how do you deal with failure days?
kiela64
Posts: 1,447 Member
Are there things you do to help you feel better or deal with days that, whatever the reason, you really overate on unhealthy foods? This isn't targeted towards people who never mess up, or about days where you go 100 cal over your goal. But like, big mess-ups. How do you accept it and move on, or account for it so that you stop beating yourself over the head with how much of a failure of a person you are?
I had a day like that yesterday, and I know repeatedly thinking "wow there is so much wrong with you, you're a failure you deserve nothing good" etc. is not something that's going to help. It will make me want to eat. Do you have ways of dealing with this?
I had a day like that yesterday, and I know repeatedly thinking "wow there is so much wrong with you, you're a failure you deserve nothing good" etc. is not something that's going to help. It will make me want to eat. Do you have ways of dealing with this?
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Are you having those days a lot ? (Like, more than just once a month )0
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You realize that in the long run, one day is not going to make much difference in your weight loss goals. You just pick up where you left off the next day, and don't worry about it.
It says nothing about your moral character to go over your calories for one day, and the overall impact is going to be negligible. There is absolutely no reason to beat yourself up and dwell on a bad day.
Try not assigning any moral value to your eating habits. It's just food!0 -
I have moments like anyone else. I too don't put alot of emotions on a "bad day", but I do want to be a gal that perseveres instead of throwing in the towel... So I try to "do what I say, and say what I mean". I want to "walk the walk and talk the talk". I like to be serious in this journey. It is something I will never "go off of" when I get to maintenance time. Paying attention means just that. Mindful eating, and living for today, not on the regrets of yesterday or the stress of "getting to your goal". My goal is to just be on this earth longer, healthier, and wiser.0
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I had several of really bad days on vacation or holidays or parties, meaning over 2000-2500 calories each day for several days instead of 1200. Snapped back and worked it off by clean eating and exercise. Nothing to worry about if you diligently put down everything you consume in your diary. I think the main problem is that people get embarrassed to face reality and see all those extra calories so they just stop using the diary and don't even step on the scale. Don't do it.
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ohhh I step on that scale, look at myself nude in the mirror and have "an alley chat" with myself...hahaha0
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mommarnurse wrote: »Are you having those days a lot ? (Like, more than just once a month )
My first response was "no" but I double checked, and yes, I've had 6 in the past 30 days.
it's probably negating everything I've tried to work for, isn't it? 0 -
These are great answers.0
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I really like the book Fat Loss Happens on Monday. One aspect of the advice it gives is eat like an adult, which in part means don't overeat or eat tons of stuff that's bad for you, but also means don't beat yourself up for what you eat. Just think about how it fits your goals and if it doesn't, change it.0
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mommarnurse wrote: »Are you having those days a lot ? (Like, more than just once a month )
My first response was "no" but I double checked, and yes, I've had 6 in the past 30 days. it's probably negating everything I've tried to work for, isn't it?
It could be, but the first thing you need to do is realize that you're not a failure. It's food and we need to eat! So you haven't failed, you've just over-succeeded. Seriously, though, you can't change the past, so instead of saying you failed and it's time to start over, just move on to the next day and tell yourself you'll do better.
If you feel like your current calorie goal isn't giving you enough to eat daily, just slow your loss down so you can eat more, or up your activity a bit.0 -
It used to make me really infuriated with myself. But now, on the rare occasion that I "splurge" as long as I really enjoyed what I ate I'm pretty happy that I have learned to live like a normal person. That's how I view it - living like a normal, healthy, fit person. Which means that it's okay, every now and then, to enjoy something that's a bit too "calorific." The trick is realizing that those splurges have to be occasional, and must be followed by a return to attention to calorie consumption.
Don't beat yourself up. Try to keep these days to the rare occasion, and wake up the next day with your head back in the game.
Life without amazing pizza is not a life worth living
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I don't see myself as a failure. It's like a health system commercial that has been playing around here. A man is talking to a doctor and he's really worried about something that he has a hard time telling her. He went off his diet. His doctor points out that he's human and overall he's keeping his diabetes under control. It's no big deal.0
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I pretty much plan a bad day each week. I don't binge like 8000 calories or anything but I probably get 2500-3000. I just make sure I get a solid work out in that day, helps offset most of the damage, and it's something to look forward to as well as keep my cravings down.0
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It is fine to fail as long as you learn something. Instead of beating yourself up for failing try looking at your day and asking yourself what you can do different tomorrow and the next day that will help you to do better.
