"You don't NEED to lose anymore weight!!!"
PinkPixiexox
Posts: 4,142 Member
Is anyone else familiar with the "That's enough now.. You don't need to lose anymore weight, you'll look GAUNT" conversation? *Rolls Eyes*
People are very quick to offer their unasked for opinions when someone is going through the 'Weight Loss Process' and rarely are they positive (unless of course, it's on support groups/forums such as this!).
I'm 5 foot 2 and I started this 'transformation' around 5 months ago at 157lbs. Technically, I was overweight for my height (I still argue that I'm under-tall!) yet people said nothing. In fairness, I would have been devastated had someone came out with "You need to lose weight" but the point is, my weight wasn't commented on by my colleagues/friends - it was left alone.
Now, at 128lbs - the comments are rolling in from colleagues about how I've "Lost a bit!". I was asked today if I planned to lose anymore and I stupidly answered "Yes, I have around 10lbs until I'm at my ultimate goal". You'd think I suggested I cut off my arms and legs for fun, the shock! the horror! The "ARE YOU STUPID?!". I'm obviously so used to being a MFP member that I totally didn't expect the fallout!
"You'll look like a walking lollipop" and "Skinny isn't attractive, you know?" were just two of the comments that stuck in my mind for the sheer rudeness. I had to carefully explain to these people that another 8-10lbs would still keep me in a comfortable, healthy weight range for my height and from there I would aim to build some lean muscle. I have excess fat that I could probably do with reducing a little more - I'm not being hard on myself or obsessive, it's just plain fact.
Why do people assume that your weight loss plan equal some kind of crazy restrictive and 'I MUST BE SKINNY' diet programme? I am the healthiest and fittest I have ever been and I am dedicated and motivated to reach my goals. I have no intention in looking 'skinny' or 'gaunt' and the way people 'warn' me is just not okay, in my opinion!
I feel like they mean well and I feel they are trying to pay me a compliment here - in a backhanded roundabout way, but how would you deal with the "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE SKINNY!!!" comments that are thrown around?!
If I put on weight again, I'd doubt they'd scream "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FAT" at me!
Happy Friday, beautifuls
People are very quick to offer their unasked for opinions when someone is going through the 'Weight Loss Process' and rarely are they positive (unless of course, it's on support groups/forums such as this!).
I'm 5 foot 2 and I started this 'transformation' around 5 months ago at 157lbs. Technically, I was overweight for my height (I still argue that I'm under-tall!) yet people said nothing. In fairness, I would have been devastated had someone came out with "You need to lose weight" but the point is, my weight wasn't commented on by my colleagues/friends - it was left alone.
Now, at 128lbs - the comments are rolling in from colleagues about how I've "Lost a bit!". I was asked today if I planned to lose anymore and I stupidly answered "Yes, I have around 10lbs until I'm at my ultimate goal". You'd think I suggested I cut off my arms and legs for fun, the shock! the horror! The "ARE YOU STUPID?!". I'm obviously so used to being a MFP member that I totally didn't expect the fallout!
"You'll look like a walking lollipop" and "Skinny isn't attractive, you know?" were just two of the comments that stuck in my mind for the sheer rudeness. I had to carefully explain to these people that another 8-10lbs would still keep me in a comfortable, healthy weight range for my height and from there I would aim to build some lean muscle. I have excess fat that I could probably do with reducing a little more - I'm not being hard on myself or obsessive, it's just plain fact.
Why do people assume that your weight loss plan equal some kind of crazy restrictive and 'I MUST BE SKINNY' diet programme? I am the healthiest and fittest I have ever been and I am dedicated and motivated to reach my goals. I have no intention in looking 'skinny' or 'gaunt' and the way people 'warn' me is just not okay, in my opinion!
I feel like they mean well and I feel they are trying to pay me a compliment here - in a backhanded roundabout way, but how would you deal with the "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE SKINNY!!!" comments that are thrown around?!
