Believe in Yourself.

This isn’t a thread asking for advice. This isn’t a thread that will help you in any way, shape or form physically lose the weight you want to lose. I just wanted to share a little something..


I’ve always been over-weight, for as long as I can remember. I was an overweight child, an overweight teenager and an overweight 20 something. I found (and still do at times) a comfort in food and soon I kind of relied on it to fill me up in other ways than just physically. When I was around 22 (only a couple of years ago), I decided to make some changes and start working out at the gym – which I did do. I managed to get to a nice manageable size though still ‘technically’ overweight, I oozed this newfound confidence. I didn’t feel I had to hide away from the world and little by little, I started coming out of my shell. I stopped being so shy and timid, stopping being so afraid of looking people in the eye – and one night, I was invited for a ‘night out’ with my friends.

I spent weeks planning what I was going to wear and I actually felt like I had a pick of more outfits than I had before my little chunk of weight loss happened. I found this beautiful, beautiful, bold pink dress. I have pixie features (hence the user name) so this pink dress was cute, quirky and totally me! At this point, I had NEVER dared to wear anything with even a hint of colour – instead sticking to blacks and ‘cover ups. I detested my body for as long as I could remember so choosing this bright pink little dress WITHOUT a cardigan over the top was a huge step for me.

I remember spending hours that evening getting ready, putting on my make up, making sure my freshly styled blonde hair was looking good. I even did a spray tan on myself! I slid into this little pink dress and my little black heels and literally gave myself a thumbs up in the mirror. Big deep breaths in and out and I made my way out of the door to meet my friends. I was so NERVOUS and SO self-conscious. I felt very exposed and out of my comfort zone in this outfit! It matched my personality to the T but in the past, I had refused to let myself show that ‘bubbly side’.

After a while, I started to gradually overcome my anxiety about what I looked like and whether my tummy was poking out or my arms looking wobbly – I actually started enjoying the night with my friends. I danced on the dance-floor with a huge smile on my face! After about 10 minutes of dancing, a man (I say man – he must have been around 19/20) started ruffling my hair from behind trying to get my attention. I turned and asked if every thing was alright and he didn’t answer me. Shrugging, I continued dancing with my friends. Still, this ‘man’ kept ruffling my hair trying to get a reaction out of me. I turned to him with a confused face expression and then started to walk away slightly. The third time he got my attention, he turned to me – looked me square in the eye and said .. “ You are FAT”.

I can literally remember the way my heart quite literally dropped and I just stood there, staring at this man and having absolutely nothing to say to him. I couldn’t speak, I was lost for words and hurting so very, very badly. In one single second, this man had crushed everything I had worked for. I left the club, went home and threw that pink dress in the trash.

After that, I gave up on myself. I didn’t want to play the game anymore. I didn’t want to lose weight only to be called names. I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I shunned exercise, I turned my back on healthy food and I just let myself ‘be’. I ate, I gained and I stopped going out with my friends and I stopped buying little pink dresses. It was in April of this year that my doctor told me that I’d gained weight and needed to be healthy again. Enter the rollercoaster of emotions. I rapidly dropped 25 lbs – I was in panic mode – and then I found MFP.

The point of this post? I wanted to thank each and every one of you that has helped turn this process into a positive step. Before I discovered this community, I was sad, lost, afraid of how my body reacted to certain plans, afraid of calories, clueless as to what I actually needed and now? I’m happy. I’m still afraid to walk into nightclubs and I’m still afraid when men try and get my attention – but I’ve come so far and I’ve done this for me. Not for the man in the club. Not for anyone but me. And I couldn’t have done it without all of you.

For anyone out there that wants to give up because the road ahead looks hard, please don’t. Please stay strong and trust yourself. You can do this.