Article of a Women's Journey With Anorexia and Orthorexia that Almost Killed Her
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The only thing I don't share is my movie popcorn
and yeah... I bring my own healthy & meticulously portioned healthy air-popped popcorn.
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PeachyCarol wrote: »I do agree that not everyone who eats a healthy diet is going to end up with an ED.
I think the cautionary tale is to look at yourself and see if you can handle being relaxed... does it bother you if your husband tastes something off your plate? Do you feel guilty or beat yourself up if you don't feel like exercising one day? Do you, as tomatoey said, count peas on your plate?
There are distinctions between wanting to eat nutritious food because it's an admirable goal and wanting it being an issue of control and obsession.
The cautionary tale for all of us is to realize that for some people, it does sometimes cross a line. Saying that isn't an indictment of the act of healthy eating at all. Perfectly benign things often become harmful in the wrong hands on a daily basis, you know? My can of compressed air that I use to clean my keyboard killed the child of the neighbor up the street, for example.
This. The inherent stress and mental fight that people struggle with because they CAN. NOT. EAT. THAT. is what leads to the issues. Not that they do it 90% of the time, but that they may have a mental breakdown because they needed to eat something else.0 -
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Well, personally, I don't share food anymore. I weighed it, I logged it, I'm eating it! You want some bread? I'll cut you a slice. You're not having mine. I would not break down in tears, though.PeachyCarol wrote: »I do agree that not everyone who eats a healthy diet is going to end up with an ED.
I think the cautionary tale is to look at yourself and see if you can handle being relaxed... does it bother you if your husband tastes something off your plate? Do you feel guilty or beat yourself up if you don't feel like exercising one day? Do you, as tomatoey said, count peas on your plate?
There are distinctions between wanting to eat nutritious food because it's an admirable goal and wanting it being an issue of control and obsession.
The cautionary tale for all of us is to realize that for some people, it does sometimes cross a line. Saying that isn't an indictment of the act of healthy eating at all. Perfectly benign things often become harmful in the wrong hands on a daily basis, you know? My can of compressed air that I use to clean my keyboard killed the child of the neighbor up the street, for example.
"I've eliminated trans fats from my diet because I want a healthy cardiovascular system." <okay>
"We were driving cross-country and I didn't eat for two days, but Day 3 I was so hungry and all my parents would give me was *gasp* MCDONALD'S!" *bursts into tears* <that's a problem>
"I'm counting my calories because I'm dieting." <okay>
"I know I'm underweight, but my thighs are too big. I can't go over 400 today." <that's a problem>
People sliding into EDs never think they have a problem. By the time they wonder if they do, they're usually deep into it. By the time they admit it, they're usually already diagnosed. They get diagnosed and still are like, "Okay, I might have a problem, but underweight?! No. Your charts are wrong. They're made wrong because everyone is too fat."
It's so hard to tell people what to look for because their minds play tricks on them. Also, when you're starving, bad things happen to your brain. It doesn't think clearly! You cannot trust your own mind! Since they cannot trust their brains, it's a losing battle, giving them any kind of logic.
Just like the alcoholic who probably could quit, early on, but doesn't want to, the ED girl probably could snap out of it, early on, but doesn't want to. When they decide that they're unhappy and want to end the misery, they're too deep in to quit without help. Sometimes, they're too deep in to quit, period. But they plan to! The anorexic will quit after she loses a few more pounds.
It's always a few more, just like the muscle dysmorphics have to get just a little bigger and the alcoholic won't drink next weekend.
I'd suggest to people that if you find yourself lying or hiding your eating or exercise habits, you probably have a problem and should seek therapy immediately.
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Well, personally, I don't share food anymore. I weighed it, I logged it, I'm eating it! You want some bread? I'll cut you a slice. You're not having mine. I would not break down in tears, though.PeachyCarol wrote: »I do agree that not everyone who eats a healthy diet is going to end up with an ED.
I think the cautionary tale is to look at yourself and see if you can handle being relaxed... does it bother you if your husband tastes something off your plate? Do you feel guilty or beat yourself up if you don't feel like exercising one day? Do you, as tomatoey said, count peas on your plate?
There are distinctions between wanting to eat nutritious food because it's an admirable goal and wanting it being an issue of control and obsession.
The cautionary tale for all of us is to realize that for some people, it does sometimes cross a line. Saying that isn't an indictment of the act of healthy eating at all. Perfectly benign things often become harmful in the wrong hands on a daily basis, you know? My can of compressed air that I use to clean my keyboard killed the child of the neighbor up the street, for example.
"I've eliminated trans fats from my diet because I want a healthy cardiovascular system." <okay>
"We were driving cross-country and I didn't eat for two days, but Day 3 I was so hungry and all my parents would give me was *gasp* MCDONALD'S!" *bursts into tears* <that's a problem>
"I'm counting my calories because I'm dieting." <okay>
"I know I'm underweight, but my thighs are too big. I can't go over 400 today." <that's a problem>
People sliding into EDs never think they have a problem. By the time they wonder if they do, they're usually deep into it. By the time they admit it, they're usually already diagnosed. They get diagnosed and still are like, "Okay, I might have a problem, but underweight?! No. Your charts are wrong. They're made wrong because everyone is too fat."
It's so hard to tell people what to look for because their minds play tricks on them. Also, when you're starving, bad things happen to your brain. It doesn't think clearly! You cannot trust your own mind! Since they cannot trust their brains, it's a losing battle, giving them any kind of logic.
Just like the alcoholic who probably could quit, early on, but doesn't want to, the ED girl probably could snap out of it, early on, but doesn't want to. When they decide that they're unhappy and want to end the misery, they're too deep in to quit without help. Sometimes, they're too deep in to quit, period. But they plan to! The anorexic will quit after she loses a few more pounds.
It's always a few more, just like the muscle dysmorphics have to get just a little bigger and the alcoholic won't drink next weekend.
I'd suggest to people that if you find yourself lying or hiding your eating or exercise habits, you probably have a problem and should seek therapy immediately.
What you are saying is very much true. There is also the control issue with EDs to admit that they have no control is overwhelming. What started as control is now out of control.0 -
Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.0 -
PeachyCarol wrote: »Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.
I don't see any problem with exhibiting control/obsession. I know plenty of people, myself included, who are control freaks or display obsession. I call it passion and I call it a good personality trait. Being competitive, being controlled and being obsessed as well as passionate, disciplined and dedicated has never failed to get me everything I want out of life and more. Obviously those traits are going to cross into anything one partakes in whether it's a competitive sport (training), proper nutrition, career, finances, etc...0 -
cushman5279 wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.
I don't see any problem with exhibiting control/obsession. I know plenty of people, myself included, who are control freaks or display obsession. I call it passion and I call it a good personality trait. Being competitive, being controlled and being obsessed as well as passionate, disciplined and dedicated has never failed to get me everything I want out of life and more. Obviously those traits are going to cross into anything one partakes in whether it's a competitive sport (training), proper nutrition, career, finances, etc...
You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
+1 Took the words right out of my mouth @shell10050 -
You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
Agreed. I think it is very dangerous to glamorize this way of eating and thinking about food (both for yourself and others).0 -
cushman5279 wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Agreed Kalikel. Not sharing food is only a problem if you have deep anxiety about it. Again, all the lines come down to it being disordered thinking that makes it a problem.
Some people think calorie counting is disordered, but it's how the person behaves around the counting that determines if it's disordered or not, you know?
If it weren't food and/or exercise, the people suffering from these disorders would likely exhibit control/obsession over another area of their lives.
I don't see any problem with exhibiting control/obsession. I know plenty of people, myself included, who are control freaks or display obsession. I call it passion and I call it a good personality trait. Being competitive, being controlled and being obsessed as well as passionate, disciplined and dedicated has never failed to get me everything I want out of life and more. Obviously those traits are going to cross into anything one partakes in whether it's a competitive sport (training), proper nutrition, career, finances, etc...
You don't see any problem with people who have an obsession to such an extent that they have an eating or exercise disorder? Orthorexia is not something to aspire to. I know you said you defined yourself this way and then you went to describe basically how awesome it is. It isn't. I'll leave you with the thought that I hope you get some help from a professional.
You are adding words to my statement. I did not say that.0 -
Oh no... I totally don't think it's something to be strived for! I do believe that a lot of those traits are positive in many ways but there is a fine line. I agree... I haven't had a balanced relationship with food or exercise for several years now. Oddly enough, I feel awesome and continue to improve upon my health and wellness despite the dreaded calorie restrict crash & burn that everyone talks about. But this isn't about me.
Overall it's a good article and a good survivor story.0 -
Is it sad that I see myself in that story? I can't say I am there, but I could easily be where she was. I always punish myself. Once I start exercising, I become rigid. When I once had my bf walk with me to a mall, it was hot out and I felt dehydrated and I remember refusing to drink water until I got there as a way of punishing or forcing myself to keep going. I do not allow myself to eat or drink until my exercise is done and even then sometimes I skip eating for a while as to not ruin the hard work. If I eat something and go overboard, I do not just say, Oh I messed up I'll just restart tomorrow, I belittle myself to no end in my head and tell myself how worthless and stupid I am. I understand her 100%. I have had EDs in the past...either binging or going days without eating. I hate my "relationship" with food and exercise. Either I don't exercise at all, or I need to be perfect. There's no in between. The same with food.0
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^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.0
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If that's all true, you should be having a doctor, dietitian and therapist on board throughout your weight loss journey. Not later, when you think you really, really need help, but now, before you're in too deep.Verity1111 wrote: »Is it sad that I see myself in that story? I can't say I am there, but I could easily be where she was. I always punish myself. Once I start exercising, I become rigid. When I once had my bf walk with me to a mall, it was hot out and I felt dehydrated and I remember refusing to drink water until I got there as a way of punishing or forcing myself to keep going. I do not allow myself to eat or drink until my exercise is done and even then sometimes I skip eating for a while as to not ruin the hard work. If I eat something and go overboard, I do not just say, Oh I messed up I'll just restart tomorrow, I belittle myself to no end in my head and tell myself how worthless and stupid I am. I understand her 100%. I have had EDs in the past...either binging or going days without eating. I hate my "relationship" with food and exercise. Either I don't exercise at all, or I need to be perfect. There's no in between. The same with food.
We get a lot of eating disordered and muscle dysmorphic people here. It's the nature of the site. It's going to draw those people. We also get a lot of formerly ED, but now overweight people. If you get a team of people on board, you could start a support group for former people who had EDs and are losing weight the responsible, healthy way.
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Verity1111 wrote: »^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.
You are not being lazy, you are doing what you need to do to find a healthy way to lose weight. And if you aren't talking to someone, I would recommend speaking to a therapist. If nothing else, you don't want random, snide comments from strangers online to deter your from what you know is a healthy part of your recovery. Having someone to talk to who actually knows what's going on with you would be hugely beneficial. And if you're friends with any of those people, drop them.0 -
If that's all true, you should be having a doctor, dietitian and therapist on board throughout your weight loss journey. Not later, when you think you really, really need help, but now, before you're in too deep.Verity1111 wrote: »Is it sad that I see myself in that story? I can't say I am there, but I could easily be where she was. I always punish myself. Once I start exercising, I become rigid. When I once had my bf walk with me to a mall, it was hot out and I felt dehydrated and I remember refusing to drink water until I got there as a way of punishing or forcing myself to keep going. I do not allow myself to eat or drink until my exercise is done and even then sometimes I skip eating for a while as to not ruin the hard work. If I eat something and go overboard, I do not just say, Oh I messed up I'll just restart tomorrow, I belittle myself to no end in my head and tell myself how worthless and stupid I am. I understand her 100%. I have had EDs in the past...either binging or going days without eating. I hate my "relationship" with food and exercise. Either I don't exercise at all, or I need to be perfect. There's no in between. The same with food.
We get a lot of eating disordered and muscle dysmorphic people here. It's the nature of the site. It's going to draw those people. We also get a lot of formerly ED, but now overweight people. If you get a team of people on board, you could start a support group for former people who had EDs and are losing weight the responsible, healthy way.
I had a therapist a few times.. I cried in front of my midwife while I was pregnant about my weight and she didn't really even connect me to a therapist, either did my dr. It was bad in my first pregnancy I gained a lot and it killed my confidence and my dr said "You dont have to gain any more weight, you have gained enough" in a snide way. I was only 19 when I got pregnany and that was rough and cruel. Like I was doing it on purpose? I knew nothing about weight gain or nutrition just exercise. I had lost weight before exercising 2-5hrs per day for 5-6 days per week in high school...I thought that was a "normal" amount. I had no idea what was good and not good. I have 3 children soon to be 5, 3 1/2 with nonverbal autism and then 1 year old. It's hard to get to all those appointments. I am hoping to get a nutritionist though. I know I am struggling, I know I have this issue and I am honest with myself about it. I do wish I could see all those people but its just hard for me. A dietitian or nutritionist is what Im hoping to have. I wouldnt lie to them about anything so as long as they are monitoring me and keeping me in line, I think I wont go overboard. I just need that person there to say OK that is good enough, relax. The worst Ive been is 10 days without eating when I was in a bad place emotionally. I tend to not eat to feel better about myself. My boyfriend keeps me from doing that. He won't let me go a day without food so I do have at least his support until I can see a nutritionist.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »^ This is part of why I am not exercising yet this time around. People on here might call me lazy, although I am sick as well, but even with not being sick... I would call me careful. I worked out for 2hrs per day making myself sickly exhausted when I was in my 3rd term of my second pregnancy. I cried because I was hungry after eating cereal and also wanted a sandwich but wouldnt allow myself. I had to be convinced it was OKAY to eat. After my baby I was 1lb lighter than before I got pregnant.
You are not being lazy, you are doing what you need to do to find a healthy way to lose weight. And if you aren't talking to someone, I would recommend speaking to a therapist. If nothing else, you don't want random, snide comments from strangers online to deter your from what you know is a healthy part of your recovery. Having someone to talk to who actually knows what's going on with you would be hugely beneficial. And if you're friends with any of those people, drop them.
Thank you. Mainly people on MFP honestly. I have some bad gastrointestinal issues that a professional is supposed to address for me next month and I posted on here about diet only and said please don't give me comments on exercise, I have done this many times and will exercise later. People kept going on about how I should now etc and it's not good for my mindset. I am trying to do the right thing and put my health first. I'm already sick and I'm trying to focus on feeling better and my kids for now. I just felt like them pressuring me was not helpful. I hope people remember on here if they read this that you never know someone's full back story and if they say please do not ask me to ____ then just don't do it and give them advice the best you can on what they asked. Maybe they know what is best for them better than a stranger online. Just my opinion. Sometimes the community is too pushy and judgmental.0
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