i dont want my "real" friends to friend me on MFP!

craft338
craft338 Posts: 870 Member
edited September 28 in Health and Weight Loss
i have a lot of MFP friends, and they're awesome :love: i feel like i can come on here and be myself and focus on dieting and say things that i wouldn't normally say in real life like "omg do you have any idea how many calories are in that?!?" without feeling like "one of those girls".

i feel like some of the stuff on here is stuff that i wouldn't want to share with certain people in real life, like my weight, TOM details, how often i go to the bathroom lol, or my rants about how annoying "real life" actually is! it's kinda nice coming on here and saying i hate my boss and getting outside oppinions....but not if my boss wants to be my friend on here!!

i do have a couple real friends on MFP that i'm cool with, but i have a few pending requests that i really don't want to accept :frown: i don't know how to NOT accept them without being rude, but if i accept them, then i feel like it would change my whole MFP personality and experience....

do u guys have this problem? or am i just being a brat and not sharing MFP with others? lol
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Replies

  • edenjoy3
    edenjoy3 Posts: 45
    I feel the exact same way. This is my place to come and..."get away"..be a side of me that I cannot be with most people. At the end of the day...it needs to be about yourself once in a while. If you dont accept them as friends dont worry about it.
  • curlgirl_03
    curlgirl_03 Posts: 49
    If you can't be yourself around your "real" friends then why are you all friends??
  • INSANITY43
    INSANITY43 Posts: 142
    I have only a few friends on here...maybe 6? and only 2 that I know personally. I have FB for keeping up with my "real" friends .... and I like it that way. The only "real" friends I would accept on MFP would be those who I knew that I could absolutely trust to be honest and not prone to being offended about weight, sharing diaries, constructive criticism, etc....This is your journey....invite only those who will be of assistance and not hindrance! Good luck in your pursuit!
  • SoldierDad
    SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
    No, it doesnt bother me. I am always me and I am goofy where ever I go. LOL.
  • teelt13
    teelt13 Posts: 100 Member
    It's like you're reading my mind. I don't have "real" friends on MFP either and I like it that way!
  • HeatherMarie1174
    HeatherMarie1174 Posts: 355
    I feel the same way ... most of my friends don't have this problem and never have. They just don't understand ... they know I am doing it, but for the most part, this is a journey I need to make on my own ... with the support of the AWESOME people on this site. It's funny, but it is so much easier to talk to someone who you never met, but has gone through the same things than it is to talk to someone you have known your. whole life
  • ukyo999
    ukyo999 Posts: 26
    I agree with the poster above. This about you and what you need. The only obligation you have is to yourself.
    :smile:
  • SarahJaneDeschamp
    SarahJaneDeschamp Posts: 359 Member
    i agree, as sad as it sounds, i come here and i can be me, i accept my weight problem, and im working through it, i feel like i dont have to pretend here x
  • nomorefatbitch
    nomorefatbitch Posts: 279
    I hear ya.

    Even with my closest "real" friends, there are things that I just don't want to share. They don't know that if, given the chance, I might dive head first into a steaming bowl of mashed potatoes - and then beat myself up over it later.

    A lot of times, it isn't that I feel they aren't friends - but they don't walk the same walk I do. It's easier to come in here and share because many people here face the same (or similar) struggles. Even if they don't, they have their own struggles.

    JM2CW
  • fitnessjch
    fitnessjch Posts: 449 Member
    I want to be completely anonymous on here - havent put my name on here or a photo. I wouldnt give my friends my account name, as I dont want any of them to be my friends on here for exactly the reasons you said.
  • poarche
    poarche Posts: 62 Member
    don't worry about what anyone says....just do you. do what makes you happy and keeps you losing weight. period, point blank.
  • CARNAT22
    CARNAT22 Posts: 764 Member
    I like my anonymity, so whilst I have receommended this website to a few people I have not given them my user name etc....
  • blueocean52811
    blueocean52811 Posts: 83 Member
    I have real friends on here and she is the one who told me about the site. IF you can't be the real you when with your friends then why are you friends with them? If they are real friends and are on the site to me that just makes things sooo much better, becasue you have the extra support in real life and you can go workout together and keep things healthy when you are all together!!
  • broadsword7
    broadsword7 Posts: 411 Member
    You are not being a brat, you are just being comfortable with who you are. I am a believer in being who you are and, well, that's that. Life is way too short to live it and then have regrets...about anything! Be happy and keep on truckin. :smile:
  • AngelsKisses75
    AngelsKisses75 Posts: 595 Member
    Okay ... just as a heads up ... people that are not your friend can read this. Just sayin'.

    I personally think that you need to do what you are comfortable doing. If you add people just to not hurt their feelings, and you are not able to be your self around them this can hinder you in a way that could make this process a tedious one. Not to mention turn this in to a Facebook thing.

    Me personally I have invited my friends and some have loved it, others won't try it, and a few just don't utilize the system.

