Ignorance of Nutrition

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Replies

  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
    breelinda wrote: »
    Funny, its actually taught by many psychologists. Google how long a emotion lasts if u dont believe me..

    I dunno, some emotions last longer than 90 seconds for me. In fact, most of them. Something really good will boost my emotions and give me a more positive outlook on everything around me. Something really bad will have the oppisete effect. It's our reaction to the initial emotion that we go on, for the most part.
  • Myxalplyx
    Myxalplyx Posts: 129 Member
    edited October 2015
    Looks to me that the OP wasn't asking anyone for an opinion about her situation. She was simply venting. She asked, "Has anyone else encountered this problem with friends and family?"

    To answer your question, I have not. Trying not to anyway but feeling like this does come across when working with my wife since she's trying to lose weight but snacks a lot. I want to say something but I just continue to try to be as supportive as possible for when she's ready to go full swing. Good luck!
  • bearondiet
    bearondiet Posts: 53 Member
    I've found it to be more effective to have 1 meal per day rather than having many meals in smaller portions. But if you are making results, you are fine. Just let him know that, whether your way is better or worse, you are making results anyway.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Myxalplyx wrote: »
    Looks to me that the OP wasn't asking anyone for an opinion about her situation. She was simply venting. She asked, "Has anyone else encountered this problem with friends and family?"

    To answer your question, I have not. Trying not to anyway but feeling like this does come across when working with my wife since she's trying to lose weight but snacks a lot. I want to say something but I just continue to try to be as supportive as possible for when she's ready to go full swing. Good luck!

    Good for you! This is the way we all should be. And yes, you're right that the OP was probably just looking for similar situations although it's hard not to offer unsolicited advice at times. I'm guilty in my earlier post.
  • shelsi16
    shelsi16 Posts: 5 Member
    Myxalplyx wrote: »
    Looks to me that the OP wasn't asking anyone for an opinion about her situation. She was simply venting. She asked, "Has anyone else encountered this problem with friends and family?"

    To answer your question, I have not. Trying not to anyway but feeling like this does come across when working with my wife since she's trying to lose weight but snacks a lot. I want to say something but I just continue to try to be as supportive as possible for when she's ready to go full swing. Good luck!

    Thank you for that. No, I wasn't really asking for an opinion, but just for some people to try to be relatable. As for "knowing enough about nutrition," as many people have been talking about, there are many different approaches to weight loss, so it's appreciated if you quit being hateful of others approaches. One meal a day has never worked for me. Makes me insane, like I need to chew my fingertips off. Anyway, I'm not offended by it, just think everyone should quit being so hateful.
    Back to the point, I just needed to vent. This seemed like a better outlet than Facebook where everyone knows you and your significant other, and it causes drama among everyone. I have talked to my boyfriend, several times, about not commenting on how much or when I eat. I've told him that it makes me feel self conscious to even eat at all when he's home. He will usually stop the comments for a week or two. It's usually fairly subtle, like today. He said, to our daughter this morning, "I wish I could sit around the house with you and snack on everything in the refrigerator all day." So I asked if he still has a problem with what I eat (because I've only started dieting recently) and he said, "I never had a problem with WHAT you eat."
    When I got annoyed, he just blew up. Saying he just won't comment on anything that's going on with anyone anymore, then bringing unrelated topics into the conversation. It just made me mad. Made me self conscious and irritated. I told him I will not starve myself all day just to impress him. Besides that I feel sick and deprived if I only eat once a day like he does. Honestly, I'm still irritated. I'm not angry right now, just irritated. I shouldn't have to feel like I have to hide in the closet to eat a cucumber. Maybe a pint of icecream, lol, but not a cucumber. I am doing everything right FOR ME. This is the right diet FOR ME. I just wish he would be supportive of it.
    And yes, I am rambling, but one more point. He comes from the lifestyle of "do or die." There is no try, there is no making progress. There is no satisfaction. For him, everything can always improve. If you did 50 squats today, you should've done 100, even if you fell over from muscle fatigue. He seems to have the impression that you can just stop eating, and everything will be hunky dory, and you can eat again when you're skinny.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I'd be irritated, too. His comments come across as a little passive-aggressive. He's not talking to you directly about it, he's making wishes.

    Then there's the do or die mentality. That's my dad. It took me decades to get his voice out of my head. His method definitely doesn't work for me. Now, ironically, in his last stage of life, dad's gone all soft and generous. Or maybe as I overcame him I finally have come to understand him. Silly lovable soul.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    shelsi16 wrote: »
    Myxalplyx wrote: »
    Looks to me that the OP wasn't asking anyone for an opinion about her situation. She was simply venting. She asked, "Has anyone else encountered this problem with friends and family?"

    To answer your question, I have not. Trying not to anyway but feeling like this does come across when working with my wife since she's trying to lose weight but snacks a lot. I want to say something but I just continue to try to be as supportive as possible for when she's ready to go full swing. Good luck!

    Thank you for that. No, I wasn't really asking for an opinion, but just for some people to try to be relatable. As for "knowing enough about nutrition," as many people have been talking about, there are many different approaches to weight loss, so it's appreciated if you quit being hateful of others approaches. One meal a day has never worked for me. Makes me insane, like I need to chew my fingertips off. Anyway, I'm not offended by it, just think everyone should quit being so hateful.
    Back to the point, I just needed to vent. This seemed like a better outlet than Facebook where everyone knows you and your significant other, and it causes drama among everyone. I have talked to my boyfriend, several times, about not commenting on how much or when I eat. I've told him that it makes me feel self conscious to even eat at all when he's home. He will usually stop the comments for a week or two. It's usually fairly subtle, like today. He said, to our daughter this morning, "I wish I could sit around the house with you and snack on everything in the refrigerator all day." So I asked if he still has a problem with what I eat (because I've only started dieting recently) and he said, "I never had a problem with WHAT you eat."
    When I got annoyed, he just blew up. Saying he just won't comment on anything that's going on with anyone anymore, then bringing unrelated topics into the conversation. It just made me mad. Made me self conscious and irritated. I told him I will not starve myself all day just to impress him. Besides that I feel sick and deprived if I only eat once a day like he does. Honestly, I'm still irritated. I'm not angry right now, just irritated. I shouldn't have to feel like I have to hide in the closet to eat a cucumber. Maybe a pint of icecream, lol, but not a cucumber. I am doing everything right FOR ME. This is the right diet FOR ME. I just wish he would be supportive of it.
    And yes, I am rambling, but one more point. He comes from the lifestyle of "do or die." There is no try, there is no making progress. There is no satisfaction. For him, everything can always improve. If you did 50 squats today, you should've done 100, even if you fell over from muscle fatigue. He seems to have the impression that you can just stop eating, and everything will be hunky dory, and you can eat again when you're skinny.

    Can you figure out what he is upset about? Is he not happy about your weight in general? Is he annoyed about you not being as physically active as he is? Have you changed since you two met, is he thinking you are letting yourself go? If this is the case, then this is something that you two could talk about and address together with realistic expectations (like him understanding that the average woman after giving birth is not losing 10 lbs per week and running marathons). Or did he always hope that you would somehow change to fit his ideal image of how women are supposed to be? If e.g. he met you having a certain weight and a sedentary lifestyle but somehow he was thinking he would change you into this super athletic super thin woman, then this is neither fair nor realistic and it will only end up with you two resenting each other more and more.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    He sounds stressed and stressful to be around. Are you both getting enough sleep? :grey_question::grey_question: It is weird that a man would be disturbed that the mother of his baby is eating. Sorry that you are going through this. Maybe pick a time to talk to him---sometime not around food and when you are both calm. Keep taking care of yourself. <3
  • bodymindmusic
    bodymindmusic Posts: 118 Member
    1) be glad you're not married to him, 2) get counseling. If food is this big of an issue then there are lots bigger fish to fry. Someone that loves you doesn't put you through mental anguish about your body and how you eat and make that a source of contention between you. Hopefully your children are not hearing all of this. Counseling, counseling, counseling.
  • shelsi16
    shelsi16 Posts: 5 Member
    RodaRose wrote: »
    He sounds stressed and stressful to be around. Are you both getting enough sleep? :grey_question::grey_question: It is weird that a man would be disturbed that the mother of his baby is eating. Sorry that you are going through this. Maybe pick a time to talk to him---sometime not around food and when you are both calm. Keep taking care of yourself. <3

    Lol, he is both stressed and stressful. When we started dating, I was twenty pounds less than I am now. I have lost all 44 lbs of baby weight in the past two months (go me!) and I'm pretty proud of that. But these other twenty I put on just before I got pregnant is what I'm working on (plus the other 50 that I have always had and wanted to lose). He seems to think I weighed less when we started dating I guess. But now he's making me paranoid. He said I smack when I eat, like I'm just reveling in the food. I do not smack. And I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying your food. Today he said something really ugly to me though, and I'm having trouble dealing with it. He said that its like him getting incredibly fat like my step dad (who is 350 lbs) and him still expecting me to sleep with him. As if that's a fair comparison. My extra 20 pounds makes sex with me as unappealing as a 400 pound person? For that matter, I wouldn't care if he was morbidly obese or not, I'd love and be attracted to him anyway. Guess that doesn't go both ways. I'm just venting again. My self esteem is shot today. I'm feeling pretty bad about all of it.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    He sounds like an obsessive, where fat really does bother him. I've got an OCD man myself but it's around cleanliness. We have a rule. If it bothers him, he cleans it up. I'm not climbing down his crazy hole. I keep my sanity that way.
  • breelinda
    breelinda Posts: 67 Member
    My opinion. .. people who cut other people down, and are hurtful, don't like there own selves, so they treat others badly. I have experience with someone like that , and I lost weight, then it was my hair color, died my hair blonde, then it was the way I laughed, I was young and thought I was in love, but... no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for him, which ended up truly being his self hatred for his own self being not goof enough and projected it on to me, he needs therapy. But.. he may need to realize its NOT You its him. If someone truly loved someone, why wouldthey cut them down and cricriticize everything they do. Its his own issues andhohonestly I dont think u deserve it, so stop giving him the power to try to control you by making u feel like crap. Ughh u deserve better.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    My abusive and arrogant ex husband didn't attend any birth classes and then on the big day proceeded to demonstrate superior yoga poses. When I entered hard labour he nearly fainted. I never got an apology of course. The man, thirty five years later, hasn't changed. Me, I've faced down several layers of demons to be a better person.
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
    I've found that others' comments end up giving me more motivation to accomplish my goals. I try really hard not to let it affect my actions beyond that though. Question, OP: I notice in your diary that you were eating close to the calorie goal given by MFP up until the last 2 days. Did you cut it down because of what he's been saying? Don't give him that power.
  • sallygroundhog
    sallygroundhog Posts: 133 Member
    shelsi16 wrote: »
    Myxalplyx wrote: »
    Looks to me that the OP wasn't asking anyone for an opinion about her situation. She was simply venting. She asked, "Has anyone else encountered this problem with friends and family?"

    I have talked to my boyfriend, several times, about not commenting on how much or when I eat. I've told him that it makes me feel self conscious to even eat at all when he's home. He will usually stop the comments for a week or two. It's usually fairly subtle, like today. He said, to our daughter this morning, "I wish I could sit around the house with you and snack on everything in the refrigerator all day." So I asked if he still has a problem with what I eat (because I've only started dieting recently) and he said, "I never had a problem with WHAT you eat."

    And yes, I am rambling, but one more point. He comes from the lifestyle of "do or die." There is no try, there is no making progress. There is no satisfaction. For him, everything can always improve. If you did 50 squats today, you should've done 100, even if you fell over from muscle fatigue. He seems to have the impression that you can just stop eating, and everything will be hunky dory, and you can eat again when you're skinny.

    I don't think you should let your daughter be around this toxic man. You should protect her. He is hurting your self-esteem and you are a grown-up. What will it do to her to see her mom being treated this way? It's just a matter of time before he starts in on her.
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