someone else sabotaging you.....nobody can do that unless you give them permission to. You are 100% control of what you eat.
Good luck.
All of this.0 -
Not Sharing food expenses. She has her own everything.... Just buys it and puts it in my kitchen for our family on her own. Not telling my kids food is bad, I just a don't want them eating food all the time that is high calories and full of sugar and fat.0
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lauralash1024 wrote: »Not Sharing food expenses. She has her own everything.... Just buys it and puts it in my kitchen for our family on her own. Not telling my kids food is bad, I just a don't want them eating food all the time that is high calories and full of sugar and fat.
While I really hate the idea of throwing away food that someone else buys, how you're describing it, that's what I would start doing. She is specifically buying food that she is not going to eat and putting it in your kitchen and not her own. If that's the case, I'd just throw it away. And if you can throw it away while she's standing there, even more enjoyment...0 -
Last night I came home to a box of donuts on my counter. I'm telling u it's crazy!!0
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lauralash1024 wrote: »Not Sharing food expenses. She has her own everything.... Just buys it and puts it in my kitchen for our family on her own. Not telling my kids food is bad, I just a don't want them eating food all the time that is high calories and full of sugar and fat.
There's two possible explanations:
1) She's doing the whole "grandparents spoil the kids" thing which is quite sweet and understandable. A compromise can be sorted out usually in this scenario like saying the kids like certain things which she can pass to you and then you can portion them out as needs be.
2) It's a straight up power play and she is trying to usurp your authority as a wife and a mother. That needs to be addressed with a united front between you and your husband.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »My grandma used to flat out deliberately bake goodies for my brother and dad any time she got a whisper that my mum and I were trying to lose weight. I just had to decide what I wanted more.
I hear ya! I swear that's what she does. My daughters and I are convinced. Haha
It helped to remember that she was doing it because she wanted to see us fail (seriously, she was a horrid old woman) and that would help a lot when I'd reach for whatever it was she made.
Jeezus
No, seriously haahaa. She was like something out of a sitcom. She would call on weigh-in day, and I'd answer the phone and she wouldn't even say hello, she'd just demand "how much?" and if I hadn't lost weight she'd make snarty remarks and hang up. It never bothered me, it makes for great stories, but yeah. She was hilariously horrid.
I forget what, but I think I saw another post like this by you that makes me think your grandmother and my grandmother would have made good friends. Or at least they'd do humanity a favor hanging with each other instead of other people.0 -
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I just got rid of them from my life forever. Works perfect lol0
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tell her to keep her "good stuff" in her MIL apartment. and the family can visit her and get it there. and then it's not sitting on the counter
(though I will say, I would hold personal responsibility above all else. we've had cookies on the counter all week, but I didn't eat any)0 -
lauralash1024 wrote: »Not Sharing food expenses. She has her own everything.... Just buys it and puts it in my kitchen for our family on her own. Not telling my kids food is bad, I just a don't want them eating food all the time that is high calories and full of sugar and fat.
While I really hate the idea of throwing away food that someone else buys, how you're describing it, that's what I would start doing. She is specifically buying food that she is not going to eat and putting it in your kitchen and not her own. If that's the case, I'd just throw it away. And if you can throw it away while she's standing there, even more enjoyment...
I guess you could always drop it off at a homeless shelter or give it away to teenagers working the local deli or something...0 -
HardcoreP0rk wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »Not Sharing food expenses. She has her own everything.... Just buys it and puts it in my kitchen for our family on her own. Not telling my kids food is bad, I just a don't want them eating food all the time that is high calories and full of sugar and fat.
While I really hate the idea of throwing away food that someone else buys, how you're describing it, that's what I would start doing. She is specifically buying food that she is not going to eat and putting it in your kitchen and not her own. If that's the case, I'd just throw it away. And if you can throw it away while she's standing there, even more enjoyment...
I guess you could always drop it off at a homeless shelter or give it away to teenagers working the local deli or something...
^Better option. I don't know if a shelter would take it, but, at least where I live, there's usually someone on a street corner looking for food.0 -
We are all adults here...what you put in your mouth is your decision. If this is going to work, you have to stop blaming others for your failures.0
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christinev297 wrote: »Ummm I would kinda call my husband a saboteur. He has gotten a lot better lately.
He would do things like sprinkle sugar over my fruit salad that was in the fridge, or add more butter to my food than his. He would also make me delicious treats in the evening and look so hurt and distraught when I said NO. He's the type of person who shows his love through food. And it didn't help that he didn't want me losing any more weight...
Like I said he doesn't really do it anymore, as he probably got sick of me yelling NO more frequently.
That's extreme, but very similar to my husband. He shows love through food and sharing foods and also doesn't think I should be losing weight. He would cook an ostensibly healthy dish and insist that it was just veggies and then when it tasted suspiciously buttery/oily, he would admit he put "just a little" in (likely a lot!) and he would sneak butter and mayonnaise into sandwiches because he didn't believe me that I didn't want it. He would also literally shove food in my face, like "here, have a taste." "no thank you", shoves fork of food in my mouth. He would also insist on splitting everything 50/50 and really turn it into a fight. So yes, you can just say no and purse your lips, but that gets tiring (not to mention embarrassing if it's in a restaurant or otherwise public place)..... lol
He's gotten a little better when I showed him the scooby site's calculators and showed him how much I should eat (5'2" female) vs. how much he should eat (6' male). It was like a light went on in his head and he said "oh, so maybe instead of 1/2 and 1/2, I should have 2/3 and you should have 1/3." YES!!!!!
Sometimes, you just have to find the right way to communicate to them.0 -
lauralash1024 wrote: »atypicalsmith wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »^ she has her own apartment, kitchen etc... Believe me it's done purposely.
So don't eat it.
Easy for me, not for my husband or kids.
Why don't you make food for your husband and kids then? Wouldn't that solve the problem?0 -
lauralash1024 wrote: »atypicalsmith wrote: »lauralash1024 wrote: »^ she has her own apartment, kitchen etc... Believe me it's done purposely.
So don't eat it.
Easy for me, not for my husband or kids.
Why don't you make food for your husband and kids then? Wouldn't that solve the problem?
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