My 'Healthy Lifestyle' is ruining my relationship.
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healthygreek wrote: »This is just my opinion so please disregard it if you don't like it.
You are being way to restrictive if you can't or won't enjoy the man you love!
I can imagine how sad and hurt he feels that you're not spending quality time with him in and out of bed!
If you truly value your relationship, you will do what you need to in order to maintain it. Perhaps some therapy for you if you simply cannot navigate a healthy fulfilling life in all respects.
Having a healthier more fit body has done amazing things for my already pretty amazing life with my husband!
We have lots of fun, both in our home and out and it does not interfere with my weightloss in the least.
Please rethink your life style as it's not really a lifestyle if you can't or won't live your life to the fullest!
This is excellent feedback, and I agree with this 100%.
@PinkPixiexox, I used to feel the same way, where I put my weight loss journey before everything and felt very obsessive about rigidly sticking to the plan. I had a hard time going out anywhere if I didn't know the nutrition information of certain foods. We never had intimacy issue, though, and he never gave me an ultimatum, but at one point he did say that I had changed a lot since losing weight. He said I looked like a different person and seemed to be in a struggle with myself when it came to food and weight loss. This was about 2 years ago or so.
He hit the nail on the head, and I had to stop and take a good hard look at my behaviors around my weight loss journey.
What I learned about myself is that I was deathly afraid of falling back into old habits and of gaining my weight back. As long as I stayed in complete control of all things food around me, then I knew I would be just fine. If I left go then I would no longer have control over food.
Slowly, I began to let go of control and trust in myself that I can make the best food decisions for myself in any situation. Although it took awhile and a lot of hard inner work, I began to trust myself when I ate too much (that's normal, it does happen
) to get back on track right away. I changed my relationship with food and myself and, thus far, everything seems to have fallen in place.
I have my routine, which he is fine with. I weigh my food and log everything I eat. If I'm not hungry, I am honest with him and say no thanks. If he wants to go somewhere I don't normally eat, I'll go and buy whatever I fits into my calorie goals.
My biggest lesson is that my weight management program need be restrictive in calories only but in no other ways. Weight management is a part of living, it is not something I do and just push life out of the way until done.
I also suggest speaking with a counselor about your problems as well. It seems to me that things could run a bit deeper than just you weigh loss journey.
Good luck.0 -
Especially in light of the next sentence. Sleep with him, but don't eat a hamburger. Wow.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
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No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
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you might consider the medication might be causing the intimacy issues. it is not uncommon0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
Especially in light of the next sentence. Sleep with him, but don't eat a hamburger. Wow.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
lol. The thing is that they might have different goals in the gym too. I completely understand that if the OP is in the gym doing cardio then going to KFC or Burger King straight afterward will probably just cancel out the hour or so of exercise she has just done (in terms of eating back the calories burned). However, if her boyfriend has been lifting then the calories and protein from KFC or Burger King are exactly what he should be eating (although Fast Food is not the healthiest way of getting protein in he is obviously hitting his macros if he's "ripped").0 -
part of health and wellness is balance...0
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Honestly, it does sound like you are hovering on the border of obsessive. You might want to take a hard look at how rigid you are in your 'healthy lifestyle.' If you cannot brook ANY kind of flexibility and /or spontaneity, then you may want to seriously consider making some adjustments.0
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I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
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My husband and I used to go to the gym for a couple hours in the evening, then hit Hungry Jacks (Australia's Burger King) on the way home.
We'd leave the gym about 8 pm ... it was late ... neither of us wanted to prepare a meal. We wouldn't eat everything on the menu ... usually just a junior whopper meal in small. So I do understand why someone would want to do that.
But that was one thing we changed when I started with MFP ... I could have managed the junior whopper, it would have fit into my calories, but not the chips. It helped that we no longer went to that gym, so there was no need to grab dinner on the way home.0 -
I know you've already received a ton of replies on this - but the "intimacy" section definitely struck a chord.
My bf argues that we have this issue too. He really wants me to lose weight - so much so that I think he might be hinging his decision on marriage on if I can lose more or not (just a theory - he's never expressed this). But when I'm doing really good, I'm super active and eating on a deficit - which means I'm tired. Combining that with the fact that I'm on constant allergy meds, I'm really tired - almost all of the time when I'm actually at home. Weekends would be a good compromise for us, but for the last couple of months or so, he's filled our calendar to the brim with social engagements. As an extreme introvert, this is also exhausting to me, and it leaves me with absolute zero time to recharge with enough energy to be exuberantly intimate with him.
It really does effect things. I've found it nearly impossible to express this in a way he understands, too.
I have no advice. Just wanted to commiserate and join the TMI club.0 -
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
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I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
The bolded line is very funny out of context. I completely agree with your post though.0 -
slideaway1 wrote: »
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
The bolded line is very funny out of context. I completely agree with your post though.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I should have noticed that, but didn't - thanks.