If I put on weight again, I'd doubt they'd scream "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE FAT" at me!
Happy Friday, beautifuls
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Replies
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Completely understand- although it's gone both ways for me. I was bullied for being fat in school so I became obsessed with losing weight so much that it became an addiction and I was soon diagnosed with anorexia nervosa- no negative comments, it wasn't an attention thing just an- I became addicted to exercising thing. So I set out to gain the weight and be healthy again. Now I'm getting comments left, right and centre- don't lose weight; you are perfect for your bmi (I am, but if I gain even .5 of a kilo I'll be over it, so I'd rather lose a few more and be at mid bmi range), others are making comments about my weight indirectly like you should try celebrity slim or start coming to the gym with me, and then of course there's the ones nervous that I'll become addicted again- I won't, I'm in control and in a much better mind frame now- all mean well, but sometimes you just gotta do you, and aim for the body you want, not the one others think you should have. As long as you are a healthy weight, that's all that matters. Good luck 0
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best answer to any of it ..,. "we'll see" .. i dont disclose that i'm losing or gaining to anyone, its my body.0
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Happened to me as well. I still have loads to lose but according to certain friends and co-workers I should stop losing weight now otherwise I will be too small. URGH!!! People!!!0
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LOL I know how you feel! when I tell ppl my goals (because they are very similar to your I'm 5'3" and would like to be in the 120-125 range) I get all sorts of looks and replies. Annoying to say the least. Its so funny that you wrote this because I had this same thought the other day. At one point 2 pregnancies ago I had gotten down from 190 to 150 and would get all sorts of varied responses both good and bad. Know that I am back up to 213 (just had a baby 10weeks ago and slacked a lot before then
) NO ONE has said anything....
Looking back I am pretty sure it was their own insecurities about themselves more than it was me. But now that I know that I can use it as motivation. Before when I heard, "you'll look like a beam pole" or " you look great right now why lose more" I took it to heart and let myself get derailed! How crazy is that!
So i guess the moral or ramblings= great job for staying on course and not truly taking to heart what others say AND ppl can be stupid LOL
Happy Friday to you0 -
You might consider "nope" for an answer.
"Are you planning to lose more weight?"
"Nope!"
10 pounds later...
"Have you lost more weight?"
"Nope!"0 -
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I think I understand what you mean, but for different reasons - I've not lost enough weight for anyone to notice yet!. In my case, it's to do with my disability; random strangers in the middle of Asda asking me what's wrong with me, or fussing my dog despite her wearing a jacket that says she's an Assistance Dog and a leash flash that says Please Do Not Distract (she is incredibly cute though, and the first Bichon Frise Assistance Dog in the UK so I'm a bit more tolerant that people don't recognise her as an A.D)
Although the reasons are different, I'll share with you how I manage it and it might help. Sometimes, I use it as an opportunity to educate, especially if it's a young adult/child. My theory is that this makes it a positive experience for everyone and hopefully they'll have a bit more understanding with the next disabled person they meet.
Other times if I'm busy/tired/just not in the mood, I'll say "Would you fuss a blind person's assistance dog?" (No, they wouldn't!), or "That's very personal, why are you asking?"
Either way, my philosophy is that I can't control other people's actions, only my reactions, and that's a philosophy that's transferable to any 'awkward' statements.0 -
CurlyCockney wrote: »I think I understand what you mean, but for different reasons - I've not lost enough weight for anyone to notice yet!. In my case, it's to do with my disability; random strangers in the middle of Asda asking me what's wrong with me, or fussing my dog despite her wearing a jacket that says she's an Assistance Dog and a leash flash that says Please Do Not Distract (she is incredibly cute though, and the first Bichon Frise Assistance Dog in the UK so I'm a bit more tolerant that people don't recognise her as an A.D)
Although the reasons are different, I'll share with you how I manage it and it might help. Sometimes, I use it as an opportunity to educate, especially if it's a young adult/child. My theory is that this makes it a positive experience for everyone and hopefully they'll have a bit more understanding with the next disabled person they meet.
