weight loss and its effect on a relationship

I guess there is a pattern here:
1. If wife works out a lot (and husband does not), husbands are more or less supportive - obviously, they could be lured by increasing degree of "hotness" in their counterparts.
2. If husband works out a lot (and wife does not), wifes do tend to have a negative approach towards it. I don't know whethere they see anything positive coming out of it or not, but surely see it as a waste of time or "attention to them" compromised.

I pray and wish I am wrong here and that it is not a general trend. It's just a personal view and no offense meant to either gender...

I'm really having a tough time just recently too....the insecurity is driving me INSANE, constant texting, wondering where I am, if I go shopping without my daughter with me it's a huge deal and why didn't i wait until he was off to go?? I literally can do nothing alone.

Men can be insecure and unreasonable just like women, very true.

We are, however, fairly simple minded and very easy to reassure....just, uh, well...more sex takes care of it.

I WAS that wife.

And I feel horrible about it. When my husband started to lose weight, get healthy, and exercise nightly I started to feel incredibly insecure and alone. I no longer had a partner in crime. I was ashamed that I was eating cookies/chips/whatever when he was busting his *kitten* in our living room doing P90x. I was afraid I was losing him to exercise and fitness and that he's leave me for someone who was hot and not put up with his fat, whining wife.

I wasn't ready to get on the fitness train so I did everything to sabotage his. I'd complain that he spent all his time exercising. I'd complain that we weren't eating at our favourite restaurants anymore. I would insist that he would share garbage food with me, in a distorted effort to get him away from the exercise regimen.

I was jealous. Really jealous. Watching him exercise meant that I would have to face what I had done to MYSELF over the years. We both packed on a rediculous amount of weight. He was doing something about it. And I wasn't. And that was hard.

Stick through it and be continue to be positive. Don't take it personally. She just feels left out as I did. Insist that she work out with you. She'll probably say no, she's too tired, doesn't feel like it, but ask her anyway. I know my husband did. He never uttered a negative comment back even when I was being a complete *****, and I love him for it.

Just keep pressing on. She'll come around. I know I sure did.

For the males:

Women are, for all kinds of reasons that I could list off from parental examples to media to social compartamentalizing, insecure and emotionally needy. Not all women but I'd say 95% of us. Including me. I just can step back and look at myself and other women and see what's common.

Your wife is being completely irrational in her fears about where you are at night. But, like another poster, I too would wonder about what's going on. Which also tells me that communication and trust are faltering and if you're not careful, this little slippery slope of yours is going to turn into a landslide of resentment. She's scared. Very scared. I don't know what you're doing or not doing - but she's got something going on upstairs that's piling on and eventually, you're going to get blindsided with a massive melt-down... all because you're not talking about it.

Or more likely, SHE's not talking about it and YOU aren't asking the right questions to pull it out of her. I know, that's alot of responsibility to put on another human being but I never said we were rational. We can be, but typically not when we're feeling so ... vulnerable. Think back to the last time you looked at her like THAT.. you know... the one that says that she's the only woman in the world? When was the last time you made love - passionately, with the lights on and told her how much you adore her? (okay, don't answer that... just reflect on it! LOL) Took a walk, holding hands and just ... talked? About your dreams, fears, hopes and desires? When was the last time you were an in-love couple? I'm not saying you haven't done these things.. I'm saying think about it and if you haven't done any of them or better yet, all of them, in teh last month - you're slipping. You're missing her cues and hints. And for god's sake, if you have any female friends, DO NOT MENTION THEM FOR A MONTH!!! LOL

Now.. if only we really could regulate ourselves in such a way as to make you guys' jobs in dealing with us a bit more easy.... heh.

lol at " And for god's sake, if you have any female friends, DO NOT MENTION THEM FOR A MONTH!!! LOL"

because i do have two friends at work that I hang out with and both are ladies. I work closely with both and also socialize with at lunch, so their names come up often and when they do, my wife shuts right down; conversation is over. I tell my wife everything though, as I would never wish for her to think I am hiding something.

I get along great with both girls(they're close friends), and would love to involve them in socializing with my wife but my wife wants no part of it.