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What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
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If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
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I don't have exactly the same problem however I knew from the outset that it would upset my husband if my new healthy lifestyle got in the way of our already full life as we have a two year old and work full time so our time was already pretty limited.
I worked round it by trying my best not to interrupt our already limited personal time with my new choices so I get up early to exercise before work and taking my little girl to nursery and I never refuse to eat out if he fancies it - I just take the healthier options whilst we are out and adjust my calories the following day or up my exercise.
Overall, I am very lucky that my husband is also supportive of my goals and I think that your OH is too, I think that the ultimatum is more out of concern than it is for his own gains.
I have OCD too and totally understand where your coming from in terms of the obsessive side of things. Cognitive behavioural therapy can really help if you don't want to increase your medication dose.
I think that you are a lovely person having seen your posts of the forums and hope that you find a way to enjoy your journey
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If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
Yes, because suggesting they go to BK after the gym is totally telling her what to eat. *eyeroll*0 -
If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
I can't find the part where he told her to eat what he tells her or he's leaving. Please point that out. I do see the part where he says that she needs to spend time with him, and that I can completely understand.0 -
If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
Yes, because suggesting they go to BK after the gym is totally telling her what to eat. *eyeroll*
He might just be saying after the gym "I'm going to quickly go to the Drive Thru and grab a burger, do you want anything?", unless I have missed a post saying otherwise?0 -
Basically you're going to have to live both lifestyles evenly or choose 1. I'd say cut your weight loss goals in half & double the amount of time, that it'll take to achieve them. Spend the other half of those Calories & time from the gym, with your significant other.
It seems that your goals have become extreme (fanatical). Don't sacrifice a healthy mind & relationship, for a healthy body; when you can have all 3 instead. Too much of anything/everything positive, is always negative. Moderation is the key, to all sustainable success!0 -
If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
honestly - you're invited to just leave- there is a boat load of good advice and you happen to be the one monkey wrench who isn't actually helping. There isn't ANYTHING about the OP or following information that sounds down right manipulative on his part.
She's well aware she's seriously toeing the line of obsessed and it's causing damage to her life. None of this was about him being over bearing. don't make it so.
Moving on.
OP.
I'd like to think I'm highly dedicated and organized (I'm not but I'm hella busy which forces a certain type of organization and if that fails- good improvisation)- I work many jobs- and I work out regularly- and my BF is only here 2 days a week - and those are mid work week for me- which means- I have 5-10 PM roughly with him- except on one of those days- I have rehearsal from 7-10. So I barely see him.
Let me tell you Wednesday. I fiercely protect it for my time with him. Even if I go to the gym- my work out is less relevant- sometimes I'll skip it. I value you him- and yeah sometimes I go to the gym instead of straight home- but I make it as meaningful and quick so I can get home to him as fast as I can to dedicate those few hours with him. Is it always like that? nope- sometimes I have a workshop- or I NEED to get a run in and i missed it- whatever- it happens- and he gets that- he's VERY flexible and forgiving with me because he knows these things are important- but it's also because I make a huge effort to protect that time with him.
Make time for him. You make time for you- make time for him. Food- date- sex- whatever- you have to carve out time that is 100% protected for him. It will go a long way- no matter if it's a food date- or a popcorn night- or whatever. He seems to really want to be make things work and he's doing this best- so at least met him half way.0 -
If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
honestly - you're invited to just leave- there is a boat load of good advice and you happen to be the one monkey wrench who isn't actually helping. There isn't ANYTHING about the OP or following information that sounds down right manipulative on his part.
She's well aware she's seriously toeing the line of obsessed and it's causing damage to her life. None of this was about him being over bearing. don't make it so.
Moving on.
OP.
I'd like to think I'm highly dedicated and organized (I'm not but I'm hella busy which forces a certain type of organization and if that fails- good improvisation)- I work many jobs- and I work out regularly- and my BF is only here 2 days a week - and those are mid work week for me- which means- I have 5-10 PM roughly with him- except on one of those days- I have rehearsal from 7-10. So I barely see him.
Let me tell you Wednesday. I fiercely protect it for my time with him. Even if I go to the gym- my work out is less relevant- sometimes I'll skip it. I value you him- and yeah sometimes I go to the gym instead of straight home- but I make it as meaningful and quick so I can get home to him as fast as I can to dedicate those few hours with him. Is it always like that? nope- sometimes I have a workshop- or I NEED to get a run in and i missed it- whatever- it happens- and he gets that- he's VERY flexible and forgiving with me because he knows these things are important- but it's also because I make a huge effort to protect that time with him.
Make time for him. You make time for you- make time for him. Food- date- sex- whatever- you have to carve out time that is 100% protected for him. It will go a long way- no matter if it's a food date- or a popcorn night- or whatever. He seems to really want to be make things work and he's doing this best- so at least met him half way.
