my family don't understand my lifestyle.
diyadiamonds
Posts: 74 Member
So I'm on maintenance calories ATM slowly transitioning into a cut. I don't live with my family So the whole week I follow a strict diet, however on the weekends my life literally turns into a living nightmare. I avoid going round my mums the whole week ( I can blame it on work etc) however when it comes to the weekends I have no excuse. From when I get in the pressure to eat what they do is so full on, sometimes I'll pack my own lunch to bring round and my mum turns her nose up at me for that.. She gets really mad at me when I try to say no to food she offers me, therefore weekends I end up eating things I shouldn't be due to feeling bad seeing as my mum only sees me once a week.my family don't eat healthy and I have tried to explain why I eat the way I do, what my goals are etc BUT they just DONT GET IT. My mum just thinks its a massive insult to her if I don't eat her meals, but they don't understand how much it effects me!
I'm so sick of it. Any suggestions to how I can tackle this? Can anyone relate to me at all...
I'm so sick of it. Any suggestions to how I can tackle this? Can anyone relate to me at all...
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Replies
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You don't have to eat what you don't want to. I just keep telling my mum no thank you till she gets fed up0
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Yes. I bring my food my mom get used to it. She say oh you eat too much but now months later she interested in what I eat even tho she makes rude comments at times. She says now im looking good! That is major for her. She even now if we go out will jelp me find the healthier meal. In time they get used to it but u have to stick to it and say no thanks mom or eat a half portion or own foods.0
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Really this is a family dynamics issue more than it is a food issue. I think you should find some other way to make her feel special or needed so that she'll stop focusing on food.0
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You can sit your mom down and explain, show her exactly. Cause she might be offended she worked so hard to cook etc.0
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I have tried to explain to her, sat her down and all. She doesn't understand why I need to eat healthy, she knows I'm doing it to look a certain way but she still thinks the food she makes is healthy when its not.0
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therealdiamondss wrote: »I have tried to explain to her, sat her down and all. She doesn't understand why I need to eat healthy, she knows I'm doing it to look a certain way but she still thinks the food she makes is healthy when its not.
You can't just eat smaller portions of it? Or see her when it's not a meal time?0 -
therealdiamondss wrote: »I have tried to explain to her, sat her down and all. She doesn't understand why I need to eat healthy, she knows I'm doing it to look a certain way but she still thinks the food she makes is healthy when its not.
Meaning too much butter? Sauces? What is making it so unhealthy? Can you just eat a small portion and bring yourself a big salad? I hate to say it but, any chance that you are being overly restrictive?
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Just ignore it. You have to live your life. I don't think it is even about being restrictive. So much of the garbage I used to eat, tastes terrible and I don't even like it anymore.0
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Exactly, I actually feel the side effect of eating junk within a few hours, I get sluggish and drowsy and depressed. I am a control freak (not towards other but with myself) and I get really frustrated when I have to do things out of routine. My mum makes me feel bad about not eating her meals as I only see her on the weekends.. Which is why I end up eating ithappygalah wrote: »Just ignore it. You have to live your life. I don't think it is even about being restrictive. So much of the garbage I used to eat, tastes terrible and I don't even like it anymore.
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You have a few options.
1. Eat what she has made, but eat a much smaller portion
2. Take your own food and suck up the comments
3. Tell your mum that is she doesn't stop making an issue over this then you will just stop coming around
4. Just don't eat anything while you are there.0 -
What exactly is unhealthy about her food? I usually bring a healthy dish to share with everyone and just have a tiny portion of what they cook. It works for me and they usually enjoy my dish as well.0
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Well without knowing what she cooks, its hard to know but its sounds like its you who are being unreasonable. I mean it won't kill you to eat her food. Or even if you put on a tiny amount of weight from eating some of it, how is that doing to cause you any harm. Its that you don't want to eat her food for your own private reasons. You ahve a right not to eat her food but I think you should be compromising because i can't see how eating her food can be that bad but your refusing to her eat food could easily be seen as insulting. In fact it is insulting as you reckon its not good. I think you are probably being selfish.0
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Patttience wrote: »Well without knowing what she cooks, its hard to know but its sounds like its you who are being unreasonable. I mean it won't kill you to eat her food. Or even if you put on a tiny amount of weight from eating some of it, how is that doing to cause you any harm. Its that you don't want to eat her food for your own private reasons. You ahve a right not to eat her food but I think you should be compromising because i can't see how eating her food can be that bad but your refusing to her eat food could easily be seen as insulting. In fact it is insulting as you reckon its not good. I think you are probably being selfish.
