Culture Shock and My Crazy Boss
Options
yummypotroast
Posts: 31 Member
Hi all,
I just want to share an experience I've had while working at an elementary school in South Korea for the past ten months. Some of you might find this an interesting read, as it is what had triggered my weight gain and also my primary motivation for losing weight now. I hope you guys can relate somehow.
I was sent here to teach English for a year under a work program. I had never been to Korea before and didn't know anyone here, so when I first arrived I went hungry because I didn't know how to buy food and couldn't eat much anyway because of anxieties with my new living arrangements. When I met the staff at the elementary school, my new workplace, they were all fascinated with how slim I was, and wanted to know my "secret".
It wasn't until about two months in that I began making friends and finding more accessible ways to feed myself, and soon enough I was going out to eat every few days and stocking my little closet full of yummy snacks. By the time winter vacation rolled around, I was stuffing myself with Chocopies, oily pancakes, and fried chicken every day and night. I was having a great time. Korean food is cheap and delicious. Why would I stop?
The day we went back to work after winter vacation, there was a staff dinner. The vice principal of the school was in the middle of making a speech when she turned to me and announced in Korean that she noticed I had gained lots of weight, and then laughed and said my face looked so fat now. My Korean isn't very good but I understood what she said. She then cocked her head at me and asked me (in Korean), "Did you eat a lot?" I didn't know what to say. The rest of the staff looked smiled uncomfortably and gazed away.
Because of my lack of Korean skills, I don't really talk to the other staff much, so I didn't have anyone to stand up for me in the workplace. But when I asked my friends about the situation, they replied that it was just common Korean workplace culture for superiors to comment on physical appearance. In fact, she might have been trying to come off as caring... WTF? I've had other interactions with her and I can assure that precisely none of them had been positive. She's usually extremely demanding and does not even speak to me or respond to polite greetings unless she needs me to do extra work. Why would she be "caring" now that she's laughing at my newfound "fatness"? (FYI, I gained 5kg, or 10 pounds.)
I didn't want to stir trouble and figured it was just a one-time occurrence, so I shrugged it off. But I was wrong. From that moment on, every single time she saw me, whether it was in the staff room or at a staff dinner or even in my freaking classroom, she would turn to the person closest to her and speak in a low voice about how "The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?" and whatnot. Fortunately, the person she's speaking to would usually reply with something like, "No, I don't notice anything. I don't think she's fat." This is always done within my earshot, though I wouldn't be surprised if she said other things when I'm not around. I stopped going to the staff room altogether, and avoided speaking to her whenever I could.
She's currently on sick leave and hasn't seen me for the past month, when I've been actively trying to lose weight. Many people noticed that I look slimmer, but I really don't know what she would say. To be honest, I don't care if she says I look slim or that she sees I lost weight. I just want her to stop telling our coworkers I got fat. I have two months left on my work contract and I cannot wait to get out of here.
I'm not bashing Korean culture as I love this country and am so grateful for most of the people I've met. I just got dealt a very crappy hand with my job placement and work environment. There's really not much I can do except wait it out and maybe fart in her office before I leave for good.
How do you guys deal with unwanted comments towards your weight, or physical appearance in general?
Thanks for reading!
I just want to share an experience I've had while working at an elementary school in South Korea for the past ten months. Some of you might find this an interesting read, as it is what had triggered my weight gain and also my primary motivation for losing weight now. I hope you guys can relate somehow.
I was sent here to teach English for a year under a work program. I had never been to Korea before and didn't know anyone here, so when I first arrived I went hungry because I didn't know how to buy food and couldn't eat much anyway because of anxieties with my new living arrangements. When I met the staff at the elementary school, my new workplace, they were all fascinated with how slim I was, and wanted to know my "secret".
It wasn't until about two months in that I began making friends and finding more accessible ways to feed myself, and soon enough I was going out to eat every few days and stocking my little closet full of yummy snacks. By the time winter vacation rolled around, I was stuffing myself with Chocopies, oily pancakes, and fried chicken every day and night. I was having a great time. Korean food is cheap and delicious. Why would I stop?
The day we went back to work after winter vacation, there was a staff dinner. The vice principal of the school was in the middle of making a speech when she turned to me and announced in Korean that she noticed I had gained lots of weight, and then laughed and said my face looked so fat now. My Korean isn't very good but I understood what she said. She then cocked her head at me and asked me (in Korean), "Did you eat a lot?" I didn't know what to say. The rest of the staff looked smiled uncomfortably and gazed away.
Because of my lack of Korean skills, I don't really talk to the other staff much, so I didn't have anyone to stand up for me in the workplace. But when I asked my friends about the situation, they replied that it was just common Korean workplace culture for superiors to comment on physical appearance. In fact, she might have been trying to come off as caring... WTF? I've had other interactions with her and I can assure that precisely none of them had been positive. She's usually extremely demanding and does not even speak to me or respond to polite greetings unless she needs me to do extra work. Why would she be "caring" now that she's laughing at my newfound "fatness"? (FYI, I gained 5kg, or 10 pounds.)