Failing is fine. People do it all of the time. It is part of learning. What is unacceptable is quitting.0 -
i dont have failure days. days are days. what i ate is what i ate. the next day is a new day.0
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Are there things you do to help you feel better or deal with days that, whatever the reason, you really overate on unhealthy foods? This isn't targeted towards people who never mess up, or about days where you go 100 cal over your goal. But like, big mess-ups. How do you accept it and move on, or account for it so that you stop beating yourself over the head with how much of a failure of a person you are?
I had a day like that yesterday, and I know repeatedly thinking "wow there is so much wrong with you, you're a failure you deserve nothing good" etc. is not something that's going to help. It will make me want to eat. Do you have ways of dealing with this?
How I deal with it is to not see any day as a failure, it's just a day. If I overeat, I log it and move on. If I under eat, I log it and move on.
I don't see any food as healthy or unhealthy, I just see it all as food available for body fuel. First I make sure what I eat is keeping me within my weekly calorie goals, then make sure my macros are met. Fruits, vegetables, meats, dairy, comprise my dietary base, then I add in treats as I see fit. Since I weight lift, my protein level is what I strive to meet first.
As for your self-talk, as illustrated in your second paragraph--you can change that. You don't have to see yourself as a failure.
Yes, I used to talk to myself like that and it led to many dietary failures. It was only when I changed my relationship with food, which happened through counseling and educating myself on nutrition, that I was able to rid myself of the negative self talk.
The best of luck to you.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »You realize that in the long run, one day is not going to make much difference in your weight loss goals. You just pick up where you left off the next day, and don't worry about it.
It says nothing about your moral character to go over your calories for one day, and the overall impact is going to be negligible. There is absolutely no reason to beat yourself up and dwell on a bad day.
Try not assigning any moral value to your eating habits. It's just food!
I love this!0 -
I fail one day and over exceed the next day.0
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It's not a failure day, it's a "being human" day.0
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mommarnurse wrote: »Are you having those days a lot ? (Like, more than just once a month )
My first response was "no" but I double checked, and yes, I've had 6 in the past 30 days. it's probably negating everything I've tried to work for, isn't it?
No, no, no, don't give up! Make sure your calories aren't set too low that you are too hungry all the time. Eat food that you enjoy so you don't feel too deprived. Work little treats into your calorie goal. And maybe set one day a week as a planned day of indulgence. You might lose a tiny bit slower overall, but you won't feel like you failed if you realize you can allow it occasionally. And lastly, if you have unmanageable stress or emotional upheaval in your life, it might help to seek counseling or talk to a level-headed friend who can listen without adding to the drama. Wishing you the best. Never give up!
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FIrst step - NO NEGATIVE TALK ALLOWED. Determine the trigger? ... for instance, and I know this of myself very well, if I feel like eating something and I don't eat it then I will eat everything else in sight - reason why I don't deprive myself of anything -- some will agree, some will disagree but we all have what works for us -- portion control, serving size , pace yourself and savor what ever it is - small bites chew slow - this is how I usually control not having too bad of days... to me no food is bad though I know that not all food is full of the right type of nutrients - some don't even have any nutritional value.0
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No such thing as a failure day and viewing less than nutritional sound days as failures is setting yourself up for failure. Use it as a day to learn something about yourself and why you make your choices. Call it a re-feed day (if you need to) and move on to tomorrow.0
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You can look at my diary from Friday as I had a day where I just didn't stop eating. My grand total hit I think 3,700 calories. Why? I really don't know. I was at work and I just pigged out. I logged it, I'm not thrilled about it, obviously, but it happened and my goal for the rest of the week is to step it up and try not to gain.
I think the mindset of "Whatever, I already screwed up" is a slippery slope and you shouldn't go down that rabbit hole. Just accept it, move on and try to get back on track the rest of the week.0 -
I'm 54 years old and after a lifelong battle with obesity, I'm finally succeeding. So far I've lost 115 lbs. My biggest failure in life was my weight. I could do anything I set my mind to, except lose the weight. In December 2012, I started a weight loss journey that I had no expectations would be successful. After all, I had more than 30 years of historical proof that I was a failure when it came to my weight. The biggest change I made was re-wiring my brain. You have to realize you're human and will never be perfect. The key is to get back on track and never give up. Many people who knew me as a 300-lb. woman flock to me these days wanting to know how I did it and many have insisted that I create a blog about my journey. If you're interested, here it is: http://blossomingvilma.blogspot.com/ Maybe something I learned along the way can help you learn how to deal with setbacks, binging, and not being perfect.1
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I have 'failure days' but I don't refer to them as failure days - I call them "I'M A HUMAN BEING, LEAVE ME ALONE!" days! Truly, these are very rare for me because I like to fit every thing in to my calorie allowance. But I do have special occasions and events which means I can go WELL over the top - and we are talking more than a couple of hundred. I LOVE food and I can really put it away!
No, this isn't the same as binge eating - I don't do that.
Generally, I totally let these days go. Like I said, I don't make a habit of these days so to me, it's just a one-off. I'm not going to do this every week, so I really don't see the problem in going all-out. I'm hugely motivated so I guess 'getting back on track' is never going to be a problem for me so I don't see these 'blow outs' as a bad thing at all. Of course, not everyone is able to get back into it the following day so it really depends on how adaptable you are as a person.
If I have a 'major blow out' day, I just carry on as normal the day after, it isn't difficult for me to do that. I enjoy the day while it lasts but I also understand that this isn't something ANYONE should be doing regularly. I guess my relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be so I try not to feel guilty and I just let it go. It's not going to ruin my success.
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You call going over your daily calorie limit a failure? Why??? You've had a bad (eating) day, cut back over the next few days if you can. All (or most of us) on here want to lose weight, but it takes time, and there's a learning curve as to what helps and what doesn't - but you need to learn to take the good days, and the bad, it's a lifestyle, not a fad diet.
If you're eating for emotional reasons then work on figuring out your triggers and finding ways to stop the urges.
Be nice to yourself, you are allowed a blow out occasionally, put it into perspective, once a month will not do any damage, you're doing more damage by thinking you've failed than any over eating has done.
It depends on my mood whether I log the specifics, or just throw in an extra couple of thousand calories, just so when I look back at my diary I can see all the extra calories - ignoring the diary is not helpful.
Feel free to message me if you need to rant.0 -
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I plan to have those really bad days. For example, last week we closed the bar where I work and had a day of team building...I.e. Excessive eating and tons of drinking. I usually track as I go, but just logged everything at the end of the day. It was two days worth of calories. I honestly wasn't that upset. A few months ago I ate and drank like that a couple days a week. It might slow me down by half a pound loss for the week, but at least I'm not still gaining weight like I was a few months ago. I like to think that this is a process...it's going to take a long time and I'm learning to be better. If I do poorly one day, I try again the next. I don't try to go way under the next day because I know I'll just binge after being starving. I may workout a bit more and not eat my exercise calories for a
Couple days, but being mentally hard on myself is probably worse than the actual eating, so I try not to do that. I sort of revel in having a fat girl day, remember it makes me feel physically *kitten*, and get back to the new normal.0 -
Forgive myself and move on...a lot of times a bad day resets my focus. Just don't let it turn into a bad week..etc. we are all human and I love chocolate lol!0
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This isn't targeted towards people who never mess up, or about days where you go 100 cal over your goal. But like, big mess-ups. How do you accept it and move on, or account for it so that you stop beating yourself over the head with how much of a failure of a person you are?
Wow.
First of all, it's a good thing you aren't targeting your post towards people who never mess up, because those people do not exist. I don't believe there is one person using this site who has never had a day where they ate too much, went waaaaaay over their calorie goal, or totally threw away--even for one day--everything they've learned about how to eat to lose weight. Anyone who says "I have been 100% perfect since day one" is fooling themselves.
Second: when you do have a day like that, do you really think that you're a "failure of a person"? As in, you're a horrible person with nothing going for you because you overate? That's really harsh, and suggests that you place an unhealthy importance on food and what and how you eat.
I have days where I overeat (a lot) where my logging is sloppy, where I just say "who cares?!" and throw everything out the window. But my weight loss process is just one facet of who I am, and I never for one minute thought that I was a "failure of a person" because I ate too much.
I would suggest that you find someone to talk to about your relationship with food and how it seems to dominate your sense of self-worth.
Unless I'm totally reading too much into your post, in which case, nevermind.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »You realize that in the long run, one day is not going to make much difference in your weight loss goals. You just pick up where you left off the next day, and don't worry about it.
It says nothing about your moral character to go over your calories for one day, and the overall impact is going to be negligible. There is absolutely no reason to beat yourself up and dwell on a bad day.
Try not assigning any moral value to your eating habits. It's just food!
I love this, Alyssa!0
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