Lord help me,
OP send this poster to your mums to eat the food instead
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I love my mum to bits, but she loves to feed people. Some how she will always find a way to add food into the conversation. My mum has always been this way and always will be this way, so I have found my ways to cope with it. I say no thank you, no thank you, no thank you. She might not like it but she cant do anything about it. When I fancy some, I dish the portions myself.
Its not selfish its taking responsibility and control. What I do not think is good is staying away from the house because of it.0 -
Patttience wrote: »Well without knowing what she cooks, its hard to know but its sounds like its you who are being unreasonable. I mean it won't kill you to eat her food. Or even if you put on a tiny amount of weight from eating some of it, how is that doing to cause you any harm. Its that you don't want to eat her food for your own private reasons. You ahve a right not to eat her food but I think you should be compromising because i can't see how eating her food can be that bad but your refusing to her eat food could easily be seen as insulting. In fact it is insulting as you reckon its not good. I think you are probably being selfish.
LOL didn't I say I do eat her food?
I am a control freak (not towards others just towards myself) and when I'm not in routine I get irritated - call it selfish if you want.
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What exactly is unhealthy about her food? I usually bring a healthy dish to share with everyone and just have a tiny portion of what they cook. It works for me and they usually enjoy my dish as well.
Cheesy pasta dishes, curries, fried chicken the rest. Weekends are my off days and also low carb days so eating the above seems really stupid to me.
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Therealobi1 wrote: »I love my mum to bits, but she loves to feed people. Some how she will always find a way to add food into the conversation. My mum has always been this way and always will be this way, so I have found my ways to cope with it. I say no thank you, no thank you, no thank you. She might not like it but she cant do anything about it. When I fancy some, I dish the portions myself.
Its not selfish its taking responsibility and control. What I do not think is good is staying away from the house because of it.
That's the thing .. I genuinely love seeing and being around my family, I just can't do with the amount of pressure there is to eat.
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diyadiamonds wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »I love my mum to bits, but she loves to feed people. Some how she will always find a way to add food into the conversation. My mum has always been this way and always will be this way, so I have found my ways to cope with it. I say no thank you, no thank you, no thank you. She might not like it but she cant do anything about it. When I fancy some, I dish the portions myself.
Its not selfish its taking responsibility and control. What I do not think is good is staying away from the house because of it.
That's the thing .. I genuinely love seeing and being around my family, I just can't do with the amount of pressure there is to eat.
Are you there all weekend? Like, the entire day? If you only visit for a few hours, just make it during non meal times. If you're there all day, then Idk girl!!! haha, good luck though!0 -
What, besides the fact it doesn't fit your routine and therefore triggers your "control freak" tendencies, makes what your mother makes "bad"?0
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brianpperkins wrote: »What, besides the fact it doesn't fit your routine and therefore triggers your "control freak" tendencies, makes what your mother makes "bad"?
She already said that she feels like crap after eating the types of food her mother makes.
Honestly, if she's set her fitness/health goals and wants to eat a certain way to follow those goals, she shouldn't be made to feel bad by a loved one because of it. Or forced in to doing something she just flat out doesn't want to do (which is eat the foods that her mother is cooking her).0 -
MonkeyMel21 wrote: »brianpperkins wrote: »What, besides the fact it doesn't fit your routine and therefore triggers your "control freak" tendencies, makes what your mother makes "bad"?
She already said that she feels like crap after eating the types of food her mother makes.
Honestly, if she's set her fitness/health goals and wants to eat a certain way to follow those goals, she shouldn't be made to feel bad by a loved one because of it. Or forced in to doing something she just flat out doesn't want to do (which is eat the foods that her mother is cooking her).
What I asked the OP is a question that only she can answer not matter how much you'd try to do it for her.
Is it the food causing her feels, or is it her not having control creating a psychosomatic reaction?
There is a huge difference in "bad" and not fitting one's current plan. The fact that the OP describes herself as a "control freak" is a major point here, as is the fact that not eating the food is seen as an insult.0 -
My mother is exactly the same; feeding me is her way of showing she cares, and whilst she does try to make healthy things, she too doesn't really understand my individual 'needs'.
But i try and look at it from her perspective; it must be difficult, raising a human being who is solely dependent on you for so long, then they spread their wings, gain their independence, and suddenly they don't need you so much. You don't want to smother them, but you want to do everything you can to show that you still care for them. For most mothers, food is a way of doing that, and so questioning what they are feeding you or refusing to eat their food or bringing your own must be....not insulting, but saddening. Another example of how your 'child' doesn't need you so much anymore. I'm not saying that they are right to feel that, or that is a valid reason for not listening to your needs, but i at least understand.