I didn't want to stir trouble and figured it was just a one-time occurrence, so I shrugged it off. But I was wrong. From that moment on, every single time she saw me, whether it was in the staff room or at a staff dinner or even in my freaking classroom, she would turn to the person closest to her and speak in a low voice about how "The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?" and whatnot. Fortunately, the person she's speaking to would usually reply with something like, "No, I don't notice anything. I don't think she's fat." This is always done within my earshot, though I wouldn't be surprised if she said other things when I'm not around. I stopped going to the staff room altogether, and avoided speaking to her whenever I could.
She's currently on sick leave and hasn't seen me for the past month, when I've been actively trying to lose weight. Many people noticed that I look slimmer, but I really don't know what she would say. To be honest, I don't care if she says I look slim or that she sees I lost weight. I just want her to stop telling our coworkers I got fat. I have two months left on my work contract and I cannot wait to get out of here.
I'm not bashing Korean culture as I love this country and am so grateful for most of the people I've met. I just got dealt a very crappy hand with my job placement and work environment. There's really not much I can do except wait it out and maybe fart in her office before I leave for good.
How do you guys deal with unwanted comments towards your weight, or physical appearance in general?
Thanks for reading!
0
Replies
-
I've heard this about Asian culture (that it is acceptable to openly comment on someone's weight gain/loss).
I would ask her to stop "hey can you please refrain from discussing my weight? It is making me uncomfortable" and see if that helps. If it doesn't I would just tough it out until it was over.
It's really not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. Try to look at the positives of this experience and ignore her weight comments.0 -
Ha! Eat very spicy kimchi before you fart in her office! Lol I would be pissed to. I don't know a lot about the Korean culture either but my sister's mother in law is from Korea and she is very blunt. Not usually rude like ur boss but just says whatever she thinks. Thankfully she likes me so she's never said anything about my weight.
I've been lucky in that most people dont comment on my weight. I think they r scared I will eat them if they did. Since u only have 2 months left, wait it out and then plan a nice little retort back to her on ur last day!0 -
That's a lack of social skills (i.e in the middle of a speech) vs cultural difference (in casual conversation). However, it is true that in various Asian cultures, it is off-limits to bring up, point out, etc, one's weight.
Go with the flow, and expect a few dumbasses along the way. Do the Western thing by ignoring what the person said (context: I'm not North American by birth), and treating this rudeness by treating it as though it doesn't exist.
If you don't bring attention to it, and don't pay attention when people bring it up, it will not become a weapon to be used by the cattier people in the workplace.
At least, I've had to learn to do this within my extended Indian family, so that's the tactic I would use here too.0 -
I would just smile and say, "Yes, your Korean food is so delicious! I will have to be careful not to enjoy it too much!"0
-
yummypotroast wrote: »Hi all,
I just want to share an experience I've had while working at an elementary school in South Korea for the past ten months. Some of you might find this an interesting read, as it is what had triggered my weight gain and also my primary motivation for losing weight now. I hope you guys can relate somehow.
I was sent here to teach English for a year under a work program. I had never been to Korea before and didn't know anyone here, so when I first arrived I went hungry because I didn't know how to buy food and couldn't eat much anyway because of anxieties with my new living arrangements. When I met the staff at the elementary school, my new workplace, they were all fascinated with how slim I was, and wanted to know my "secret".
It wasn't until about two months in that I began making friends and finding more accessible ways to feed myself, and soon enough I was going out to eat every few days and stocking my little closet full of yummy snacks. By the time winter vacation rolled around, I was stuffing myself with Chocopies, oily pancakes, and fried chicken every day and night. I was having a great time. Korean food is cheap and delicious. Why would I stop?
The day we went back to work after winter vacation, there was a staff dinner. The vice principal of the school was in the middle of making a speech when she turned to me and announced in Korean that she noticed I had gained lots of weight, and then laughed and said my face looked so fat now. My Korean isn't very good but I understood what she said. She then cocked her head at me and asked me (in Korean), "Did you eat a lot?" I didn't know what to say. The rest of the staff looked smiled uncomfortably and gazed away.
Because of my lack of Korean skills, I don't really talk to the other staff much, so I didn't have anyone to stand up for me in the workplace. But when I asked my friends about the situation, they replied that it was just common Korean workplace culture for superiors to comment on physical appearance. In fact, she might have been trying to come off as caring... WTF? I've had other interactions with her and I can assure that precisely none of them had been positive. She's usually extremely demanding and does not even speak to me or respond to polite greetings unless she needs me to do extra work. Why would she be "caring" now that she's laughing at my newfound "fatness"? (FYI, I gained 5kg, or 10 pounds.)
