Live with someone first or just take the dive?

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  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Dive...why not? People change over time anyways so just becasue you live together now and you are happy with what you got get married does not mean it will be the same person in 2, 5, or 10 years from now!
    While true, certain beliefs and habits don't.

    Certain beliefs and habits don't sure. Other Certain beliefs and habits sure do. And you have no idea which beliefs and habits may change in someone over the course of years. To think you could predict that would be silly.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,988 Member
    Certain beliefs and habits don't sure. Other Certain beliefs and habits sure do. And you have no idea which beliefs and habits may change in someone over the course of years. To think you could predict that would be silly.
    While true, I would bet that someone smoking for 20 years, will probably be smoking in another 10. I can't predict that they won't, but chances are that they still will be.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I'm about getting to know the person before moving in as I don't want to find out went it's too late that the person is a psycho and paying half the rent!
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    well...it depends on how you read the statistics...

    and if you choose to ignore the other factors that lead to divorce..

    only 38% of marriages (in america) happen with cohabitation...but 31% of all first marriages end in divorce (in america)...

    so statistically as a whole..less marriages that included cohabitation first end in divorce than those that did not..

    You can't mix statistics this way. It would be like saying 40% of marriages occur in the summer (I'm making that number up), so less marriages occurring in the summer end in divorce. It's a statistically fallacious argument.
    The studies I mentioned earlier looked specifically at marriages that started with cohabitation and those that didn't. They found no relation between cohabitation and decrease in divorce rates. That's the kind of statistic that you can refer to.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    I'd wanna live with them first. Though statistics show couples who marry first stay together longer. However much sense that makes. It's probably just the additional 5 years it would have taken them anyways if they had not waited to get married first.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
    i agree living together is a good idea first.

    As for me that was not possible, my husband is active military so we have to do things a little diff a lot of the time lmao I lucked out though because i only was with my husband for 6 months then we got married and moved in together 2 months later (he was shipped off to va 4 days after our wedding and we could not move in together till the apartment was ready) so our first 2 months was long distance , then again so was most of our 2nd year of marriage lol
  • hikeout470
    hikeout470 Posts: 628 Member
    No "Lack of religion" here. I say definitely live together for at least a year before getting married. I made that mistake once. We didn't live together "for religious reasons", and it was the religious people in his family that gave him permission for his behaviour that lead to our divorce. I learned this after a simple conversation I had with his cousin "the preacher". Had I known how their beliefs differed from my own, I would have ran the other direction as fast as I could.


    And where do these statistics come from anyway? Only 50% of couples that live together end up getting married? Well maybe that is a good thing? Isn't the idea to only marry someone you are planning to spend the rest of your life with. Seriously, and get to know his family and what their expectations are of you, what level of involvement everyone is expecting of each other. Because family issues can cause marital induced breakups just as easily as money, sex and religion. Best of luck.
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
    Down to personal experience with a previous ex....I would live with someone first....

    Saying that I've lived with my current partner for 14/15 years with a couple of occasions living apart yet still in a relationship.

    We have one if those relationships where you cant live with and can't live without the other! Hence the separations on occasion. Harder now with a son - hence our last ditch attempt to truly come together in life.

    And although we got engaged about 8 years ago we are still not married! And to be honest probably never will...and I don't mind either....would rather not have complications later in life through divorce, as my partner has experienced previously to us. As long as we live eachother and work on our problems together - I'm fine..
  • ximacloudx
    ximacloudx Posts: 14 Member
    In my sociology class we learned that couples that live together before they get married are more likely to get divorced. It kind of forces you to stay with someone for reasons that if you didn't live together would be easy to end a relationship. For example, say your significant other has a habit that you absolutely cannot stand. If you notice this habit without cohabitation, you can just leave with few strings. If you live together, you have to deal with the whole issue of the lease and who's going to get to stay and what objects you're going to take and pets get involved and so on and so forth. You're more likely to put up with little things that'll eventually drive you crazy to avoid the inconvenience of moving out.

    That being said, like everything related to sociological studies, it really depends on the persons involved and where they are in their life. Personally, I'd probably be willing to move in before, assuming that I'm out of school and focused on the idea of getting married. At this point, the idea of living with my significant other seems really weird.

    Boys still have cooties.
  • MsFitnFabulous
    MsFitnFabulous Posts: 432 Member
    My parents were old school and drilled into my head that living with a man isn't an option.

    Therefore I don't believe in shacking. Who wants to "play house" and in 20 yrs have nothing to show for it???

    Most of my friends have done it and say it's the worst decision they've ever made. All it did was help them become bitter baby mommas.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,988 Member
    another good topic necro thread
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
    liftingbro wrote: »
    Statistics show the couples that live together get divorced at a higher rate than those that don't. Also, only 50% of couples that move in together end up getting married.

    So, I'd say don't live together first. You should be visiting each other's homes enough and being around each other enough without living together to be able know their habits.

    This. 100% this for me, no judgement on what everyone else does.
  • Alisontheice
    Alisontheice Posts: 9,611 Member
    I've done it both ways. I have to say since the marriage resulting from living together first has lasted more than three times longer than the first non living together marriage...living together is the way to go. That being said if I have to do it again I'm.just shacking up...I've had enough weddings
  • Cup_
    Cup_ Posts: 43 Member
    Married for a near decade here. And VERY happily I might add. Maybe I got lucky, but when I met this guy, I KNEW that I wanted to do things different this go. And we both expressed this to each other. So, we courted the old-fashioned way for a little over a year before getting married. Was hard cause he is SO damn hot. We even had to limit kissing to just a few pecks when together so as to avoid getting into trouble. lol Whew! Wedding night was off the charts....and he STILL melts me.

    I don't know if one choice is better than the other. I think you have to figure that out for yourself. I have lived with guys, and for multiple years at a time. The one time I didn't, I got lucky I guess.
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