My 'Healthy Lifestyle' is ruining my relationship.
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healthygreek wrote: »This is just my opinion so please disregard it if you don't like it.
You are being way to restrictive if you can't or won't enjoy the man you love!
I can imagine how sad and hurt he feels that you're not spending quality time with him in and out of bed!
If you truly value your relationship, you will do what you need to in order to maintain it. Perhaps some therapy for you if you simply cannot navigate a healthy fulfilling life in all respects.
Having a healthier more fit body has done amazing things for my already pretty amazing life with my husband!
We have lots of fun, both in our home and out and it does not interfere with my weightloss in the least.
Please rethink your life style as it's not really a lifestyle if you can't or won't live your life to the fullest!
This is excellent feedback, and I agree with this 100%.
@PinkPixiexox, I used to feel the same way, where I put my weight loss journey before everything and felt very obsessive about rigidly sticking to the plan. I had a hard time going out anywhere if I didn't know the nutrition information of certain foods. We never had intimacy issue, though, and he never gave me an ultimatum, but at one point he did say that I had changed a lot since losing weight. He said I looked like a different person and seemed to be in a struggle with myself when it came to food and weight loss. This was about 2 years ago or so.
He hit the nail on the head, and I had to stop and take a good hard look at my behaviors around my weight loss journey.
What I learned about myself is that I was deathly afraid of falling back into old habits and of gaining my weight back. As long as I stayed in complete control of all things food around me, then I knew I would be just fine. If I left go then I would no longer have control over food.
Slowly, I began to let go of control and trust in myself that I can make the best food decisions for myself in any situation. Although it took awhile and a lot of hard inner work, I began to trust myself when I ate too much (that's normal, it does happen
) to get back on track right away. I changed my relationship with food and myself and, thus far, everything seems to have fallen in place.
I have my routine, which he is fine with. I weigh my food and log everything I eat. If I'm not hungry, I am honest with him and say no thanks. If he wants to go somewhere I don't normally eat, I'll go and buy whatever I fits into my calorie goals.
My biggest lesson is that my weight management program need be restrictive in calories only but in no other ways. Weight management is a part of living, it is not something I do and just push life out of the way until done.
I also suggest speaking with a counselor about your problems as well. It seems to me that things could run a bit deeper than just you weigh loss journey.
Good luck.0 -
Especially in light of the next sentence. Sleep with him, but don't eat a hamburger. Wow.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
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No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
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you might consider the medication might be causing the intimacy issues. it is not uncommon0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
Especially in light of the next sentence. Sleep with him, but don't eat a hamburger. Wow.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
lol. The thing is that they might have different goals in the gym too. I completely understand that if the OP is in the gym doing cardio then going to KFC or Burger King straight afterward will probably just cancel out the hour or so of exercise she has just done (in terms of eating back the calories burned). However, if her boyfriend has been lifting then the calories and protein from KFC or Burger King are exactly what he should be eating (although Fast Food is not the healthiest way of getting protein in he is obviously hitting his macros if he's "ripped").0 -
part of health and wellness is balance...0
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Honestly, it does sound like you are hovering on the border of obsessive. You might want to take a hard look at how rigid you are in your 'healthy lifestyle.' If you cannot brook ANY kind of flexibility and /or spontaneity, then you may want to seriously consider making some adjustments.0
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I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
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My husband and I used to go to the gym for a couple hours in the evening, then hit Hungry Jacks (Australia's Burger King) on the way home.
We'd leave the gym about 8 pm ... it was late ... neither of us wanted to prepare a meal. We wouldn't eat everything on the menu ... usually just a junior whopper meal in small. So I do understand why someone would want to do that.
But that was one thing we changed when I started with MFP ... I could have managed the junior whopper, it would have fit into my calories, but not the chips. It helped that we no longer went to that gym, so there was no need to grab dinner on the way home.0 -
I know you've already received a ton of replies on this - but the "intimacy" section definitely struck a chord.
My bf argues that we have this issue too. He really wants me to lose weight - so much so that I think he might be hinging his decision on marriage on if I can lose more or not (just a theory - he's never expressed this). But when I'm doing really good, I'm super active and eating on a deficit - which means I'm tired. Combining that with the fact that I'm on constant allergy meds, I'm really tired - almost all of the time when I'm actually at home. Weekends would be a good compromise for us, but for the last couple of months or so, he's filled our calendar to the brim with social engagements. As an extreme introvert, this is also exhausting to me, and it leaves me with absolute zero time to recharge with enough energy to be exuberantly intimate with him.
It really does effect things. I've found it nearly impossible to express this in a way he understands, too.
I have no advice. Just wanted to commiserate and join the TMI club.0 -
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
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I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
The bolded line is very funny out of context. I completely agree with your post though.0 -
slideaway1 wrote: »
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
The bolded line is very funny out of context. I completely agree with your post though.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I should have noticed that, but didn't - thanks.
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What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
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If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
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I don't have exactly the same problem however I knew from the outset that it would upset my husband if my new healthy lifestyle got in the way of our already full life as we have a two year old and work full time so our time was already pretty limited.
I worked round it by trying my best not to interrupt our already limited personal time with my new choices so I get up early to exercise before work and taking my little girl to nursery and I never refuse to eat out if he fancies it - I just take the healthier options whilst we are out and adjust my calories the following day or up my exercise.
Overall, I am very lucky that my husband is also supportive of my goals and I think that your OH is too, I think that the ultimatum is more out of concern than it is for his own gains.
I have OCD too and totally understand where your coming from in terms of the obsessive side of things. Cognitive behavioural therapy can really help if you don't want to increase your medication dose.
I think that you are a lovely person having seen your posts of the forums and hope that you find a way to enjoy your journey
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If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
Yes, because suggesting they go to BK after the gym is totally telling her what to eat. *eyeroll*0
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