People Problem
Jztime
Posts: 138 Member
I've been trying to maintain my weight for about 2 months now. Controversially I am refusing to weigh as well during this time. Why? I need to prove to myself that my habits are permanent now. That I have the self control I need to make this permanent. I check my trousers (pants) every time I put them on to ensure there is still that "extra" room to which I have become accustom to in them. If that wasn't the case I would probably weigh and get back into my old routine.
So far so good. I have enjoyed being able to eat pizza, chocolate and crisps again. Not that I ever banned them but they were carefully controlled in my calorie counting. Have I over indulged? Of course! On balance though I feel as though I haven't moved very much in terms of weight. My clothes still fit as before. I can still feel all those new bones in my body that I gained in the past year.
My other half finds it mind blowing that a 365 pound man can drop to 175 pounds and not have to worry about he way he eats going forward. The truth is I do worry about it, every day, every meal and every time I put on clothes. I'm happy with this though. I have replaced total indifference to my excessive consumption to a heightened awareness of what I am doing to my body.
I tend to eat twice a day with a few little snacks just because of my lifestyle now. If I do overindulge often it's at breakfast and then I just end up having an evening meal later. If I do pick at sweets or crisps that people have around me then I just let it wash over me. I have a few of them now and not whole bag so I need to forgive myself these treats every now and again.
I still refuse to participate in cake or cookie consumption in work. I don't see any point in it. If it's someone's birthday then I'll join in but I'll not be eating your cake because you came in via a supermarket and they have massive boxes of cakes on offer and you wanted one but didn't want to indulge alone so now you are fattening the whole office up to make you feel better. I refuse to play the game of people telling me what I should or shouldn't eat.
People will do this! I'd lost 10 stone when sat at my desk eating crisps (low fat ones) and a manager about 3 or 4 stone heavier than me said "you shouldn't be eating those". I think looking at you my friend it is I that should be dishing out the advice about who can eat what! Conversely people will say "oh go on you can have one", I'm sorry I wasn't aware that the NHS outsourced my dietician to being you? Is this now like Alcoholics Anonymous? Have I got you as my mentor? Do I ring you at 3am crying about the Jaffa cakes calling me from the kitchen cupboard? Will we be found the two of us in a cardboard box down an alleyway with empty multipacks of crisps strewn across the floor if we fall off the wagon and have one too many biscuits?
All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people. A friend, parent, partner or child who is not supportive of your goals is like dragging a heavy rock on a marathon. Talk to them. I am not suggesting you cut them out of your life but just make it clear how you feel. Tell them how badly you want to change and how they can support you. Communication is king. A supportive partner in this fight can make such a huge difference.
I will return to daily logging I am sure, but for now I need to relax a little. 18 months of "dieting" has awakened a need to just stop counting for a little bit. I don't intend to go mad and I'll hold my hands up and tell you all that I am still learning. I know I'll eat what I buy so I buy smaller or not at all. No multipacks for me! BOGOF deals stay on the supermarket shelf. It's not a perfect life but it is my life.
So far so good. I have enjoyed being able to eat pizza, chocolate and crisps again. Not that I ever banned them but they were carefully controlled in my calorie counting. Have I over indulged? Of course! On balance though I feel as though I haven't moved very much in terms of weight. My clothes still fit as before. I can still feel all those new bones in my body that I gained in the past year.
My other half finds it mind blowing that a 365 pound man can drop to 175 pounds and not have to worry about he way he eats going forward. The truth is I do worry about it, every day, every meal and every time I put on clothes. I'm happy with this though. I have replaced total indifference to my excessive consumption to a heightened awareness of what I am doing to my body.
I tend to eat twice a day with a few little snacks just because of my lifestyle now. If I do overindulge often it's at breakfast and then I just end up having an evening meal later. If I do pick at sweets or crisps that people have around me then I just let it wash over me. I have a few of them now and not whole bag so I need to forgive myself these treats every now and again.
I still refuse to participate in cake or cookie consumption in work. I don't see any point in it. If it's someone's birthday then I'll join in but I'll not be eating your cake because you came in via a supermarket and they have massive boxes of cakes on offer and you wanted one but didn't want to indulge alone so now you are fattening the whole office up to make you feel better. I refuse to play the game of people telling me what I should or shouldn't eat.
People will do this! I'd lost 10 stone when sat at my desk eating crisps (low fat ones) and a manager about 3 or 4 stone heavier than me said "you shouldn't be eating those". I think looking at you my friend it is I that should be dishing out the advice about who can eat what! Conversely people will say "oh go on you can have one", I'm sorry I wasn't aware that the NHS outsourced my dietician to being you? Is this now like Alcoholics Anonymous? Have I got you as my mentor? Do I ring you at 3am crying about the Jaffa cakes calling me from the kitchen cupboard? Will we be found the two of us in a cardboard box down an alleyway with empty multipacks of crisps strewn across the floor if we fall off the wagon and have one too many biscuits?