Other times if I'm busy/tired/just not in the mood, I'll say "Would you fuss a blind person's assistance dog?" (No, they wouldn't!), or "That's very personal, why are you asking?"
Either way, my philosophy is that I can't control other people's actions, only my reactions, and that's a philosophy that's transferable to any 'awkward' statements.
Fantastic. Thank you.0 -
Today I had a whole lot of that conversation.
Them wanting to know if I were going to keep losing weight or if I were planning to stop now.
Me hedging.
Thing is, I'm not even at the halfway point of my normal BMI range yet. I'm really close ... like within 1 kg, but not quite there. And I'd like to get into the lower half of my normal BMI range.
I'm not planning to go underweight.
I'm not even planning to go right to the bottom of my normal BMI range.
I'd just like to be somewhere in that lower half of the range so I don't have so much weight to haul up the hills around here. I want to be able to cycle up hills and not feel like I'm dying when I get halfway up!!
And the funny thing is, I spent a lot of years in that lower half of the range ... only the people I know now, even my husband, never knew me then. So what seems normal to me, seems skinny to them.0 -
I just find it strange that losing weight, with a lot of people - can be met with this 'be careful' attitude. No one was telling me to 'be careful' when I was overweight and struggling to walk up the stairs without puffing. My body is now smaller and my heart is far healthier yet NOW i'm getting the concerned warnings despite being physically in a better place. It seems like the general rule is, say nothing about people being overweight but say ALL THE WORDS to someone actively losing. It's a strange one!
Weight has always, always been a really sensitive subject for me. Ever since I was very young, I was substantially over-weight. If I got 'fat' comments from unkind people, I would cry for days. But it doesn't feel good getting picked on for being (finally) a healthy size. Seems we can't win!
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1. When you lose a lot of weight, you look much thinner than you are to people who have known you. It's like an optical illusion. Sometimes, you appear a little older. So in some ways it's understandable.
2. In many cases, YOUR weight loss stands in direct contrast to their LACK of weight loss. Even though you have no intention of doing so, your physical presence is a rebuke to their lifestyle habits and it can be threatening. Shaming you about losing more is a way for them to reassert control.0 -
I know. Those comments are as helpful as someone telling you you arebfst, when it is you who looks in the mirror all the time.... Not helping me, folks! :-(0
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Ignore them. There's lots of skinny fat people walking around too! The only important marker is your percent of bodyfat.0
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Eh, people have asked me if I plan to lose more weight and stated that I didn't look like I needed to lose any more. The concept/opinion is not inherently offensive. From the two comments you posted, those people were being witches...0
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lol it's dumb. people tell me I don't need to. like yes, I may not NEED to, but I want to. I'm 7 lbs overweight but I don't need to be obese to want to do something about my weight.0
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I've had it, I got told I was fat plenty of times at the high end of the scale... Especially by my doctor when I had to have health checks for contraception. My parents were kind about it but told me I was getting big, now i've kick started the health program for a long while and am doing really well, a few people tell me i'm getting too thin (mainly my grandparents and the older generation) but most people are just being positive and telling me I look well. Not looking forward to the point of 'too thin' though!!
On the other hand; i've had to be the person saying someone is 'too thin' as they went down to 800 cals a day from about 3000 and was dropping weight too quickly and unhealthily, she ended up in hospital due to the rapid weight loss, her body went into shock and couldn't function properly... I did try to warn her, but I don't do it to people generally losing weight properly and to be healthy and fit.0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »I just find it strange that losing weight, with a lot of people - can be met with this 'be careful' attitude. No one was telling me to 'be careful' when I was overweight and struggling to walk up the stairs without puffing. My body is now smaller and my heart is far healthier yet NOW i'm getting the concerned warnings despite being physically in a better place. It seems like the general rule is, say nothing about people being overweight but say ALL THE WORDS to someone actively losing. It's a strange one!