    Best of wishes on this decision. :drinker:
  • craft338
    craft338 Posts: 870 Member
    If you can't be yourself around your "real" friends then why are you all friends??

    i have a few of my real friends on here that i'm cool with, but it's other people like co-workers and my cousin's girlfriend lol

    and it's not that i can't be myself around people, it's just that i don't like talking about calories and working out around people all the time, that's what MFP is for. i feel like my diet is a private thing that i really only need to share with my close friends and MFP....if that makes sense lol
  • Seajolly
    Seajolly Posts: 1,435 Member
    I've recommended this site to friends, but so far am not "friends" with anyone from my personal life on here. I think I would have a hard time fully being myself on MFP if I knew my real life friends were watching my every move.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    I dont really agree....personally I wouldnt comment and support "fake" friends...I consider everyone here my "real" friend ..why do you invest time in chatting and supporting people you dont even consider a friend? Sure we dont know eachother well or on personal basis but I do have people I have been chatting with over a year.....
  • sabrafox
    sabrafox Posts: 70 Member
    Although my only MFP friend is also a good friend in real life, she's also one of those friends I can totally be myself around.

    If you don't feel comfortable adding those people, then you shouldn't.
  • allystone
    allystone Posts: 134 Member
    I've recommended friend to this site but I am the same way, this is my little get away-where I can..do what I want say what I want without feeling embarresed-the only person i have on here that I know is my 18 year old brother-but he has lost 80 lbs..so he's my little motivator, other than that, I agree.
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
    I had a few real friends on here in the beginning and still have 1 left. Personally, I feel I can be myself regardless. However, the real friends that I dropped from here was due to the fact they were not using the site for its intended purpose, never logging meals, never working out, etc. So they were dumped.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I agree with those who said if you can't let your guard down around them, they might not be "real" friends after all. :wink:

    That said, I'm an open book. I've been running a dating site and forum for 11 years, and many of my site members have become my good friends, so the lines my "real life" and "cyber life" have been smudged beyond recognition. I'm fully aware that anyone I know can find out anything I've said online, so I've developed an "If they don't like it, they shouldn't have read it" attitude.

    But I fully understand wanting to keep some things private. Especially if it's someone you're not terribly close with... sometimes it's easier to share things with strangers.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!

    You might bring up a story, or something a friend did, and here, you can speak about it freely. I get what you are saying and agree
  • symphonika
    symphonika Posts: 107 Member
    I think it just depends on the friend. I know most of my friends I can't really talk about the stuff I talk about on MFP, but I have found that a few are really supportive, and weight loss is something that has helped me bond with some of my "real" friends better.
  • littttlelaurra
    littttlelaurra Posts: 229 Member
    I use to feel that way that I wouldnt want my real life family or friends to see my mfp profile or comments and
    now I just dont care, I am me regardless in mfp and outside of it , I guess its my age now combined with a simple
    acceptance that my weight doesnt define who I am, as I will always be just me . I dont need anyones acceptance,
    permissions or approvals over my life and how I choose to live it. I wont tolerate any comdemnation of the way
    I choose to act or live my life either. I am a grown woman (grown up is entirely different lol). I know right from wrong.
    I know how to treat others and how I want to be treated and I will not let anyone make me feel less than or bad about
    myself. I am not going to hide or change for anyone. I will change for myself the things I see that I dont like or need changing.
    I figure if I hide the real me from anyone then how will I know if someone truly likes me for me. I dont expect a person to just
    love every single thing about me and they may find things they dont like but hopefully that being said they will like me enough
    to stick around and take all of me including the not so great parts of me too. If not then ... (flips birdy here lol) is all I am saying.
  • kalebsmama07
    kalebsmama07 Posts: 503
    i feel the same and most of real friends that live near me dont know i do this....so usually have nothing to worry about...but yeah i feel the same too
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
    If you can't be yourself around your "real" friends then why are you all friends??

    i have a few of my real friends on here that i'm cool with, but it's other people like co-workers and my cousin's girlfriend lol

    and it's not that i can't be myself around people, it's just that i don't like talking about calories and working out around people all the time, that's what MFP is for. i feel like my diet is a private thing that i really only need to share with my close friends and MFP....if that makes sense lol
    it makes total sense. This is your journey and its up to you to address it how you like.
  • reese66
    reese66 Posts: 2,920 Member
    Sorry no opinion either way just a thought... Do you think any of your real friends would be upset if they read this?
  • craft338
    craft338 Posts: 870 Member
    maybe the topic title is worded wrong lol i have a few REAL LIFE friends on here that i'm good with sharing all of my MFP and diet stuff with. i also have real MFP friends that i have a connection with and really care about their progress and how they're doing. no one on here is a fake friend, if there isn't any communication, then they probably get deleted.

    there are people in my life who i call "friends", like "oh yeah, that's my friend liz from work" but just because she's my "friend liz" that i work with and go out with every once in a while, doesn't mean she's my BFF and i want her to see before pics of me at 300 lbs in a sports bra or when i quit smoking and blogged about being constipated for a month lol.....yeah...not so much :)
  • AngieM76
    AngieM76 Posts: 622 Member
    I only have one "real" friend on here and its my best friend. She knows everything about me so I can be myself with her on here. The rest of my friends, I dont even think I would share this website with them because they do not have the same issues as me and none of them really need this place. But I am looking forward to getting to know people on here better that share my same struggles and are going through this with me and not standing on the sidelines not really understanding what I am going through.
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