How to talk about weight loss without being a jerk?

Options
1235»

Replies

  • FatMoojor
    FatMoojor Posts: 483 Member
    Options
    stealthq wrote: »
    FatMoojor wrote: »
    But it's exactly the same thing about losing weight, I know I've lost weight, I don't need someone pointing it out. I don't need someone telling me to stop losing weight because I'll look ill, or I'll disappear, or I'll look like a stick figure, or to enquire if I have an ED.
    It's the old back handed comment, "oh you look so good now you have lost weight", really, so what did you think I looked like before I lost weight, some hideous obese hunchback on Notre Dame.

    This one I don't get. If someone tells me I'm looking unusually fabulous in a dress (or new haircut, or what have you), I'm not thinking they mean I looked hideous before. I probably looked fine to them before. I just look better now.

    I'm not sure why that would be any different with weight loss.

    It's the "now you have lost weight" bits that is the problem. There is a huge difference in saying "That's a nice hair cut" or "that's a fabulous dress" and "you look good NOW you have had your hair cut" or "You lot a lot better now you have put that dress on"
  • VeggieMelissa
    VeggieMelissa Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    This doesn't really answer your question, but brought on a similar issue I'm struggling with. I've lost 90 pounds over the past few years. Back when I was fat I was always told I should work out, eat more salads, etc but was never directly called fat.
    When I started losing weight, people started noticing, and I started to get the "you look great!" Comments. Now, 90 pounds down, at the happiest and healthiest I have ever been, I am getting the "do you even eat? You're so skinny. You can't be eating, you need to eat more" comments. Direct stabs at my weight.
    (I'm not too skinny. I always eat. I am healthy. Let me just throw that out there)
    Why is it suddenly that when I have such a big weight loss that people are so concerned with how I look but when I was so overweight, nobody ever said anything?
    Or on another note, why do people feel like comments like this should even concern them? Anyone else have this issue?

    It hurts more than the fat shaming tbh
  • FatMoojor
    FatMoojor Posts: 483 Member
    Options
    @melissaweststeyn That's is my point exactly. No body seems to have a problem with commentating on your weight when it is low. No one bats an eye lid, it's totally acceptable to say pretty much whatever you like about people who have lost weight because they "chose" to lose weight, therefore everything should be taken as a compliment.

    But you can't comment on people who are putting on weight, as if somehow putting on weight isn't a choice, it just happens. You say someone is fat and needs to lose weight, you're fat shaming and a nasty human being, you say someone is too skinny and needs to eat more, they should take it as a compliment.
  • VeggieMelissa
    VeggieMelissa Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    FatMoojor wrote: »
    @melissaweststeyn That's is my point exactly. No body seems to have a problem with commentating on your weight when it is low. No one bats an eye lid, it's totally acceptable to say pretty much whatever you like about people who have lost weight because they "chose" to lose weight, therefore everything should be taken as a compliment.

    But you can't comment on people who are putting on weight, as if somehow putting on weight isn't a choice, it just happens. You say someone is fat and needs to lose weight, you're fat shaming and a nasty human being, you say someone is too skinny and needs to eat more, they should take it as a compliment.

    Totally. I don't like being so negative, but I have been on both ends of the spectrum and it truly feels worse receiving these comments as a newly skinny person.

    The most recent comment I got was from my aunt (who has recently gained anywhere from 20-40 lbs) and she said to be "oh you are sooooo skinny! Are you even eating?" And the response in my head was "oh you have gained some weight, do you ever stop eating?"

    Losing weight is controllable yes and so is gaining it. Comments about other peoples weight should be left alone.
  • hilarysusan49
    hilarysusan49 Posts: 3 Member
    Options
    Be proud of your hard work. You wouldn't feel like a jerk telling someone you got a promotion at work after doing a great presentation or getting a new client for you company. It's the same thing, you worked HARD, be proud, and hopefully you'll inspire others!
  • boymommy3x
    boymommy3x Posts: 36 Member
    Options
    I don't think there's anything "jerky" about feeling proud of your accomplishments with weight loss. Unless you're in someone's face like "you're fat and I'm not", you have every right to share! If people don't like it, that's THEIR problem. Be proud of what you've accomplished with your weight loss. If others can express their delicious dinners, or their movie night, you're more than able to express your healthy choice and your awesome workout. Like I said, if they don't like it, they can feel free to delete you from Facebook, hide your posts, or in face to face conversations, ask you to avoid the topic.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    Options
    FatMoojor wrote: »
    stealthq wrote: »
    FatMoojor wrote: »
    But it's exactly the same thing about losing weight, I know I've lost weight, I don't need someone pointing it out. I don't need someone telling me to stop losing weight because I'll look ill, or I'll disappear, or I'll look like a stick figure, or to enquire if I have an ED.
    It's the old back handed comment, "oh you look so good now you have lost weight", really, so what did you think I looked like before I lost weight, some hideous obese hunchback on Notre Dame.

    This one I don't get. If someone tells me I'm looking unusually fabulous in a dress (or new haircut, or what have you), I'm not thinking they mean I looked hideous before. I probably looked fine to them before. I just look better now.

    I'm not sure why that would be any different with weight loss.

    It's the "now you have lost weight" bits that is the problem. There is a huge difference in saying "That's a nice hair cut" or "that's a fabulous dress" and "you look good NOW you have had your hair cut" or "You lot a lot better now you have put that dress on"

    But I didn't say the person said 'that's a nice dress'. That has a completely different meaning and says nothing about me or how I look in it. In fact, that's a compliment I usually use when someone's wearing a dress that isn't flattering, but the situation compels me to make some kind of comment about the person's appearance.

    I said the person said 'You look unusually fabulous in that dress'. Which is the same, semantically, as saying 'You look unusually fabulous now that you are in that dress' and STILL does not imply that I looked hideous or anything of the sort before I put the dress on.

Categories