Trouble with Positivity and Self Love

Not to get all Stuart Smalley on you, but know that you are worth it. Celebrate your success and know that each failure is nothing more than the learning process. We seek progress, not perfection.

Are there triggers (events, people) that initiate these thoughts? Can you avoid these or eliminate them from your life?

I have hypothyroidism and went through a bit of PTSD, mostly survivor guilt and it took me a long time to identify it and turn it into growth. This is one of the tremendous benefits of the anonymity of internet friends as it can be easier to discuss these issues.

One of the keys that helped me was identifying "heroes" - people like Amanda Sullivan who just do not quit.

NickieLR wrote: »

dubird wrote: »

I will say this, if you have true clinical depression, that's not something that goes away. Losing weight won't make it go away, working on a positive attitude won't make it go away. Being depressed about being overweight or bad things happening in your life is one thing. That's normal and just a part of life. Sometimes it can be hard to shake, espically if you don't have a good support group to help, but it will pass. But clinical depression is where there's something in your brain that isn't working properly and that doesn't just go away. Meds should be a last resort, but that's where I ended up having to go because nothing else worked. You need to talk to your doctor and get things like that on record so if there's a pattern, they can spot it and help. There are also usually some kind of free or low cost therapy programs, espically in large metro areas that you can use. Do some research and find what's available in your area. It may be that you just need a hand getting yourself back on your feet emotionally, and if so, that's great. But if it's more than that, you're not doing yourself any favors ignoring it.

Hi dubird. I don't think I have clinical depression. And I apologize to anyone who thought I may have been implying that I do. My mom has clinical depression, and I realize it is nothing like that. I do believe I have some very depressive states that are hard to shake and some emotional issues at times. But I think they are things that will go away with introspection and support. I really shouldn't throw around the word depression so lightly, I hope I am not being offensive. I have trouble describing it any other way. Thank you for your post! It is very thoughtful.

I honestly hope you don't! And no, I don't think you're being offensive. Being depressed is a valid emotion, it's just not the same thing as clinical depression, a distinction a lot of people don't realize. But be aware that not everyone experiences depression the same way and it can run in families. However, I think your plan of trying other things is the best course to try. So many people go through a bad time and say 'oh, i must be depressed!' and go look for a 'happy pill' to make it better. And, sadly, there are many doctors that will do that. I think you're going about this the right way and try everything you can to not resort to meds. I would still talk to your doctor about it just to get a second eye on how you're feeling. Plus, he/she might know of a support group that will help you out as well. I hope you can get on the track you need! ^_^

NickieLR wrote: »

robertw486 wrote: »

There are often free or reduced price resources for counseling on the local level, usually though the Community Services Boards. Between your first post and the above one, you've identified things you want to change, so that puts you several steps ahead of those that still haven't identified such things. The positive attitude shown above gives insight that you DO have some motivation that you may struggle to see, but it's there.

Give yourself some credit for seeing your strengths and weaknesses as a human being and figure out your plan from there. You're a beautiful young woman with most of your life still ahead of you, and you have all the time you choose to take to get to that place you want to be.

As for being emotional, that's not a bad thing. Be mindful of the positives it might bring to you. I learned at a seminar for gifted children (our daughter is very bright) that it is a common trend both among gifted children and children often diagnosed as ADHD. The major difference is in how they harness those emotions. There are a number of character traits with similar trends that apply to adults as well.


I went though a period with a toxic mix of very high stress levels, anxiety, and some PTSD issues. For me, going out for some exercise was one of the few things I had complete control over at the time and helped me clear my head and put other things in perspective as I worked them out. That might or might not work for you, but you have identified the path you want or need to take. You just have to start walking on that path, and figure out if it's leading you where you want to go.

You put things so eloquently I don't really know what to say! I do think re-examining my attitude towards weight loss may help me. Because often I don't feel in control of that. The truth is though that I can control that. It's also difficult at times to see my emotional personality as a positive thing. I've leaned over the years to accept it more, so that's a start. You are very much an inspiration and seem so warm hearted! I really appreciate your comment.

You are showing some of that inner self above. You KNOW you can control your weight. If you struggle to do it, just examine why and press on. Once you have some victories, it results in a confidence boost and some other tasks get easier as well.

As for personality traits, view them in a mindful way. In a nutshell, it is what it is. Sometimes it's really easy for us as humans to want to classify everything as good or bad, when in fact it just is.

From the patient and polite way you have interacted on this thread, you already are a person with inner strength, insight, and emotional-resilience, but simply have many legitimate challenges that makes it hard to see this in yourself. It is helpful to understand that while these issues obstruct you, they are actually separate from the process of losing weight.

From your OP, it seems like you have a strong emotional association between weight and sense of self-worth, and fall into this cycle familiar to all of us who have struggled with weight. Maybe something in our life triggered a burst of weight-related self-hate; and to overcome it, we "get pumped", start a drastic plan, ride the wave of inspiration for a week or two, then the emotional feelings of motivation peter out (as all emotions do eventually), and the underlying feelings of misery come back up, swallow us, and we give it all up.

I think, as a very lazy and low-motivation type of person myself that successful long-term weight-loss doesn't need a lot of motivation, or inspiration, or looking forward to some awesome future goal. These are all good short-term rewards to keep us going on days we're just not feeling it, but if you already have strong emotional associations with weight, it can turn your journey into an unbearable roller-coaster, and lessen your ability to keep going.

Instead, for the purpose of weight-loss, try to think of your body as a machine. It is our most precious possession, and we only get one! Just imagine what life would be like if you don't even have what you have right now. So we should maintain it LIKE we would a beloved machine. It needs proper nutrition, rest, and exercise in order to function correctly. Moreover, it needs time and patience to transform from a rusty & uncared-for condition into a shiny, smooth-running one.

Say your hobby is to rescue and restore vintage but junked cars. You take it home and keep it in the garage a while, and when you're ready, and have collected all the tools, you begin to work on it. But like most people who have work and a life, you only have an hour here or there, and have to wait for parts to arrive, or there are things that simply take a long time to do, like sanding away the rust or whatnot. You wouldn't get upset and emotional if, after 3 days, it's not ready to compete in a vintage car show, would you? You wouldn't bang on the hood in frustration after two months if it is only 30% polished, only to make more work for yourself later? No, instead, you'd just slowly, patiently, keep going, because, why not? the process is enjoyable, even relaxing, and the result will be another lovely vehicle in the world.

That's really the kind of mentality we need to have when it comes to working with our weight. Focused, yes. Determined, yes. But a pretty low-key kind of focus and determination in the long-haul. Interested in the results. Maybe fiddling here or there with a screw or two, check the results over a couple of weeks, then proceed on if things look ok. Committed, yes, but the kind of commitment that is almost a habit. That's what people means when they say, just DO it. You get to the point where, hey, it's 6 pm, you just kind of mindless get up and do... whatever it is that's become your habit to do.

Regarding the negative self-talk. I think, from the way you observe and analyse yourself, you may find CBT (cognitive-behavior therapy) techniques and mindfulness helpful. Mindfulness is to pay attention to yourself: when do the negative self talk begin? what kinds of situation triggers it? and a basic CBT technique is simply to challenge your mind through every. single. bad. thing it says. At first this will be very time-consuming, but eventually, you will see a pattern, and be able to talk yourself through it more easily, and ultimately, perhaps separate it from your weight-loss journey.

A good therapist will be immensely helpful. But at this stage, remember to not put so much pressure on yourself. Start with the little things first, and when that becomes easy, go to the next, easily-obtainable level, and after a bunch of time has passed, you'll look up and realized that you have already changed so much.

Good luck~