I didn't want to stir trouble and figured it was just a one-time occurrence, so I shrugged it off. But I was wrong. From that moment on, every single time she saw me, whether it was in the staff room or at a staff dinner or even in my freaking classroom, she would turn to the person closest to her and speak in a low voice about how "The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?" and whatnot. Fortunately, the person she's speaking to would usually reply with something like, "No, I don't notice anything. I don't think she's fat." This is always done within my earshot, though I wouldn't be surprised if she said other things when I'm not around. I stopped going to the staff room altogether, and avoided speaking to her whenever I could.
She's currently on sick leave and hasn't seen me for the past month, when I've been actively trying to lose weight. Many people noticed that I look slimmer, but I really don't know what she would say. To be honest, I don't care if she says I look slim or that she sees I lost weight. I just want her to stop telling our coworkers I got fat. I have two months left on my work contract and I cannot wait to get out of here.
I'm not bashing Korean culture as I love this country and am so grateful for most of the people I've met. I just got dealt a very crappy hand with my job placement and work environment. There's really not much I can do except wait it out and maybe fart in her office before I leave for good.
How do you guys deal with unwanted comments towards your weight, or physical appearance in general?
Thanks for reading!
Definitely fart in her office!0 -
I say fart!0
-
-
Can I just play devils advocate here a moment? How many times have you commented to people about their weight LOSS? It's the same surely? Just a thought....
I am with you though, it seems from your explanation that this was done in a hurtful, spiteful way not from a cultural abruptness which is just plain mean and this I do not condone. I agree with the others, ignore it let it go and when your 2 months is up why stop at farting in her office......;-)
I wish you lots of luck in your journey!0 -
It sounds like a bit of xenophobia is going on too.0
-
finallyfitcanuck wrote: »That's a lack of social skills (i.e in the middle of a speech) vs cultural difference (in casual conversation). However, it is true that in various Asian cultures, it is off-limits to bring up, point out, etc, one's weight.
Go with the flow, and expect a few dumbasses along the way. Do the Western thing by ignoring what the person said (context: I'm not North American by birth), and treating this rudeness by treating it as though it doesn't exist.
If you don't bring attention to it, and don't pay attention when people bring it up, it will not become a weapon to be used by the cattier people in the workplace.
At least, I've had to learn to do this within my extended Indian family, so that's the tactic I would use here too.
This would be my approach. Good luck and be strong.0 -
Glad you're tackling your weight issues.0
-
@yummypotroast, it sounds like you are facing your ten pound gain head on. As for that person saying offensive things, let it roll of your back. Here's a universal truth for you that knows no culture:
What she says has nothing to do with you, she is making herself feel better by putting you down.
Keep moving forward and.....
I like the part about farting in her office.
0 -
Its Asian culture. its not a taboo topic like it is here. they dont think its rude, its normal to most of them (hubby is japanese and we lived in japan several years)
you can thicken your skin and roll with it or lose weight. and im not saying that to be rude or mean, it is just how their culture IS.0 -
Definitely crop dust her.0
-
pstegman888 wrote: »I would just smile and say, "Yes, your Korean food is so delicious! I will have to be careful not to enjoy it too much!"
This is the best responses I have read so far
0 -
NoIdea101NoIdea wrote: »pstegman888 wrote: »I would just smile and say, "Yes, your Korean food is so delicious! I will have to be careful not to enjoy it too much!"
This is the best responses I have read so far
pretty much, yup lol0 -
Thanks for the responses, guys!
I don't really talk to the other staff at school because my Korean is not fluent, and as such, I've never mentioned my weight or brought it to attention. I'm always kind and polite so it is quite frustrating that my boss continually mentions my weight as my main qualifier.
The worst of it was when the new school year started and we had several new teachers come to our school. At the first staff dinner of the school year she literally introduced me to the teachers as "the foreign teacher who used to be skinny and gained lots of weight". I mean, even if she only mentioned it occasionally, it wouldn't be so bad as the fact that she mentions it every. single. time.
She doesn't even say that I'm from Canada or that all the kids love me or anything (maybe she forgot, idk). Just my weight gain.
I'm motivated more than ever now to attain the figure I had when I first arrived. I've got two months to make it happen!
0 -
I wouldn't even be able to tell if someone gained (or lost) 5kg. She must spend a lot of time eyeing you up and down.0
-
It sounds like she is jealous of you for whatever reason.
I've taught overseas and the office politics can be tricky, even when you are already familiar with the language and culture.0 -
Out in left field, as I have no idea of the tone used, but it could be a compliment. You must be enjoying your time in Korea; as you have enjoyed the food enough to gain a little weight.
In most cultures it is a compliment when you finish your plate.
Weight comments are the norm in many cultures.
I find North America fascinating; I have upset people by not commenting on weight lost or gained, as much as I have when I have not commented. It is a no win situation.
Enjoy the rest of your stay.
Cheers, h.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 396 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 968 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions