What would you say to my 18 year old ?

I suggest she go out on some dates with her father. They can dress it up if they like, a fancy dinner, the whole nine yards. I swear teen girls get their sense of worth from their fathers, and unfortunately, mothers get relegated to "rival". Dad can tell her that she's a princess and she doesn't need to change her body shape to be attractive or worthy of boy attention.

My dad went through a beard phase in the seventies, go figure. All the female protests (three women in the household) failed to make him shave it off. Then one day I told him I was coming to like it. The grey streaks made him look "distinguished". The beard was gone the next day.

hupsii wrote: »

actually she is like her father - naturally slim and personally, I think she has a great body and just don't understand how she can not be happy with it, especially when I think about all the struggles I had with being overweight

When I was 18 I weighed 100 lbs (5'4" tall). I had always been thin but did not like my body. I was uncomfortable physically. I was often cold. People made rude and hurtful comments about how thin I was all the time. It was embarrassing. A few years later I was closer to the middle of the healthy weight range and I felt so much better.
It is your dd's body not yours. Just because you think she looks great doesn't mean that is how she feels.
I would listen to your dd. Discuss that there is a healthy weight range for her height. She might feel that she looks better toward the middle or upper end of that range. Help her figure out the appropriate calories for that weight range, her activity level and nutritious foods and exercises to help her get there.

It really should be about the best possible health and well-being of your daughter. I've been told I look good at 200 pounds, but I don't feel good. I feel miserable. I prefer to be thinner than that. If she's not overweight, I don't see the problem, and you should definitely not be projecting your anxiety on to her. Your failure to maintain a healthy weight is your problem and not hers.

HOWEVER...

If a woman wants "curvy," then the best suggestion I can make is "don't forget the squats." One does not eat one's way into curves. Curves are curves, they go in and out.

Are you sure her justification of over-eating in order to be curvy is the real reason and isn't an emotional cover up? (Just a thought)

On to your actual question...

I would suggest you Google images of different women's bodies together. You know, celebrities are a good starting point, then move to women who lift, like Jamie Eason or Jillian Michaels. That way you can both be on the same page when you think "curvy".

Once she has identified the body she aspires to, help her find the training programme that will support that goal.

It was only when I joined mfp and saw women post pics of their body after they started weightlifting that I realised that was what I wanted and that I wouldn't get it just by dieting...I had to do the right exercise too.

She is 18, tell her to join MFP and get acquainted with the gains forum.

There is a Strong Curves group on Facebook. It's listed as SC Ladies. It is a great group, with friendly women who are helpful. Many post their before and after pictures. She could sign up for it to see what the program could help her achieve.

From what i've seen, it's mainly women who describe having a larger amount of fat as "curvy". The common male definition of "curvy" is the big butt/boobs (often implants) OR strong lifting type bodies/bums (Squats).

For my partner, the "plus size curvy models" are not curvy, they are plus size. But women with amazing squat bums or big boobies while maintaining "normal" body fat % are what he would describe as being curvy. He isn't saying he thinks the "plus size curvy" is gross or wrong, but it just isn't his definition.

My genetics don't equal into "curvy". Small boobs, a naturally "athletic/rectangular" body type and the tendency to store fat in weird places/ways (My body loves to store fat in my face/neck & it was the first place I lost weight from) means i'll never be "curvy" unless my definition of "curvy" is boob implants and/or a squat booty.

Honestly, I would just let her do it. Maybe say something once, but then drop it. She will either attain the body she desires, find her health is changing or find she is putting on kilos but not in the places she wanted.

Show her pictures of fresh stretch marks from gaining weight. If I knew what gaining weight would do to my skin, it would have probably scared me into keeping a healthy weight.

I like to think children need be taught to eat healthfully and mindfully, then their weight will be where it should.