Solid0 -
When a woman cheats, there are plenty of women (and sometimes men) to say, "Well, her man should have paid more attention to her!" Now, I'm not condoning cheating, but look at the reality of why it sometimes happens. When a partner feels neglected, the relationship ALWAYS goes south. Sometimes quickly. I'm assuming you've got a great guy and that you love him, or you wouldn't be posting this. Please, try to find a happy medium. Don't be so obsessive about weight loss that your man feels left out of your life. Your health is of utmost importance, but don't forget to live a little or what's the point of being healthy?
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I just wanted to add a small note to say that you look AMAZING! I'm not 100% sure where the last 10lbs are going to come from, though I trust you that they are there. But you don't just look thin, you look healthy, strong, curvy and kind of ripped yourself. You basically have the body I used to have and am trying to get back. I hope you realize how great you look and take time to enjoy it. I really want to reiterate checking out the eat more to lose more board and you might want to check out body recomposition as it really feels like you're kind of "there". I could see it being a good experiment to slowly up your calories to your maintenance for a couple weeks, see what that feels like, enjoy it, focus on establishing habits that feel manageable and then slowly cutting a few hundred calories a day while lifting. I bet you'd lose those last 10lbs over a few months while losing inches, maintaining or even gaining muscle, upping your metabolism and really enjoying yourself. But regardless of what you do, just know that you look incredible. Enjoy it.0
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I understand that, too. If there is no "You need to eat what I want you to eat," then it's a non-issue. Maybe she just happened to discuss that immediately before the Ultimatum paragraph and the two aren't connected.
If he's insisting that she eat what he tells her to eat or he's leaving, she should let him go...or, better, invite him to leave.
What am I projecting? What has happened in my world?
I've read this thread, and all I see is he's finding ways to bring back the intimacy, and eating out is one way. His ultimatum is he wants her back. There is no indication that he's telling her what to eat, or that if she didn't eat what he wants that she needs to go. In fact, you're projecting an awful lto here.
No, he wants her to eat BK. Big difference.slideaway1 wrote: »If the problem is that he wants you to eat fast food, dump him. If the problem is that he wants to be intimate, do that. If you don't want to...Honestly, if you don't want to be with the guy, that's a good reason for either of you to get over this relationship.
That's pretty brutal. The man only wants a Burger King every now and then after a workout.
If your partner insists on telling you what to eat, they need to go. If they're telling you to eat things that are bad for you, they double need to go. But the "Eat what I tell you to eat or I'm leaving" thing...hold the door open for them to go.
Do share. I would love to know.
This should be fascinating.
"Making a big leap" might fit better than "projecting" if I am understanding @SLLRunner , and I think I am (and am in agreement with her.)
If he just wants to be closer, she has to decide if that's what she wants or not and then follow through with her choice.
I can't find the part where he told her to eat what he tells her or he's leaving. Please point that out. I do see the part where he says that she needs to spend time with him, and that I can completely understand.
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You've gotten some great advice here so I won't repeat it. I do hear (and relate to) everything you are saying, though. and I feel for both you and your boyfriend. You absolutely can find ways to ease up a tad in order to create more breathing room for this relationship.
The place where maybe I can offer a couple of practical suggestions that haven't yet been offered is about counseling. First, if you are worried that your medication may be increased, remember: it's your body. It's your life. If you've been adherent to your medication and your anxiety or depression has been manageable as a result, it is up to YOU whether or not you want to experiment with an increased dosage, even if it is recommended.
If you've lost a fair amount of weight, it's possible your dosage may need to be decreased, not increased. When was the last time you checked on that? No need to reply to that here, btw. Just putting it out there for you to consider.
If you ask for a referral to a therapist, SHOP AROUND. Interview your potential therapist. Tell them what you are looking for. Use phrases like "short-term, solution-focused therapy" (yes, that's a real thing), or "brief couples counseling". And therapists who use cognitive-behavioral approaches can be great for situations like yours where your main interest is shifting patterns of behavior or thinking that aren't getting you what you want.
Basically, you want a therapist who can help you guys highlight the strengths in your relationship and build on those.
It's possible (I am NOT trying to diagnose you here! Just tossing out a possibility) that some of what's going on is about needing to work through fears related to re-gaining weight, so you might want to consider a few sessions of individual counseling (often five sessions or so works well for the sort of "tune-up" counseling it sounds like you could benefit from) as well as a few sessions of couples counseling (again, just short-term), to focus on improving communication and identifying some strategies that you and your partner can use to improve the quality of your life together.
If you get referred to a therapist who pushes for long-term therapy or starts wanting to dissect your relationship with your mother or focuses too much on medication (there's a time and place for that stuff, but it doesn't sound appropriate in your situation), then request a referral to a different therapist.
I wish you and your partner the best, and hope you are able to find some solutions that work for you!
Seriously, thank you SO much for this.0 -
Congrats on all your hard work and success!! Do you have to eat the same food as him when you go out? Most fast food places offer salads and other reasonable options nowadays. Can you agree on places to eat where you both can get what you want?0
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