weight loss and its effect on a relationship

That has to be extremely difficult - my husband is super supportive ... I just wish he would walk with me in the evenings. But ... he does work out in the heat all day along so I guess when he comes home, he would rather stay in the air conditioning. I can't blame him for that ... but other than that, he told me I looked good before I started losing. I, of course, didn't see it, but I am starting to ... and he is still telling me how good I look. Hopefully he can handle me when I get to my goal weight ... and keep up because I will constantly be on the move!!!

I WAS that wife.

And I feel horrible about it. When my husband started to lose weight, get healthy, and exercise nightly I started to feel incredibly insecure and alone. I no longer had a partner in crime. I was ashamed that I was eating cookies/chips/whatever when he was busting his *kitten* in our living room doing P90x. I was afraid I was losing him to exercise and fitness and that he's leave me for someone who was hot and not put up with his fat, whining wife.

I wasn't ready to get on the fitness train so I did everything to sabotage his. I'd complain that he spent all his time exercising. I'd complain that we weren't eating at our favourite restaurants anymore. I would insist that he would share garbage food with me, in a distorted effort to get him away from the exercise regimen.

I was jealous. Really jealous. Watching him exercise meant that I would have to face what I had done to MYSELF over the years. We both packed on a rediculous amount of weight. He was doing something about it. And I wasn't. And that was hard.

Stick through it and be continue to be positive. Don't take it personally. She just feels left out as I did. Insist that she work out with you. She'll probably say no, she's too tired, doesn't feel like it, but ask her anyway. I know my husband did. He never uttered a negative comment back even when I was being a complete *****, and I love him for it.

Just keep pressing on. She'll come around. I know I sure did.

Have you considered seeing if she'd like to be included in your weight loss journey? I'm not sure if the offer has been put on the table, but maybe find out if she'd like to eat healthily and exercise along with you? It could be that she's feeling excluded from that part of your life, and you supporting her in it might help things.

Guys:

Duh.. Hellooo? Your women are feeling insecure, unattractive and VERY worried that you're doing this to attract a NEW and MORE attractive, sexier woman. I mean, did you look like this when you got married/involved? My guess is that you didn't.

You need to step up your game to make her feel desired and important and reassure her that you're doing this for YOU, for your families (so that you're healthy and get to stick around as long as possible), and for any other reason OTHER than to look good for another woman. Not that you mind other women looking.... because then, they can be jealous of the hottie on your arm (your WIFE).

Invite them to join you; offer to teach them what you've learned; ask them to add healthy foods that they like to the list; etc. but most importantly, don't push. The hidden message in there will be that "you're fat", "you're out of shape", "you're not sexy anymore" if you do and I'm sure you already know what that leads to.

Many times (but not always) the psyche of women is a jumbled emotional mess. Trust me, as one, I know. Ha. And just as many times, we know we're being irrational but don't know what to do about it or how to make it better. That's when you guys need to understand to step in and automatically reassure "What can I do to make you feel better?" "How can I help?" "What do you need me to do?". These are the things women are looking for when we're feeling low, insecure, unwell, or stressed out.

I hope this helps and best of luck - you guys look great!! :-)

My guy has been very supportive of me on this journey. I am sorry your wife is struggling. I used to be that person to myself. The person that said it won't last, things will go back to where they were, why exercise it is not going to matter tomorrow ....

blah blah blah yeah that was me. :embarassed:

Maybe just maybe a heart to heart could set her at ease? Tell her how you feel and ask her for her input. Don't be disheartened by her opinion, be encouraged by it to help enlighten her about your journey. Reassure her that every step of the way she is a big part of that because she lives in your heart ... which is getting healthier and stronger only to love her more every day.

The first time I lost weight. I felt wonderful and felt that my boyfriend was going to love this. Well, he didn't.. he would get mad when he would make something with lots of calories and I wouldn't eat it. He would always say "you can have a little bite". After all the fights over food and being tired of the fighting I gave in. I gained all plus 100 pounds back and he was happy again and I was miserable. We are no longer together and I have lost all my weight. I also found out why he was so unhappy, he liked big women. Hang in there but you have to do what you have to do to stay healthy. Good Luck!

Gosh, I understand my husband lost a great deal of weight a few years ago and he looked great. Everyone was telling him all the time and he was proud of himself. Rightfully so, but I was jealous. I am sure that I was not as encouraging as I should have been to him. I did not tell him that he wouldn't stick to it or anything, but I wasn't a cheerleader for him either.

That is ashame because he did gain it back and if I had been more encouraging like he is with me maybe he would not have. I know that I would eat and purchase things that he wasn't to eat to maintain, but I didn't consider his needs.

I believe one blogger said better than I when she said that men never resent their wives looking sexy. I agree I know all women no matter how secure their marriage worry about their husband straying. "Why would he want to be with fat me when he looks good and can get a thinner woman?" I feel very secure in our marriage, but those thoughts did enter my mind a few times over the years. If I really am honest it is because I didn't think that I deserve him, not that he was even tempted to stray.

My husband has been very supportive and has even started to slowly change his eating habits. He needs to loose about 30 lbs. I do try to make sure he has his favorite food even if I do not eat them. I want him to know I still love him even though I am loosing weight. If he wants a pizza, I get the kind he wants then a healthy one for me. Find ways to "exercise" together that seem like they are not - take a romantic walk, go dancing, etc. I also agree that she feels insecure and maybe fees that you are looking so good you may leave. Find ways to show her you still love her just the way she is - send her flowers, take her out for a special dinner, etc. You may find that she will jump on the health band wagon like my husband is slowly doing.

I can imagine that is very frustrating. But try to remember that it is likely a combination of fear (that the new you will think she is not good enough) and jealously (that you have accomplished something she has not yet been able to). As frustrated as you are, she is probably equally so, but for different reasons. Give her love and assurance and focus on how much better you feel and much healthier you are. But don't let her derail you!! Once she's is sure that the new you is not a threat she will likely relax and might even follow suit. Good luck to you both!

The previous times I lost weight I did so by myself, this time we are doing it together and it is much easier as we work out together and eat the same things, plus we can bounce of each other if we are frustrated or struggling.

Weight loss is such a life changing journey I think you have to walk that road together as at the end of it you will be different people otherwise.