Weight has always, always been a really sensitive subject for me. Ever since I was very young, I was substantially over-weight. If I got 'fat' comments from unkind people, I would cry for days. But it doesn't feel good getting picked on for being (finally) a healthy size. Seems we can't win!
It's political correctness gone mad!!! Btw, you do look fantastic
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rugratz2015 wrote: »PinkPixiexox wrote: »I just find it strange that losing weight, with a lot of people - can be met with this 'be careful' attitude. No one was telling me to 'be careful' when I was overweight and struggling to walk up the stairs without puffing. My body is now smaller and my heart is far healthier yet NOW i'm getting the concerned warnings despite being physically in a better place. It seems like the general rule is, say nothing about people being overweight but say ALL THE WORDS to someone actively losing. It's a strange one!
Weight has always, always been a really sensitive subject for me. Ever since I was very young, I was substantially over-weight. If I got 'fat' comments from unkind people, I would cry for days. But it doesn't feel good getting picked on for being (finally) a healthy size. Seems we can't win!
It's political correctness gone mad!!! Btw, you do look fantastic
You are so kind :]
And have made my day. Thankyou!0 -
Yes - I hate this - I'm just in the beginning and some people are arguing that it's ok for me to lose 2-3 kg and that's enough. I'm 70 kg, 168 cm and I want to lose 10 kg. And they are constantly "advising" me - it's frustrating and very annoying!0
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Ignore them. There's lots of skinny fat people walking around too! The only important marker is your percent of bodyfat.
I don't agree with the body fat comment, I think it is how you look and feel that is important, I've been 9 stone and looked ok, but at 10 stone was more toned and looked much better ...0 -
The same people who used to get on my case about being too heavy are now telling me to stop losing weight because I'm skinny enough now. I've been called anorexic, unhealthy, and a relative even joked that I must be on chemo or something. (I don't find that to be a funny joke at all, by the way. Not cool.)
If you're believer in BMI, I'm not even out of the "overweight" range yet for my height, and I most definitely have a lot of belly fat still to lose. I think in about another 25 lbs., I'll be starting to think about maintenance. The last time I saw him, my doctor even said "You're doing everything right. Continue to try getting down to a healthy weight." Notice he didn't say, "Your weight is healthy now. Please stop."
Yes, I'm way skinnier now. Yes, I look much smaller, especially now that I've refreshed my wardrobe a bit and am wearing outfits that fit my new body. But this journey ends when I say it ends. Not when anyone else does.0 -
The wonderful world of being vertically challenged, or as I like better "space efficient."
With all the ups and downs I've been through with my weight at only 5'0", I can completly relate. Another I love, "you ONLY wear a size 5/6?! You are so lucky! I would NOT be dieting if I could squeeze my butt in a size 5!"
What the taller people fail to realize is that at my height, any pant size above a 1 or a 2 means I am overweight. Size 5 is a step away from being obese.
I envy the taller people, from my short prospective, it feels like it would be much less of a struggle to keep the weight down if only I was tall. My husband is 6'1" so he can eat, what seems to me, a massive amount of food and still stay lean. He also burns nearly triple the amount of calories I do when we go hiking together. Must be nice :-(0 -
I know this too. I think the good thing to know is that most people try to act and say things in a well meaning way. Most people are uncomfortable about their own weight and in most cultures we don't know how to politely talk about fat and weight. It all ends up in a a bit of an uncomfortable social blunder.
We are also very conditioned to act or feel victimized in our culture....examine if you are allowing yourself to feel victimized and knock it off immediately. Those feelings won't help you in any way. Better to spend emotional energy celebrating your successes... Like nearly reaching your weight loss goal. Acknowledge that your feelings are hurt and move on to greatness.0 -
I get this a lot now. I find it really interesting actually. Not to get all psychobabbleish, but I often think it's just people projecting their frustration with themselves onto me. Seeing others have success and the resulting change in lifestyle and attitude just reminds so many people that they haven't been able to do it in whatever capacity they have attempted.