So when i know i am going to be going home for the weekend, i adjust my weekly range; i aim for a larger deficit during the week so i can enjoy the weekend and not have to worry about it and still average out fine for the week.0 -
I'm young and not a mom but I was just like your mom. my sister stopped drinking soda and in my head she was judging me for drinking soda. I used to be annoyed at her for being a health nut. it's crazy how I snapped out of that mentality and realized that my sister actually loved us and wanted us as a whole family to be healthy and live long. she cared so that our family is not riddled with a bunch of diseases from weight gain and an unhealthy lifestyle. I apologized to her and I felt horrible for being annoyed at her. now I'm trying to lose weight and eat more smart. it's hard especially cuz the rest of the family keeps drinking soda but gotta keep trying.0
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My parent's are used to me coming over on Sunday with my whole family for dinner with my own stuff when i'm dieting she just sends me a msg the night before to make sure she doesn't put too much on lol0
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You two have allowed food to become a power struggle.
In her defence, you don't have to be in total control all the time, feeding you is her way of expressing her love to you, and she may worry about your desire for total control over your body all the time. Is it really a nightmare visiting your mother?
In your defence, there should be some respect for the choices you are making.
Do you realize you have a warm, close relationship with your mother? You are seeing her every weekend!
Everything is in your power to end this struggle. You may allow yourself to eat a little more on the weekends, and perhaps not the foods you would pick for yourself. You may choose to eat less. If your mother continues to be insulted and try and guilt you in to eating more, you could choose to visit less often.0 -
brianpperkins wrote: »MonkeyMel21 wrote: »brianpperkins wrote: »What, besides the fact it doesn't fit your routine and therefore triggers your "control freak" tendencies, makes what your mother makes "bad"?
She already said that she feels like crap after eating the types of food her mother makes.
Honestly, if she's set her fitness/health goals and wants to eat a certain way to follow those goals, she shouldn't be made to feel bad by a loved one because of it. Or forced in to doing something she just flat out doesn't want to do (which is eat the foods that her mother is cooking her).
What I asked the OP is a question that only she can answer not matter how much you'd try to do it for her.
Is it the food causing her feels, or is it her not having control creating a psychosomatic reaction?
There is a huge difference in "bad" and not fitting one's current plan. The fact that the OP describes herself as a "control freak" is a major point here, as is the fact that not eating the food is seen as an insult.
This could be true actually ..
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You two have allowed food to become a power struggle.
In her defence, you don't have to be in total control all the time, feeding you is her way of expressing her love to you, and she may worry about your desire for total control over your body all the time. Is it really a nightmare visiting your mother?
In your defence, there should be some respect for the choices you are making.
Do you realize you have a warm, close relationship with your mother? You are seeing her every weekend!
Everything is in your power to end this struggle. You may allow yourself to eat a little more on the weekends, and perhaps not the foods you would pick for yourself. You may choose to eat less. If your mother continues to be insulted and try and guilt you in to eating more, you could choose to visit less often.
I love my mom, and find it wonderful seeing her. Yes o would describe the pressure on me to eat as a nightmare not going to see her. As I did mention I like to obsessively control the aspects of my life that I can, I think someone on this thread did put things into perspective for me, it could be a psychosomatic reaction..0 -
Why don't you bring over a tasty, healthy dish to share? You can load up your plate with it and take just a little bit of your mom's pasta, pull the skin off the fried chicken and tell her how delish everything is. I don't think it needs to be all or nothing.0
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Why don't you bring over a tasty, healthy dish to share? You can load up your plate with it and take just a little bit of your mom's pasta, pull the skin off the fried chicken and tell her how delish everything is. I don't think it needs to be all or nothing.
You could also offer to spend some time cooking together on the weekends and plan some healthier swaps in the dishes, or at least suggest one dish off of your go-to lighter foods.0 -
My own mom is gone but my friend's mom loves to feed us. What I tend to do is bring a large salad to share, make that my main course and then grab say a piece of the fried chicken and pick that apart to put in my salad.
Pasta dishes I just scoop a small amount and flatten it out on my plate, have a big pile of salad and the pasta because it's flattened it looks like a larger amount.
The other option (and my favorite) is to take leftovers, tell your mom you're not able to physically eat it all but you'd love to snack on it throughout the week. I'm sure you could work in some of those curry based sauces into your own dishes, lighten them up a little with some plain greek yogurt and drizzle over grilled chicken or a salad.0
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