Tired of people "helping"? I definitely am.

2»

Replies

  • Domicinator
    Domicinator Posts: 261 Member
    Had to revive this thread--went to a wedding Saturday and saw a lot of family that I hadn't seen in a year or so. When they complemented me on my weight/appearance, instead of blushing and trying to explain it away, I just said "Thank you". I didn't get one piece of advice from one person all night. Not even the skinny people.

    Now for Thanksgiving--I'm going to try the same thing. I imagine it will stop the advice, but will not stop my italian family from trying to shove food down my throat. :)
  • Wacekmama
    Wacekmama Posts: 9 Member
    Nice. That's probably going to help.

    I also like find that it helps to say "Yes, I'll try that! Maybe we should do it together! I can Skype you at 5am everyday to lift weights with me, Uncle Bob, and then we'll both lose weight!"

    Nothing makes people backpedal faster that a possible commitment.... LOL
  • MeadowsBing
    MeadowsBing Posts: 10 Member
    The last time I lost weight I got to 4 stone off and literally got so fed up with everyone and their well meaning advice that I fell off plan and out back on the 4 stone and then some. It's taken ages to get back in the right place for me to tackle this again but I have hit my first stone off today and I have decided not to discuss it with anyone now. I have literally told my oh and teenagers and that's it. No Facebook posts, no mentioning it to friends, I'm just careful about my choices without making a big deal of it. I'm sure eventually it will start to show and comments will be made but I am planning to cut it off with a thanks and if need be just say I don't want to discuss it. Because last time it took me away from being a person and all I was seemed to be a discussion point!!!
  • flaminica
    flaminica Posts: 304 Member
    edited November 2015
    Domicinator wrote: »
    Now for Thanksgiving--I'm going to try the same thing. I imagine it will stop the advice, but will not stop my italian family from trying to shove food down my throat. :)

    Cibo: La parola italiana per amore. :D
    (Food: The Italian word for love.)

    The most idiotic bit of advice I got was from a customer who warned me that I really shouldn't be putting cream in my coffee because it was so fatty. Down seventy-five pounds while drinking about two litres of it a week. Hmm.
  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
    Domicinator wrote: »
    Had to revive this thread--went to a wedding Saturday and saw a lot of family that I hadn't seen in a year or so. When they complemented me on my weight/appearance, instead of blushing and trying to explain it away, I just said "Thank you". I didn't get one piece of advice from one person all night. Not even the skinny people.

    Now for Thanksgiving--I'm going to try the same thing. I imagine it will stop the advice, but will not stop my italian family from trying to shove food down my throat. :)

    You mean there won't be one grandma saying you should eat, eat, you are too skinny!?

    ditto's to thank you, perhaps only adding to the sometimes attached "what did you do?" - lots of hard work.
  • flaminica
    flaminica Posts: 304 Member
    heybales wrote: »
    You mean there won't be one grandma saying you should eat, eat, you are too skinny!?

    If his nana is like my nana, you don't get away from the table with less than three plates of penne and meat sauce. Any less is a mortal indictment of her cooking.

  • Domicinator
    Domicinator Posts: 261 Member
    flaminica wrote: »
    heybales wrote: »
    You mean there won't be one grandma saying you should eat, eat, you are too skinny!?

    If his nana is like my nana, you don't get away from the table with less than three plates of penne and meat sauce. Any less is a mortal indictment of her cooking.

    Hahahahahahahaha--I lost my nana in 7th grade unfortunately, but I still have my aunts carrying on her tradition, and they love trying to feed me!
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    3dogsrunning wrote: »
    That is why I don't discuss it.

    "sister: You're doing really well! Nice job!
    me: Thanks! "

    Anything else is a vague answer with no option to offer suggestions.

    I 100% agree with this. My weight is not up for discussion. You left too much room for the conversation to continue. You want to know how much I've lost? Some. Have I lost weight? Maybe, Some. What am I doing? Just trying to eat better. Short, vague answer and then move on.
  • blkandwhite77
    blkandwhite77 Posts: 281 Member
    As a sister to two brothers I have to say when they tell me something that I perceive as them struggling or upset about I tend to want to help fix it. They are my boys and I love them. Example my brother was going through a divorce. He explained some worries he had and I spent the rest the night researching information and sent him a bunch of cases and legal information (turned out to be very helpful go me) but that's typical. If I can help my brothers I will try everything in my power. If my brothers said "I'm struggling with the last ten pounds" again I'd try to help because I love them and I want them to be happy and be successful in what they are trying to do.
    So maybe instead of getting annoyed realize if like your sister is offering advice (even incorrect advice) it's because your her brother and as sisters we tend to want to help our brothers. :)
    Good luck and I bet you kick those 10lbs to the curb in no time!
  • icemaiden37
    icemaiden37 Posts: 238 Member
    SideSteel wrote: »
    Have you tried lifting weights though?




