Dealing with sabatozors

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Replies

  • lauralash1024
    lauralash1024 Posts: 29 Member
    I do make Food for my family. I have tons of healthy choices in my kitchen. this is all in addition to what I have and cook in my house.
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    I'd be annoyed too. Not for myself or my husband, but certainly for my kids. I have a 7 year old too and she's more likely to choose a banana as a snack if there aren't chocolates/cookies on the counter. If there are, that's what she's going for (major sweet tooth!).

    Just asking again, has your husband had this conversation with her directly? It probably would make a difference because it's his mom.

    If he won't or it doesn't seem to stop, either put the food out of view or give it away.

  • lauralash1024
    lauralash1024 Posts: 29 Member
    Queenmunchy wrote: »
    I'd be annoyed too. Not for myself or my husband, but certainly for my kids. I have a 7 year old too and she's more likely to choose a banana as a snack if there aren't chocolates/cookies on the counter. If there are, that's what she's going for (major sweet tooth!).

    Just asking again, has your husband had this conversation with her directly? It probably would make a difference because it's his mom.

    If he won't or it doesn't seem to stop, either put the food out of view or give it away.

  • lauralash1024
    lauralash1024 Posts: 29 Member
    I have tried to get my husband to speak up. He doesn't. That's another story :/
  • esorcel
    esorcel Posts: 459 Member
    I had one coworker who was a diet saboteur years ago. She'll constantly offer me high fat foods that were loaded with sauces, knowing that I was trying to lose weight. As for my other coworkers, they would compliment each other when they lost weight, and said nothing to me while I was shrinking in size. I couldn't understand that. Since I started my weight loss efforts this time around, I haven't hinted once that I'm trying to lose weight, and no one has bothered me at work. HEAVEN!!

    My advice is to not clue her in on any of these:
    your changed diet
    your weight
    your exercise routines
    or even that you are trying to be healthy

    By sharing those information, you are inviting the saboteur into your lifestyle.

    It is YOUR business, along with your family.
  • wonko221
    wonko221 Posts: 292 Member
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    Mother in law moved in with us and continuously brings in junk food and cooks high fat meals. I have continuously told her that we try to live healthy but she could continues to ignore my wishes. I keep plugging along, make my own meals, but I will say thr... Sorry guess I'm just venting.

    My guess - your issues go deeper than simply food "sabotage" and you're misdirecting it here.

    Take responsibility for your own diet and wellness, and don't get distracted in blaming others.

    If your MIL is doing things that bug you, be honest (at least with yourself) about it, and don't deflect your frustration into self-pity or undermining your commitments to healthy living.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    bpetrosky wrote: »
    Do they make you cook your food in a ridiculously small kitchen like this? Because that would be a sabotage by a truly devious saboteur.

    i2p98cttx7gs.jpg

    Actually this creates a very efficient work triangle :)
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    Mother in law moved in with us and continuously brings in junk food and cooks high fat meals. I have continuously told her that we try to live healthy but she could continues to ignore my wishes. I keep plugging along, make my own meals, but I will say thr... Sorry guess I'm just venting.

    You're not venting, she is usurping your authority. Your house - your rules. This is why there are so many mother in law jokes.

    The best way to beat this is to do a better job marketing your healthy habits. We give our kids choices all the time and more often then not, they make the healthy choice. Can you do the same with your kids? Your husband has a very different relationship, but you need to have him on your side on this. He is probably just trying to get along with both of you and the whole situation is putting him in a very uncomfortable position.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited August 2015
    Seriously, keep her busy. Knitting club, choir, walking club, church/temple/mosque stuff if she's religious, or community centre if not - I bet her baking will be appreciated over there. Out of the house. Away from you guys.

    (This obviously won't *solve* the problem, others have spoken to that, but it may help minimize its presence)
  • Nanogg55
    Nanogg55 Posts: 275 Member
    Would you say that this kind of behavior is normal for her? If not maybe this is a symptom of some kind of senility. Old folks can develop some interesting quirks as they age.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    Curious to know if any of you have diet sabatozors in your life and how do you handle it? I Have too many in my life and I find it difficult at times. :|

    No. I control what I eat. There is no sabotage.
    However, my dh and dd do not have to eat the same way as I do and we still have things like ice cream, chips, cookies, etc in our home on a regular basis. I either don't eat them or I eat a portion that fits in my calories.

    Maybe you can compromise with your mil on her providing some sweet or meal for the family once a week to limit the quantities. Talk to your children about portion sizes and getting their nutritional needs met before eating a bunch of doughnuts. Your dh will have to decide for himself whether he will eat the foods.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    I have tried to get my husband to speak up. He doesn't. That's another story :/

    @lauralash1024 , I feel your pain. Unless someone has experienced a MIL like this they cannot understand. "Just tell her" they'll say. You can tell women like that until you're blue in the face, it will do no good. I mean it literally can reach a point where you either just give up or cut her out of your life. And of course, you don't want to cut her off so you just have to find a way to deal. My husband speaking up actually makes things worse. I think she's trying to prove she still has power over her little boy and when HE stands up for me, then phew! Watch out! LOL
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    Last night I came home to a box of donuts on my counter. I'm telling u it's crazy!!

    What did you do with the donuts?

    This is a tough situation, especially since your husband won't stand up to her. If she's like Ray Romano's mother, you won't be able to reason with her. I like the idea of finding a homeless shelter or person to donate them to. Or work? Can you inflict this on your coworkers?

    People occasionally give me food I don't want. I thank them and re-gift it.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    tomatoey wrote: »
    elphie754 wrote: »
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    ^ she has her own apartment, kitchen etc... Believe me it's done purposely.

    So don't eat it.

    Easy for me, not for my husband or kids.

    If they want to eat it, why stop them? Your husband is a grown man and can chose what he wants to eat himself. As for the kids, if you make certain foods out as being "bad" you are setting them up for food issues down the road. Plus, if you tell them that something is bad, they tend to want it more.

    She's the mom, she's allowed to determine how she'd like her kids to eat.

    +1

  • lauralash1024
    lauralash1024 Posts: 29 Member
    maidentl wrote: »
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    I have tried to get my husband to speak up. He doesn't. That's another story :/

    @lauralash1024 , I feel your pain. Unless someone has experienced a MIL like this they cannot understand. "Just tell her" they'll say. You can tell women like that until you're blue in the face, it will do no good. I mean it literally can reach a point where you either just give up or cut her out of your life. And of course, you don't want to cut her off so you just have to find a way to deal. My husband speaking up actually makes things worse. I think she's trying to prove she still has power over her little boy and when HE stands up for me, then phew! Watch out! LOL

  • lauralash1024
    lauralash1024 Posts: 29 Member
    Yes... Sounds like you do understand! Like I said, I guess I was venting. I do take responsibility as an adult and no one forces food in my mouth. That was never the point. Just gets annoying when you know someone purposely does things like this... Yes it's on purpose, beleive me. I've know this woman for 24 years. Lol
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    lauralash1024 wrote: »
    Yes... Sounds like you do understand! Like I said, I guess I was venting. I do take responsibility as an adult and no one forces food in my mouth. That was never the point. Just gets annoying when you know someone purposely does things like this... Yes it's on purpose, beleive me. I've know this woman for 24 years. Lol

    Makes me feel lucky that I love my in laws, but I have friends and family who are going through what you are. Unless you go all alpha on her it's going to continue, even then she's likely going to try to insert her ways from time to time.
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