Or not.... hahah.
I used to answer the question. I used to say "yeah but if you didn't know me and saw me walking down the street, you wouldn't think twice about my weight".....
Now I just use the "NOPE" reply mentioned above. It's a winner! lol0 -
Today I had a whole lot of that conversation.
Them wanting to know if I were going to keep losing weight or if I were planning to stop now.
Me hedging.
Thing is, I'm not even at the halfway point of my normal BMI range yet. I'm really close ... like within 1 kg, but not quite there. And I'd like to get into the lower half of my normal BMI range.
I'm not planning to go underweight.
I'm not even planning to go right to the bottom of my normal BMI range.
I'd just like to be somewhere in that lower half of the range so I don't have so much weight to haul up the hills around here. I want to be able to cycle up hills and not feel like I'm dying when I get halfway up!!
And the funny thing is, I spent a lot of years in that lower half of the range ... only the people I know now, even my husband, never knew me then. So what seems normal to me, seems skinny to them.
This. I have experienced this and seen lots and lots of forum discussions about it.
For me, it's not people being jerks or what not. It's often a reaction to seeing the change in your body. People know you a certain way, so they are reacting to the change. If someone was always a certain weight than that is what people is as their normal. When someone loses a bunch of weight....the shift can be jarring, so you get a lot of the "You look great now. Don't lose anymore." It's all relative. I doesn't mean it isn't frustrating, but it's also not abnormal. IMO.
I usually tell people that I will always be working on my fitness. At this point, I am not trying to lose any more weight...so I just tell people I am staying right where I am at. Or I say, I'm happy where I am....thanks.
Yes exactly.
I was kind of taken aback today especially when crowds gathered and everyone was saying how thin I looked etc. etc. I don't mind. But at the same time, in my head was ... but I'm not even down to my normal weight yet! And then it suddenly occurred to me that I've only been working here for 2 years, and up till recently I was a bit overweight. These people don't know me at my normal weight.
So it's OK ... we'll all adapt.
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I wouldn't let it bother you much. You can just tell them that your goal weight would leave you right in the middle of a healthy BMI, and you feel better than ever.0
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I have always been overweight. When DH met me in early college, I was around 170. By the time our first kid came I had been at 225 for the longest time. I am also 5'2. A couple of years ago, after we were done having kids, I decided to lose weight and lost 40 lbs and stabalized in the 160's and was pretty happy. Now all the kids are in school and I am back at it again to get down to 135 (which is top of the BMI but middlin top for the large frame). DH actually had the convo with me the other night of so how far down are you gonna get? When I told him 135 he thought for a bit and was like, ok..thats cool...but I don't think you should go any lower. When I asked why, he looked at me so sadly and said, cause I don't want you to lose your butt! Total pear here and never ever will I lose my butt cause its huge. I laughed at him and said honey, even if I got lower, I would be a stick with this huge ole butt on the back, you don't have to worry.
I think thats the first time I ever got the, don't go any lower then that. He already says I look fantastic and I hear good things quite a bit, but while I like what is see with the clothes on, I am not happy with the nakid in the mirror 0 -
People have little clue what X lbs of weight loss look like on someone. You should see peoples' faces who have known me all my life, obviously saw me a couple of years ago when I decided to lose some weight, and when I hit goal weight, asked me now how much I have lost.
They about fainted when I said nearly 25 lbs. They were thinking maybe 10 lbs. And they about croaked when I told them I could technically lose another 10 lbs and still be healthy by BMI.
See, I was never technically overweight. And, I'm almost as short as you (5'3"). People think they're going to notice every pound lost. But they don't unless the fat is mostly coming off in one area and it often doesn't work that way.0
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