How does everyone else deal with negative people?

Options
sdcamp3020
sdcamp3020 Posts: 19 Member
in Motivation and Support
My "friend" called me on Friday because I hadn't signed up for our annual Christmas cookie swap. I reminded her that I was dedicated to my diet and keeping my sugars down. Her response was "You know you are going to gain all that weight and more back within a year; so why punish yourself and everyone else. I am just going to put you down for your grandmother's oatmeal cookies." I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge. How do you deal with negative people?
«1

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Options
    Don't listen to them!! Don't let people bring you down. Bring the oatmeal cookies and eat just one. You can do this!!
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
    Options
    Cook cookies, do the swap, eat two cookies, give rest away. Stick to sensible plan, lose the weight, keep it off and prove the *kitten* wrong.

    Easy.
  • debubbie
    debubbie Posts: 767 Member
    Options
    I try to avoid them and cut them out of my life if possible. Nobody needs that kind of person in their life. As for your friend, I would use her words as motivation to fuel my desire to get healthier and to rub it in her face when you look fabulous and she looks bad from eating too many cookies. Don't let her mean words derail everything that you have worked towards. She could be jealous of the progress that you have already made and definitely is showing what a "friend" she really us. A true friend would have respected your answer and praised you on your commitment to make better choices for you.


    You can participate in the cookie swap if you want and give the cookies away to someone else if you end up getting roped into bringing your grandma's cookies.
  • gardnerslater
    gardnerslater Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    So its not just me. I had a "friend" from church say something very similar milar 3/4 weeks ago, it has been a struggle for me ever sense. It is a if my brain and body are now our of sync, I actually gained weight and its taken me 3+ weeks to lose the 3 pounds. Ugh!!!! I don't know what to say or do!!!!

    We have got to find a way to get back to our goals, hopes and hard work!!!!!



    quote="sdcamp3020;10283764"]My "friend" called me on Friday because I hadn't signed up for our annual Christmas cookie swap. I reminded her that I was dedicated to my diet and keeping my sugars down. Her response was "You know you are going to gain all that weight and more back within a year; so why punish yourself and everyone else. I am just going to put you down for your grandmother's oatmeal cookies." I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge. How do you deal with negative people?[/quote]

  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
    Options
    "I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge."

    I am trying to wrap my head around this. You already said know, so why would you doubt yourself and prove her right. The only person you need to prove anything to is yourself and until you understand that, you will always be doubting yourself. You can do one of two things, limit your time with her or remove her from your life altogether, only you can do that. Good luck.
  • riffraff2112
    riffraff2112 Posts: 1,757 Member
    Options
    That is a tough call. If you can't have them in the house without gorging yourself....you have to decide weather its worth missing out on a holiday tradition for.
    I find it empowering to have 'high cal treats' in the house (halloween is tough) and not indulge. If you aren't there yet mentally......you may have to skip it.
    Screw the haters. Use their negative energy to fuel your passion to stick it in their faces when you succeed long term.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
    Options
    So...she said that to you, and you didn't stand up for yourself? I would not have let that go. That's how I deal with negative people. Tell 'em where to shove it.

    Also, you can do the cookie swap can't you?
  • spinnerdell
    spinnerdell Posts: 231 Member
    Options
    It took me a long time to understand that the actions of other people are beyond my control, but my reactions are very much my choice. I choose not to give others the power to disturb me- hard to do at first, but easier with practice.
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    Options
    That is a terrible thing to say!

    So... Got a recipe to share? These must be amazing cookies if she's willing to insult a friend just to get you to bring them...



  • xxxibgdrgn1981
    xxxibgdrgn1981 Posts: 10 Member
    Options
    Sometimes people are jealous and negative for that reason unfortunately ... My really good friend has been negative to my recent 40 pound weight loss bcz she is still overweight ... I've never made her feel bad or brag to her ...yet, she still has made a few comments similar to what your friend did ... I'm not saying she's necessarily jealous about the weight loss but maybe more jealous that you are totally dedicate to something ... Which I say, AWESOME job on your dedication!!! I work in cardiology and I can't tell you enough how that's helped to change my view on the way I eat ... I'm a lot more health conscious and that's wonderful that you are too :)... So, what to do about negative people??? Ignore them... Stick with your goals and keep your head up bcz at the end of the day... It's all about you.
  • alcronin382
    alcronin382 Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    Wow! What a horrible thing for her to say! I would stick to your guns and not make the cookies! Then speak to her and tell her how undermining your determination and any success you have had so far was really rude. I used to sugar coat everything when I was upset with people, but I have found it gets you nowhere. I don't go looking for a fight, but I'm honest. It's hard enough when every piece of you is already struggling, so you really don't need negative people like that around you. Talk to her first and see how it goes, be honest, and if she really believes that you making lifestyle changes to better yourself is just too punishing for her, then maybe she's some weight you should shed.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
    Options
    You [enthusiastically] share what you're doing to improve your life, and instead of a "way to go", you get your efforts stomped on for your trouble instead. Been there, done that. Pick yourself up, know what you're doing is right, and that when its all said and done, more people than you'll ever care for (count-wise) will be asking you how you did it

    As for this particular situation, it seems a friend/acquaintance really hurt you, and this could be an opportunity to hopefully calmly express that it wasn't okay.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    WinoGelato wrote: »
    That is a terrible thing to say!

    So... Got a recipe to share? These must be amazing cookies if she's willing to insult a friend just to get you to bring them...



    I was thinking the exact same thing! Claws came out, these cookies must be pretty incredible.

  • beckyjo48
    beckyjo48 Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    Sometimes you just have to be stubborn and stick to your guns. A very important part of weight loss or any life style change is to surround yourself with supporters! If you stick by your decisions people will eventually support you or they might fall gently by the wayside.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,862 Member
    Options
    I'd ignore her comment but consider distancing yourself from the negative ones. Life is too short to put up with that. I ate about 1500 calories of Halloween candy in 2 days. I've lost 2 pounds since. You can have a cookie or two. Log them, and if you binge, log that. Learning how to eat foods in moderation takes a lot of practice, though, and if you aren't there yet don't tempt yourself.

    As for letting her words derail you, you derail yourself. Don't let her words be your excuse to give up right before Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hang tough for the next two months. It'll get easier.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
    Options
    sdcamp3020 wrote: »
    My "friend" called me on Friday because I hadn't signed up for our annual Christmas cookie swap. I reminded her that I was dedicated to my diet and keeping my sugars down. Her response was "You know you are going to gain all that weight and more back within a year; so why punish yourself and everyone else. I am just going to put you down for your grandmother's oatmeal cookies." I refused again; but it planted that seed of doubt and I have spent all weekend struggling with the urge to give up and binge. How do you deal with negative people?

    thats exactly what your silly friend wants you to do give up and then she will be happy. So make sure she never talks to you like that again, and also decide if you want to particpate in a cookie swap or not. Its your decision.
    People only get away with what we allow them to.
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    Options
    I don't think that is negativity, I think that it was down right rude!

    How dare she think she has the right to say that to any one.

    Success is your best answer to it, keep at it and show her how wrong she is :)
  • Expatmommy79
    Expatmommy79 Posts: 940 Member
    Options
    It's about the cookies but not about the cookies.

    1. She is a sabbateur... Distance yourself from her.

    2. Life will happen and you can't always avoid social situations. If you want to go - go for you. Make some super healthy cookies to avoid having to bake junk. The cookies you receive? Put them on a table and let the others eat them. Take a healthy snack for you. I made some apple carrot muffins with whole wheat flower sweetened with banana for a breakfast party. There are many recipes that will support your new way of eating.

    I'm still early in my weight loss journey, but find when I can incorporate my new way of eating into my old lifestyle I feel less deprived and isolated. It took me a few weeks of hibernating and staying out of the way of temptation but now I found my rhythm it's easier to get back to life and my friends.

    All my friends support me. This lady is not your friend.
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
    Options
    Lourdesong wrote: »
    WinoGelato wrote: »
    That is a terrible thing to say!

    So... Got a recipe to share? These must be amazing cookies if she's willing to insult a friend just to get you to bring them...



    I was thinking the exact same thing! Claws came out, these cookies must be pretty incredible.

    QFT and glad to know I wasn't alone in these thoughts. :mrgreen:
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Options
    She is not a "friend" so she will be easy to drop.
    Regarding the cookies: make some for yourself or the people that you love or do not make any at all this year. It is up to you. This is your path and these are your decisions.

    I do not do cookie swaps or anything else like that. I am comfortable with a small treat a few times a week.

Categories