All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people. A friend, parent, partner or child who is not supportive of your goals is like dragging a heavy rock on a marathon. Talk to them. I am not suggesting you cut them out of your life but just make it clear how you feel. Tell them how badly you want to change and how they can support you. Communication is king. A supportive partner in this fight can make such a huge difference.
I will return to daily logging I am sure, but for now I need to relax a little. 18 months of "dieting" has awakened a need to just stop counting for a little bit. I don't intend to go mad and I'll hold my hands up and tell you all that I am still learning. I know I'll eat what I buy so I buy smaller or not at all. No multipacks for me! BOGOF deals stay on the supermarket shelf. It's not a perfect life but it is my life.
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Replies
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Bravo.
Too true about free advice. Weight gain and loss is such a thing, I think people project all their hang ups on the biggest loser. Kind of ironic. What they should do is ask for tips.0 -
Word. I had to take a break from the weight room because some dude had advice for me every. single. time. It got really old. I'd love to get to a point of no tracking, but I'm not sure I can be "mindful" without it.0
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Word. I had to take a break from the weight room because some dude had advice for me every. single. time. It got really old. I'd love to get to a point of no tracking, but I'm not sure I can be "mindful" without it.
I'm not sure I can yet but I need to give this a go! Good luck on your journey.0 -
Bravo.
Too true about free advice. Weight gain and loss is such a thing, I think people project all their hang ups on the biggest loser. Kind of ironic. What they should do is ask for tips.
I don't even want to have them ask for tips. It's nice if people do but why can't people just take on the advice "if you haven't got anything positive to say, then don't say anything at all"?
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It's actually a nice inspiration for me to think that I can also eventually "break" from the obsessive counting for a while. You seem to be doing really well just trying to be mindful/aware. It's funny that your SO views your new habits as "not having to worry" when you feel like you think about it all the time.
Congrats on reaching your goals and on finding a maintenance plan that's working for you. Good luck!0 -
Great post, agreed 100%. Kudos on a job well done!0
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All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.
Nah. I am my biggest problem. They're just accidental teachers revealing what I still have yet to learn. I decide how those "helpful" suggestions make me feel. It's disastrous to allow myself to become angry. I am very good at self sabotage.
Congratulations on a job well done. Stay strong!
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creativegfxsj wrote: »
All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.
Nah. I am my biggest problem. They're just accidental teachers revealing what I still have yet to learn. I decide how those "helpful" suggestions make me feel. It's disastrous to allow myself to become angry. I am very good at self sabotage.
Congratulations on a job well done. Stay strong!
I completely agree with this-if I let those people drag my efforts down, that is my fault. No excuses. I am the one in control of my weight and weight loss.
But congrats on doing a fantastic job with your loss! You should be proud 0 -
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Yeah, I don't completely agree with this either. People eat cake, it is polite to offer some to others. It's up for me to decide if I can have it that day.0
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I've spent my entire adult life ignoring unsolicited advice, it is worth what you pay for it. I have no trouble ignoring those people and have no need for their support. Each of us are on a solo journey when it comes to most things.0
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I've had people get downright hostile when I turned down their cake. I mollified them by turning it in to a "true confessions" episode when I explained in detail why I could not eat cake when they wanted me to. But should I have to bare my soul for others to "get it"?0
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After I had lost 101 pounds total I took a break from counting for about a year. I'm still within 3 pounds of the 101 pound goal, so I am starting to count again to shed the last few. Totally agree with you on the other people thing though, at my work birthday lunches are mandatory for ALL staff! How crazy is that??0
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All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
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OP, I'm glad you have something that works for you. I'm one of those people who don't rely on other people to help me with weight loss. Yes, I have a support system, but if I can't do this on my own, what's the point of even trying? If other people are affecting you, perhaps you need to take a step back and reevaluate the dependency you have.0
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If OP had said, "Other people are your biggest problem in weight loss" and left it at that, I would agree that he needs to take responsibility for his own weight. However, he immediately followed it with his actions to rectify how much say other people have in his eating choices.
Other people/social situations were/are my biggest struggle. I don't think they are responsible for my actions. I do think my own shortcomings and issues with food are greatly affected by how pushy other people can be with food. And people can be pushy, to the point of rude. I can either say, "poor me" and let others determine how much I eat, or I can do something about it. It seems to me like OP has done something about it.0 -
All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
Thank you, that is entirely my point. It worries me when we agree with those who don't have weight problems about being an adult and makes choices. Often for a lot of us it isn't a simple as just having a weight problem there is an awful lot going on in the background. My depression can be at the whim of other people's words and actions. That leads me to eat. Many other people suffer from things that cause them to eat or behave in other ways that are unhelpful.