    (notsrs)

    Now you I like! >:)

  • juliebowman4
    juliebowman4 Posts: 784 Member
    Ninkyou wrote: »
    Just smile and nod.

    Everyone has an opinion. You do you and just let their well-meant advice go in one ear and out the other.

    This.

    Haha, your sister-in-law should meet my brother.
    The one who advised me I should only eat 900 calories a day.
    -eye roll-

  • beachhouse758
    beachhouse758 Posts: 371 Member
    edited November 2015
    The conversation should have gone like this:

    sister: You're doing really well! Nice job!
    me: Thanks! How are you doing?

    That's it. No more.

    Your ambivalence about whether you will be able to achieve your goals gave her the impression that you need or are asking for help.


  • melonaulait
    melonaulait Posts: 769 Member
    The only funny suggestion I have received so far was when I first began my journey here and right off the bat my bf was like "how about you stop eating carbs?" That doesn't reeeeally work for me being a vegetarian and all, and besides I wasn't looking to change up my diet completely anyway.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    I really enjoyed reading this becase, yep, I've been there. I have learned not to engage in a manner that opens the door for further conversation.

    Congrats on your weight loss. Job well done!
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 669 Member
    Working2BLean wrote: »
    We as past fat people have a track record of failing when it comes to managing food.

    People will offer help. After all, it was the previous norm for us to fail at managing food.

    Just because we have gotten a handle on managing food does not get us a ticker tape parade. It does not erase our past

    So yeah, people may offer help.

    It is good the conversation is about fitness and people are having it with you. Maybe you can redirect things.

    I don't think mentioning how slow things are going is helping you though. It seems to be taken as an invitation for them to share and contribute to your success

    It does not seem malicious.


    Not everyone on MFP is a former fat person. Not that there's anything wrong with being a fat person or former fat person, but a lot of people are here because like me they got sick of being in shape/out of shape or got tired of losing and gaining the same 10 or so vanity lbs. , and are looking to get long term results.
    The family conversations are the same type though:
    Sister (who is 40 or so lbs overweight)--"I heard you're the workout queen lately".
    Me (who is excited about my new fit MFP lifestyle)---"yeah, I've really gotten into exercise big time, I'm loving it"
    Sister--"and you're on some kind of diet??"
    Me--"No, no diet. I just track my calories on MFP"
    Sister--"Oh. Well maybe someday I'll have time for that. Right now it's all about taking care of my family"
    Me--Snickering inside--"yeah maybe someday you will"

    Holy crap--give me strength!!
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    125goals wrote: »
    World war 3 problems.

    How is that?
  • afatpersonwholikesfood
    afatpersonwholikesfood Posts: 577 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    125goals wrote: »
    World war 3 problems.

    How is that?

    I believe the poster meant "first world problems". Meaning that the OP's problem is actually a total non-problem.
  • Domicinator
    Domicinator Posts: 261 Member
    Well, for the record, during the two days of Thanksgiving gatherings I attended last week, just saying "thanks" totally worked. I honestly got ZERO suggestions. Just lots of complements and "how did you do it?". I never said whether I'm done losing or not. I never said if I'm happy with where I am now or not. I just said "thanks".

    I think another thing that helped was that I ate. (Honestly, I overate a bit and gained a pound.) People seeing me able to enjoy some extra appetizers and drinks but still have my weight under control was probably enough to keep them off my back. ;)
  • kpk54
    kpk54 Posts: 4,474 Member
    Yay! Thanks for the update. I was wondering how it went / how you handled the day.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    Just feel blessed for the success.

    "Thanks for noticing. I'll keep that in mind."
  • dalielahdawn
    dalielahdawn Posts: 141 Member
    edited December 2015
    But, did you start lifting weights yet? You should.
    :-P
    Congrats on you loss!!
  • USAFmaa
    USAFmaa Posts: 8 Member
    In response to these "helpful" responses, my reply is "oh well thank you for the advice but so far what I'm doing is working so I'll just stick to that." Politest way I thought of to say that I don't want any suggestions, but direct to stop the incessant conversation. :) enjoy the holidays!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories