Just need to vent

chuisle
chuisle Posts: 1,052 Member
edited September 28 in Chit-Chat
So today is casual Friday at work. We have no dress code. Literally, our handbook says that. The standard dress is business casual (or a little less). Friday are casual. That usually means jeans, etc. I generally try to dress a step above what is necessary during the week and still look put together on Fridays.

Today, I am wearing black dress shorts with a shirt and cardigan. Before I left the house I double checked that my shorts passed the "hand check." That is that when I left my hands at my side my shorts were past my fingertips. Growing up in Catholic schools they used this standard to make sure we were dressed appropriately on non uniform days.

Now I get a call this afternoon from HR and was told shorts were not work place appropriate. They were very nice about it and everything but I am naturally upset and embarrassed by this. I would never dress in a way I didn't think was appropriate for the work place. While I wouldn't have worn shorts 9 months ago when I started I didn't think twice about the general choice today because the dress code is often very lax and I see people wear all sorts of things I don't think are work place appropriate.

What really bothers me about it is that I saw two women today in sweat type pants (I would wear them to the gym - no wear else). Also, I can't help but notice that I am the youngest woman in the office. While middle aged women can sweatpants, I can't wear shorts, even relatively long ones? Further, if there is a blanket rule, why not say it please instead of saying we don't have a dress code?

Now I feel afraid to get out of my desk and as if I am being judged when I walk past someone. I don't object to them letting people know what is/isn't appropriate and I am happy I was told so I don't make the same mistake, but I don't feel it's entirely fair either or as if the unwritten code is uniformly enforced.
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Replies

  • mgreen10
    mgreen10 Posts: 229 Member
    Its kind of a given that shorts are not ok. Well, now you know for next time.
  • nlfrancis
    nlfrancis Posts: 35
    I have worked in several places over the years that have had similar dress codes - some even stricter than yours - and I would get talked to about what I wore - which was never inapporpriate - but the women who came in to work with tank tops and bra straps showing, flip flops, and sweats would never get counseled. It gets frustrating.

    You are a much better person than me LOL!! I would have politely asked HR to put out some specific guidelines of what they felt was/wasn't appropriate so that there wasn't any question, and it wasn't left open for interpretation.
  • chuisle
    chuisle Posts: 1,052 Member
    Its kind of a given that shorts are not ok. Well, now you know for next time.

    I would have thought so too...but what is true generally is NOT true in my office. I can give 20 different example of people here who wear things that would not be considered appropriate in most work places.

    But it's true that now I know. Live and learn.
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
    that stinks - at least they were nice about it, but I know how you feel!! I've been pulled aside before to be told that what I'm wearing isn't appropriate... yet put the same thing on a 50 year old woman and they wouldn't say a word!!

    can't help it I got boobs, lady...

    so now, at my new job, I try to dress "safe" ALL the time (even though my 35ish year old coworker dresses like she's in high school and no one says anything to her).

    I completely understand how embarrassed you must feel. especially since it's something you've BEEN paying attention to, it's not like you didn't weigh the pros/cons of your shorts in the a.m.!
  • pariskelly
    pariskelly Posts: 20 Member
    But there are some dressy-looking shorts out there. They don't have to be casual. Weird.
  • maureendonahue
    maureendonahue Posts: 468 Member
    Very frustrating to not have clear expectations! Sounds like you handled it well.

    One of my mentors (and I've heard it many other times) told me to always dress for the role you want, not the one you have. I too would have thought the shorts (at that length) would have been appropriate, but live and learn! Now you know.

    Good luck!
  • HollyLLillis
    HollyLLillis Posts: 113 Member
    Don't blame you for feeling upset about that. They should have it in the handbook that shorts can't be too short or skirts too short for that matter.... I would think dressing like a bum would be inappropriate more so than your shorts! Just my own thinking....
    Hope you feel better after venting! :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    it sounds stupid...if they're dress shorts, and they're below your butt crack, what's the problem? You can wear them golfing, you can wear them to church, but some tight @ss won't let you wear them at your desk...I got in trouble for the way I dress too...but that's because I tried to sneak jeans and a hoodie in on a Wednesday lol.
  • kanonxbou47
    kanonxbou47 Posts: 265 Member
    If they're dress shorts, that should be fine, I think. And come on, who wears sweats to work?
    Oh well. I guess it's better to just follow the rules, instead of wasting energy fighting them.
    (Though it does seem ridiculous that a Catholic school dress code isn't good enough for your workplace.)
  • abbyholm
    abbyholm Posts: 12
    Sounds like they're more worried about skin showing than about what's actually being worn, because I for one would certainly consider a nice pair of longer shorts to be far more appropriate than sweatpants, but I guess that's not their concern. Try a long bathrobe?
  • minxblack
    minxblack Posts: 40
    Its really all about who complains first. If you aren't calling HR about sweat pants on peoiple, HR won't do anything about it. How did HR know? Someone called and snitched. As easy as that. Sorry to say. Has nothing to do with actual dress codes or casual fridays.
  • spr_chkn
    spr_chkn Posts: 48
    You probably have a bunch of wrinkled up JEALOUS old hags at your work. Just smile & shake it off :heart:
  • kennie2
    kennie2 Posts: 1,170 Member
    my school dont let you wear any type of shorts on non uniform days yet they let people wear little skirts that just cover their *kitten*. its pretty ridiculous.
  • electricnarwhal
    electricnarwhal Posts: 95
    I mean, they were dressy, weren't they? And it was a casual day... It's not like your butt was hanging out of them or anything. :indifferent: Hmm... I would've appreciated your outfit more than the sweat pants, to be honest! :drinker:
  • ajostraat
    ajostraat Posts: 101
    I have to agree - WTF is up with allowing sweatpants to work when dress shorts are deemed unacceptable?

    Someone had to have complained for you to get pulled aside. Approach your HR person and voice your concern that if they're talking to you about your dress shorts, what are they doing about the personnel who wear sweatpants to work?
  • isobel2010
    isobel2010 Posts: 26
    I think sometimes when we get embarrassed, we go to defensive mode. As you get older, you realize - hey - I'm not going to take this so personally. It's a rule. I didn't know about it. Now I do. Lesson learned - move on. You're still a great employee. Don't sit behind your desk. Turn it into joke if you have to. But - feel proud of all your accomplishments and tomorrow's a new day.
  • cobarlo14
    cobarlo14 Posts: 582 Member
    I am so sorry that happened to you. Maybe someone was jealous and complained. Anyway maybe next friday you should come in wearing jeans ( B/c I think you are more of a lady than I, I would wear my work out sweats) It is not worth getting pissed off over.
    Your doing great - Look Great!!! That is all that matters.

    Wear them out of work withpride!!!
  • AtomicDarling
    AtomicDarling Posts: 42
    I had a job once where the uniform was a standard skirt suit with stockings and heels (hotel front desk)... one day I actually got written up because my stockings were not "opaque enough". There was absolutely nothing in the dress code stating that the stockings needed to be opaque. I was absolutely fuming mad.

    I agree with the bathrobe. :p
  • mallorybriann
    mallorybriann Posts: 1,380 Member
    Dress shorts can be dressed up. Hell, even dark denim ones can. But sweatpants. Come on... I don't even run to the gas station in my sweats. Not even WALMART!
    If your skirt was the same length would they be fine with that because it wasnt shorts?
    Was it the length or the fact that they were shorts?
  • putnam80
    putnam80 Posts: 69 Member
    Thats a bummer! I am sure that some would get away with short skirts on casual Friday, but you put on dress shorts and get talked too. If its Casual Friday and there is no code for Casual Friday, then shorts should be fine!

    I am not in an office, but shorts are only ok sometimes here as well. We don't have a written rule about it, but we all know when it is.

    I relate to that measurement of Catholic school as I loved when we got to have dress down days!

    It was probably someone jealous and overweight that complained.
  • MakingAChoice
    MakingAChoice Posts: 481 Member
    Ironic that shorts are 'not appropriate' when a shirt the same length or even shorter would not be questioned. All this stiff shirt need to just take a pill, short a perfectly fine office attire. The only case I can think where they might not be appropriate is if you had to meet clients. Otherwise it is not a 'given' that short are not acceptable. I am an IT worker though and we wear pretty much anything we want. :laugh:
  • kimberg75
    kimberg75 Posts: 412 Member
    I think that is so stupid....are skirts allowed? It's really the same thing, both show off a little leg right? I could see if you were wearing short jean shorts....but you said they were nice dress shorts. Oh well...brush it off and don't let it bother you.
    Kim
  • thkelly
    thkelly Posts: 466 Member
    I think that is so stupid....are skirts allowed? It's really the same thing, both show off a little leg right? I could see if you were wearing short jean shorts....but you said they were nice dress shorts. Oh well...brush it off and don't let it bother you.
    Kim

    i understand what you're saying, but i disagree. my office is the same thing. business casual during the week and casual on fridays, but i would never wear shorts to work.
  • JoyK76
    JoyK76 Posts: 26 Member
    Having some experience in HR I would have to agree that shorts are not appropriate for work unless otherwise specified. If they are long (and I mean to the knee) and perhaps worn with hose of some sort but generally not even considered 'business casual'. Unfortunately what you have going on is some "loop holes" that your HR and/or employee handbook never actually addressed; and it should be addressed. If shorts were strictly off limits, then it needed to be dictated as such in the handbook. I cannot agree more that tank tops, flip flops and/or sweat pants of any kind should NOT be considered "business casual' but unfortunately you were the one that was singled out. I would address this concern with your HR and express your concern for perhaps more specifics to be outlined/detailed in a revision to your handbook. Also, and I know this isnt going to help you, but take comfort in the fact that you are probably in a lot better place with your wardrobe and consideration of being classy than the other people that would even THINK about wearing sweats to work.

    When in doubt, ask. Now days even women who wear very STRONG perfume can become a hardship in the workplace. The employee manual is used as a basic guideline but unfortunately cannot anticipate each and every situation that may occur. With that being said, an employee should not be penalized should an infraction occur and it was not addressed by the handbook, but it SHOULD be something for HR to consider adding into future revisions to the manual.

    I'm sorry that you were embarrassed by this....but as I said, take comfort in the fact that your wardrobe and consideration and thought into what you wore that day obviously FAR exceeded those that would represent the company in flip flops and sweat pants.
  • mallorybriann
    mallorybriann Posts: 1,380 Member
    But you're male... they make dress shorts for women. Made from the same material as dress slacks. And they are usually longer than regular shorts and even some skirts.
    They probably cover more tush than skirts!
    I think that is so stupid....are skirts allowed? It's really the same thing, both show off a little leg right? I could see if you were wearing short jean shorts....but you said they were nice dress shorts. Oh well...brush it off and don't let it bother you.
    Kim

    i understand what you're saying, but i disagree. my office is the same thing. business casual during the week and casual on fridays, but i would never wear shorts to work.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    Its kind of a given that shorts are not ok. Well, now you know for next time.

    I agree! Hand test is OK for school but work is totally different, NOR is a skirt that would be that short. The reason that "Sweats" are Ok is that they are far less revealing. Some may have considered "shorts" somewhat provocative...a workplace always has a few guys who just have to comment or touch, and before you know it "Hostile Work Environment" allegations, if not that day, maybe down the line. As a person who supervises others, believe Me, this type of stuff "Brews" over a period of time, starting with something as simple as wearing "shorts" to work. What about Capris...wouldn't that work?
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    I wouldn't be able to not say something. If you have NO dresscode...and you aren't wearing shorts up your rear..then why would it not be ok? If they want you to wear specific casual things, than they need to write it in their handbook. The thing that irritates me about this is....if you were wearing a skirt the same length, would they say anything? Were they bermuda style shorts? Did HR even see what you were wearing? Granted it's not like you got in trouble or anything...but I generally would believe it means that someone somewhere couldn't fathom you wearing them and went to HR....

    But that's just me. I see too much of this garbage at my own job.
  • cobarlo14
    cobarlo14 Posts: 582 Member
    Its kind of a given that shorts are not ok. Well, now you know for next time.

    I have to disagree with you. There are dress shorts that are appropriate for work. Professional,knee length, pressed and work attire. Someone had to be a ****and report her.
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
    It's simple- you work with some hags who are jealous of how fabulous you look in your shorts. If you catch someone looking your way and eyeing your shorts, make sure and mention that you've lost weight recently...or that you couldn't fit into those shorts previously...or something else that would fill them even more with envy. After all, that's why they reported you in the first place...because they are jealous!

    I would also mention something to HR about what the handbook says.

    And no, it's not a given that shorts aren't allowed in the workplace. I've worked in finance/banking for years...and I know of several execs wearing shorts.
  • mallorybriann
    mallorybriann Posts: 1,380 Member
    BWAHAHAHAHAH HAGS!!!
    It's simple- you work with some hags who are jealous of how fabulous you look in your shorts. If you catch someone looking your way and eyeing your shorts, make sure and mention that you've lost weight recently...or that you couldn't fit into those shorts previously...or something else that would fill them even more with envy. After all, that's why they reported you in the first place...because they are jealous!

    I would also mention something to HR about what the handbook says.

    And no, it's not a given that shorts aren't allowed in the workplace. I've worked in finance/banking for years...and I know of several execs wearing shorts.
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