Ultimatum weight loss.

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  • CasperNaegle
    CasperNaegle Posts: 936 Member
    First you need to lose weight and be healthy for you. Looking good for anyone else is secondary. Second the many people saying things are over are really over the top. I don't support his ultimatum, but perhaps he just sucks at communicating. You do needs support and how awesome would it be if you could eat healthy and track things together. My girlfriend and I prepare food together, go to the gym together, it is such a great motivator having someone to do it with. I hope you are able to work though things, but be happy for you first!!
  • snowflakesav
    snowflakesav Posts: 649 Member
    This is very sad. I am sorry that your husband has not been supportive of your efforts to lose weight and has come up with an ultimatum. If you are behaving like an addict around food I hope he is supportive of you getting help with the things that are out of your control.

    This could be a real life changer for you. A time for you to get help and tools to make the life you want. Dream big.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,724 Member
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    hugheseva wrote: »
    ManiacalLaugh wrote: »
    I don't understand why so many people are saying "it's over" without knowing more than a handful of words he's said. This is a 25 year marriage, not a brand new relationship. Hell, my bf and I have had similar conversations about my weight that didn't sit well, and even after only two years of dating, I'm not really ready to throw him into the wind just because he's said what he did. Does it cause me to pause and reevaluate our position every so often? Of course, but I would like to continue to try and solve this issue first - because we love each other.

    To make things short, OP, lose weight for you. Handle your marriage as you see fit, knowing so much more context about what he said, how he said it, and how it's affected you than any of us do. Regardless of whether this problem has the potential to break your marriage, or it's something you believe might pass with time, I'd recommend counseling. After 25 years, it might help to reestablish some old lines of communication so you both know where you stand.

    This is the only intelligent comment here. On another note, I also wish MFP would be a forum that is aiming at the support of health, healthy living, and exercise and not a social chit-chat.

    So... Someone clicked on this thread for you instead of the fitness/health threads?

    :)
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,724 Member
    I still can't help wondering if this was an actual loss weight ultimatum (lose weight or we're through), or a weight loss request (I really need you to lose the weight). Is there any difference with a topic that sensitive?
  • NCGOALIEMOM
    NCGOALIEMOM Posts: 83 Member
    I haven't read the 90 some responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating anyone. But... can you get counseling through your church or through a therapist? I think it's really needed. What I found is that 9 times out of 10, what they say is the issue, isn't the issue. There is something deeper there. And I'm sorry, but he's being a HORRIBLE husband. He is to love you NO MATTER what... not conditionally. You are not a barbie doll, you are the woman that gave birth to his children, who reared them alone, in his absence.

    If you are christian, please see a pastor at your church. The first thing they will tell him is that he's being an unworthy husband. He should wake up each day asking what can HE do to make your life better, and belittling you ISN'T how that gets accomplished.
  • labgirl26
    labgirl26 Posts: 13 Member
    Jeanmk56 wrote: »
    tomnev1 wrote: »
    labgirl26 wrote: »
    I am trying to save my marriage. I have 85 lbs to lose, I pretty much need to lose it or lose my husband. I have been overweight for 15 years of our 25 year marriage and he of course looks great. He was in the military and always worked out and stayed fit, even when deployed several times. I stayed home, worried, raised the kids and ate. Now he is telling me that it's an obstacle to our relationship, that he loves me but.....I am heartbroken but determined. Who knows. Maybe when I am done, I'll look too good for him.

    Read it and re-read it. Everybody will have sympathy with you, but here, as far as I can see, are the facts.
    1. Your husband loves you.
    2. Your husband is insecure that you don't love him and your kids enough to want to get healthy.
    3. Your husband has not reacted in a way that many would consider appropriate, helpful or supportive and this can be very upsetting.
    4. Your husband sounds kinda like a d!ck, but if he's been married to you for 25 years, he's probably a good guy.
    5. Your husband loves you - sorry but it needs to be said again - but he doesn't express it well.

    So here you go.
    1. Yes, that ultimatum was a God awful thing to do. It was nasty, but it's not his one defining thing. Don't use it as an excuse not to get healthy. Start a plan in spite of your husband's meanness, not because of it.
    2. Tell your husband how you feel. All men, myself included, hate it when our wives tell us how they feel. However after they genuinely say what is on their minds, we do actually listen.
    3. Ask your husband to be supportive and to help you with weight loss. If he was in the military, he's probably used to acting on orders of his CO, he might not be a great communicator. But he may be a good motivator.
    4. Watch shows like The Biggest Loser. I watch both the US and Australian versions. We have our own equivalent here in Ireland - Operation Transformation.
    5. Read the success stories here. Don't just read the people who lost 200 punds, but also read the ones who lost 20 pounds.

    Tell your husband that the ultimatum was very hurtful but that you do want to get healthy and with his help.

    ^^^^ I read all of the comments prior to responding and I like what he said ^^^^

  • labgirl26
    labgirl26 Posts: 13 Member
    me too
  • alsgal87
    alsgal87 Posts: 16 Member
    I am sorry he is acting like such a jerk to you! My first husband was looking for a excuse as well. I couldn't please him to save my soul. My second husband was also in the Army and is just a sweetheart! We have been married for 27.5 years and we have been through it all it seems. You for sure need to be doing this for you. I know it must seem like your world is going off kilter as it is. Be strong and I will be glad to pray for your success !
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