Did you know that if there is a suicide of a woman aged 25 on the news we will see an increase in suicides for women in that age group? More worryingly is there becomes an increase in single driver fatalities of the same age group. Those who want to protect their families from them taking their own lives. That we are "all adults" completely ignores that we are social animals dependent upon the action and behaviours of one another.
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Being irritated that someone comments hardly makes those comments the "biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss."All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
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That's a cop out, pure and simple. My eating choices aren't dependent on the actions and behaviors of others. If yours are, that's your issue.All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
Thank you, that is entirely my point. It worries me when we agree with those who don't have weight problems about being an adult and makes choices. Often for a lot of us it isn't a simple as just having a weight problem there is an awful lot going on in the background. My depression can be at the whim of other people's words and actions. That leads me to eat. Many other people suffer from things that cause them to eat or behave in other ways that are unhelpful.
Did you know that if there is a suicide of a woman aged 25 on the news we will see an increase in suicides for women in that age group? More worryingly is there becomes an increase in single driver fatalities of the same age group. Those who want to protect their families from them taking their own lives. That we are "all adults" completely ignores that we are social animals dependent upon the action and behaviours of one another.
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
That's a cop out, pure and simple. My eating choices aren't dependent on the actions and behaviors of others. If yours are, that's your issue.All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
Thank you, that is entirely my point. It worries me when we agree with those who don't have weight problems about being an adult and makes choices. Often for a lot of us it isn't a simple as just having a weight problem there is an awful lot going on in the background. My depression can be at the whim of other people's words and actions. That leads me to eat. Many other people suffer from things that cause them to eat or behave in other ways that are unhelpful.
Did you know that if there is a suicide of a woman aged 25 on the news we will see an increase in suicides for women in that age group? More worryingly is there becomes an increase in single driver fatalities of the same age group. Those who want to protect their families from them taking their own lives. That we are "all adults" completely ignores that we are social animals dependent upon the action and behaviours of one another.
Nothing is "one size fits all". Why so hostile?0 -
What was hostile in what I wrote?DeguelloTex wrote: »
That's a cop out, pure and simple. My eating choices aren't dependent on the actions and behaviors of others. If yours are, that's your issue.All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
Thank you, that is entirely my point. It worries me when we agree with those who don't have weight problems about being an adult and makes choices. Often for a lot of us it isn't a simple as just having a weight problem there is an awful lot going on in the background. My depression can be at the whim of other people's words and actions. That leads me to eat. Many other people suffer from things that cause them to eat or behave in other ways that are unhelpful.
Did you know that if there is a suicide of a woman aged 25 on the news we will see an increase in suicides for women in that age group? More worryingly is there becomes an increase in single driver fatalities of the same age group. Those who want to protect their families from them taking their own lives. That we are "all adults" completely ignores that we are social animals dependent upon the action and behaviours of one another.
Nothing is "one size fits all". Why so hostile?
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
What was hostile in what I wrote?DeguelloTex wrote: »
That's a cop out, pure and simple. My eating choices aren't dependent on the actions and behaviors of others. If yours are, that's your issue.All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
Thank you, that is entirely my point. It worries me when we agree with those who don't have weight problems about being an adult and makes choices. Often for a lot of us it isn't a simple as just having a weight problem there is an awful lot going on in the background. My depression can be at the whim of other people's words and actions. That leads me to eat. Many other people suffer from things that cause them to eat or behave in other ways that are unhelpful.
Did you know that if there is a suicide of a woman aged 25 on the news we will see an increase in suicides for women in that age group? More worryingly is there becomes an increase in single driver fatalities of the same age group. Those who want to protect their families from them taking their own lives. That we are "all adults" completely ignores that we are social animals dependent upon the action and behaviours of one another.
Nothing is "one size fits all". Why so hostile?
Was it really essential to add "that's your problem"? "That's a cop out" was your response to a serious comment presented with facts on how easily we as humans are influenced by others and society. It was hostile and dismissive without any substantive evidence.
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I don't really have a problem saying no to food I don't want or ignoring people but can see that it could be a problem. The OP suggestion to just talk to people in your life and tell them what you need is good. I would say be specific and realistic. Not realistic to expect people will never eat cake around you or remember what you can eat for your calorie goal but accepting when you say no or not making comments about you eating something is realistic.
Some people can be extremely pushy/unstable over food. I had an incident several years ago where I politely declined some food repeatedly and it ended with people (not me) yelling and actually throwing things. These were adults and it was a piece of store bought candy. Fortunately, I don't live or work with that person but someone else might. They might need to have a conversation or two.
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I will just say that to measure is to know. Why would you not track your weight and consumption? Why not continue to use the tools that got you where you want to be?0
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I don't really have a problem saying no to food I don't want or ignoring people but can see that it could be a problem. The OP suggestion to just talk to people in your life and tell them what you need is good. I would say be specific and realistic. Not realistic to expect people will never eat cake around you or remember what you can eat for your calorie goal but accepting when you say no or not making comments about you eating something is realistic.
Some people can be extremely pushy/unstable over food. I had an incident several years ago where I politely declined some food repeatedly and it ended with people (not me) yelling and actually throwing things. These were adults and it was a piece of store bought candy. Fortunately, I don't live or work with that person but someone else might. They might need to have a conversation or two.
At Christmas I felt obliged to eat an excessive amount of food in front of my family to "prove" I hadn't had a gastric band fitted. I think that like so many things in life, if we for the support of those around us it would be so much easier. You hear all the time of one half of a couple trying to lose weight and then the other just carrying on ordering take aways. I know my own father did it to myself and my mother. Totally disregarded our diets or plans when it came to meals. Willpower is one thing but I know that I could have lost the 200+ pounds if I'd not had the support network I do have around me now.
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I will just say that to measure is to know. Why would you not track your weight and consumption? Why not continue to use the tools that got you where you want to be?
I fully accept that I may have to go back to doing it. I'm not being disparaging of the tools I just feel like I need to stand on my own two feet for a few more months. A lot of other things changed in my life and I'm trying to figure out if the source of the problem has gone away.
If I'm being honest my whole life has changed: location, relationship, job and friends.0 -
If your eating choices are dependent on the actions and behaviors of others, whose issue is that other than yours?DeguelloTex wrote: »
What was hostile in what I wrote?DeguelloTex wrote: »
That's a cop out, pure and simple. My eating choices aren't dependent on the actions and behaviors of others. If yours are, that's your issue.All of this leads me nearly to the point of this post. The biggest problem in your life and success at weight loss is other people.DeguelloTex wrote: »No, it isn't. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my choices. I don't get to blame my poor choices on other people.
I don't think Jztime is letting other people make his choices at all. He's only justifiably irritated that other people believe they have a right to say anything whatsoever about those choices.
Jztime, good for you!
Thank you, that is entirely my point. It worries me when we agree with those who don't have weight problems about being an adult and makes choices. Often for a lot of us it isn't a simple as just having a weight problem there is an awful lot going on in the background. My depression can be at the whim of other people's words and actions. That leads me to eat. Many other people suffer from things that cause them to eat or behave in other ways that are unhelpful.
Did you know that if there is a suicide of a woman aged 25 on the news we will see an increase in suicides for women in that age group? More worryingly is there becomes an increase in single driver fatalities of the same age group. Those who want to protect their families from them taking their own lives. That we are "all adults" completely ignores that we are social animals dependent upon the action and behaviours of one another.
Nothing is "one size fits all". Why so hostile?
Was it really essential to add "that's your problem"? "That's a cop out" was your response to a serious comment presented with facts on how easily we as humans are influenced by others and society. It was hostile and dismissive without any substantive evidence.
Part of being a responsible, moral agent of a human being is not giving in to the influences of others when it comes to making choices for yourself. Isn't "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too" a common refrain from parents over there as it is over here? From a very early age, we're taught that just because someone else does something or wants you to do something doesn't mean you should do it and it certainly doesn't mean you aren't the responsible party if you do.
Repeating that it was "hostile" doesn't explain what was hostile about it. What was hostile about it? The mere fact of disagreement?
Yeah, I'll admit that I am dismissive of the idea of people looking for excuses for why they make poor choices. In my view, trying to palm off such poor choices as being due to the influence of others is problematic.
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Absolutely...sadly we are all guilty of falling for it. Societies expectations. We all try to be what is expected of us. Engaged, marriage, buy a house then kids. All sorts of things.0 -
I will just say that to measure is to know. Why would you not track your weight and consumption? Why not continue to use the tools that got you where you want to be?
I agree. One of the biggest problems in losing weight is maintaining the loss. Too many times I lost weight and then went back to old habits allowing it to sneak back on. Don't get me wrong, it didn't come back overnight. One day, I would eat chips with my sandwich. The next, I'd have another cocktail. You get the picture. I would not get on the scale. I kept telling myself you'll get back on track. A three pound gain turned to five. The next month another three. Five months another 20. For me, I have to weigh myself and I have to log the food. At 57 the bad habits are too well ingrained.
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